dwight_rabi Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Hello... my first post here and I really need you advice on my situation... Here is my story... I've been in a relationship for 7 years already... we've been together since early college until we both graduated and had a stable work.. in our 7 years as BF/GF relationship, we have time issues only... no third party involved or any problems other than financial and time issues only.. Our family were both close already and most of the time we shared moments with our families... Our issue about the time is that we barely make it up together as were both busy from work.. I have a fixed schedule while she has not.. her schedule is much busier than what I have... She also rants about my weekend being with my parents rather than being with her which we had fixed too moving forward after we discussed that we need to have our time of on weekdays so that we can both have time for our families on weekends... it was last year when it all had messed up... to make the story shorter, while I was busy with work and haven't had the time being with her always, she fell for someone else... her co worker. I had this feeling already about her change. shes kinda distant and not allowing me to be as sweet as before. she not even wanted me to be intimate with her that time. 3 months past and I respected her NC and Space. I was crazy that time, that I really wanted to fix things up and make it to her again and would really want us to be ok again. It was Feb last year when I realized something is really wrong. Morning - I greeted her on FB and twas I realized there was someone who already made a greet. (her coworker) and so I suspect that it was something already. To make it short, I found out that they were already in a relationship and they were exchanging "I love you" and they were going out as well. that really broke me, coz I never have expected that was the problem. After that instance everything changed, I had trust issues already and was feeling guilty as well coz I didn't made my role or give the time she needed. And so I went to look for myself, went to gym, date other women and had fun. So I met this woman (my coworker), younger than I am and was attracted to her as we shared common things and shared stories as well. I then opened up about my problem to her and got shocked because she too was from a failed relationship with similar time issue. This time she was the one asking time from her BF and since she could not make it up to having no time with her BF she then broke up with him. So that's why we got even closer because we started out to discuss things involving our past. It wasn't so long enough when my EX told me she was leaving to other country to pursue her career. she said it was for her family and so I understand. During this time I didn't opened up about this (my coworker) that I was with since I was focused on her leaving. There was a time when we talked about us getting back, she told me to trust her and that by the time shel come back, will be OK and she will pay all what she had done to me regarding on falling in love with another guy. What I didn't like is that her coworker who she fell with will be going to that country as well as they have planned it out already with her fellow workers as well. To make things short, when my EX left I fell inlove with my coworker. I didn't expect that our time together will be great. Still my EX was constantly communicating with me but because of trust issue and them being together at work makes me feel sick and still think of the past when my EX hurt me. In short, I rejected my EX in wanting me back since I was happy already with my new found love here. Now, my problem is. 1 - My parent doesn't like this new girl (Since they still want me and my EX to be OK again) 2 - My EX still want me back as well and she said she's sorry of what shes done and that she wants us to start again. My EX will be coming back this summer and she wants me to decide whether il choose her again or be with my new girl. Im hoping I could get advice from this forum. Im not the story teller type so I might have forget some details pertaining to my past... just let me know if there is something that I need to answer as I will reply. Thanks loveshack.
CaliGuy Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Now, my problem is. 1 - My parent doesn't like this new girl (Since they still want me and my EX to be OK again) 2 - My EX still want me back as well and she said she's sorry of what shes done and that she wants us to start again. Ok I read your whole problem and broke this down into the list above. 1. Who cares what your parents think? YOU are the one who needs to be happy (as well as the new girl) NOT your parents. 2. Your EX is leaving you on a string WHILE she is still in a relationship with the other guy. This is called "keeping you on a leash IN CASE her current relationship fails". Not fair to you at all. If you have a woman right now whom you like a lot and is 100% into you (and you her) then break off all contact with the ex. You don't owe her anything, she is the one who left you. You have no obligation to your EX. She rescinded the agreement when she started "doing" the other guy. NO THANKS! If I were in your shoes, I would simply tell the Ex "Thanks but no thanks" and move forward with your relationship with the new girl. Your EX sowed her wild oats with another guy, you deserve to find out of the new girl is a better fit than your Ex. I don't see how this is such a hard decision for you. Move forward with the new girl or regurgitate the crap you dealt with with your Ex. It seems quite clear what to do. By the way, if your Ex really wanted to be with you, she would have crawled a mile in broken glass to get you back. She hasn't done that. She is simply keeping you handy in case the new swinging ***k (yes, I censored myself) doesn't work out. NO THANK YOU!
spiderowl Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 It's your relationship not your parents' so you really need to be sure you are happy with your new girlfriend. It's worth listening to why your parents are not happy with her though, if only to see if they have noticed something important that you haven't, but otherwise it's your decision who you go out with and not your parents. Regarding the ex, would you ever trust her again? It does sound (if I am interpreting what you said correctly) as if you were fairly rigid about time and what it should be spent on. Of course you'd want to spend time with your parents but also you'd need time with your girlfriend. If you allocated them all rigid boxes of 'time', then I can well understand why your ex would find this impossible. Nobody likes to be told that something isn't up for discussion. An inflexible partner tends to be a controlling partner as you have to do everything by their timetable and rules. It's a hard decision to make. How do you feel deep down when you think about your ex? How do you feel when you think about the new girl? Which feels best?
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