Saurren Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My ex fiance and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got engaged in July 2013. Through 2012-2013 she probably broke up with me 4 times and I accept 1 out of 4 of these break ups. The latest break up was in November 2013 and I accepted this break up because I have been heartbroken so many times. I just accepted it and moved on and went NC. Lasted about 3 weeks and Christmas eve came and so did me ex-fiance. She didn't have anyone to spend the holidays with and I took my time to be with her. We didn't have any intimate encounters whatsoever and I fail to establish what we were at that time. She says she missed and still loves me. I thought to myself I didn't want my 5 year investment to go to waste over an irrational decision. We got back together and everything was going alright and the new years passed and here we are just passing our 5 years on new years. During this short time together we were not sexually active and I really don't feel up to anything so cliche as (make up sex). Here I am being the dumpee again since January 20th or since last night, and here I am accepting the break-up. Well there was some things leading up to the break-up that I will go into detail so please bare with me here. Friday the 17th I called her an hour after she got off work and she didn't pick up and I shot her a couple of text a couple hours latter. Still haven't responded and I just decide that maybe she'll text me tomorrow morning. This is really different for her to not respond and the next morning still nothing. Saturday 18th I called her an hour after she got off work again and nothing. Called me back 30 minutes latter and told me she's out with her co-workers at a bar. I gave her some time to enjoy herself and tried again 2 hours latter. She picked up and said she was now at her brothers place drinking some more. At this time I'm pissed off as I can be because I really hate drunk drivers. I called it a night and went to sleep. I then get a call at 1:30 in the morning saying she is driving home and I can here her sister in-law in the car too being loud and drunk. At this moment I knew they had gone to a bar or club after she had visited her brother and I am not going to be the reason she gets in a car accident and I said "get home and don't call me when you are driving drunk". Sunday the 19th I don't even want to call or text her anymore because I was so angry at the fact she was driving drunk. She didn't call me until late into Sunday and I was going to bed already. I picked up and just said goodnight and didn't want to say anything else because I was still p.o. Monday the 20th I was still not up to talking to her because I might end up saying some things I'll regret saying. We agreed to go get some lunch and I was giving her the silent treatment at lunch. We have our quiet lunch and then just went our separate way home and 30 minutes latter I got a text "I can't keep going in circles with you and now I'm cutting the strings.bye". Yeah I was trying to avoid this fallout and here I am getting something I didn't want to happen. I haven't even replied to the break-up text yet and I don"t think I will. Something broke inside of me and I just didn't care anymore, I didn't feel hurt, or out of breathe like I would always be. Maybe this is what my parents used to say "too exhausted to be hurt". Woah that was a long trip, but thanks for reading my little fallout.
hippetyhop Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Much encouragement to you during this saga. You knew this was going to be a never ending circle. Do you feel a sense of relief? What were the premises of her break up? You tolerated a lot from her over the course of the years. I'm not sure if it is much reassurance, but at least you are posting here instead of the divorce forum. It appears she needs to get her priorities and learn respect before she can move forward in a deserving relationship. Best of luck.
Author Saurren Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Much encouragement to you during this saga. You knew this was going to be a never ending circle. Do you feel a sense of relief? What were the premises of her break up? You tolerated a lot from her over the course of the years. I'm not sure if it is much reassurance, but at least you are posting here instead of the divorce forum. It appears she needs to get her priorities and learn respect before she can move forward in a deserving relationship. Best of luck. I'm guessing it is because of my silent treatment at lunch.
Author Saurren Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 I don't feel anything at the moment and maybe I'm just burnt out.
hippetyhop Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I don't feel anything at the moment and maybe I'm just burnt out. You probably are mentally drained with everything. Just take it easy the next few days. Break ups are a lot to swallow at times.
Author Saurren Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 You probably are mentally drained with everything. Just take it easy the next few days. Break ups are a lot to swallow at times. I hope not this time, I used to break down hard and have trouble breathing.
Author Saurren Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I think I was going to break-up with her anyways because of the drinking and driving. I really hate drunk drivers ugh.
Author Saurren Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 Update Three weeks NC and I have moments where I would think about sending a message or even a call, but I know better. Feeling pretty awesome that I could make it to week 3. Changed my phone number, deactivated FB, and even changed my primary email to a new one. Threw everything I had of hers away the only thing left is my engagement ring that she still has on her person, but she can do whatever she wants with that stupid rock.
ithappenedagain Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 First off, I am so sorry about the break up. Must be extra tough because you just recently got engaged last summer. Secondly, I am proud of you man. Your relationship with your ex sounds like mine. We broke up many times over the course of the relationship. Mainly over stupid stuff when we were just drinking. See, she cant handle whiskey, and whenver she would drink it she turned into a raging mess... Anyways, long story short, we would fight, break up, make up the next morning, fight, breakup , makeup the next morning etc etc etc... Looking back, it wasnt healthy, but i loved that girl! She officially broke up with me on January 16th, and i immediately went NC. we were not engaged, but I did move in with her about 8 months ago. So it was tough. I had to move all my stuff out and hire movers to do it. The whole time I was expecting her to call me. I was expecting the NC to get to her head. But she did mention the night she broke up with me that she also was going to go NC to help her heal as well.. So basically the dumper and dumpee both initiated NC.. Probably for the best, but I still cant believe I havent heard from her. I get the feeling that she has moved on, as just this past friday I found out she had deleted my family from facebook. Back to your situation... Was there a big age difference with you guys? See I am 32 and she was 25. HUGE gap, but we were perfect for eachother - at least that is what blind love told me. Was it hard for you to change your phone #? I have actually thought about that, but I think I am still in the denial stage and am hoping she will call or text me. But I know she probably wont. That must have been a HUGE thing for you to do (changing your #).... It sounds as if you are just emotionally exhausted from the 5 years of loving/fighting. Sad to say, I think that is why my ex ended things with me. I think she was emotionally exhausted and wanted to live her life as a 25 year old again and party it up.
