And now he is ignoring me...

[Kalinka1]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, but reading your post has been a great comfort to me over the past weeks.

 

My story: Met my ex two years ago, he is 5 years younger than me so I never really considered him a real prospect or anything. However, he was very persistent, we exchanged e-mails with each other for about 1 year consistently, every day, sharing our interests etc. And this on top of seeing each other at uni almost every day. When he finally asked me out for coffee, our 'coffee' lasted for 4 hours But still - I wasn't interested, so 6 more months of e-mailing and just correspondence fun continued. But finally I noticed that I really liked the guy, that he was indeed sexy - even if very young - and that I wanted more. So we went out on a date and ended up having the most amazing 6 months of our lives (he says so too). The sex was out-of-this-world and we just clicked. However, once uni started again, he suddenly became very busy, obsessed with work, and just said that he doesn't have time. My reaction was not very good either as I saw that he was pulling away, so I became more irritable -- we started to fight. So he called it off saying that there is too much 'bad stuff' going on and not enough of the good. And I let him be.

 

Up until 2 weeks ago, when we suddenly connected again and it seemed like everything would work out. But no -- after 1.5 weeks I again got the 'sorry, no time, we both really need to move on, let the new year bring better fortunes to both of us' text. So I guess that's it then.

 

Needless to say, I love this selfish prick of a kid. God it hurts!

[shakepig]

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, but reading your post has been a great comfort to me over the past weeks.

 

My story: Met my ex two years ago, he is 5 years younger than me so I never really considered him a real prospect or anything. However, he was very persistent, we exchanged e-mails with each other for about 1 year consistently, every day, sharing our interests etc. And this on top of seeing each other at uni almost every day. When he finally asked me out for coffee, our 'coffee' lasted for 4 hours But still - I wasn't interested, so 6 more months of e-mailing and just correspondence fun continued. But finally I noticed that I really liked the guy, that he was indeed sexy - even if very young - and that I wanted more. So we went out on a date and ended up having the most amazing 6 months of our lives (he says so too). The sex was out-of-this-world and we just clicked. However, once uni started again, he suddenly became very busy, obsessed with work, and just said that he doesn't have time. My reaction was not very good either as I saw that he was pulling away, so I became more irritable -- we started to fight. So he called it off saying that there is too much 'bad stuff' going on and not enough of the good. And I let him be.

 

Up until 2 weeks ago, when we suddenly connected again and it seemed like everything would work out. But no -- after 1.5 weeks I again got the 'sorry, no time, we both really need to move on, let the new year bring better fortunes to both of us' text. So I guess that's it then.

 

Needless to say, I love this selfish prick of a kid. God it hurts!

 

I can completely relate and feel the same way. mind if I ask a personal question. How long have you guys dated after got intimated ? 6 months if i read it right?

[Kalinka1]

Yeah, we knew each other for 2 years, but once we went on a date we immediately hooked up and continued to do so for 6 months and it was amazing. It was only when other things (uni) got in the way that he completely withdrew. And I got upset. And he ended things. Then we were off for 2.5 months before getting 'back together' just for another 1.5 weeks when we hooked up once but it wasn't the same - he shut down his mind and I saw that he wasn't connecting. It was heartbreaking. To be fair to him, he was very specific breaking up, he told me there is no way we are going to get back together in the new year and that we both needed to move on. He did text me the next day though and he did wish me Merry Christmas, but I think it was one of those 'scheduled' emails you can send through gmail because it was exactly at 8am etc.

[shakepig]

Yeah, we knew each other for 2 years, but once we went on a date we immediately hooked up and continued to do so for 6 months and it was amazing. It was only when other things (uni) got in the way that he completely withdrew. And I got upset. And he ended things. Then we were off for 2.5 months before getting 'back together' just for another 1.5 weeks when we hooked up once but it wasn't the same - he shut down his mind and I saw that he wasn't connecting. It was heartbreaking. To be fair to him, he was very specific breaking up, he told me there is no way we are going to get back together in the new year and that we both needed to move on. He did text me the next day though and he did wish me Merry Christmas, but I think it was one of those 'scheduled' emails you can send through gmail because it was exactly at 8am etc.

