LostConfused123 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Hello everyone, it's been almost 3 months NC and I'm definitely feeling better. I mean, I have my days where I still miss him but I think it's the relationship I miss, not necessarily him. I guess I'm feeling like I should be much happier than I am. My business is going well, I've been going out and meeting new people and having fun. My family and pets are all happy and healthy.. . . basically, life is good. So wondering why I feel so down???? I really don't think it's "him" because I have fully accepted the relationship is over and I deserve better. I also have no doubt I will meet someone awesome. This is going to sound like I'm so full of myself, so please understand it's not meant to. . . . that being said. . . . I'm good looking, take care of myself, I'm funny, hard working, have a lot to offer. . . blah blah blah. I joined a dating site a while back but just haven't felt that spark with anyone. . . . . . I guess I kinda feel numb and empty. . . . I feel like I should be much happier by now. I'm not sad but not happy either and I feel like I should be. Like I said, things are great otherwise and I have so many blessings and so much to be thankful for. I have never had to deal with depression (with myself, thank goodness) so I don't think that's it. I'm excited to get on with my life (well I should be anyway) I know great things are coming. . . . I don't know, maybe I'm still hurting over him???? I guess I'm just ranting a little. I'm a little disappointed in myself that I'm not happier and. . . . ummm. . . almost robotic, if that makes sense. Anyway, thanks for reading and I wish everyone the very best in our recovery. ((hugs!!)) Edited January 21, 2014 by LostConfused123
jphcbpa Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 love your perspective on things. keep that love and gratitude in your heart. keep expecting good things. how long was the R? 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 love your perspective on things. keep that love and gratitude in your heart. keep expecting good things. how long was the R? Thank you! Only 7 months. . . I'm wondering if it's because I was in the falling in love stage. . . BIG TIME!!! hahaha!! and he unexpectedly ended it. We had "no problems" I thought things were perfect and thought he felt the same. It was all "butterflies in the stomach, cloud nine, walking on air" All the silly cliches. . . . . and then BAM!!! he's gone. I was like WTF????? the first few weeks were excruciating but I feel much better now with hardcore NC. Just wish I was more excited about my new "adventures" I guess you could call them. . . Hahaha!
iworthmore Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 im happy for you reaching the stage of saying life is good. i think the only reason u feel down sometimes is that he still has place in ur heart. u still love him. i think the moment the love fades then we can completely move on. that might happen after month's or years or after meeting someone else. take care of ur self. and maintain the hardcore NC. [hugs] 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 im happy for you reaching the stage of saying life is good. i think the only reason u feel down sometimes is that he still has place in ur heart. u still love him. i think the moment the love fades then we can completely move on. that might happen after month's or years or after meeting someone else. take care of ur self. and maintain the hardcore NC. [hugs] Yeah, I think maybe I should just admit it to myself he's still in my heart. . . . Grrrrrrrrrr!!! oh, I hope that fades. I don't want to love him anymore. Thanks for your kind words!!
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You are the utmost kindest person on LS. You are a strong beautiful individual. You can do this. Depression isn't something to be ashamed of, even if you were to have it. There is an environmental depression and active depression; I'm not professional, but it could be possible that it is environmental based on circumstances. If anything you are probably a little off balance to what you are used to/comfortable with. Breaking up and healing is different and can be uncomfortable. You are gaining your balance again and that is the "difference" you feel. Hang in there. I did the dating site thing and if anything I think it just makes it worse. Focus on you right now and healing. Pick up the pieces, be patient and just live your life without a man for awhile. Nice thing about it is you don't have to shave or prioritize a sexy outfit anymore. 2
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 You are the utmost kindest person on LS. You are a strong beautiful individual. You can do this. Depression isn't something to be ashamed of, even if you were to have it. There is an environmental depression and active depression; I'm not professional, but it could be possible that it is environmental based on circumstances. If anything you are probably a little off balance to what you are used to/comfortable with. Breaking up and healing is different and can be uncomfortable. You are gaining your balance again and that is the "difference" you feel. Hang in there. I did the dating site thing and if anything I think it just makes it worse. Focus on you right now and healing. Pick up the pieces, be patient and just live your life without a man for awhile. Nice thing about it is you don't have to shave or prioritize a sexy outfit anymore. Aw, thanks yeah, maybe I just haven't given it enough time. I mean, I really liked/loved this guy. He was very good to me and I really, I mean REALLY didn't want things to end. Shook me to the core. I guess when I think about it, 3 months really isn't that long. I mean, in some ways is but then again, it's only 12 weeks, 90 days. Ugh! seems like an eternity sometimes though. Anyway, thanks for your kind words ((hugs!!)) And best if luck to you as well!!
