paris4 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I went on a first date with this guy recently. At the end of the date and the day after he told me how he had a great time and continued to try to keep the conversation going via text. We texted briefly for few days but he has never said that he would like to go on a second date. I realized recently that hes been logging into a dating website daily. I'm assuming now that he's still playing the field. I guess I can understand that this is what people do if they are using online dating. My question is should I try to occasionally text him to keep him interested or just give it up. He is actually a good person whos just trying to find the right one. Should I be fighting for his attention while his chatting with other girls? Thank you for your help.
mhm407 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Yes unfortunately what you described seems to be a common OLD pitfall. I would never advise "fighting for his attention" no matter the circumstances. Sometimes *not* being the pursuer is enough to make a woman stand out in a guy's mind. Yes, it's considered an old-fashioned viewpoint and some will deny it, but experience confirms it for me. 1
It's Just Me Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 When men really like you, they make sure you know it. They also make sure that you're busy with THEM, and no one else. They make plans. They call you. They text you. They show you. If you are not getting any of these signals (and I'm guessing you're not), move on, and DO NOT, under any circumstances, waste your time, energy or brain power on him. He's playing the field and exercising his options. 5
what_a_blonde Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 When men really like you, they make sure you know it. They also make sure that you're busy with THEM, and no one else. They make plans. They call you. They text you. They show you. If you are not getting any of these signals (and I'm guessing you're not), move on, and DO NOT, under any circumstances, waste your time, energy or brain power on him. He's playing the field and exercising his options. Agree, especially if he is still logging into the dating site often. I mean, its great that your first date went well but if you're looking for something stable and he obviously wants to have multiple women available to him.. total mismatch. :/ I vote you move on and find another date and don't wait around for this guy to contact you again. Nothing against you I'm sure, just sounds like he doesn't want commitment.
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Old school wisdom: I think the posters who recommended you move on, are correct. Modern wisdom: don't give your heart away, keep your options open to but if you like him, make it clear to him. If the other women sit back you should stand out.
pickflicker Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Yes unfortunately what you described seems to be a common OLD pitfall. I would never advise "fighting for his attention" no matter the circumstances. Sometimes *not* being the pursuer is enough to make a woman stand out in a guy's mind. Yes, it's considered an old-fashioned viewpoint and some will deny it, but experience confirms it for me. Agreed. Never intitiate contact in the first stages of casual dating. Be enthusiastic to his overtures, but don't chase him. He'll do the work, if he wants to see you.
StanMusial Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 For all he knows you have already lined up ten more guys. It might take him weeks or months to find another date. Kinda makes one wonder how people ever get together anymore...
deathandtaxes Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Him being active on a dating site is irrelevant here. What is relevant here is that he didn't ask you out again. 2
Secret Advisor Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Online dating sucks. If you go on a date with a guy and he doesn't ask you out again, you can assume that he is not longer interested at that point in time. He could very well re-establish contact at a later date.
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Look why are you making this so difficult and complicated for yourself? Just pick up the phone and ask him if he is interested in going on another date. You will get your answer in 30 seconds instead of having to stalk his dating site activity, speculating on how many others he's talking to, and making forum posts about what his thoughts may or may not be. And how do you know he is online... YOU must also be online to see his status, right? So you are doing exactly the same thing that you are accusing HIM of doing! Maybe he is seeing YOU online, thinking you're chatting to loads of other guys, and assuming you're not interested in him??? Oh and do you realize the mobile apps of many OLD sites show you as online constantly, even if you're not using it? If he's moving around, in and out of mobile signal area, then he'll keep going online and offline without even touching his phone. Why is this so difficult... just pick up the telephone and ASK him what is going on between you. What's the worst that can happen... he says sorry I don't think we have a romantic connection, or sorry you're not my type, or whatever. You're not going to scare him off by being too keen, believe me. Edited January 22, 2014 by PegNosePete
Leigh 87 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 When men really like you, they make sure you know it. They also make sure that you're busy with THEM, and no one else. They make plans. They call you. They text you. They show you. If you are not getting any of these signals (and I'm guessing you're not), move on, and DO NOT, under any circumstances, waste your time, energy or brain power on him. He's playing the field and exercising his options. THIS ^^ My boyfriend was crazy about me from date one; he didn't WANT to date other women once he met me. My best female friend also met a guy who was into partying and having ONS, who dropped that lifestyle AS SOON as he met her; he was head over heals. He stopped wanting to "explore his options":sick: from date ONE. Don't settle for less than this. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Agree, especially if he is still logging into the dating site often. Nothing against you I'm sure, just sounds like he doesn't want commitment. No... He would want to commit to a girl who knocked his socks off. It is hard to find the rare, elusive people who really wow you. The OP shouldn't be too perturbed by the fact that SHE IS NOT that girl for him. But not, he just doesn't want commitment with HER; veryyyyyy few guys will "not want commitment" with a girl they are nuts about.
