To Kevin D, True Gent or anyone

[Complexus]

To Kevin D, TrueGent or anyone that had a similiar experience to mine. I was dumped Dec 1st after a 7 year relationship. Like these 2 gentleman I just listed, they both said they shared alot of firsts with their girlfriends. Meaning they have nothing to compare us too.

 

Does this help my situation or theirs at all? In my case Im hoping like mad that she will see that we shared many, special things together. Just to name a few I was the first she was with, I was with her when we tracked down her real parents and met them. I was with her when she had her first accident, and I helped her to collect all the information and get her car fixed.

 

Now Im not perfect, there were times I snapped at her, out of stress, or didnt try as hard as I should have. Only after trying so many ways to please her and being told it wasnt enough. And the list goes on, however we were truly special together, the way we met, the place we met ( a christian rock festival)

 

I guess what Im asking here is, will these special moments, or these once in a lifetime events be enough for her to realize what she lost. Its been 21 days of NC now and im hurting pretty bad. Do you think she will comeback?

[Tayla]

First - hats off for being in a relationship for seven years! What an accomplishment! You gained wisdom along the way!

 

You are each etched into one anothers history, How you convey it moving forward is anyones guess. We can't change our past and those people who no longer wish to share it, We can move forward knowing we were given many blessed opportunities to grow , along with them. Standing on your own and reaching for new relations will seem Odd...yet that is how you get to see just how much you've gained from the one before.

 

No one here can tell you what her thoughts or feelings are, not is it our place to project....Just know this, you are going to be okay...you learned so much.

Take care

[Kevin_D]

Sorry to hear your story Complexus. I know how it feels.

 

I'm getting more and more certain for every day that my ex will regret her decision - eventually. By that time she might be too ashamed to actually ask me for a second chance though.

 

At the same time, I feel that I get angrier and angrier for every day. She acted like she cared so much about every stupid little thing we shared, and yet she was willing to throw it all away at once and actually shoved it in my face how she's much happier without me. At first I felt like a loser, that it was my bad temper that forced her to leave me, but now I realise that she only cares about herself.

 

The romantic things she did for me - were all about her. She wanted to feel like she was a good girlfriend. It's like the ones who always brag about how much money they donate to charity - It's all about them, not starving children. Once she left me, she had nothing to gain from me, and thus, stopped caring about me. Now, she was to feel like she is the fun party-girl instead.

 

So, if she comes back, it's most likely because she has realised that she is happier with me. And I'd bet that she do anything to regain my trust. But does that mean that she actually cares about me? I'm not sure. Perhaps she just realised that she was the one she wanted to be when she was with me.

 

Anyway, back to the question. Yes, I think it's likely that she will come back eventually. But it may take many years. When she left, she only cared about herself. And if she comes back, she might still just care about herself. It will be hard to know.

 

The only advice I can give you is: Don't sit around and wait. Pick up a new hobby, exercise and date new women. You need to build up you confidence and strength, so that if she comes back, you will take her back because you want her, not because you feel like you need her.

[Complexus]

Sorry to hear your story Complexus. I know how it feels.

 

I'm getting more and more certain for every day that my ex will regret her decision - eventually. By that time she might be too ashamed to actually ask me for a second chance though.

 

At the same time, I feel that I get angrier and angrier for every day. She acted like she cared so much about every stupid little thing we shared, and yet she was willing to throw it all away at once and actually shoved it in my face how she's much happier without me. At first I felt like a loser, that it was my bad temper that forced her to leave me, but now I realise that she only cares about herself.

 

The romantic things she did for me - were all about her. She wanted to feel like she was a good girlfriend. It's like the ones who always brag about how much money they donate to charity - It's all about them, not starving children. Once she left me, she had nothing to gain from me, and thus, stopped caring about me. Now, she was to feel like she is the fun party-girl instead.

 

So, if she comes back, it's most likely because she has realised that she is happier with me. And I'd bet that she do anything to regain my trust. But does that mean that she actually cares about me? I'm not sure. Perhaps she just realised that she was the one she wanted to be when she was with me.

 

Anyway, back to the question. Yes, I think it's likely that she will come back eventually. But it may take many years. When she left, she only cared about herself. And if she comes back, she might still just care about herself. It will be hard to know.

 

The only advice I can give you is: Don't sit around and wait. Pick up a new hobby, exercise and date new women. You need to build up you confidence and strength, so that if she comes back, you will take her back because you want her, not because you feel like you need her.

 

Thanks alot Kevin, it helps to know different people can be living the same dang nightmare. My girl too tried to tell me how she was happier and in a better place a week after she dumped me. Yet 2 weeks after that she said she was thinking and had already missed my friendship.

 

I'd like to believe through all the crap she is pulling that I know her, and I know deep down she misses me. I ask that you please keep me updated on you situation as you never know, it may help me with mine.

