Gemini47 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Have you ever been in a relationship and you just know it wont be a long term thing (marriage)? However, you truly enjoy the person's company both mental and physical. How do you decide what to do? Do you stay in the relationship bc you're having a good time? Is it too uncertain to even know if this could have a long term potential (haven't been dating that long)? Is it silly to even think this way? Perhaps one should just ride the wave until the wave is un-rideable (no pun intended). 1
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Marriage is not the only definition of a successful relationship. 5
mhm407 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Do you stay in the relationship bc you're having a good time? Is it too uncertain to even know if this could have a long term potential (haven't been dating that long)? Is it silly to even think this way? Perhaps one should just ride the wave until the wave is un-rideable (no pun intended). Pretty much, yeah But I would be curious as to what makes you so sure it couldn't work out in the long run?
Hopeful30 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 In my case, I stay in the relationship until the fact that I don't see long term becomes a problem (aka when he wants to get serious and I don't). Some people see no point in that, and that's fine. But from my own personal experiences, I've always stayed until I no longer could. And I don't regret one second. I enjoyed every minute with my exes. I loved them, and I learned from them. 2
Author Gemini47 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Marriage is not the only definition of a successful relationship. Exactly, and I'm not even looking for that.
InnocentMan Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Marriage is not the only definition of a successful relationship. Good luck trying to tell that to a woman. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Exactly, and I'm not even looking for that. Really? Then why mention it in your original post? Marriage is not the ONLY defining act, but it is paramount to MOST women. 1
Author Gemini47 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Pretty much, yeah But I would be curious as to what makes you so sure it couldn't work out in the long run? hmmm I think bc I've known her for a good 2 years or so prior to us dating. We belong to the same group of friends. She always had a bf and I was never especially attracted to her (she's good looking, but it's not like I was secretly fantasizing about her or anything). Maybe my thoughts on the ideal relationship are impractical...? Maybe it doesn't always have to be: meet girl, strong attraction from the onset, etc.
Author Gemini47 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 In my case, I stay in the relationship until the fact that I don't see long term becomes a problem (aka when he wants to get serious and I don't). Some people see no point in that, and that's fine. But from my own personal experiences, I've always stayed until I no longer could. And I don't regret one second. I enjoyed every minute with my exes. I loved them, and I learned from them. This is exactly how I am. It always ends with my significant other disliking me bc I tell them that I don't see it going long term. Bc this always happens I almost feel like I should not engage in a relationship bc I know that the person will most likely get hurt in the end.
Author Gemini47 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Really? Then why mention it in your original post? Marriage is not the ONLY defining act, but it is paramount to MOST women. Exactly, that's why I'm questioning myself and my views on dating. I'm trying to define what exactly is a relationship? It's not supposed to be a means to an end necessarily. I'm starting to think that maybe its just two people enjoying each others time/company until one person (or both) don't see the relationship continuing. And what ever occurs along the way is life. 2
Purepony Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) It sounds like the guy treat you well you have a good time which is why you're confused you need an a****** who will give you drama and p*** you off and when your days that's exactly what you want because that's what all women want... then you can come back and write a long thread about how he abuses you yelled at you in the streets you you'll have a million posts because that's what women are into. When women have it good for some reason they're confused and they don't know what to do but when they have it bad it seems like the fight for the relationship and do whatever it takes to keep it going.. if there's any errors because I'm using my speech to talk Edited January 22, 2014 by Purepony
soccerrprp Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 This is exactly how I am. It always ends with my significant other disliking me bc I tell them that I don't see it going long term. Bc this always happens I almost feel like I should not engage in a relationship bc I know that the person will most likely get hurt in the end. Hell yeah. What you are essentially saying is that "On any day, I am likely to dump your butt." I don't understand. You don't WANT a LTR? Exactly, that's why I'm questioning myself and my views on dating. I'm trying to define what exactly is a relationship? It's not supposed to be a means to an end necessarily. I'm starting to think that maybe its just two people enjoying each others time/company until one person (or both) don't see the relationship continuing. And what ever occurs along the way is life. I don't think you need to define what is a "relationship." You know. What you're looking for is what does a LT, committed relationship entail? You have a tremendous affect on how "life" is defined for yourself. No, duh, right? Do you want a LTR with someone who will cherish, love, care for you until the day you die? Or are you looking to add variety (not always stable or desirable) to your life by going from one partner to another just to fill in the years? My gf has expressed an interest in maintaining a relationship w/o marriage to me. But I know that that is insecurity talking. She has made it clear, recently, that marriage is HIGHLY desirable. Marriage is not JUST a piece of paper, it is a LEGAL demonstration and commitment to establishing a LT relationship and for many, if not most, find that compelling. Of course it guarantees nothing, but with the absence of it, it guarantees even less. Perhaps i'm babbling.
