Ok Good Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I'm really struggling here I have gone on 4 great dates with a guy that as a person is great!! He's smart, funny, kind, sexy, nonjudging, and sensitive We can talk for hours on many subjects and seem to have similar values we also have awesome physical chemistry the catch he's has very little money (currently unemployed) his house shows some neglect & is kinda dirty he is a part time dad of 2 little kids doesn't seem to have alot of time for me though I'm not sure how many dates a week are reasonable in first month or two of dating?? we've seen each other only 1x a week but it includes sleep-overs and though he seems to like me he is not much of a romancer like he shows little imagination for dates & doesn't say many sweet things to me his texts are often just meh in the way he relates to me (like more how a friend would talk to another friend rather than a guy who is courting a girl) he is also not as physically affectionate as me my friends think I can (and should) do way better than him but I really like the way we relate to each other when we're together it's a nice combination of being friends/lovers with zero awkwardness I also don't find guys often that are so accepting of who I am I haven't heard from him in 2 days which is unusual for him since we met he has contacted me daily he might have been put off by me calling him unromantic.. who knows? but I am now at that point of whether I should contact him to see what's up or just let this fade... have you let go of someone who was great as a person but their lifestyle didn't really fit with yours and then regretted it? or have you moved on happy that you didn't let infatuation blind you to maybe future misery? any opinions on my situation would be helpful, thank you!!
Phantom888 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 DO NOT SETTLE. There are plenty of sexy decent men who have everything you want AND is romantic, makes great money and sees you frequently. Don't settle for less.... just keep looking. Don't put so much investment of time and energy into someone whom you know is incompatible with you. After only 4 date, you should see him as PERFECT, and not all those flaws. Can you imagine how you'll see him after 6 months? You should move on. 5
Author Ok Good Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 DO NOT SETTLE. There are plenty of sexy decent men who have everything you want AND is romantic, makes great money and sees you frequently. Don't settle for less.... just keep looking. Don't put so much investment of time and energy into someone whom you know is incompatible with you. After only 4 date, you should see him as PERFECT, and not all those flaws. Can you imagine how you'll see him after 6 months? You should move on. thank you those are wise words.. I wasn't sure if I was 'settling' or just trying to stay open-minded I'm trying not to look for perfection in a guy and since we seem to get along so well am struggling with the idea of hanging in there a while longer..
Author Ok Good Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 I guess my real question is how do you move on from someone who is really a great person? how do you let go???
Yookie Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You really don't know after 4 dates if he is a "great" person. You are only seeing the tip of the iceberg this early on. Since you are already starting a list of negatives during what should be the honeymoon phase, I would advise you to move on. 3
Hopeful30 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 You let go when/if you realize your lifestyle is more important and a larger part of your life than he is. That's how I left one of my exes. Took me 2 years to get over him, but I'm happier now with my life in general than I would have been if I stayed with him. It's not easy. You just gotta keep pushing forward.
StanMusial Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I'm really struggling here We can talk for hours on many subjects and seem to have similar values we also have awesome physical chemistry the catch he's has very little money (currently unemployed) his house shows some neglect & is kinda dirty he is a part time dad of 2 little kids doesn't seem to have alot of time for me though I'm not sure how many dates a week are reasonable in first month or two of dating?? we've seen each other only 1x a week but it includes sleep-overs and though he seems to like me he is not much of a romancer like he shows little imagination for dates & doesn't say many sweet things to me his texts are often just meh in the way he relates to me (like more how a friend would talk to another friend rather than a guy who is courting a girl) he is also not as physically affectionate as me my friends think I can (and should) do way better than him but I really like the way we relate to each other when we're together it's a nice combination of being friends/lovers with zero awkwardness I also don't find guys often that are so accepting of who I am I haven't heard from him in 2 days which is unusual for him since we met he has contacted me daily A.) Once the infatuation wears off you will run for the hills. B.) Six months from now you will be posting about how the deadbeat dad who raises his kids in a sty cheated on you with the tramp down the block. I have gone on 4 great dates with a guy that as a person is great!! He's smart, funny, kind, sexy, nonjudging, and sensitive It's hard to be judgmental of anyone else when you're at the bottom. 2
Author Ok Good Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 A.) Once the infatuation wears off you will run for the hills. B.) Six months from now you will be posting about how the deadbeat dad who raises his kids in a sty cheated on you with the tramp down the block. It's hard to be judgmental of anyone else when you're at the bottom. lol! your part B is precious! thank you for the laugh I needed it yeah, a friend said this guy sounds like he's 'bottom rung' but we can only go up from there, right?
