Its official the mother of my children is in a relationship with my best mate

March 7, 2014

After all that her step dad dropped the kids off...

March 7, 2014

Chi Town. THANK YOU...
knowing someone can see where I am coming from in not wanting any contact with this person is a big relief. No one else seems to understand that by me going total no contact I am actually doing what is best for my children. I was beginning to feel as if I was some how being unreasonable.

I will approach it in the way you described...

I'll update tomorrow.

No dude, I get it! I mean, THIS JUST HAPPENED!!! You have to heal! Maybe some day, down a LONG, long road, you and your Ex can be civil. But, right now, no you're still hurting bad! And for anyone telling you that you're being childish about this, or "running away from your problems", tell them to have their best friend come over to their home and screw their wives and see if they're cool with everything afterward.

March 7, 2014

This has to be everyone's worst nightmare

March 13, 2014

You are a wonderful human being capable of finding someone who loves you back.

Dont let such people get to you,

I recently went through a similar situation.But then it was my boyfriend and my good friend.Both havent had the courage to tell me this.

Anyways what you are going through is far more intense than what happened with me.

But the borderline is such people are after things that they have no intention of hanging onto,

When your ex wife can do this with your best friend,she is more than capable of doing the same thing with any of his other friends as well.

Focus on getting your children to live a peaceful life and youll sail through this easily.You have something more greater and more valuable to look forward to other than people like this.

Will keep your family in my prayers.Stay strong.Love is always around the corner.

March 19, 2014

You are a wonderful human being capable of finding someone who loves you back.
Dont let such people get to you,
I recently went through a similar situation.But then it was my boyfriend and my good friend.Both havent had the courage to tell me this.
Anyways what you are going through is far more intense than what happened with me.
But the borderline is such people are after things that they have no intention of hanging onto,
When your ex wife can do this with your best friend,she is more than capable of doing the same thing with any of his other friends as well.

Focus on getting your children to live a peaceful life and youll sail through this easily.You have something more greater and more valuable to look forward to other than people like this.

Will keep your family in my prayers.Stay strong.Love is always around the corner.

Thank you Angel your post means a lot

Still no contact but she always in background when a I speak to children... Trying to communicate through them, which is pissing me off.

Have also discovered he has moved in with her at her mums house. I really couldn't care less about what him and her do BUT the thought of them playing happy families with MY children is soul destroying especially as I only see them weekends. It is as if he is attempting to steal my life. Knowing where he works is something I'm struggling with at the moment. Have been seconds away from paying him a visit a few times...

March 19, 2014

Forget about the time they might be spending with the kids. Focus on yours.

I bet you could have a lot of fun trying to work out a few options how to make the weekends the children's everyweek highlights.

March 19, 2014

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. This sounds so painful and difficult to go through. It sounds like you're coping rather well with it. I feel for you though.

March 20, 2014

Thanks guys...

For anyone else coming to terms with a new man in your children's lives just remember there is no competition, you are irreplaceable. Spoke to my daughter tonight she is always so exited about spending time with me . She is going to show me how she can read her new school book . Told me how I am the best daddy in the world. Completely lifted my spirits, I'm feeling more upbeat. Have realised I am spending more quality time with my children now than I did when I lived with them. No distractions of everyday life, just me and them for 48 hours with my complete undivided attention...

March 20, 2014

Every time I read the title of your thread it breaks my heart a little bit.

I'm glad your kids seem to be adjusting well. You do sound like a good daddy.

March 20, 2014

Thanks guys...

For anyone else coming to terms with a new man in your children's lives just remember there is no competition, you are irreplaceable. Spoke to my daughter tonight she is always so exited about spending time with me . She is going to show me how she can read her new school book . Told me how I am the best daddy in the world. Completely lifted my spirits, I'm feeling more upbeat. Have realised I am spending more quality time with my children now than I did when I lived with them. No distractions of everyday life, just me and them for 48 hours with my complete undivided attention...

No matter what age they are, they will always love you.

My parents got divorced when I was a teenager and I did not tolerate any new woman/man that came into my parents life. Immature I know but I was only 14 at the time.

They won't see him as a father figure.