[Kevin_D]

Thanks alot Kevin, it helps to know different people can be living the same dang nightmare. My girl too tried to tell me how she was happier and in a better place a week after she dumped me. Yet 2 weeks after that she said she was thinking and had already missed my friendship.

 

I'd like to believe through all the crap she is pulling that I know her, and I know deep down she misses me. I ask that you please keep me updated on you situation as you never know, it may help me with mine.

 

I feel the same way. And yes, nightmare is a good way to describe it. Sometimes I say to myself "Wait a minute, this a can't be for real, right? I'm still asleep." And sometimes, I tell myself that it's like in the movie Anger Management, when Sandler is dumped as a part of the therapy. Then reality kicks in.

 

I got dumped in the beginning of november. She was friendly for two weeks and even hinted that she wanted to work things out, then she did a 180 and cut all contact. I responded by cutting all sources of communication with her friends. NC/LC since then. I saw her briefly a few weeks ago when she picked up her stuff. It wasn't that bad.

 

Though NC really helps my healing process, I chose to not follow the advice about "putting everything that reminds me of her in a box". I will not stop doing the things that I love just because she used to be by my side. I'm not giving her that power. She can choose not to be a part of it anymore, but she can't change me, at least not this way. And it actually feels really good.

 

I happen to love birds, so she bought me several hand-carved wooden birds. Although I got them during romantic moments, these are MY birds now. They are not ending up in a box.

 

I accidently saw a new picture of her at home and realised that she had removed all things that she had gotten from me. It just seemed pathetic. She dumps me, and then she puts away things she loves just because they remind her of me. She even stated several times that she was "really scared that she wouldn't be able to stick with her decision".

 

Anyway, I keep rambling. Please keep me updated on your situation as well, as it helps me too.

[strive]

It's hard to let go especially if they/you are your/their first. My ex and I were together for 11 years. He was my first in almost everything, from first RS to first child to first heartbreak.

 

The thing is I don't believe he'll ever come back. And I probably don't want him back either. He left because he thought he could do better than me (and if he did find someone better then there's no reason for him to come back). And I don't want him back because I don't ever want to be the fall back option. I deserve better.

 

I guess I'm in the healing stage where I've made peace with the fact that there's no coming back from this.

[bubbaganoosh]

Friend. I'm old. 66 years and change and lord only know how many times I've been dumped in those years and to this day I remember my first girlfriend when I was 13 so that's what 53 years ago.

 

One day everything is fine and the next day she calls and said that she wanted to break up. To this day I remember it like it was yesterday.

 

Did I mention that it was 53 years ago? Oh yeah I did and you know what? I'm still here. Maybe I'm not as good looking as I once was and the years take a toll on you body but I'm still here and I've been dumped after that.

 

Right now your hurting and lets face it lonely. Been there done that too but it's not the end of the world and you will heal in time.

 

Your angry and the rejection hurts but someone once said that "Time heals all wounds" and their right.

 

My low point was when my dad died. The lowest point in my life. I hit rock bottom and couldn't go any lower but up and every day I went up a little at a time.

 

Same thing with you. Just don't let it consume you and find something to get your mind off of it. Trust me you'll make it. Good luck

[Complexus]

Friend. I'm old. 66 years and change and lord only know how many times I've been dumped in those years and to this day I remember my first girlfriend when I was 13 so that's what 53 years ago.

 

One day everything is fine and the next day she calls and said that she wanted to break up. To this day I remember it like it was yesterday.

 

Did I mention that it was 53 years ago? Oh yeah I did and you know what? I'm still here. Maybe I'm not as good looking as I once was and the years take a toll on you body but I'm still here and I've been dumped after that.

 

Right now your hurting and lets face it lonely. Been there done that too but it's not the end of the world and you will heal in time.

 

Your angry and the rejection hurts but someone once said that "Time heals all wounds" and their right.

 

My low point was when my dad died. The lowest point in my life. I hit rock bottom and couldn't go any lower but up and every day I went up a little at a time.

 

Same thing with you. Just don't let it consume you and find something to get your mind off of it. Trust me you'll make it. Good luck

 

Thx bubba another point I should add thanks to you, I did infact lost my brother while I was with her. I think it took a major toll on me. I brought me down from the person I was, less happy, less out going, less everything. So I know that didnt help any. But that shouldnt be cause to let someone go in need. If you cant accept someone at their worse, do you truly deserve them at their best? I kinda live by these words, why because during those 7 years I definately got to see the worse of my gf, but im a diehard. I will not give up on someone regardless of any issues they have within reason.

 

I try to explore and exhaust every option so that I can say, hey i really tried to make it work "I did my very best". And If I can do that, then theres nothing more I can do. I accept whatever may come. However I know in 7 years she didnt give me her best.. all the time. Nor did she try everything to make it work. She did set the bar so high I couldnt make the jump sometimes. And when times got tough, she got going. We were engaged at one point too, although she would never wear the ring since it didnt match what she wore, or so she said. Yes shes totally into vanity.

