Lennon Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 i find i'm fine all day but when night comes, she crawls into my head and my N/C doubts crawl into my head. am i doing the right thing?, and so on, I've noticed i give her attention she doesn't respond, i take it away she initiates, I respond she leaves it a couple of days to respond. been over a month n/c though, so don't worry, I need help to sleep, i have always had problems sleeping since i was a teenager, but its alot worse now, its a problem, i work nights but i finish around two or three but i dont sleep till 6 or 7 sometimes 8, wake up at 9 or 10 wide awake, i know i need more sleep because i work nights, go back to sleep wake up an hour later, go back to sleepp cos i feel like ****, wake up again an hour later, still feel like **** and go back to sleep. the thing is when i wake up at 8 or 9 after two or three hours sleep it feels like the time to get up, i feel awake and good, i just go to sleep because i know its needed, although i've been alittle depressed lately so my bed in kind of like my haven, i'm very down of late, she was my first love, it happened late for me, i'm grateful for everyone has been giving me positive advise and just being sound one month no contact, dating a new girl, other girls are interested in me ..................but they are not her, but i just keep telling myself, its not worth the suffering because she would be thinking the same. i'm a kinda drunk now because, i thought it would help me sleep but it has not at all. i'm afraid to sleep because i don't want to think of her, dream or her or anything about her aha, but i am thinking of her, cigarette to smoke, glass of whiskey to drink then sleep
bronzon Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Hey bro, Keep going strong. Took me a while after my first love to get over. Needed to get to sleep either with a high blood alcohol content, through sheer exhaustion, or by watching a movie/tv show. Do what you need to do. Just remember, you can make yourself happy too. Treat yourself, you're wounded, make sure you take the necessary steps to heal yourself.
H245 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I'm currently sitting here playing video games to the point of exhaustion.
bronzon Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I did that too. Be warned though, video games are addictive. Try to focus your energies into something more productive. Learn how to play the guitar, go to the gym, do something else. Video games sucked away a solid 2 years of my life where I didn't focus on anything that I was doing because I couldn't wait to go home and log on.
rosedl Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Night is the only time I find comfort. I have been staying up later and later. This is my off season, so I don't have to worry about work right now. When I wake up, it all builds up. This morning I woke up to a dream about him. But, something is shifting. I am more turning on thinking about my own life and where I want to go. I have been thinking about moving. Maybe to a beach community, I have always loved the ocean and wanted to live by it. I was doubtful about moving because of my attachment to friends, but though there are people I love here, my friendships have kind of fallen away. On top of the break up, my closest friend in town fell out on me, she is drinking all the time and smoking pot and running wild with guys. Heavy addiction issues coupled with divorce and her mom being really sick, I get she is to wrapped up in her struggles to be there nor has the capacity with her issues. But, man, it has been a big change. Her and my ex were my two closest people, and now they are both gone. All in a couple months. Nothing much to keep me here except my sister and her daughter. I love them, but they live out of town and I can't stay just for that..... Anyway, 2 in the morning. Time to try and at least get a little sleep so I am up for some day light. Thank god for Vitamin D supplements. 1
thelife Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Wow, felt the need to respond to this thread. Same exact spot I was in after the break up. Do what you need to do. I picked up a bunch of horrible vices. Smoked myself silly, drank myself silly, basically just not be coherent around bed time to fall asleep. Nights were the hardest. Always thought about the time spent together, or how we would talk and fall asleep together. Hard adjusting to being alone. 1
thelife Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Another thing that really helped me was watching alot of comedies before bed.