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 So you all expect exclusivity after ONE date? Interesting.
BikerAccnt Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Agreed. Never intitiate contact in the first stages of casual dating. Be enthusiastic to his overtures, but don't chase him. He'll do the work, if he wants to see you. Disagree, completely. As a guy, I for one am tired of doing all the work. If you are interested in me, show it dammit!. Now I agree, after one date you don't have much to go on but If you've texted for a bit after the date, and he's responded to the texts, that indicates some intereste to me. But he may be waiting for you to show more initiative. Were you flirtatious in your texts? Let him know you liked the date? I know I like a woman who let's me know she's interested (if I've shown interest of course). I hate playing guessing games. Just because I'm logging onto the site daily doesn't mean I'm dating someone currently. That's actually my situation now. I'm not dating, or even actually talking to anyone, but I still log onto the OLD site daily. Drop him a note, what's the worst that can happen? Edited January 22, 2014 by BikerAccnt 2
Jenna25 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Dear paris4 Fist of all a question: Did any of you two said that you were exclusive? If not, than you should ask him directly. Honesty might sting, but at least you know the truth. Second, if you're not exclusive (and from what you said in the post, you are not) don't waste time on guys like him. He's looking the word as a buffet, tryin this and that and going with what suits him the most. You can either remove yourself from that table or do the same thing. You can gain two things from this: 1. Keep your mind off him and maybe finding somebody who is better and 2. If he learns that you're seeing other guys, he will show his true face - he will either walk away (then you'll know there was nothing between you two) or he can stop you and say that he doesn't want you to daye other guys. Then he is serious.
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 So you all expect exclusivity after ONE date? Interesting. No I don't hear anyone saying that. I do see them telling the OP the if he is still on the dating site AND not contacting her, that he doesn't feel the same level of desire for her.
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 No I don't hear anyone saying that. Eh? Did you miss the part where posters said these things: if you're not exclusive (and from what you said in the post, you are not) don't waste time on guys like him My boyfriend was crazy about me from date one; he didn't WANT to date other women once he met me. My best female friend also met a guy who was into partying and having ONS, who dropped that lifestyle AS SOON as he met her; he was head over heals. He stopped wanting to "explore his options" from date ONE. Don't settle for less than this. DO NOT, under any circumstances, waste your time, energy or brain power on him. He's playing the field and exercising his options. its great that your first date went well but if you're looking for something stable and he obviously wants to have multiple women available to him.. total mismatch. :/ I vote you move on and find another date Nothing against you I'm sure, just sounds like he doesn't want commitment. This could all be resolved with one quick 30 second phone call.
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I agree that it could be solved if she called him. But I also think that him playing the field isn't as much of a problem as the fact that she seems to no longer be in the rotation. 1
Aquanut Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Don't get invested so early, people. You should both be getting together with other people. "Playing" the field? Give me a break! You've met one time and you didn't click so much that he instantly decided to get to know you and only you. Big deal. Sometimes it's instant and sometimes it's not. I would get together with, i.e., date multiple women until I found one that I really clicked with. At that point, I'd take my leave of the others. On the other hand I am a straight shooter. I would not leave people hanging. If I was interested in getting together with them again I'd tell them. If not, I would tell them that too. Life's too short for games and wondering whether he will call. After the 5th or 6th time I got together with my fiancée - second or third official date - I told the others I was dating that I was moving on and then started concentrating on getting to know just her. That didn't make her my girlfriend instantly but I was becoming infatuated and just wasn't interested in dating others.
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