summerjazlyrics Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 After my ex broke up with me nearly a month ago, I instantly tried for no contact, knowing it would probably be the best thing for me and any potential chance of reconciling the relationship. However, a mere 2 days after I started NC, he sent me a very long Facebook message apologizing for things (breaking up with me over Facebook, spending more time with other women than me, etc) and we talked for a bit that night. A few days pass with no contact, and then he messages me with "hi" and he wants to know how I'm going, so again, we talk a little bit. It's awkward, quite forced conversation... About a week later, it was our birthdays (yes, born on the same day same year) and he messaged me happy birthday and I wished him as well. He expressed to me how lonely he felt and how he felt like no one cared about him anymore. I knew that his friends were planning to take him out as a surprise, but obviously, I couldn't tell him that. So in the end I just assured him that his friends cared and to have a happy birthday. After the surprise party, he messaged again telling me that he didn't feel alone anymore and he was happy and moved on. Now as the dumpee who is very much still in love with him, you can imagine just how much that hurt to hear. We were together for more than a year and had never had significant problems before, he just said he started to drift away from me. So basically, why is he contacting me after I have requested NC? Why is he rubbing in my face that he's happy without me? Is he just trying to hurt me more? Does/Did anyone else have this issue? Where their ex breaks nc?
pickflicker Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Actually, you broke NC. An ex cannot "break" an NC that you have initiated, only you can break it by responding. So you haven't really done NC. If you want to start it, it comes with blocking and deleting your ex from all channels, and not replying to him when he seeks you out.
Author summerjazlyrics Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I may have initiated NC, but he agreed to it. So he broke it first, even though I broke it by replying to him :/
pickflicker Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I may have initiated NC, but he agreed to it. So he broke it first, even though I broke it by replying to him :/ No, sorry. NC is YOUR responsibility to maintain. He is not bound by it. He can agree, but it's not a binding contract. NC is a promise you make to yourself... NC is a promise you break on your own. 1
xUnknown Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 No need to get all in the OPs face about breaking NC. It happens. Just start over. He's breaking NC to stroke his ego. He wants to know that you'll respond. It doesn't matter what you could have said back, a response in any way is what he wanted. He's dealing with the separation and the lack of not having you/someone to talk to. There is a void there. He's filling it by texting you and breaking the NC. He's trying to ease his way into it. DON'T let him. Don't respond to him from here on out. If you do, well, go NC again.
pickflicker Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 No need to get all in the OPs face about breaking NC. It happens. Just start over. He's breaking NC to stroke his ego. He wants to know that you'll respond. It doesn't matter what you could have said back, a response in any way is what he wanted. He's dealing with the separation and the lack of not having you/someone to talk to. There is a void there. He's filling it by texting you and breaking the NC. He's trying to ease his way into it. DON'T let him. Don't respond to him from here on out. If you do, well, go NC again. I'm not getting in her face about NC. If her ex is contacting her, and she wants NC, then she needs to be the one to enforce it with silence. Not understanding NC, is a huge reason why people end up breaking it and setting back their healing. The Caliguy thread is pinned at the top of the BU forum, I would suggest the OP takes a look at it to form a better understanding of the process. It's step by step - days, weeks, months, years. It'll tell her everything she needs to know.
songbyrd Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Oh wow, your story is similar to mine. Check out my thread titled "15 days if nc"
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I'm not getting in her face about NC. If her ex is contacting her, and she wants NC, then she needs to be the one to enforce it with silence. Not understanding NC, is a huge reason why people end up breaking it and setting back their healing. The Caliguy thread is pinned at the top of the BU forum, I would suggest the OP takes a look at it to form a better understanding of the process. It's step by step - days, weeks, months, years. It'll tell her everything she needs to know. Love the plug! Keep passing it around. 1
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