Carly Lou Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I'm having the same problem- not helped by the fact I'm pregnant and feel sick every time I move, really wish I could switch my brain off and get more than an hours sleep without seeing his face/waking with a jolt. Hang in there x 1
Author Lennon Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I'm having the same problem- not helped by the fact I'm pregnant and feel sick every time I move, really wish I could switch my brain off and get more than an hours sleep without seeing his face/waking with a jolt. Hang in there x I just read your story, Your a brave woman, don't ever blame yourself for that sick Pr*cks behaviour. Monster is the only word for him. My thoughts are with you, he will get his own karma back in this, I find it hard to believe people like this exist in real life. Stay strong, your a good person, I hope you sleep well tonight. Sweet dreams. :] 1
Author Lennon Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) thanks for the replies guys, its 5am, wide awake again, no alcohol to drink tonight, i actually don't want any, when i made this thread, i proceeded to get wasted and spent all night on facebook, man that is depressing....... will not be doing that again soon, was so bloody depressed when i woke up in the afternoon after sleeping three hours and having to go to work stinking of drink and not eating. At least i'm not the only person experiencing it, i don't know how i've been functioning these past months with the amount of sleep i've been deprived of. The thing is with N/C you have to motivate yourself to take up hobbies and exercise to release those endorphins and get confident in your body. I'm just so drained all the time ( i work night too), i'm fighting this depression but i'm lacking motivation. Its hard to face the day here too. Every time i step out of my apartment, i'm in a world of not understanding or struggling to speak to the local people. I'm irish and i'm in france. I'm learning but i cannot hold a conversation with anyone who doesn't speak english. I feel quite isolated. I want to get a bicycle to go to the local gym and swimming pool since i don't have a french drivers license or can afford a car plus i'm scared ****less of driving on the opposite side of the road, they all seem to drive like maniacs over here. I want to draw and paint. All i can manage lately is wants or i will do's. Edited January 26, 2014 by Lennon
melell Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 On the upside it will not last at all. I am seriously self indulgent when it comes to misery, even though it feels terrible, something about the strength of the feeling really gets me. Even music etc, can't help but listen to things that make me feel like s***. Despite all of that, after the bu of a 7 year relationship (I am 25), feeling horrible only lasted about 3-4 months, and improved drastically from month 2. 7-8 months on I am more often than not feeling inspired, happy, and excited. It really all dissolves over time. Embrace the process. 1
Haydn Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Spoken like a true Mozzer fan. `I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows i`m miserable now` On the upside it will not last at all. I am seriously self indulgent when it comes to misery, even though it feels terrible, something about the strength of the feeling really gets me. Even music etc, can't help but listen to things that make me feel like s***. Despite all of that, after the bu of a 7 year relationship (I am 25), feeling horrible only lasted about 3-4 months, and improved drastically from month 2. 7-8 months on I am more often than not feeling inspired, happy, and excited. It really all dissolves over time. Embrace the process. 2
melell Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Spoken like a true Mozzer fan. `I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows i`m miserable now` Ha, love it.
Carly Lou Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 I just read your story, Your a brave woman, don't ever blame yourself for that sick Pr*cks behaviour. Monster is the only word for him. My thoughts are with you, he will get his own karma back in this, I find it hard to believe people like this exist in real life. Stay strong, your a good person, I hope you sleep well tonight. Sweet dreams. :] Thank you so much, I can't believe another human could do this too, especially one I was prepared to marry.....he's a monster. I wish you all the best, we'll get there eventually x 1
Author Lennon Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 On the upside it will not last at all. I am seriously self indulgent when it comes to misery, even though it feels terrible, something about the strength of the feeling really gets me. Even music etc, can't help but listen to things that make me feel like s***. Despite all of that, after the bu of a 7 year relationship (I am 25), feeling horrible only lasted about 3-4 months, and improved drastically from month 2. 7-8 months on I am more often than not feeling inspired, happy, and excited. It really all dissolves over time. Embrace the process. i'm getting tired of sulking though and listening to "asleep" over and over so a friend introduced me to some young french dj's who are pretty good called "Else" I'm usually an old school rock fan, brit or indie rock but it feels good to listen to music with no lyrics seeing as nearly every song on the planet is about love something i hadn't noticed till i began going through this ****. So i'm just listening to elecronic, techno, melodic beats to keep charged and in good form. :] 1
Haydn Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Lennon, dont listen to `asleep` Morrisseys newer albums are far more appropriate to break up. You will get there friend. Know exactly what you are going through. i'm getting tired of sulking though and listening to "asleep" over and over so a friend introduced me to some young french dj's who are pretty good called "Else" I'm usually an old school rock fan, brit or indie rock but it feels good to listen to music with no lyrics seeing as nearly every song on the planet is about love something i hadn't noticed till i began going through this ****. So i'm just listening to elecronic, techno, melodic beats to keep charged and in good form. :]
bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 . Nights were the hardest. Always thought about the time spent together, or how we would talk and fall asleep together. Hard adjusting to being alone. Same thing that I have been feeling. We talked till we slept and now nights are scaring me. I dont want to sleep I dont want to go to bed because I know I would end up crying and he wont be affected. I dont know what to do
Recommended Posts