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When LRs go bad, is it normal to be strangers or at least be friends?

greenfairie

By greenfairie
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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greenfairie Established Member

greenfairie

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I haven't had contact with my ex for almost a year….

I'm pretty proud of myself because after we broke up, I kind of went crazy on the texting… I definitely am not proud of that but have to admit I was really wrong on that part. We were always a huge part of each others life for 3-4 years. The last year of our relationship was really weird, we were broken up but were still involved and talking for half of it…… The other half was spent on this type of cat and mouse game…. going back and forth… ignoring… blaming…. hooking up with other people…. not really sharing anything about that…. being angry at each other…. he told me to stop talking to him…. i got crazy and blew up his phone for weeks….. I'm not really proud of what i did but I feel like it was super hard to let go at that time. We basically ended things on really weird/bad terms… Is it normal for ex bfs to not reach out or do they ever reach out for closure or to be friends again?

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Its been a year, you need to get past this now. As a dumped ex boyfriend i will never contact her. If she wants to ever be friends. A big no. She has tried clumsily to contact me but never with the vigor or intention to want me back. Just a self serving line of guilt release. I am not interested and never will be with this. Just like your ex BF, i doubt he will get in touch. This is about you not him, if its been a year then yes he has moved on, why would he feel the need to reach out?

 

 

I haven't had contact with my ex for almost a year….

I'm pretty proud of myself because after we broke up, I kind of went crazy on the texting… I definitely am not proud of that but have to admit I was really wrong on that part. We were always a huge part of each others life for 3-4 years. The last year of our relationship was really weird, we were broken up but were still involved and talking for half of it…… The other half was spent on this type of cat and mouse game…. going back and forth… ignoring… blaming…. hooking up with other people…. not really sharing anything about that…. being angry at each other…. he told me to stop talking to him…. i got crazy and blew up his phone for weeks….. I'm not really proud of what i did but I feel like it was super hard to let go at that time. We basically ended things on really weird/bad terms… Is it normal for ex bfs to not reach out or do they ever reach out for closure or to be friends again?

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

Have you read this book?

 

"It's called a Break-Up because it's Broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt ISBN 0-00-721559-2 published by Harper Collins

 

It's a good read

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RDawg Established Member

RDawg

Posted
Posted

I will be friends with my ex. One day. It’s only 4 months since breakup so we are both keeping our distance but things are civil. Never speaking or seeing each other again would create even more damage. We loved each other and shared 2.5 years, bought a house together.. we made mistakes, she decided I wasn’t the right person.. I understand, it’s fine, it’s life. But to never have contact ever again, that would be very weird for both of us.

 

Guess it depends on circumstances and level of maturity.

 

I hope to get invited to her wedding one day. Honestly. That is because I accept that we were not destined to grow old together. As much as I miss her and still love her I know this.

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

it is NEVER a good idea to even try being 'just friends' after a break up - it will lead to more hurt and resentment. usually the dumper will only offer to be 'just friends' to try and shed their guilt, while the dumpee agrees to it thinking they will be able to show how much they have changed and win them back.

 

both parties end up getting hurt.

 

I have heard it is possible to be friends, or at least, civil A LONG TIME down the road, at least several YEARS after the break up - by this stage both parties should have moved on enough they can manage being friends.

 

but as long as the dumpee still wants to be with the dumper, wants them back, then they can NEVER be friends - you can only be friends with the dumper when you reach the stage where you would not care or be hurt to hear/see that they are VERY HAPPY in a new relationship without you.

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RDawg Established Member

RDawg

Posted
Posted

I really dont think it's as life and death as everyone tries to make out. By staying in contact with my ex I have managed to see her in a different light. It has helped replace the memory of the woman who was once my lover with someone who is now just somone I share a past with and who still cares about me. It has allowed the reality of the situation to really hit home. If you are totally indifferent to somone why would you want to be friends anyway?

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Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Agree to a point friend but i think its clear from OP posts that she is not not over this. I think it will do more damage to her.

 

 

 

I really dont think it's as life and death as everyone tries to make out. By staying in contact with my ex I have managed to see her in a different light. It has helped replace the memory of the woman who was once my lover with someone who is now just somone I share a past with and who still cares about me. It has allowed the reality of the situation to really hit home. If you are totally indifferent to somone why would you want to be friends anyway?
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greenfairie Established Member

greenfairie

Posted
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Posted
Have you read this book?

 

"It's called a Break-Up because it's Broken" by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt ISBN 0-00-721559-2 published by Harper Collins

 

It's a good read

 

Yup. Read that along last yr with some other books… Great read. Thanks :)

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greenfairie Established Member

greenfairie

Posted
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Posted
Agree to a point friend but i think its clear from OP posts that she is not not over this. I think it will do more damage to her.

 

 

I think you're right. I'm over the feelings with him.. I have no desire to work things out. Even if I imagine myself running into him, the first thing I think of is… "Run the **** away." I just miss how things used to be sometimes, the memories, and the company. He was like that person I shared everything with. My life was so consumed by him. I feel like I cope most of everyday life okay but there's some days here and there where it just still hits me. He's not my friend in my life anymore. We don't care to acknowledge how we're doing even though we're over each other and have been with other people seriously…. He's getting older, I'm missing out on the things that go in his life. He's missing out on the things I'm doing and would be proud. I kind of feel like he died in a way because I know and can't see any chance of reconciliation and I'm still grieving that loss. Everything happens for a reason though. Why am I feeling like this??? It hurts.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

the person becomes someone "you used to know." They aren't really strangers but you have no current knowledge of their lives.

 

 

If you accidently bump into one another you can cordially chat but rarely do you become the kinds of friends who stay in touch.

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