Itspointless Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I feel it too and yes that is depression Depression is one of the five stages of grief. Those stages or not perse linear but you can bounce from one to the other. It is perfectly normal to feel like you do. 1
flightplan Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Yeah, I think maybe I should just admit it to myself he's still in my heart. . . . Grrrrrrrrrr!!! oh, I hope that fades. I don't want to love him anymore. Thanks for your kind words!! I kind of feel the same way. Not really depressed but kind of in a funk. I think I'll always love her and there will always be a place in my heart for her, but I won't feel the need to be with her anymore. 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I feel it too and yes that is depression Depression is one of the five stages of grief. Those stages or not perse linear but you can bounce from one to the other. It is perfectly normal to feel like you do. Thank you so much for responding. I didn't really realize I may be depressed about this. . . . again! LOL! I thought I was over that phase. . . anyway, you sharing made me feel better. I'm sorry you're going through it too. ((hugs!)) 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I kind of feel the same way. Not really depressed but kind of in a funk. I think I'll always love her and there will always be a place in my heart for her, but I won't feel the need to be with her anymore. yep. Exactly. a funk!! Hope it passes for both of us sooner than later. I guess it takes as long as it takes. Best of luck to you!
flightplan Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 yep. Exactly. a funk!! Hope it passes for both of us sooner than later. I guess it takes as long as it takes. Best of luck to you! thanks, you too. It'll pass, it always does. Hang tough. 1
fixing Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Your doing amazing so far! Keep it up. Just accept that you still have residual feelings for him. But they will disappear in just a little while longer. Keep it going!! 3 Months is still very soon btw so your doing remarkably well, all things considered. 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Your doing amazing so far! Keep it up. Just accept that you still have residual feelings for him. But they will disappear in just a little while longer. Keep it going!! 3 Months is still very soon btw so your doing remarkably well, all things considered. Thanks! Your words make me feel much better. just a little longer. . . . just a little longer. . . . just a little longer. I feel like I'm holding on by my fingernails. . . Ever feel like that? LOL! You rock!!! 2
fixing Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Haha, yes, that means you are on the tipping point. Like when that Tree is being cut down in the forest, just a little nudge more and TIMMMMBBBERRRRR! 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Haha, yes, that means you are on the tipping point. Like when that Tree is being cut down in the forest, just a little nudge more and TIMMMMBBBERRRRR! And then hallelujah!!!
Itspointless Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Thank you so much for responding. I didn't really realize I may be depressed about this. . . . again! LOL! I thought I was over that phase. . . anyway, you sharing made me feel better. I'm sorry you're going through it too. ((hugs!)) Thanks for the hug It was all "butterflies in the stomach, cloud nine, walking on air" All the silly cliches. . . . . and then BAM!!! he's gone. I was like WTF????? I can relate with your story, for me it has even been shorter. She (ldr) got ill (again) and BAM, she pushed me away, including her feelings that she locked away in a forgotten place. The trouble is that these people magnify our needs, wants, and in my case also (not ex-related) old grief. I tried to be realistic before this happened, but she completely surprised me. Luckily I feel somewhat better, but everyday when I wake up, the first thing that comes to mind ... 1
RDawg Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Same here. Every bloody morning for 4 months.. if I manage to get in 1 or 2 thoughts before the ex reappears then I get a sense of um something is wrong in my life.. now what was it again...OH FARK yes that's IT..and so another day of suffering begins. 2
SadNLonley Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 but I think it's the relationship I miss, not necessarily him. - I have been recently asking myself this same question since this is the very first time in my adult life I have been alone. Let me know if you figure out knowing the difference. So wondering why I feel so down???? I really don't think it's "him" because I have fully accepted the relationship is over and I deserve better. I also have no doubt I will meet someone awesome. What a wonderful outlook on life after this sad time. I congratulate you! This is going to sound like I'm so full of myself, so please understand it's not meant to. . . . that being said. . . . I'm good looking, take care of myself, I'm funny, hard working, have a lot to offer. . . blah blah blah. I joined a dating site a while back but just haven't felt that spark with anyone. . . . . . I guess I kinda feel numb and empty. . . . I feel like I should be much happier by now. I wish I did have the confidence you have in yourself. I believe men find that a very appealing trait. As for feeling the spark anyone yet, it could be those deep down feelings you still have for your ex not letting you fully move on. In the meantime, I hope you have many dates and just enjoy the time out and be very picky. I'm not sad but not happy either Ha. Ask my ex about this one. Thats what he told me. I have never had to deal with depression - Once again good for you. Its a miserable experience. Im trying to cope with it right now. I hope you never have to feel this. I think it sounds like you have an awesome outlook on life. Good luck to you! 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Same here. Every bloody morning for 4 months.. if I manage to get in 1 or 2 thoughts before the ex reappears then I get a sense of um something is wrong in my life.. now what was it again...OH FARK yes that's IT..and so another day of suffering begins. Wow! I actually said those exact words to myself this morning. But. . . . for the first time, since this horrible experience, I immediately got angry at those thoughts and thought " No, enough!!! Get out of my mind! You don't live here anymore!!" It only lasted about two seconds (the anger) LOL!!! But I definitely felt something "shift" . . . kinda like, I'm getting really sick of this. I guess that was progress???? I don't know. . . Hahaha! Best of luck to you!
