ktya Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Ill try to keep this short. Ex and i were fighting mostly over domestic issues, fights started getting bad. She left went into online dating right away. We got along much better once not living together. I started dating about a month after she left, she went nuts wanted me back. Without getting too deep into it shes in a screwball situation staying at her parents, i said i wouldnt consider until she had her own place because the domestic stuff was something i needed to see fixed, i suggested we date eachother for now but that i was going to date other people because a breakup is a breakup and to stay exclusive would just prolong what wasnt working before. Well she tried to put a gun (figuratively) to my head and said if i didnt stop seeing these other girls then i would wipe out my chances forever. I told her, sorry then if thats how you feel then i guess its my loss. Well she meets some guy he sounds nice enough a week ago now shes talking about not even moving out on her own and moving maybe straight in with him. I told her i dont care if shes dating mr wonderful but given the kid and that she only physically met this guy a week ago that would be a bad idea. Plus hes the first guy she physically met. I dont care about her dating life ive got 2 perfect 10 girls on the go who have great jobs and who are really solid people and sweet. I care about my access to the kid. The ex went from thinking maybe i could babysit the kid so she could go out on dates to that i will get no unsupervised access. Even more aggravating is that she says the kid will never meet any girlfriend of mine unless she meets them and theh live up to her standard. Which is insane who wants to be grilled by your partners ex. Complicating matters i knew her kid from 5-9 the bio dad was never in the picture kid calls me dad. I love the kid, im doing my best to make life easier for my ex letting her store 400 square foot of her crap, ive loaned her money, taken on big utility debts shes left behind so life doesnt get too tough foe the kid. But for her to flip from wanting me back to moving in with some guy in under two weeks and from regular access to insane restrictions with the kid and all these bizarre conversations that are driving me insane (she has a knack for taking a good peice of news, like that i booked her and the kid a night in a hotel so she can get some space from her parents - and somehow turning it into a four hour argument). Ive told her that im nice and patient but if she shacks up with some new bf and is well beyond just dating she cant take up my whole garage and a quarter of my basement because it crosses the line from me being nice to being taken advantage of. Plus i find the velocity of her relationship (2-3 dates to moving in within less than two weeks) irresponsible given the kid and concerning. Plus just under 3 weeks ago she was desperately wanting to get back together with me. Shes all over the map. Garg. Driving me insane. Im trying to be nice here. But this is getting straight up crazy
Saurren Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Sounds like you're on a roller coaster and I hope you slow down for your health (literally your health and well-being).
TXGuy Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Unless the kid is yours legally (sounds like that is not the case) she has total control over whether you get to see the kid. She (the ex) sounds like a mess. I would let her go, regardless of what she does with NewGuy. Give her 30 days notice to pick up her stuff (in writing, through post office, return receipt requested). If she doesn't pick it up after 30 days, call Goodwill. 1
Author ktya Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Yeah. It has been quite stressful. Having these awful conversations and arguments with her while on the flip side I have these wonderful girls who talk and joke with me and smile. I try to show her that I am doing my best to help her transition onto her own and she flies off with the negative And despite trying to calm the conversation down she will eventually let something really nasty rip. I was offering her a gift card to buy the kids lunch stuff last time we ended up arguing and I loaned her some money so she could get herself home after her date that night because she couldn't afford bus fare even and I told her that she should always have the ability to get herself home. Your right, she is a bit of a mess. I have told her that maybe we just put our friendship on ice for now and keep it to logistics about the kid. Maybe restart it when things normalize for her. I've told her flat out that if she shacks up with Mr. Serious the stuff has to go. I'm just casually dating and while I've got two regulars now it's nothing exclusive and they know about eachother. No jealousy on my part but if she's shacked up with someone two or three weeks after begging me to take her back then he's good enough to take on this 400 square foot of junk problem and she can figure it out herself. Oh and one important fact. She left and dumped me, not the other way around Edited January 22, 2014 by ktya
TXGuy Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Wow. You have a heart of gold (no snark). You continue to go out of your way to help her despite her not appreciating it. I assume it is moreso for the kid than the ex. I hope you can keep some contact with the kid, but it might be tough. Hopefully the ex thinks of the kids interests and not use her child as a pawn in mind games with you. Good luck.
Author ktya Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 Thanks man. Theres no real solution to this one other than to just let it play out. Just needed to vent
Zahara Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I know you are attached to the child but you have to let go. You have zero rights in making demands when it comes to her child and her actions. The sad part about this is that it confuses this child even more -- bio dad went missing, now you're scarce in his life and new men are about to enter/leave. It would be best for you to let go, but if she allows you to visit her son, because she wants you in his life versus using it as a ploy to play these drama games, then by all means be in his life. I don't see that happening. The boy is now a pawn. The best thing to do is solidify your break-up and stop using each other as crutches, move on and in time when all emotions have settled and you both are in a better place, you can revisit the possibility of being in his life again.
Author ktya Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Thats what i did. Told her we should put our friendship on ice for a while and just talk logistics about the kid when the need arises. While i dont give a damn who shes seeing, how, and how far she goes im getting annoyed that she is prioritizing her dating life over the kid, and her crap thats here. Shes got a literal 5 foot high 400 square foot pile of random stuff in my garage and all the storage in my basement is filled with her stuff. The garage is so crazy my lawnmower is mixed in the pile around two and a half feet off the ground on top of her stuff with more stuff on top of it, theres barely enough room to open the door. A third of it is organized into boxes, the rest is randomly strewn all over the place. She was supposed to come over while the kid is at school to get it ready for loading when she moves out of her dads place. Hasnt touched it in weeks. Staying up too late talking to this guy and going out with him so after taking the kid to school she needs to sleep. Garg. Get yer shi.te together woman!
Raena Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I think you are being too nice to her. She left, she wanted out... well get her crap out too. If I were you, I'd give her a deadline of when to get her stuff out of your house. Tell her that if it isn't gone by then, you will be selling it, donating it, building a huge bonfire with it or whatever you darn well please but it has got to go. If the child isn't yours, then there isn't much you can do about that. Quite honestly, I'd cut off all contact altogether with her. Stop being so nice, she's walking all over you!
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