songbyrd Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Hey everyone! This is my first post. I'm brand new here and I'm so glad to have found this site! Been reading others posts for the last few hours and it has helped me feel so much better tonight knowing I'm not alone and there's people out there who understand. It's hard talking to friends because they just want you to "get over it". Anyhow, I won't post my whole back story because it'll be too long. But my ex broke up with me a little over a month ago. He claimed it was for himself to gain some independence and blah, blah, blah..but in reality, he just wanted to try his chances with someone else. I immediately went NC but he would show up at my house little by little for his things(he was living with me), or he would try to spend Christmas with me and so on. A week and a half later I ended up expressing how I wanted to try again but he said he needed time. A few days after that I realized he was just trying to keep me on the back burner so I wrote him an email and told him it wasn't right to keep me on hold if he had made his decision to be with someone else. I told him to not contact me anymore so that I could move on and that all his things would be waiting for him at my mother's house(she is my neighbor). At that point, he got angry and said there was no label on him and the girl but he would make sure to get his things. Eventually after he got his things, I folded and emailed him once more to ask if he no longer cared. He went off in a long email saying how happy he is now, how this girl motivates him, and how he is going to pursue something further with her. All of this sounded like BS to me because his own friends were telling me how miserable he was and also that this girl lives with her kids father!! Plus the fact that he was trying to rub it in my face that he was so "happy". It was at that moment that I went complete NC and it's now been 15 days. He used everything in the book to try to contact me since but I would not reply. He even tried to say his w2's were mailed toy home and he's going to come pick them up from me but I ended up calling his old boss and told him to inform my ex that if I receive his w2's, I will bring them to him(old boss) so he can get it there. Now my ex told me he will not return all the pictures of my daughter that are saved in his PC(I had him save her baby pix when we were still together) unless I respond to him. It seems he has stopped contact for now as I have not heard from him for 6 days now. We were together for a year and 4 months and had a wonderful relationship for the most part. The person he is now is not who I have known. I'm still severely heart broken and find myself wondering and hoping that he will come back truly sorry. Anyone out here want to offer some insight? And please, I've already heard "move on" a thousand times. I am doing everything I can to heal, but this is the reality of my heart for now.
purplehues Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Found it. And I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote for another user on here… "I am right there with you. Even though my ex didn't cheat on me, the betrayal of our very complicated relationships lingers.…I was dumped Monday night, so this is day 2. It hurts like hell and every fiber of my being wants to be back with my ex. It's an awful place to be, these are heart-shredding feelings, but we've got to believe we'll move on. I'm doing the NC--not because I want to, but because I need to. And not because I don't want my ex back, but because I know that things are over. I keep telling myself this and I can't really believe it. I hang on to hope that maybe a few weeks or months from now she'll contact me and we'll be back together. And then I remember that she evaluated her life and decided that she was better off without me in it. And then I remember the good times and the way she held my hand, tickled me in bed, and made me laugh. And then I blame myself it's over. And then, and then…it consumes every minute of my day and it sucks beyond anything I've ever felt before. I've browsed through these forums extensively (I run here in every moment of weakness) and I've noticed that no contact seems to be the key. It's a win-win really--it helps you heal and may, one day, open a door for the relationship to be reconciled. The forum folk also warn against the latter, namely using NC to win your ex back, and while I agree with that, the thoughts pop in nonetheless. And then I think--well okay, the worst that can happen with no contact is that I'll heal in time and be okay and happy and myself again. The "best" case scenario is that my ex will come back. But I'm moving forward as if she won't though I don't believe it". So basically songbyrd, seems like there's no magic cure. We just hurt and cope and hopefully get better in time, with or without. My story is under "dumped last night"…I believe it's still on the first page.
Author songbyrd Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Found it. And I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote for another user on here… "I am right there with you. Even though my ex didn't cheat on me, the betrayal of our very complicated relationships lingers.…I was dumped Monday night, so this is day 2. It hurts like hell and every fiber of my being wants to be back with my ex. It's an awful place to be, these are heart-shredding feelings, but we've got to believe we'll move on. I'm doing the NC--not because I want to, but because I need to. And not because I don't want my ex back, but because I know that things are over. I keep telling myself this and I can't really believe it. I hang on to hope that maybe a few weeks or months from now she'll contact me and we'll be back together. And then I remember that she evaluated her life and decided that she was better off without me in it. And then I remember the good times and the way she held my hand, tickled me in bed, and made me laugh. And then I blame myself it's over. And then, and then…it consumes every minute of my day and it sucks beyond anything I've ever felt before. I've browsed through these forums extensively (I run here in every moment of weakness) and I've noticed that no contact seems to be the key. It's a win-win really--it helps you heal and may, one day, open a door for the relationship to be reconciled. The forum folk also warn against the latter, namely using NC to win your ex back, and while I agree with that, the thoughts pop in nonetheless. And then I think--well okay, the worst that can happen with no contact is that I'll heal in time and be okay and happy and myself again. The "best" case scenario is that my ex will come back. But I'm moving forward as if she won't though I don't believe it". So basically songbyrd, seems like there's no magic cure. We just hurt and cope and hopefully get better in time, with or without. My story is under "dumped last night"…I believe it's still on the first page. Ugh, I'm so sorry for ur pain luv! I know it all too well. Today is a hood day for me but the last 3 were torture. It really is a rollercoaster. I believe that u r on the right track. There's no better thing for us right now than NC. Make sure u don't inquire about ur ex with anyone or on any social sites. Healing comes so much quicker when we can't see or hear of them at all. As far as hoping the NC will bring a chance for reconciliation..I believe it happens often, but we cannot give in too early. If we do, they will jot be ready and will hurt us again. Now in cases where the ex is just abusive or addicted or just a serial cheater, then we are best to move on and never look back. But u r right not to make reconciliation the focus. Many times, we don't even want our ex back by the time they cone around. For now, do whatever makes u happy. If it's certain "power" songs, or forums, going out with friends...push itself to did it. And if u ever need a chat, I'm here.
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