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 SadNLonely, I've been thinking about the "Maybe I miss the relationship, not necessarily him" For me, personally, I had ended an eight year relationship about a year before I met him. The relationship I left before him wasn't horrible but I wasn't happy in it. Long story short, I basically begged him for the last four years to see a doctor for his depression and mood swings. It was sucking the life out of me. For reasons I still don't understand, he never would no matter how much I begged. I finally realized he'll never get help and I was falling out of love with him and the attraction toward him was gone. . . . . Now that sounds weird. . . it had nothing to do with his looks (he was as handsome as ever) I just grew tired if tip toeing around him and I guess my sexual feelings were the last thing on my mind. He was also a terrible listener and communicator. I gave up!! Fast forward a year, I meet HIM!!! He was a wonderful communicator, very kind, funny, lighthearted, sexy as hell!! hahaha!! I found myself wanting sex again and it wasn't just to "please" someone else just so they would be easier to live with. . . . I mean, I really wanted it and he actually cared if I enjoyed myself. So basically everything I was lacking in my previous relationship he fulfilled, even simple things I didn't even think of like just texting me "Good morning beautiful, have a wonderful day!" I had forgotten how good things like that felt. . . . I didn't just get butterflies with him, I got fire breathing dragons!!! LOL! He turned me on physically AND mentally. . . . I was like "WOW" and I was addicted fast!!! So I guess all the things he gave me (and I him) can realistically be found with someone else (even though sometimes that feels hard to believe) I really do miss the relationship. . . . him???? yeah, for sure. . . . but like I said, his qualities can be found in a lot of men. . . . I mean, everyone is unique so the next relationship won't be exactly the same. I hope it's even better!!!! But yeah, I definitely miss that lighthearted feeling and not having to "fight so hard" just to have a good day (hence the other exes depression and refusal to seek help) He (the latest and why I'm here) was SOOOOO easy to love!!! Best of luck to you and thank you so much for your kind words and sharing! ((hugs!!))
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Also, wanted to add, the year before I met "him" I really enjoyed my own company, being single and focusing on myself. Thank God, I'm starting to live that way again. . . it feels so good to enjoy my own company again. Can't wait until I am fully back to my old, happy, independent self 1
semicharmedlife Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 3 months isn't nearly enough time...it took me a good 6 months before I started to feel better and even then I still had occasional really bad moments (which sometimes lasted a day or more)...the good news is...it sounds like you are really on your way to a good place...and it will only get better from here...best of luck to you! 1
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Wow! I actually said those exact words to myself this morning. But. . . . for the first time, since this horrible experience, I immediately got angry at those thoughts and thought " No, enough!!! Get out of my mind! You don't live here anymore!!" It only lasted about two seconds (the anger) LOL!!! But I definitely felt something "shift" . . . kinda like, I'm getting really sick of this. I guess that was progress???? I don't know. . . Hahaha! Best of luck to you! YES!!!! You have taken enough. No more. Now flee 1
Author LostConfused123 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 3 months isn't nearly enough time...it took me a good 6 months before I started to feel better and even then I still had occasional really bad moments (which sometimes lasted a day or more)...the good news is...it sounds like you are really on your way to a good place...and it will only get better from here...best of luck to you! Thank you!! Yeah. I keep telling myself 3 months really isn't so long and to give myself a break. At least I can take solace in the fact that I'm at least half way there. I can't wait!! I just want to be over him! Best of luck to you too! 1
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