whats going on, is he playing head games

[jo201434]

Hi, I am new to this forum. My story is pretty long, but ill try to condense it. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 7. We have 2 children, a 6 and 3 year old. The first few years were blissful. Then things began to get shaky. He bagan spending more time at the bar staying out until 5 a.m. and less time with his family. I started to become resentful, we became more like roommates rather than husband and wife. Needless to say he cheated on me. This was in june 2012. He moved out in september 2012 (I was unaware of the affair at this time). We reconcilled in december 2012 after I caught him with another woman and he fessed up that he had an affair and that there were many other women during our seperation. I loved him so I decided to admit my wrong during that drove him away and choose to forgive and forget. For about 6 months in 2013 things were great again but then things started slipping. He began to spend time at the bar again and I caught him rekindeling and old relationship with his ex fiance through facebook and phone records. I urged him to quit but he refused. I told him that though he didn't physically cheat he has emotionally and that is as heartbreaking but yet he still continued. Im not saying I was perfect. I believe that one of the reasons this happened is because even though I choose to forgive and forget, I couldn't. I was always stalking phone records, facebook, emails, etc. Maybe he thought that if I wasn't going to trust him the he should give me a reason not to trust him. I don't know. Anyway, since he wouldn't stop this relationship, though only via text messaging at this point in time, I left him, but not to end us, to help us. I told him this seperation was for both he and I to take time to fix ourselves and for him to see if ii am the one for him. The 1st week of our seperation went ok. I was a bit emotional and needy, oops. The 2nd week thigs went crazy. We have joint custdy of our kids, 1 week with me 1 with him. The 2nd week was his week with them. The first 3 days of the week he always had an excuse for me to come over to nelp with the kids, which I did, the 4th day he got seriously mad at me about our son and what happened at school (he blamed me for it). He insisted I take the kids back because in his eyes I didn't want him to be a successful father so why should he try. I refused and by doing so I knew he would drive to my place to give me the kids, so I left. At first I just drove around in circles while he blew up my phone texting me "where are you", etc. I ignored him, which enraged him. He then said "I hate you, im going to kill you, lol". That scared me so I stayed the night with a girl friend. He didn't like that and thinks I shacked up with a guy. So a couple more days go by with no contatct. Then on Saturday, I visited a girl friend out of town. We had fun shopping, had dinner and decided to have a few drinks. I ended up staying the night and he found out and went crazy. He said that I have been messing around and that he will never trust me again. That in one week he fell out of love with me and is moving on. Of course im devistated. I love him and want him back. The last couple days he has given me the cold shoulder (we talk close to daily due to the kids and daycare, school, pickups, etc). What's up with this. Is he moving on, is he playing head games, does he still love me or not? Is there hope? Thanks, sorry this was so long.

[jo201434]

Oh, I forgot to mention that he is still communicating with this girl through text messaging. She lives several states away but is from the town we live in a flies home around 6 times a year. I think that's why it hasn't escalated beyond texting at this point, but it probably will the next time she flies home.