 

Go NC for good. He told you what exactly he wants. nothing will be happening between you and him in 2014. it is cruel but may help you move on.

 

How old is he? around 21? kids around that age think they know what they want but they damn dont...

[Kalinka1]

Yeah, you are right, the only problem is that we are at the same uni.

 

And yes, he is 21. And he *really* wanted me for 2 years, and once he had me, 6 months was enough for him to realise that a relationship is more trouble than its worth for him. He's just an unhappy loner with mommy issues. But at least he was honest in the end, I have to give him that.

[Kalinka1]

I forgot to uninstall my e-mail tracker and saw that he read my Happy New Year email 4 times in 3 hours It does kind of build my self-esteem a little, even if I am not hoping for anything here and he probably won't reply. Aloe vera on my rejected soul. It is a good feeling that he's not as indifferent as he claims to be. Muahaha.

Edited January 2, 2014 by Kalinka1

[shakepig]

I forgot to uninstall my e-mail tracker and saw that he read my Happy New Year email 4 times in 3 hours It does kind of build my self-esteem a little, even if I am not hoping for anything here and he probably won't reply. Aloe vera on my rejected soul. It is a good feeling that he's not as indifferent as he claims to be. Muahaha.

 

You initiated a HNY email to him? No....

[Kalinka1]

Meh, I prefer to keep him close. I am pretty cynical at this point. Started to think of him as a bit of a loser.

[Kalinka1]

I've written in another thread, so long story short: Dated a guy for about 6 months, he dumped me because he was stressed with work (at least that's what he told me), we briefly reconciled after 2 months after the BU, and then he dumped me again, just 1.5 weeks later.

 

He really wanted to stay friends, telling me what an amazing person I am etc. and it worked over the Christmas/New Year break, we'd e-mail back and forth like we always did, and also in the last 2 weeks we've been pretty much in daily contact. We also see each other at work sometimes. Everything seemed fine and friendly until the moment when he asked me for my advice on something and I got the uneasy feeling that I'm being used, so I e-mailed him that I am sorry, but we can't be friends, it's just not working for me. I still gave him the advice he asked for a day later, but no reply.

 

He is ignoring me completely… do you think he is acting from a place of upset or don't-give-a-****? We have never gone more than a day without contact since January 2013, and I know that he REALLY wanted to stay friends, he was very keen on keeping the communication going since the last BU in December.

[pickflicker]

He really doesn't want to stay friends.

[mantlefan]

Don't put yourself in a position where you can be ignored. Do nothing towards him that he could ignore or pay attention to. If he contacts you, ignore him, unless it is persistent, and coldly explain that it's best if you two have no more contact.

[lauri]

I've written in another thread, so long story short: Dated a guy for about 6 months, he dumped me because he was stressed with work (at least that's what he told me), we briefly reconciled after 2 months after the BU, and then he dumped me again, just 1.5 weeks later.

 

He really wanted to stay friends, telling me what an amazing person I am etc. and it worked over the Christmas/New Year break, we'd e-mail back and forth like we always did, and also in the last 2 weeks we've been pretty much in daily contact. We also see each other at work sometimes. Everything seemed fine and friendly until the moment when he asked me for my advice on something and I got the uneasy feeling that I'm being used, so I e-mailed him that I am sorry, but we can't be friends, it's just not working for me. I still gave him the advice he asked for a day later, but no reply.

 

He is ignoring me completely… do you think he is acting from a place of upset or don't-give-a-****? We have never gone more than a day without contact since January 2013, and I know that he REALLY wanted to stay friends, he was very keen on keeping the communication going since the last BU in December.