Andy_K Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Have you ever been in a relationship and you just know it wont be a long term thing (marriage)? However, you truly enjoy the person's company both mental and physical. How do you decide what to do? Do you stay in the relationship bc you're having a good time? Is it too uncertain to even know if this could have a long term potential (haven't been dating that long)? Is it silly to even think this way? Perhaps one should just ride the wave until the wave is un-rideable (no pun intended). What do you want? if you are looking for long term, and are available for it, then anything else is purely a distraction. You leave and focus your energy on finding what you truly want. On the other hand if long term is 'nice, but not overly important' to you, then just stay and see what happens. Be honest with yourself and the answers are always easy.
Author Gemini47 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Hell yeah. What you are essentially saying is that "On any day, I am likely to dump your butt." I don't understand. You don't WANT a LTR? No, not exactly. I go into a relationship with hopes that it will be something that will work out. Often times after a month or two I know it wont. I hope that whatever new person I enter a relationship with will be someone that I know I'll be with for a while. I'm not interested in just flings, although they are fun. I'm more interested in something LT. That's why I feel bad when I sort of keep someone "around" bc I do like the companionship, and well um the fun things that do come with such relationships! I'm a nice sweet guy and I treat the ladies I date with much affection, but I wont hesitate to let them know it's not going to be LT if they ask me, and I of course know that it wont be. That's when I then become the ******* guy. I don't think you need to define what is a "relationship." You know. What you're looking for is what does a LT, committed relationship entail? You have a tremendous affect on how "life" is defined for yourself. No, duh, right? Do you want a LTR with someone who will cherish, love, care for you until the day you die? Or are you looking to add variety (not always stable or desirable) to your life by going from one partner to another just to fill in the years? Not looking to add variety. LTR would be preferred. I'm thinking best course of action is to not fix what isn't broke.
Author Gemini47 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 You leave and focus your energy on finding what you truly want. On the other hand if long term is 'nice, but not overly important' to you, then just stay and see what happens. Be honest with yourself and the answers are always easy. I read ya loud and clear. Thanks for the advice.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Exactly, that's why I'm questioning myself and my views on dating. I'm trying to define what exactly is a relationship? It's not supposed to be a means to an end necessarily. I'm starting to think that maybe its just two people enjoying each others time/company until one person (or both) don't see the relationship continuing. And what ever occurs along the way is life. Yes. Relationships can be just that and nothing more. Not every "relationship" has to be marriage worthy. That said there are names for the different kinds of relationships. Roughly in order of significance. FB FWB, ExWB GF/BF Fiancé Spouse Those are all relationships. The fun part is other than Fiancé and Spouse... you can enter and leave any of those statuses as you please. It sounds like the guy treat you well you have a good time which is why you're confused you need an a****** who will give you drama and p*** you off and when your days that's exactly what you want because that's what all women want... then you can come back and write a long thread about how he abuses you yelled at you in the streets you you'll have a million posts because that's what women are into. It sure seems like that sometimes doesn't it? Those are women who, unlike the OP, fear commitment but aren't mindful of what they are doing. That the OP has sat and thought about the fact that they just want to have some fun and not act as if their new man is "the one" is really mature. When women have it good for some reason they're confused and they don't know what to do but when they have it bad it seems like the fight for the relationship and do whatever it takes to keep it going.. if there's any errors because I'm using my speech to talk The emotionally immature ones sure. They want what they can't have in a really childish way. They want a man that they can't have, or have to worry about cheating on them.
Phantom888 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Depending how old you are and in what stage of life you are in. If you are a teenager or in early 20s, you shouldn't really think about "long term". You should just date and see where things go. But if you are in your 30s+, dating becomes more focused on future, so if you don't see long term, you should be honest about it and let your partner decide if she want in or out. It's a bad situation if you two want different outcomes. But to be honest, if I don't see a future with someone, it's a total waste of time for me to keep dating her. I mean, dating is expensive economically and emotionally. Why would I want to waste time with someone whom I KNOW will not be in my future?
Phantom888 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Yes. Relationships can be just that and nothing more. Not every "relationship" has to be marriage worthy. That said there are names for the different kinds of relationships. Roughly in order of significance. FB FWB, ExWB GF/BF Fiancé Spouse Those are all relationships. The fun part is other than Fiancé and Spouse... you can enter and leave any of those statuses as you please. Yes, and hence you have all these cowardly selfish man-childs running around not knowing what they want. If you don't want to be committed to a relationship, make that clear in the beginning. There is a special place in hell for men who string women along, making them think there is a future when he knows she isn't the one for him.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You need to speak up and tell her that you don't see this as a LTR. Then let her decide if she wants to keep seeing you. Leading her on to think that you are building a LTR is just wrong. 1
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