Omei Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I have been acting fine, for quite some time now. This is so embarrassing..... It's been a year and im not okay with things and my ex I still love him so strongly I'd give anything to make it go away. I just had a dream about asking him to be with me i begged in my dream answer was always no even tho it was a dream im awake now crying im crushed because of how real it is and life prob have the same outcome. Ive done so much this year made friends worked out tried new things none of it has made me love him any less just forget some days only to return to large heart aches others. I even have a guy im seeing we mess around, have fun hang out....he even wants me to date him I said "i'll try" but I don't think I can, I want to fall in love all over again I do but every guy im with I feel nothing my heart never flutters and I cant stand the thought of taking on the responsibility's they would come with. So I will prob have ran away from this guy by the end of the week. I dislike how different I am now, I miss who I was before I met my ex there's just many things about myself missing or changed...and I am often sure what I am doing sometimes it's like watching a shadow version of myself walk around. I don't know if any of that made sense, gosh how am i supposed to love again if I cant even take interest in people.
Haydn Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Its very hard, its coming up to 8 months for me. I am with a new GF but its a slow build up. What i found was she `turned my head` and inspired me again to want to be able to love again and receive love. I think you will meet the guy who turns your head soon. He is waiting for you out there. Keep the faith. I have been acting fine, for quite some time now. This is so embarrassing..... It's been a year and im not okay with things and my ex I still love him so strongly I'd give anything to make it go away. I just had a dream about asking him to be with me i begged in my dream answer was always no even tho it was a dream im awake now crying im crushed because of how real it is and life prob have the same outcome. Ive done so much this year made friends worked out tried new things none of it has made me love him any less just forget some days only to return to large heart aches others. I even have a guy im seeing we mess around, have fun hang out....he even wants me to date him I said "i'll try" but I don't think I can, I want to fall in love all over again I do but every guy im with I feel nothing my heart never flutters and I cant stand the thought of taking on the responsibility's they would come with. So I will prob have ran away from this guy by the end of the week. I dislike how different I am now, I miss who I was before I met my ex there's just many things about myself missing or changed...and I am often sure what I am doing sometimes it's like watching a shadow version of myself walk around. I don't know if any of that made sense, gosh how am i supposed to love again if I cant even take interest in people.
flightplan Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Hey, let me tell you something and why you're not alone. One of my first loves broke up with me for another guy. I was crushed.. and thats an understatement. It took me well over a year to get over her... closer to 18 months before I could finally get back to normal. I have no idea why it took so long, other than I was really in love with her. This was years ago when I was in my twenties and I can look back on it now and still not figure it out. I can think about her today with fondness but without emotional attachment. The point is, it takes however long it takes. There is no magic recipe so don't beat yourself up. As long as you keep moving forward in some small way, then it will pass. I promise. 4
jphcbpa Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 “We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there.”― Harold Kushne 7
Author Omei Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 “We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there.”― Harold Kushne Better be gone one day thanks im just starting to worry it won't its taking too long.
fixing Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Hey, dont be embarrassed. Everybody is unique, remember that. Some recover quicker than others. I ended my cheating ex 14 months ago and im still not over what happened and im not really interested in meeting another woman. Dont try and force yourself in getting over him. Just accept that the pain is riding in the passengers seat, the pain will get off somewhere eventually. It will naturally burn itself out. Keep up the good work!
JDPT Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Be gentle on yourself. We often have certain expectancies of ourselves with regards to this process and perhaps say "I should be here, I should be there, who come I'm still here..." truth is we are where we are for a reason, and you deep inside know how hard you've been working towards proactively contributing to your recovery. We all fight hard on a daily basis, it's a battle day in and day out, sometimes we are amazed at how we made it through the day, sometimes we open our eyes first thing in the morning to just want the day to already end as we know the pain it brings. But reality is that we are still here trying to make the best of it because that's all we can do, we continue to try without giving up, without allowing this BU to get the best of us. I'm at 8 or 9 months BU I can't recall and I have my days, we all have our days, but one thing I do know is that I never want her back, life is better this way as painful as it is, I will one day be able to appreciate all this pain and internalize and understand that I needed the pain to ultimately feel free again.