soccerrprp Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) thank you those are wise words.. I wasn't sure if I was 'settling' or just trying to stay open-minded I'm trying not to look for perfection in a guy and since we seem to get along so well am struggling with the idea of hanging in there a while longer.. wow, you ladies, especially surprise me with your notions of what a great guy is. he's unemployed, not romantic, meh, etc. and after all that and more, he's still a great guy.... do yourself a favor and stop making excuses for guys who don't have their act together. there's a reason for that. don't settle b/c you think you're being "open-minded." rubbish. guys who don't have their act together love women who are "open-minded." life is too short to settle for the great guy who isn't, in fact, so great. there's no such thing as perfect. but there is such thing as under-achieving, lack of effort, not what i'm looking for, can't be with someone who will make my life more difficult and complicated, etc. the title of your post should be enough to tell you if it is acceptable or not. but, for some strange reason you ignore the obvious. i have a dear friend who believes that girls, especially, need to go through all the bad before they realize the good. i am not entirely in agreement with that, but the more i spend time on LS and see the women now days, it seems that the experiences of being hurt outweighs words of wisdom...so sad. Edited January 22, 2014 by soccerrprp 2
StanMusial Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Out of curiosity, how did you meet this guy?
FitChick Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I don't care about empty romantic gestures. I think this guy's feelings might be hurt because he knows he cannot afford the "romantic gestures" you may want. Just because you are poor doesn't mean you have to live in a dirty house, by the way. 1
Author Ok Good Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 wow, you ladies, especially surprise me with your notions of what a great guy is. he's unemployed, not romantic, meh, etc. and after all that and more, he's still a great guy.... do yourself a favor and stop making excuses for guys who don't have their act together. there's a reason for that. don't settle b/c you think you're being "open-minded." rubbish. guys who don't have their act together love women who are "open-minded." life is too short to settle for the great guy who isn't, in fact, so great. there's no such thing as perfect. but there is such thing as under-achieving, lack of effort, not what i'm looking for, can't be with someone who will make my life more difficult and complicated, etc. you make alot of excellent points.. but the reason I haven't just moved on is because first, I want to be sure that I'm not being unreasonable in expecting things like 2 dates a week in the first month of dating, giving me small silly (inexpensive) gifts just to let me know he's values me, planning fun (free or cheap is totally ok) get togethers, etc and second cos what makes him a great guy is his PERSONALITY and the fact that we clicked
Author Ok Good Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I don't care about empty romantic gestures. I think this guy's feelings might be hurt because he knows he cannot afford the "romantic gestures" you may want. Just because you are poor doesn't mean you have to live in a dirty house, by the way. romantic gestures do not have to cost money I once dated a guy who on our 3rd date brought me fruit from his backyard tree still attached to the branch! and a simple candy bar that I had mentioned I liked... but if he has gone silent on me cos of hurt feelings that I guess tells me how he may deal with conflict..
newmoon Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 you make alot of excellent points.. but the reason I haven't just moved on is because first, I want to be sure that I'm not being unreasonable in expecting things like 2 dates a week in the first month of dating, giving me small silly (inexpensive) gifts just to let me know he's values me, planning fun (free or cheap is totally ok) get togethers, etc and second cos what makes him a great guy is his PERSONALITY and the fact that we clicked all you have with this guy is potential, and you can find that in many other men. he is not the only man alive with a great personality or a great whatever. lots of guys will have the qualities you want. if you're already seeing red flags or things you aren't happy with it's easy to move on. it's just 4 dates.
Author Ok Good Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 all you have with this guy is potential, and you can find that in many other men. he is not the only man alive with a great personality or a great whatever. lots of guys will have the qualities you want. if you're already seeing red flags or things you aren't happy with it's easy to move on. it's just 4 dates. yes, you are right.. I see his potential often I fall for their potential he has a past that suggest he can overcome some of his obstacles its SO HARD when I see the potential not to merely believe in IT rather than what the current facts are yeah only 4 dates but I'm finding it hard to let go I wish he'd do something really stupid that just TELLS me that it can't work
Kevin811 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I'm really struggling here I have gone on 4 great dates with a guy that as a person is great!! He's smart, funny, kind, sexy, nonjudging, and sensitive We can talk for hours on many subjects and seem to have similar values we also have awesome physical chemistry the catch he's has very little money (currently unemployed) his house shows some neglect & is kinda dirty he is a part time dad of 2 little kids doesn't seem to have alot of time for me though I'm not sure how many dates a week are reasonable in first month or two of dating?? we've seen each other only 1x a week but it includes sleep-overs and though he seems to like me he is not much of a romancer like he shows little imagination for dates & doesn't say many sweet things to me his texts are often just meh in the way he relates to me (like more how a friend would talk to another friend rather than a guy who is courting a girl) he is also not as physically affectionate as me my friends think I can (and should) do way better than him but I really like the way we relate to each other when we're together it's a nice combination of being friends/lovers with zero awkwardness I also don't find guys often that are so accepting of who I am I haven't heard from him in 2 days which is unusual for him since we met he has contacted me daily he might have been put off by me calling him unromantic.. who knows? but I am now at that point of whether I should contact him to see what's up or just let this fade... have you let go of someone who was great as a person but their lifestyle didn't really fit with yours and then regretted it? or have you moved on happy that you didn't let infatuation blind you to maybe future misery? any opinions on my situation would be helpful, thank you!! Pls read my post in the dating section. I'm new here so maybe u can find it under my name kevin811. Or if u look it's need pa. I was in the same place as u. It's six months later and the truth is I wished I ended things long ago. 1
Author Ok Good Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Pls read my post in the dating section. I'm new here so maybe u can find it under my name kevin811. Or if u look it's need pa. I was in the same place as u. It's six months later and the truth is I wished I ended things long ago. I looked at your post and am sorry you are so dissatisfied someone that cold and ungiving I would not have stayed.. BUT I don't think our situations are the same he does give to me just maybe in lackluster ways (sometimes) I LIKE him! that's my problem I'm not sure how to let go.. or if I should at this early date...