 

Being friends with someone you have feelings for is emotional suicide. I think in the end its for the best that you start to focus more on yourself and find a new guy who is interested / loves you to spend it with. I don't seriously see the point of you continuing to talk to him if he isn't interested and I don't get the impression he wanted to stay as friends. He may have wanted to use you and keep you around just in case - which is really unfair.

 

You were just setting yourself up for more heartache. I know it hurts now but in the end he is actually doing you a favour - you will have a really really hard time getting over him if you are in constant contact.

[Kalinka1]

He really doesn't want to stay friends.

 

Yeah… though his actions over the last month speak otherwise, constantly initiating contact, looking for me at work, sharing every aspect of his every-day life etc. I think that he might be upset that in some way our 'relationship' did end on my terms in that it did not end the way he wanted to: in friendship. It's quite funny how before him asking for advice and me telling him that we can't be friends, we did have a very fun and friendly exchange full of jokes and laughter

[Kalinka1]

Being friends with someone you have feelings for is emotional suicide. I think in the end its for the best that you start to focus more on yourself and find a new guy who is interested / loves you to spend it with. I don't seriously see the point of you continuing to talk to him if he isn't interested and I don't get the impression he wanted to stay as friends. He may have wanted to use you and keep you around just in case - which is really unfair.

 

You were just setting yourself up for more heartache. I know it hurts now but in the end he is actually doing you a favour - you will have a really really hard time getting over him if you are in constant contact.

 

I know you're right. But somehow I feel guilty for not getting over him and being able to maintain a friendship. We did start off as very good friends after all… also, I am surprised how quickly he managed to shut his feelings off. It was literally one day he tells me he loves me, he doesn't want to lose me ever, and the next day he tells me that we both need to move on. Funny, eh?

[lauri]

I know you're right. But somehow I feel guilty for not getting over him and being able to maintain a friendship. We did start off as very good friends after all… also, I am surprised how quickly he managed to shut his feelings off. It was literally one day he tells me he loves me, he doesn't want to lose me ever, and the next day he tells me that we both need to move on. Funny, eh?

 

To be honest, I don't think he lost feelings that quickly. Those feels were being lost slowly over time and then eventually he got to the point where he felt he did not want to continue anymore. He was putting up a front and misleading you which is not cool.

 

Look at this way - its his loss not yours. Being with someone who isn't straight up or telling you the way things are is not worth your time. If I am not feeling a girl / don't want anything with her, I wouldn't lead her on or keep her around to avoid hurting her more then I want need to. You will eventually find someone who will blow you away and you'll be glad this relationship was ended.

[pickflicker]

Yeah… though his actions over the last month speak otherwise, constantly initiating contact, looking for me at work, sharing every aspect of his every-day life etc. I think that he might be upset that in some way our 'relationship' did end on my terms in that it did not end the way he wanted to: in friendship. It's quite funny how before him asking for advice and me telling him that we can't be friends, we did have a very fun and friendly exchange full of jokes and laughter

 

Well, now his actions say he doesn't want to be friends.

[Kalinka1]

It just hurts because I have been nothing if not kind and supportive towards him. A final good bye and hope you'll do well from him is not unreasonable to expect, I think And a thank you for my advice that I gave to him even after I said we can't be friends anymore, just because I did not want him to feel completely abandoned. I am upset if he is playing a power/mind-game on me in the sense that 'you reject my friendship? then go to hell'...

[pickflicker]

It just hurts because I have been nothing if not kind and supportive towards him. A final good bye and hope you'll do well from him is not unreasonable to expect, I think And a thank you for my advice that I gave to him even after I said we can't be friends anymore, just because I did not want him to feel completely abandoned. I am upset if he is playing a power/mind-game on me in the sense that 'you reject my friendship? then go to hell'...

 

Kalinka, I think you're overly involved with your exes post break-up.

 

Do you have other friends?