Author Omei Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) I keep trying. I am trying. I am embarrassed because I still love someone who doesn't want me a year later. It's not fair how they leave and we tech get all the punishment all the tears all the pain and they get everything they want and are seemingly not phased by anything. It sucks. Edited January 22, 2014 by Omei
Xemyd Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I keep trying. I am trying. I am embarrassed because I still love someone who doesn't want me a year later. It's not fair how they leave and we tech get all the punishment all the tears all the pain and they get everything they want and are seemingly not phased by anything. It sucks. I'm with you there too, nowhere near a year, 4 months, but I'm sure once I've hit that mark I won't be over him, at least at the rate I'm going. The past week I've been miserable over the fact that hes probably doing fine.
Monopoly Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I keep trying. I am trying. I am embarrassed because I still love someone who doesn't want me a year later. It's not fair how they leave and we tech get all the punishment all the tears all the pain and they get everything they want and are seemingly not phased by anything. It sucks. We are in the same situation, I understand you. It's been a year as well and it's unfair how we suffer.
Author Omei Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 We are in the same situation, I understand you. It's been a year as well and it's unfair how we suffer. Good to know, I wish they would get some kind of punishment for making us feel this way for this long.
reardon Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 It seems that you're starting to feel hatred to your ex because of your current situation. Pain couldn't be easy to heal but you have to move on. Don't try to patch your pain by finding someone to love because it won't work. It will heal but need time. See other things you have in your life and it can help you to cope up.
LadyM Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 It's been over a year for me, too, so I can really relate to how you feel. Even now, if I see or hear ANY reminders of him, my heart races and I feel sadness wash over me. That's besides the day to day overall feeling of missing him and wishing he would come back and wondering what his life is like now. I can hardly believe I still feel this way. I have never experienced anything like this particular BU. I am a little better than I used to be, but I never expected for the feelings to STILL feel so fresh over a year later. The idea that I don't have a clue when and if these incessant thoughts will ever stop is maddening.
Mondmellonw Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 For me it's only been two months. My RL was only 7 months. I still think of what happened. Nothing to be embarrassed of. Like they already told you, everyone has their own ways to stop feeling some way or another for any person. The right thing is that you're not hurting any other individual on the process. Just think about it. Maybe you had fun with this new guy, but you're not moving it too fast cause you can't now, and that's a good thing. Eventually, you'll be able to have fun and love again completely. You should be proud of yourself, no matter how much time it takes for you to heal. Don't be hard on yourself, we're here for you 1
SadNLonley Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I can hardly believe I still feel this way. I have never experienced anything like this particular BU. Im like you. Im 43, was married for 15 years (together 19), and its the relationship that followed my divorce that devastates me after dating only 3 years. I guess when I divorced, I just was not in love with my husband, so it was easier. This breakup has completely shattered my heart, my ego, and the idea that I will ever find anyone that made me feel like I did with him. We have been BU for 7 months. NC for 9 weeks. 1
Author Omei Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 believing that my ex doesn't care for me, well he left, but nothing beats that pain loving someone who could give 2 ****s about you. Nothing makes it go away.
emi Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Its frustrating isnt? '' Go Nc, work on yourself, move on, get over it'' and after all you have done, nothing seem to change, the pain is still there, and all you can do is just praying that it will go away. I dont understand how life can be so cruel and nothing we can do about it. All we can do is endure endure endure until it go away, which seem to be forever. I offer nothing but a lesson in the future, guard your heart more careful next time. And hope the time peace come to you is soon
SadNLonley Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 I have had thoughts of questioning a higher being at this point because I wonder how he could allow me to feel this bad/ so low/ not wanting to wake up in the morning for so may days. It almost makes me wonder what I did that was so bad that I deserve to feel like my entire world is crumbling around me.
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