Author Saurren Posted February 3, 2014 Author Posted February 3, 2014 First off, I am so sorry about the break up. Must be extra tough because you just recently got engaged last summer. Secondly, I am proud of you man. Your relationship with your ex sounds like mine. We broke up many times over the course of the relationship. Mainly over stupid stuff when we were just drinking. See, she cant handle whiskey, and whenver she would drink it she turned into a raging mess... Anyways, long story short, we would fight, break up, make up the next morning, fight, breakup , makeup the next morning etc etc etc... Looking back, it wasnt healthy, but i loved that girl! She officially broke up with me on January 16th, and i immediately went NC. we were not engaged, but I did move in with her about 8 months ago. So it was tough. I had to move all my stuff out and hire movers to do it. The whole time I was expecting her to call me. I was expecting the NC to get to her head. But she did mention the night she broke up with me that she also was going to go NC to help her heal as well.. So basically the dumper and dumpee both initiated NC.. Probably for the best, but I still cant believe I havent heard from her. I get the feeling that she has moved on, as just this past friday I found out she had deleted my family from facebook. Back to your situation... Was there a big age difference with you guys? See I am 32 and she was 25. HUGE gap, but we were perfect for eachother - at least that is what blind love told me. Was it hard for you to change your phone #? I have actually thought about that, but I think I am still in the denial stage and am hoping she will call or text me. But I know she probably wont. That must have been a HUGE thing for you to do (changing your #).... It sounds as if you are just emotionally exhausted from the 5 years of loving/fighting. Sad to say, I think that is why my ex ended things with me. I think she was emotionally exhausted and wanted to live her life as a 25 year old again and party it up. Thank you for sharing your experiences it means a lot to hear I'm not alone. I am 21 and she is 20 so the age gap is non existing. It was very hard to change my phone number, but I realize I'm always looking and checking my phone for a message or a call and knew this was unhealthy. It was exhausting, but I take 50% of the blame for the relationship ending. The constant break-up and make-up just felt like their was no effort in the apologies.
EuTuBrute Posted February 3, 2014 Posted February 3, 2014 Holy carp ithappenedagain... You story sounds like mine.. My ex is a 25 year old girl too and i think she just wants to live it up (GIGS). I also loved my girl and thought we were perfect for each other. Oh you'll her from her again, but the question do you want to. She wanted to meet up with me 8 months post BU and at the last minute cancelled on me with the lamest excuse. I want to tell you to move on and everything will be alright, but its hard.
Author Saurren Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 Update I changed my contact info on the 3rd of this month and I thought I was finally done with the past. The very next day my ex contacts me like she has a sixth sense. And weirdly enough she has already gotten wind of my new number and I don't even want to know how. I picked it up without looking at the number because I know people would be calling to save my new number. When I heard her voice I stopped breathing for a while. She asked if I would like to talk in person and I agree latter that night for coffee. We met up and sat and ordered our coffee and said our greetings and I looked into her eyes and she had the saddest face on, like she was going to cry at any moment. We talked mostly about our family in the beginning of our conversation and she brought up her work and school. Out of nowhere she bursts into tears and telling me how stressed and tired she was. She said she can't eat and sleep or get out of bed and have been missing school and work because of her anxiety. She kept repeating there is something wrong with her and she feels hurt all the time. Then goes on to telling me she burst into tears at work too in front of her supervisor. I reached out and held her hands and told her nothing was wrong with her and said she needs to think slowly and rationally. I take another look at her and her face has gotten so slim after 3 weeks. I suggested we go to a more lively place and eat. We were eating and everything was going great and I managed to cheer her up. She told me she missed how I eat because it seems like everything I was eating was the first time for me. I paid the bill and said goodbye and went our separate ways and an hour latter she called again and just said "thank you for everything".
Caliguy30 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 Story sounds exactly like what I'm going through. I'm 28 as of today and she is 22. Our whole relationship was up and down breakups and make ups so I sit here on the final breakup wishing that she would call. As "ithappenedagain" knows I even tried to be friends with her to work through everything. She said last night she doesn't want to give me false hope at that she loves me but isn't in love with me. She is caught between being 22 years old and not tied down and being with someone who cares about her. She just goes from being loving and caring to hating me and it's unfair. I'm so tired of having the same conversation of not being together. I think at this point it is more of a feeling of being alone. Really miss so many things like texting all day and saying goodnight going out to dinner and staying over. She put me through so much like cheating on me with a scumbag ex of hers basically a year ago. Then in October she got drinks with him when one of my friends told me this she said it happened and when I asked if she was going to tell me she said probably not. Hate to think of what else could she not of told me and I would've never done anything like that to her. Went NC for 3 days and then brokedown and texted her. She told me she hates not talking to me we talked like normal for 3 days then said "I just don't want you to get the wrong idea". Oh I'm sorry you were texting me all day long flirting with me saying goodnight as usual and then I get the wrong idea. I was NC for myself to get healthy, but I want it to hurt her more that I'm not in her life, which is the wrong reason for NC.
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