Duster Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I have a faculty member of the University that I'm having feelings for. She DOES NOT have any control over grades and is NOT my instructor. She works for an organization on campus. I met with her the other day and we talked in her office for a while. She would say things like you are a caring person etc. I asked her how her X-mas break was she said it was good and that she visited family and then she spent the rest of the break with her daughter ALONE!. Why would she fraise it like that? Getting ready to leave her office, she went for a hug, full frontal..pressed against me full body and put her head on my chest. That lasted a second or two. The after she said "oh I'm sorry" I should have asked to hug you?" In a way that I thought she was trying to seek approval. I said " OH GOOD lord, don't be" chucking, shaking me head as I walked out. Had to go back to her office today and noticed there are pictures on her wall of her daughter.. and one of her, a husband/BF and her daughter. Why the trio picture if she gave me an impression she was single? Should I ask her out or leave it? Dustin
spiderowl Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 It all sounds a bit odd to me. That's not really an appropriate way for a Faculty member to behave. Faculty members giving a student a hug is not usual in a higher education institution, unless perhaps they make it clear it's a 'friends' hug and nothing more. Even then, it would be unusual. I would put it down to her being a hugging type of person and not get too bogged down in thoughts about a woman who is not only a Faculty member but appears to have a partner too. What is the age difference here? Faculty members are usually advised to avoid liaisons with students, though of course a mature student and a Faculty member may even be married so hard and fast rules would be ridiculous in an adult environment. What does matter is whether there is any conflict of interest, i.e., they have control over your assessments, or a 'power' imbalance in a 'relationship', if the student could be said to be vulnerable because of their youth or emotional state. Whatever the situation, I would be wary of a Faculty member who appeared to be crossing the line when she hardly knows you. What if she is attached too? Do you want to get involved in an affair? It would be wise to forget this woman and instead look around at the many lovely women students that attend university. Maybe you need to practice starting conversations with your peer group or have some kind of relationship training. Your student counselling or wellbeing service may be able to point you in the direction of workshops to help with self esteem and relating to others.
Author Duster Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) I'm 27 and she is 28-31 I'd guess. She has no influence over my grades at all. She just works for an organization I'm part of. She is a student too..in a masters program. She went for the hug then wanted approval after is the part I'm confused about.If she would have not said anything, I wouldn't have thought anything about it. WHY? Her line about being with her daughter alone is puzzling. Is that an old picture or is her husband away on a military assignment? I don't know. She is incredibly attractive and neat as all get out. I don't really consider myself the type to need "training" in relationships. I talk to everyone, have had GF's etc. She just happened to appear rather "friendly" when I saw her. I have been part of the org for 2 years now and at last years meeting it was all business. It's appeared to have changed in her mind. Edited January 22, 2014 by Duster
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