what_a_blonde Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I guess my real question is how do you move on from someone who is really a great person? how do you let go??? This right here leads me to believe you've already fallen head over heels after only such a short amount of time. And, in that short amount of time, you've already discovered all these flaws. I'm not trying to be judgemental, but you've allowed yourself to quickly fall for someone who you know you are incompatible with.. so I'm really not sure how easy its going to be to convince yourself to let him go. I have hope for you, and I really hope you see there is way more out there and based off of all you wrote... he is not "great" and you are just fluffing it. He's probably filling an emotional void for you right now.. I'm sure its nice to have someone around who fills that. But think LONG TERM... and realize that you deserve better. Also realize that its ok to sometimes be the bad guy and just let go... for yourself and your own well being an future!
newmoon Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 yes, you are right.. I see his potential often I fall for their potential he has a past that suggest he can overcome some of his obstacles its SO HARD when I see the potential not to merely believe in IT rather than what the current facts are yeah only 4 dates but I'm finding it hard to let go I wish he'd do something really stupid that just TELLS me that it can't work suggestion: go out on another date with another guy, from online, work, or someplace. often all you need is a comparison to another person to get unstuck. and if you can be in the company of another nice guy for a few hours on a date it'll bring home the point that this guy isn't necessarily the be all and end all in the world of men. you're much better off letting go now than later when emotions deepen, and you sound like someone who perhaps will have a harder time letting go later on.
Kevin811 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I looked at your post and am sorry you are so dissatisfied someone that cold and ungiving I would not have stayed.. BUT I don't think our situations are the same he does give to me just maybe in lackluster ways (sometimes) I LIKE him! that's my problem I'm not sure how to let go.. or if I should at this early date...[/ Can I ask y u fell for him so fast? I've been there. I did really like this last girl I was with. She did act like she cared and was into me the first month then things change. The more time ur with them the more you see. What does your mind tell you to do. It knows best. Don't listen to your heart. That's how you end up getting hurt. Go on a date with someone else. See what happens
Author Ok Good Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 This right here leads me to believe you've already fallen head over heels after only such a short amount of time. And, in that short amount of time, you've already discovered all these flaws. I'm not trying to be judgemental, but you've allowed yourself to quickly fall for someone who you know you are incompatible with.. so I'm really not sure how easy its going to be to convince yourself to let him go. I have hope for you, and I really hope you see there is way more out there and based off of all you wrote... he is not "great" and you are just fluffing it. He's probably filling an emotional void for you right now.. I'm sure its nice to have someone around who fills that. But think LONG TERM... and realize that you deserve better. Also realize that its ok to sometimes be the bad guy and just let go... for yourself and your own well being an future! thank you for this ^ i may have been crushing on him a bit but i don't think its a 'head over heels' thing.. his contact with me all week was minimal.. and he didn't try to call me just texted i'd reply than almost a whole day would go by before he responded again.. I know he's super busy finding work but really?! Tho to be fair I waited for him to initiate contact maybe he was put off by that?? he finally asks me out for friday night the day of! am i being too picky to expect a guy to want to make plans with me days ahead of time?? i told him I couldn't cos i think I should really be putting distance between us like what's the point hanging on to someone who doesn't show great interest? I suppose I will have to say something to him directly but I don't want to come across as demanding or critical.. what I hate about all this: I feel bitchy, like I'm focusing too much on what he doesn't do! I don't like that side of myself. I just wish I could enjoy him without expectations!
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