March 22, 2014

So she dropped kids off tonight. Thankfully I didn't find out it was happening until an hour before so no time to begin obsessing over it... I just didn't acknowledge her presence, opened door kids ran in exited, closed door. Simples!

March 22, 2014

No matter what age they are, they will always love you.
My parents got divorced when I was a teenager and I did not tolerate any new woman/man that came into my parents life. Immature I know but I was only 14 at the time.
They won't see him as a father figure.

Agreed. I don't even really know my father (my mom left that serial cheater when I was 4; tried to date a guy while I was 6 for 5 months but it failed and frankly I don't remember his face anymore; dated 2 more when I was 13/14 and yeah I became the rebel-teenager and haven't ever said a word to those men) but still that man can't be replaced.

So trust me when I tell you Mr me to when I say that even if he's overly kind all day long he's barely more than tolerated. Liked like you'd like an uncle perhaps or that nice mutual friend from next door, but that's it.

So she dropped kids off tonight. Thankfully I didn't find out it was happening until an hour before so no time to begin obsessing over it... I just didn't acknowledge her presence, opened door kids ran in exited, closed door. Simples!

As it should be. There's nothing to discuss anyway.

January 1, 2015

I've been sleeping with my ex on and off for the last few months, she is no longer with him. A couple of days ago I met her from work we went for drinks and spent the night together. I stayed over at hers. She and the kids spent the day with me yesterday... She left with kids to go to her mums New Years party. I got a call from her New Year's Eve wishing me a happy new saying she was going to come to mine today she told me the kids love me and she loves me and that's all that matters, she was suppose to ring me later on to talk she never did. I rang this morn to see what was happening no answer phone was off went to answer machine, so rang the house phone, spoke to my kids and her mum, her mum said she was still in bed and she wouldn't be able to wake her which I thought strange. Really confused I must of rang 20 times since phones now on but no answer ... My heads battered has been for the last few months since I first let her back in.. Feel like I've gave her all my power again.. Why am I so weak when she's concerned... Don't know why I'm posting here after so long but I feel how I did now when I first made this post... New year was supposed to be our new start lol mug I am

January 1, 2015

I've been sleeping with my ex on and off for the last few months, she is no longer with him. A couple of days ago I met her from work we went for drinks and spent the night together. I stayed over at hers. She and the kids spent the day with me yesterday... She left with kids to go to her mums New Years party. I got a call from her New Year's Eve wishing me a happy new saying she was going to come to mine today she told me the kids love me and she loves me and that's all that matters, she was suppose to ring me later on to talk she never did. I rang this morn to see what was happening no answer phone was off went to answer machine, so rang the house phone, spoke to my kids and her mum, her mum said she was still in bed and she wouldn't be able to wake her which I thought strange. Really confused I must of rang 20 times since phones now on but no answer ... My heads battered has been for the last few months since I first let her back in.. Feel like I've gave her all my power again.. Why am I so weak when she's concerned... Don't know why I'm posting here after so long but I feel how I did now when I first made this post... New year was supposed to be our new start lol mug I am

Oh man! Not again. Dude, you rang her 20 times and no answer. Called her mom, and she told you that she was sleeping and couldn't wake her up. Do you need me to draw you a picture? SHE WASN'T THERE! Mom's covering for her! She dropped the kids off at mom's and was gone!

January 1, 2015

Oh man! Not again. Dude, you rang her 20 times and no answer. Called her mom, and she told you that she was sleeping and couldn't wake her up. Do you need me to draw you a picture? SHE WASN'T THERE! Mom's covering for her! She dropped the kids off at mom's and was gone!

Your probably right :/ it doesn't matter what this girl does I always seem to see the best in her and feel sorry for her like everything's my fault... She's lost everything and gained a drinking problem since we split... My "mate" and her have destroyed each other... He was violent with her. In a way I should be happy that karma has caught up with her but I'm not I feel responsible and it hurts that she is struggling. It's been like that for a few months now I'm constantly picking the pieces up for her and making excuses for her self destruction, problem is I feel myself becoming weaker and more unhappy... I'm there for her but no one is here for me... I was dating someone but I ended it as soon as she walked back in my life. They just didn't compare. I know I'm a mug if I was reading this I would think the same...

