She says she loves me, do actions speak louder than words

[Kevin811]

I agree. I should of ended this long time ago. Guess I was hoping that she would open up. But she hasn't and it's just causing me more problems and heartache

[Kevin811]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAIT a second. You've been dating for 6 months and haven't had sex even 10 times?!?!?!

 

I'm having sex problems with my current man and we had sex 10 times in the first week!

 

That would be my #1 concern. As I've learned in my current situation, sex is the first to go when something is up.

 

To answer your question, actions are WAY more valuable than words. I could tell any man that I loved him, but if I don't bang him.... well... it's pretty self-explanatory.

No kidding. You can only make so many excuses.

[TaraMaiden]

Hi TaraMaiden,

 

Question for you. Why is being nice to someone you care about considered being a doormat?

 

It's not.

Being nice to someone you care about, desperately waiting and hoping for some kind of 'reward' and reciprocal action, repeatedly, and never getting it - is being a doormat.

 

I used to do my girlfriend's dishes, etc, help out when she needed it. But she also said things like, "I feel like a bitch around you," or "You don't stand up to me."

yeah... that was just a way of saying....'but you stick around, like some damn fool, lapping it up, so, if you won't go, then I won't stop.'

 

Maybe I just never got taught this lesson in relationship school, but how exactly am I supposed to act around my girlfriend?

When you have a PROPER girlfriend - you'll know. because she will make you feel as good about yourself, as you make her feel about herself.

[Kevin811]

It's not.

Being nice to someone you care about, desperately waiting and hoping for some kind of 'reward' and reciprocal action, repeatedly, and never getting it - is being a doormat.

 

 

yeah... that was just a way of saying....'but you stick around, like some damn fool, lapping it up, so, if you won't go, then I won't stop.'

 

 

When you have a PROPER girlfriend - you'll know. because she will make you feel as good about yourself, as you make her feel about herself.

 

Trust me I feel like a doormat lately. That's y I need to run as fast as I can. I do everything and don't even get a thank you. I walk in her house and not even a hug or kiss. Maybe one day she will relize what she had with me. By then it will b to late. I'll b long gone.

[soccerrprp]

Trust me I feel like a doormat lately. That's y I need to run as fast as I can. I do everything and don't even get a thank you. I walk in her house and not even a hug or kiss. Maybe one day she will relize what she had with me. By then it will b to late. I'll b long gone.

 

That ONE DAY is NOW. Actions DO speak LOUDER than words and she's clearly shown that she doesn't appreciate you.

[Kevin811]

Huh? You're being a great guy. You're doing way more than your fair share in this relationship. There is a terrible imbalance going on. She honestly sounds sociopathic.

 

And I don't mean to bitch or complain But I tell her all the time how pretty. Sexy. Smart she is. Not once has she said anything nice to me like that

[eotdevice]

Kevin,

 

I hear you there. My girl, I always tell her how gorgeous she looks and how smart she is when she asks why I like her. When I ask in return I get, "Because you treat me so well." Once in a while she tells me I am handsome. But over 8 months its been perhaps a dozen times. We do have sex 4 or 5 times a week and that is OK.

 

Even this morning, I left home early to pick her up at her house and drive her to work. She left her car at work and carpooled home last night with someone else. Minimal conversation during the 1/2 hour car ride and not even a thank you after I dropped her off, cleaned off her car, and shovelled it out of the parking lot. I am pretty pissed right now and we are going to have a discussion about it tonight. But deep down inside I don't think she will get the message and the relationship will end.

 

I can tell you from my point of view, you are being treated like crap and you should be looking for the door and using it.

[deathandtaxes]

And I don't mean to bitch or complain But I tell her all the time how pretty. Sexy. Smart she is. Not once has she said anything nice to me like that

 

Seriously, look up sociopathic behavior. Also borderline personality disorder. Something isn't right with this lady. It's not you.

[Under The Radar]

And I don't mean to bitch or complain But I tell her all the time how pretty. Sexy. Smart she is. Not once has she said anything nice to me like that

 

The 80's band Foreigner wrote a song about this: "Cold As Ice" ...... I'm pretty sure the lyrics were composed for your girlfriend.

 

We need to revise your New Year's Resolution to dumping this biatch.

[soccerrprp]

Seriously, look up sociopathic behavior. Also borderline personality disorder. Something isn't right with this lady. It's not you.

 

Recently I have been more skeptical of a lot of things. Something is not right? Sociopathic? Maybe. Or maybe she knows exactly what she's doing and is manipulating, taking advantage of the OP b/c she feels that she can. Cold and calculated...

[Under The Radar]

Recently I have been more skeptical of a lot of things. Something is not right? Sociopathic? Maybe. Or maybe she knows exactly what she's doing and is manipulating, taking advantage of the OP b/c she feels that she can. Cold and calculated...

 

Yes, IMO it seems to be more about her selfishness and manipulation rather than a personality disorder.

 

Unfortunately, it's not going to change ...... especially if this type of behavior, and apathy, is being exhibited from her during the "Honeymoon" phase.

 

In fact, it's likely to get worse as time goes on and the OP continues to cater towards her needs while neglecting his own.

[Kevin811]

The 80's band Foreigner wrote a song about this: "Cold As Ice" ...... I'm pretty sure the lyrics were composed for your girlfriend.

 

We need to revise your New Year's Resolution to dumping this biatch.

 

I no the song It does fit here well. I'm a firm believer in karma

[Kevin811]

Seriously, look up sociopathic behavior. Also borderline personality disorder. Something isn't right with this lady. It's not you.

 

I will look it up

[mammasita]

She sounds like a major Bizzzzzznatch with a huge stick up her a-hole.

[TaraMaiden]

C'mon, mammasita, don't mince words, say what you really feel.....