 

I guess relationships are like playing with fire, and you do get burned. But she dropped a gallon of gas on me when she walked out.

[bubbaganoosh]

You gave it your best shot and that's all you can do. As far as her not wearing the ring because it didn't match her clothes, ask any woman and they will tell you that a diamond goes with anything from a gown, jeans, bathing suit undewear or buck naked.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Your story reminds me of mine so I'll tell you what happened. I too was dumped after seven years - both firsts and also long distance. I was a good boyfriend and would of done anything for her, very loyal and devoted.

 

She gave a lot of excuses and was very cold - "I need to find myself", "People change".

 

What I noticed before the break-up was her new lifestyle which kicked in around a year prior to the break-up. She was going out a lot clubbing and making new friends.

 

This may or may not of been a big factor for the break-up. Anyways what did I learn from reading her Twitter?

 

1). She had a crush on a co-worker - greener grass turned out to be astroturf because he friend zoned her twice.

 

2). She put the blame on me for her being unhappy but she's even more miserable now. She acted like she got dumped.

 

3.) She started missing me around four months in posting things like "Everytime I miss him I remember the douchey things he used to say", "It's a shame he was so horrible towards me sometimes cause he was pretty perfect otherwise".

 

- This is her trying to justify her breaking up, I wasn't horrible just distant towards the end. She even dreamed of me and wrote how I hadn't changed in her dream so she ended it for good. It's like subconscious self-approval.

 

4). She wrote on FB on NYE about her life and how she's got rid of people who just dragged her down, including me. I thought this was very unnecessary writing that.

 

5). She started drinking more and going for one night stands. She basically regressed and hit rock bottom and is still there. She blacked out at a club recently and woke up in her underwear. She fell in "love" with someone else (he's so ugly too haha).

 

6). She slept with him a week after NYE. This was a BIG turning moment for me to get over her. No going back for me now. She must of been sending him a lot of messages and they were acting like a couple. A week later he slept with someone else - my ex was furious. She still chases him like an idiot though. He doesn't want her.

 

7). The worst thing is I told her I was reading her Twitter during the break-up and how it affected our relationship the things she was posting. Well she dumped me and continued to hurt me by posting horrible things on there she knew I would read.

 

They REALLY don't care about us!

 

This is what I've learned after all this. If they did they wouldn't of ended the relationship. They no longer hold those feelings for us. Sharing first experiences doesn't really matter, their mind will always play that down to suit their decision. Nearly everyone has an ex.

 

I was suicidal the first month and I'm still not over it but I'm much better and I think I'm pretty happy right now. I haven't been talking to women or looking, I'm happy single.

 

Her being my first was a huge thing for me. I wanted that specialness to last forever. I was very loyal to her and didn't want anyone else after her.

 

But now she repulses me and I don't like her at all. She's not the same person at all. New friends and bad influences. People change when big things in their lives happen, like new friends or fame. My ex got a new house bought for by mummy and alcoholic whore friends.

 

Right now I am actually quite happy with the idea of meeting someone who's gone through the same **** as me and understands. First loves are so risky because of the inexperience. They leave when something better comes along because they don't know what they had.

 

I used to think I was in the best relationship - invincible. Now I think relationships are very temporary - especially in today's low standard society.

 

Sorry but it doesn't help your situation just because you shared first experiences, just means she will find it harder to forget you.

 

Don't blame yourself for the break-up. You might of made mistakes but that's not enough to end something that is suppose to be special. In the end you were more committed and you deserve someone equally committed.

 

My ex did the same as yours - found other guys and started talking to them. I see this happen so many times on here, exes getting with someone else weeks/days after. I always say they probs dumped you AFTER and not PRIOR.

 

You seriously need to ignore your ex and go NC. If she has a Twitter read it if you think you can handle the truth but it will hurt. Naturally I'm a truth seeker even if it hurts. Most will be against this but it helped me realize who she is NOW and not who she WAS. Don't go dwelling on her as the person she used to be because I guarantee she's changed. The most you can do is be strong and not contact her. She will start to miss you like mine did but they won't reach out, they don't want to go backwards.

 

My ex is pining over someone and it's not me LOL. I just have to accept it, she was a bull**** chameleon girlfriend who changes her colours with whoever she's with. She got tattoos, piercings, dyed her hair, started smoking, drinking in excess, one night stands. I will NOT pine for the new her. You shouldn't either, be angry they broke your heart, don't show any weakness it will only give them an ego boost.

 

Please don't spend your time depressed and upset over her because she will be out laughing and having good times and that's just not fair. You have to love yourself and look after number one right now. You don't need ANY woman to find your own energy.

 

Sorry for the ramble and going off topic but I hope this helps, this was a little of my story you could compare to. Good luck man it does get better trust me!

Edited January 23, 2014 by MoooOinkBaaa