Spoke to her earlier she was just crying on the phone saying the last couple of days isn't real life... Tried ringing since but no answer, she probably is with someone else and the thought kills me. How weird is that she was with someone I knew for 9 months while I was in no contact and I dealt with it.. Didn't even bother me she was with him first couple of times I slept with her but now I've got in too deep and it terrifies me

January 1, 2015

Your probably right :/ it doesn't matter what this girl does I always seem to see the best in her and feel sorry for her like everything's my fault

This is part of denial. She betrayed you in a very, very hurtful way but you love her and you have children with her. You want her to be someone that she is not. You want to feel sorry for her like she is a victim, instead of accepting that she was an adult woman who had an emotional affair. You will never hear me agreeing that emotional affairs "just happen" the hell they do. I have said this previously in a different post; you don't fall in love without first opening a door. You have to open yourself emotionally to another person before the feelings and attachment can grow (beyond physical attraction). She is not a victim. She was not some poor little thing who walked down the street one day and was suddenly run over by the love bus and then just had to screw your friend.

... She's lost everything and gained a drinking problem since we split... My "mate" and her have destroyed each other... He was violent with her. In a way I should be happy that karma has caught up with her but I'm not I feel responsible and it hurts that she is struggling.

I don't blame you for not feeling happy that the man got violent with her. I don't know who would be happy about that but what do you mean you feel responsible? Why? Oh yeah, because if you're responsible for her endless barage of poor decisions then that means she isn't and her halo doesn't lose any of its shine.

Guess what? She's an adult. No one is perfect, she made mistakes - but she isn't blameless either. You can't tell me she didn't know everything from having the emotional affair with your friend, dating your friend, and consuming large amounts of alchohol were not wrong. Now, if she indeed has a legit drinking problem as in, has become on alchoholic then she does need professional intervention. That is something she needs to take care of. It is not your fault or responsibility. She is a grown adult she has to start acting like it.

It's been like that for a few months now I'm constantly picking the pieces up for her and making excuses for her self destruction, problem is I feel myself becoming weaker and more unhappy... I'm there for her but no one is here for me... I was dating someone but I ended it as soon as she walked back in my life. They just didn't compare. I know I'm a mug if I was reading this I would think the same...

I think who you want her to be is something no other woman can be..not even this one. She is self-destructive, not trustworthy, bla bla bla the list goes on. While I am sure there is more to her and there must be good qualities about her also - they really become almost a moot point when you cannot trust her. She is back in your life and instead of being happy you are unhappy...here's your sign!

Spoke to her earlier she was just crying on the phone saying the last couple of days isn't real life... Tried ringing since but no answer, she probably is with someone else and the thought kills me. How weird is that she was with someone I knew for 9 months while I was in no contact and I dealt with it.. Didn't even bother me she was with him first couple of times I slept with her but now I've got in too deep and it terrifies me

Step off the carnival ride. This is bringing you no happiness. It's drama, drama, drama and to quote a spoof of Nancy Grace from SNL..."What about the babies?!?"

January 1, 2015

In a way I should be happy that karma has caught up with her but I'm not I feel responsible and it hurts that she is struggling. It's been like that for a few months now I'm constantly picking the pieces up for her and making excuses for her self destruction, problem is I feel myself becoming weaker and more unhappy... I'm there for her but no one is here for me...

I wondered a few times what happened to you. OK, here it goes. You are NOT responsible for her self destruction, she is! You are worth a much better woman, but you should take some steps to heal first. Your ex unfortunately does NOT deserve you, the kids do.

January 2, 2015

I personally think there is a special link between husband and wife when there are kids involved. She is not just your ex wife, she's the mother of your children. It makes a big difference.

However, because she's the mother of your kids, she has greater power over you. I'd really stay away from her, just start from day one unfortunately.

Take it as a lesson learned. As for your ex girlfriend, either she was just a rebound, or she simply wasn't what you were looking for. I still feel bad for her. While you're hurting and trying to heal, be cautious about who you might hurt on the way.