 

[Kevin811]

Kevin,

 

I hear you there. My girl, I always tell her how gorgeous she looks and how smart she is when she asks why I like her. When I ask in return I get, "Because you treat me so well." Once in a while she tells me I am handsome. But over 8 months its been perhaps a dozen times. We do have sex 4 or 5 times a week and that is OK.

 

Even this morning, I left home early to pick her up at her house and drive her to work. She left her car at work and carpooled home last night with someone else. Minimal conversation during the 1/2 hour car ride and not even a thank you after I dropped her off, cleaned off her car, and shovelled it out of the parking lot. I am pretty pissed right now and we are going to have a discussion about it tonight. But deep down inside I don't think she will get the message and the relationship will end.

 

I can tell you from my point of view, you are being treated like crap and you should be looking for the door and using it.

 

I've really pulled back the last few weeks. But really don't seem to bother her. Karma will come around and pay her a visit one day. Just sucks I won't be around to see it

[Zahara]

I've really pulled back the last few weeks. But really don't seem to bother her. Karma will come around and pay her a visit one day. Just sucks I won't be around to see it

 

Thing is, pulling back won't change who she is. Her core isn't going to magically change and make her be a pleasant person just because you play passive games to teach her some sort of lesson. And even if pulling back changed her, it would only be temporary.

 

I'm not sure why you're still hanging around trying to find ways to turn her. Get out of this relationship.

[Kevin811]

Thing is, pulling back won't change who she is. Her core isn't going to magically change and make her be a pleasant person just because you play passive games to teach her some sort of lesson. And even if pulling back changed her, it would only be temporary.

 

I'm not sure why you're still hanging around trying to find ways to turn her. Get out of this relationship.

 

Your right. I haven't seen her I'm a few days. We used to be together everyday. I didn't even text her today. Guess the sooner the better. Just don't no if I should even text her that we are done. I kinda feel she don't even deserve that Maybe I should just vanish and ingore her if she contacts me. I no she would never drive 20 min to my house so not worried about that

[TaraMaiden]

Your right. I haven't seen her I'm a few days. We used to be together everyday. I didn't even text her today. Guess the sooner the better. Won't even text her that we are done. I kinda feel she don't even deserve that I'm definitely going to just vanish and ingore her if she contacts me. I no she would never drive 20 min to my house so not worried about that

 

 

Fixed that for you....

 

[pteromom]

I would try one more time to open up communication. Maybe with an email.

 

Something like:

 

We need to talk about what we want in a relationship. I know I want physical intimacy to be a part of it. Kissing, sex, affection - those things are important to me.

 

I need you to open up to me about your feelings and your desires. It's the only way this relationship can continue to grow.

 

I know you and your ex screamed instead of solving problems, but I am asking you to do something different this time. Let's talk, so we can work together to build a relationship that makes both of us happy.

 

Something like that - but in your own words. Don't be accusatory or blaming. Just give her the opportunity to open up.

 

If she doesn't, walking away is your best option.

[Zahara]

Your right. I haven't seen her I'm a few days. We used to be together everyday. I didn't even text her today. Guess the sooner the better. Just don't no if I should even text her that we are done. I kinda feel she don't even deserve that Maybe I should just vanish and ingore her if she contacts me. I no she would never drive 20 min to my house so not worried about that

 

Really, you've gotten zero out of this. If I were you, cut your losses and just move on. She doesn't deserve the courtesy.

[Hopeful30]

I would try one more time to open up communication. Maybe with an email.

 

Something like:

 

We need to talk about what we want in a relationship. I know I want physical intimacy to be a part of it. Kissing, sex, affection - those things are important to me.

 

I need you to open up to me about your feelings and your desires. It's the only way this relationship can continue to grow.

 

I know you and your ex screamed instead of solving problems, but I am asking you to do something different this time. Let's talk, so we can work together to build a relationship that makes both of us happy.

 

Something like that - but in your own words. Don't be accusatory or blaming. Just give her the opportunity to open up.

 

If she doesn't, walking away is your best option.

 

In an email? OP, show some self-respect. Talk to her face to face. Emailing is so impersonal. I would be offended if I had to talk about my relationship through email.

[pteromom]

In an email? OP, show some self-respect. Talk to her face to face. Emailing is so impersonal. I would be offended if I had to talk about my relationship through email.

 

I agree generally, but if he's tried over and over and she just shuts down, this is a way to make her hear what he's saying.

[Kevin811]

I would try one more time to open up communication. Maybe with an email.

 

Something like:

 

We need to talk about what we want in a relationship. I know I want physical intimacy to be a part of it. Kissing, sex, affection - those things are important to me.

 

I need you to open up to me about your feelings and your desires. It's the only way this relationship can continue to grow.

 

I know you and your ex screamed instead of solving problems, but I am asking you to do something different this time. Let's talk, so we can work together to build a relationship that makes both of us happy.

 

Something like that - but in your own words. Don't be accusatory or blaming. Just give her the opportunity to open up.

 

If she doesn't, walking away is your best option.

 

Then I guess I need to walk away. I typed her a three page letter back in the beginning if dec. told her what I wanted. How I felt. How she makes me feel unwanted. That really didn't even get me anywhere. When I ask her how she feels. I get same as u. Or what do u want this relationship to go. I get same as u. I can never get a straight answer. So that just makes me believe things all the more

[Kevin811]

In an email? OP, show some self-respect. Talk to her face to face. Emailing is so impersonal. I would be offended if I had to talk about my relationship through email.

 

Talk to her face to face. Not once she ever given me a compliment. From being cute to looking nice. Nothing at all. How can you date someone for six months and not drive to their house. I don't think she deserves to be told anything face-to-face.