[Kalinka1]

Hahahaha I do have other friends. But I hate being disrespected (I guess everyone does) and I'm having a hard time dealing with this. And I told him that we can't be friends, I thought you'd be proud I just really don't understand his reaction, because if he was over it, a friendly e-mail back that it's ok and he understand and wishes me well would have been completely normal, no? At least that's what I'd do (and did to my other ex who didn't want to stay friends, just BY THE WAY )

[lauri]

Kalinka, I think you're overly involved with your exes post break-up.

 

Do you have other friends?

 

Exactly.

 

Take that time you were investing into speaking to him into doing things you enjoy and spend it with some friends and family. You just need to get started and start focusing your time on YOU and only YOU. Your ex doesn't deserve another though. You won't get that apology by sitting around - you need to go out there and become a better person (not saying you aren't a good person now). If you maintain NC maybe you'll get what you are looking for.

[Simon Phoenix]

You aren't supposed to be his friend right now, it's way too early. You have some odd fascination for wanting to be friends with your exes that's completely counterproductive and destructive. You heal first, then cross this bridge.

[pickflicker]

Hahahaha I do have other friends. But I hate being disrespected (I guess everyone does) and I'm having a hard time dealing with this. And I told him that we can't be friends, I thought you'd be proud I just really don't understand his reaction, because if he was over it, a friendly e-mail back that it's ok and he understand and wishes me well would have been completely normal, no? At least that's what I'd do (and did to my other ex who didn't want to stay friends, just BY THE WAY )

 

You can't control his reactions and he's perfectly entitled to react however he wants. What you can do, is control your own behaviour. Stop worrying about what he thinks and move forward.

[Kalinka1]

You aren't supposed to be his friend right now, it's way too early. You have some odd fascination for wanting to be friends with your exes that's completely counterproductive and destructive. You heal first, then cross this bridge.

 

Don't worry, the way I see it we will never be friends because there's just too much history. Even though it was short-lived, it was very intense and I got very invested. The only exes I could remain friends with were long-term, when over the course of the relationship we became more friends than lovers and decided to mutually end it. When I dumped a guy and suggested we stay in touch and he didn't want to, I let him be and haven't contacted him ever since. But as I said - I did write him a nice e-mail saying that I understand his request and that I will respect his wishes and wished him well. I did not go from friendly/fun communication to NOTHING just because he told me that he can't deal with it. That's why I don't understand my most recent ex's reaction. I do think it is some sort of power-play and it's just ridiculous. If he was over it the way he claimed, he could just send me his final goodbye to a year of constant daily communication.

[Kalinka1]

You can't control his reactions and he's perfectly entitled to react however he wants. What you can do, is control your own behaviour. Stop worrying about what he thinks and move forward.

 

I shall, but I thought that's what this forum is for - a little bit of venting and making sense of ex's behaviour. I'm not worried about my own behaviour, because once I draw a line it remains there forever. I'm just a bit upset by this and wanted to get to the bottom of it.

[Allumere]

I've written in another thread, so long story short: Dated a guy for about 6 months, he dumped me because he was stressed with work (at least that's what he told me), we briefly reconciled after 2 months after the BU, and then he dumped me again, just 1.5 weeks later.

 

He really wanted to stay friends, telling me what an amazing person I am etc. and it worked over the Christmas/New Year break, we'd e-mail back and forth like we always did, and also in the last 2 weeks we've been pretty much in daily contact. We also see each other at work sometimes. Everything seemed fine and friendly until the moment when he asked me for my advice on something and I got the uneasy feeling that I'm being used, so I e-mailed him that I am sorry, but we can't be friends, it's just not working for me. I still gave him the advice he asked for a day later, but no reply.

 

He is ignoring me completely… do you think he is acting from a place of upset or don't-give-a-****? We have never gone more than a day without contact since January 2013, and I know that he REALLY wanted to stay friends, he was very keen on keeping the communication going since the last BU in December.

 

ahhh...what did you expect? You told him you couldn't be friends. So what did you expect? No seriously, what did you expect!!??? He has backed off, that's what you told him "we can't be friends". You felt he was using you, you made a decision that was best for you and now you are upset his is ignoring you? What is wrong with this picture????