January 2, 2015

This is part of denial. She betrayed you in a very, very hurtful way but you love her and you have children with her. You want her to be someone that she is not. You want to feel sorry for her like she is a victim, instead of accepting that she was an adult woman who had an emotional affair. You will never hear me agreeing that emotional affairs "just happen" the hell they do. I have said this previously in a different post; you don't fall in love without first opening a door. You have to open yourself emotionally to another person before the feelings and attachment can grow (beyond physical attraction). She is not a victim. She was not some poor little thing who walked down the street one day and was suddenly run over by the love bus and then just had to screw your friend.

I don't blame you for not feeling happy that the man got violent with her. I don't know who would be happy about that but what do you mean you feel responsible? Why? Oh yeah, because if you're responsible for her endless barage of poor decisions then that means she isn't and her halo doesn't lose any of its shine.

Guess what? She's an adult. No one is perfect, she made mistakes - but she isn't blameless either. You can't tell me she didn't know everything from having the emotional affair with your friend, dating your friend, and consuming large amounts of alchohol were not wrong. Now, if she indeed has a legit drinking problem as in, has become on alchoholic then she does need professional intervention. That is something she needs to take care of. It is not your fault or responsibility. She is a grown adult she has to start acting like it.

I think who you want her to be is something no other woman can be..not even this one. She is self-destructive, not trustworthy, bla bla bla the list goes on. While I am sure there is more to her and there must be good qualities about her also - they really become almost a moot point when you cannot trust her. She is back in your life and instead of being happy you are unhappy...here's your sign!

Step off the carnival ride. This is bringing you no happiness. It's drama, drama, drama and to quote a spoof of Nancy Grace from SNL..."What about the babies?!?"

I've been thinking on your post and I know everything you said is correct I knew it before you said it... I made it through 9 months of no contact by telling myself it. I was angry I wanted nothing to do with her. I felt strong and in control.... THEN the late night texts and calls started I ignored them for a few weeks until I get a voicemail with her in tears askng if she could come round with kids, she did I remained strong kept conversation to a minimum but I wasn't angry no more. I had no feelings towards her though.

Until a few weeks later when we attended a parents evening together, it felt like we where back in a relationship as a family unit.. After that I knew feelings where coming back so I distanced my self again...

The next time I saw her she dropped kids of and asked to stay to save petrol. I agreed we had a nice day together and opened up dialogue regarding our relationship... We also flirted a bit. In the back of my mind I was thinking I could get revenge on my mate here.. So put it out that it would be nice to talk about everything properly for closures sake.. That night she called asking if she could come round. I agreed she got here about midnite we talked for hours about what went wrong in our relationship, how he was a rebound she used to hurt me how unhappy she was ect... I eat it all up...

we slept together and she left. Rang her a few times thinking she would leave him asap.. She never did... About 3 weeks went by could tell when he was there as she wouldn't reply to txts or calls. She said she was giving him another chance so I left it shut her out but relised I wanted someone in my life so started dating (nothing serious though) when ever my ex would call I would want to leave who I was with so I could talk with her...

Another couple of weeks pass and I get a call at 5am... She says she's lost with no money, they have had an argument and she has no where to go. I tell her to get a taxi to mine.. When she gets here she tells me it's over with him, they hadn't been fighting but talking and she had left because she relised they not right together and doesn't love him... We talk make love hold each other ect.. We discuss the children and our future, decide need to protect the children so they can't know what's happening for next few weeks it's all one sided me pursuing her, her saying she's confused spend a few days together she's distant.. Answers phone to him while I'm there.. I get angry again relise what's happening and leave..

