lookingforanswers47 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I have been in a long term relationship (10 years) with my girlfriend and we live together. About a year and a half ago, I started experiencing some of the following: Desire to meet other womenLack of sexual attraction for herDidn't enjoy her kissing meNot a huge desire to communicate frequentlyDid not miss her after being away 3 weeksWould rather go out and meet new people than be 1 on 1 At times however, I enjoy her company and we get along, yet I feel the passion is gone. About 3 months ago I tried to break up, and due to various reasons, I need to live with her at the same time. I stayed in a separate room, but after about a month, found my way back to our room, but without sex. I have a female friend of mine that she has met, that I keep in touch with. She is much younger and we share a common bond in that we grew up in same area and there are few/none where we live now (overseas). She is a completely a friend and we even discussed it and she has no attraction to me and I to her. We meet up maybe once a month and perhaps text once or twice a week. I have had her over for dinner with my girlfriend a few times so my girlfriend is more at ease with her. Despite that, my girlfriend thinks there is something romantic going on and that we are attracted to each other. I assured her this not the case. When my girlfriend and I were out over the weekend, I mentioned something about my friend and she went ballistic saying all was great until I mentioned "her", etc. Monday evening she sat me down and asked if I had spoken to my friend over the weekend. I said yes and it had been the first time in over a month. My girlfriend then told me that she knew I had because she checked my phone and read her/mine text messages! Despite admitting that there was nothing romantic about my text messages, she now wants me to cut off contact completely and end the friendship. She isn't making an ultimatum (technically) but says she does not want to continue if the friend is part of the equation. I'm thinking this is the final straw. I understand her low comfort level given the circumstances, but she actually proved to herself (by breaking my trust) that the friendship is harmless by looking at my messages. I thought I wanted to save the relationship, but I really do not want to cut ties with my friend. Is this the time now to end my relationship? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes, but I would appreciate either alternative views or agreement! Sorry, post is long, but really need the advice!!
WrinkledForehead Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I can guarantee you she feels the same distance and lack of passion you're feeling. That coupled with you talking to a new female? I'd be jealous, too. I don't see you mention anything on wanting to save the relationship or asking advice on how to. It seems as if you've made up your mind already. 1
Guitarisgood Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Are you the 'highschool sweethearts' couple? If so, it is understandable because you have just spent the majority of those years in which you go out and get around with one person - admirable but also leaves you wanting of that experience. The biggest question here is if you actually want to be with your GF because there are two ways this ends - either you two get married or break up. So you have to think thoroughly whether she is THE person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Bear in mind if you do breakup, the world out there isn't party every night and bring home a different woman as some people put it. Single life is good but not all its talked up to be.
Hopeful30 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 This "at times I enjoy her company" isn't love or attraction, it's comfort and attachment. Sounds like you've lost interest because you're already looking elsewhere. I think you would be doing the healthy thing by ending the relationship. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 10 years is a long time. It sounds like your relationship has run it's course. If you both aren't willing to fight to keep it alive, just end it.
Author lookingforanswers47 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Just to clarify, "girlfriend" is not quite the right word. We are more like partners but not married. We're both 47. The things I listed are pretty major and not sure if they can be overcome but suggestions welcomed!
Recommended Posts