simba22 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I just broke up with a man I still love. I have just ended a 6 year relationship. We have had a turbulent one to say the least. Good and bad times. An infinitely issue that happened at the beginning that I have never regained full trust back. And also dealing with long distance relationship for 1 of the 6 years because of my work. But they weren't the main reason I ended it I couldn't give him or anyone who asked a straight solid answer on whether I wanted to have a future with this guy (kids marriage, etc) I already have a child from a previous relationship (Ive only ever had two relationships) and because I couldn't say 100% (or even close) that I wanted to stay with this guy for long term that was an indication that maybe it wasn't meant to be. He also has a slight behavioral problem which can be hard to live with (a mix between ODC, Aspergers and highly analytical) and while he tried to improve him self these habits are set in stone (for example he will have a big fit if I dont raise the shower head back to the normal position after a shower (I am short he is tall) and reacts like its the worst thing in the world. my patience thinned throughout the years. he was very affectionate and has been activity trying to get me back as well as always trying to fix things while in the relationship but the fact that I still got anxiety when he would look at another girl told me that I was unable to forget our big issue. somethings are just set in stone the thing that is shaking me up is apart from these things our overall relationship was fine. We had the most amazing sex life up until the last day, everything in common. great attraction chemistry and connection. I just basically can't trust him long term and thing I would end up having a break down with all his petty issues that he has (I can't stand even being in the car with him half the time its like a driving lesson every time) I know I probably sound like a whiner but am I crazy for ending this? WOuld I have been able to deal with these issues? I mean its very broad on here what I have written but its hard living with someone walking on eggshells and knowing there isn't much you can do apart from accept them...and knowing that you will have to live with their impatience, being unromantic, accept being critiqued even if it doesn't make sense/un called for but knowing that you have a partner who you have a great connection/chemistry with? He isn't handling break up very well. It was like parting from a child in a way. He is very dependent on me emotionally where I was more prepared. I do worry he may crumble but I need to be strong. Would love to hear advice and opinions...Thanks heaps
Author simba22 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I would like to add...we have broken up twice already (Well I broke up with him) but this time I have made it very clear that I seriously need a good 6 months at least on my own without him in my life. I need to be set free. I have spent the last 6 years just so focused on making this relationship work its drained me and I have lost my self. This isn't the typical grass is greener situation because I had this with my first partner who was my fiance. I wasn't in love with him any more I am still in love with this man. But taking a giant risk on the points I have mentioned about that we are better of apart...
sw2020 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I guess it comes down to if you believe you will be happier long term on your own or with someone else, the relationship has to end.
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) I've recently broke up with my bf of 3 years and I absolutely still loved him. Its still pretty recent, about 3 weeks or so. Lost count because the breakup was not done all at once. We still lived together and had contact for a bit of time after I broke up with him. Every situation is different but I can definitely describe my relationship as turbulent. Fought and bickered a lot and there was so much I couldn't get over. I was so worried I was going to make a mistake because the love I had for him was still there. I was physically attracted to him still and genuinely cared about his happiness and well being on a daily basis. But long term I knew it wasn't there. He didn't treat me good enough any more. He also had some negative traits that I didn't want in a partner- controlling, bossy, no sense of adventure. There are so many people in the world and every relationship is so different. Think of how different things could be if you find the right person! I am feeling pretty good considering I just broke up with someone I thought I would marry but it is what it is and I'm confident in my decision now. Edited January 22, 2014 by Bigcitydreamer
WYSWYG Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Hey Simba, actually Bigcitydreamer, ^^^^, also started a thread like this earlier this month. Here's a link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/454917-breaking-up-someone-you-still-love
Author simba22 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Thanks so much!! Was exactly want I needed to read..Glad but not glad someone else is going through something similar...very similar actually!
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Even though there were some good parts to the relationship. on balance you were unhappy. That's reason enough to end it. You don't need to justify your decision to anybody as long as you are at peace with it.
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