Back to square one .. Barely make it over Christmas ask if she would stay at mine Christmas Eve she won't... I think she's back with him so back off then she starts ringing again hinting but not confirming the have split up.. I arrange to meet her after work we meet up go back to her mums the 2 of us spending time with children... Kids are so excited and happy I'm there.. Amazing. Kids go to bed I ask her mum if she'll watch them so we can go for a meal to talk. We do go back to hers I stay over.. Make love all night. Next day New Year's Eve her and kids come to mine, her mum was having New Year's Eve party but we decided it would be better if we spend it together at mine... This doesn't happen she says her mum is angry that her and kids arnt going to be there.. Her mum picsks them up... I spend New Year's Eve alone! She and kids ring at 12 telling me they'd all be round first thing in morning she loves me and that's all that matters.. New Year's Day comes and nothing not even answering calls.. Spoke to her last night and this morn.. Basically telling me none of its real it's not real life.. She's screwed up and needs to sort her life out and we don't want the same things?? Now here I am alone, sad and depressed. Not sure what's going on or what to do, mentally all I can think of is her and ways to get her and my family back.. I know it's all a lie and I'd probably never trust her again.. But my family is my world I miss that so much... I hate missing out on kids stuff especially over the holidays

Sorry for going on and apologise if this doesn't make sense just felt I needed to get it all out there

I haven't spoke to her since 9 this morning.. I'm having the kids tonight her dads dropping them off.. But already I'm worrying about who she'll be with and what she'll be doing... I know I would walk over hot coals to be with her and she would do the same if she felt the same... But I can't help feeling I need to ring just incase I say the one thing that makes her relise what's she's missing. I will fight the urge and not contact her though... I'm not as weak and pathetic as I sound, this woman is just like my cryptonite

January 2, 2015

Anyone reading this after getting over a break up or betrayal. Please use it as an incentive to maintain no contact... The pain and weekness you experienced with that person is always going to be related to that person. It will always have an hold on you if you let it... Also fight the power of the hairy triangle as much as you think your over them and convince yourself it's just sex it's never going to be, emotions where involved then it's only going to bring empty momoentary satisfaction before putting you back to where you started...

Stay strong

January 4, 2015

Chi townD... I just want to thank you for your posts on this forum been reading through them Your like a reality check...

sometimes it's like I want to believe her so much I ignore the facts and common sense... Was thinking about it what's her word really worth and why does it matter... She a lying, deceitful, untrustworthy, betrayer and that's a fact based on her actions then and now... Anything else is just in my head...

Peace

January 5, 2015

After catching up on what has happened you need to let her go. For good. Don't go back. I've been broken up with my boyfriend going on 2 months. We lived together for two years and although your situation is much more complex I do know how hard it is to do NC. I share a dog with him and i've been letting him see him. He actually has the dog this week. A Few days ago he tried sleeping with me and I said no. At the moment you want to be in the past again. Even if it is for those few minutes but you really need to stop and see that when they walk out that door you just feel used. There is no turning back. You need to leave her in the past

Edited January 5, 2015 by Lugoj89

January 5, 2015

Thanks, dude.

Look, I know that some can view my posts as a little abrasive and uncaring. But, I write that way to open your eyes. A little slap on the back of the head to wake you up a little as to what's truly going on here.

I know that what you're going through truly sucks. Trust me, I've been there. You think that you could never be betrayed like you have and even though she did you wrong, you still have a hard time letting go. Had those same feelings myself. But, some of us may come across as harsh and we only do that because we see you going down the same path that we took and it's never good. So, we try to spare you some heartache and pain to try and steer you on a path to get you healing again. To try to get you to see that there is something better for you out there even if you can't see it right now. I know, hard to place your trust in people that you don't know. But, then again, you put your trust into someone that you fell in love with and look where that got you. I don't know you, I've got nothing invested in you and to ask you to trust me would be very hard to do. I just don't like to see people hurt in the same fashion that I was hurt in and if I can give you an opportunity to show you that you can have a better life for yourself and that you are deserving of something more, then I'll give you the tools in order for you to do that very thing.

Time to start heal. Time to start listening and time to start living a life that you deserve. Hang in there.

Edited January 5, 2015 by Chi townD

January 5, 2015

Oh man! Not again. Dude, you rang her 20 times and no answer. Called her mom, and she told you that she was sleeping and couldn't wake her up. Do you need me to draw you a picture? SHE WASN'T THERE! Mom's covering for her! She dropped the kids off at mom's and was gone!

Or her mum couldn't go in to wake her up because there was someone else in there with her...

Start at the beginning and go no contact again.

Good Luck Mr Me Too...

January 5, 2015

**** them both. Sending you good vibes man.

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