Leaf Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 OW/OM, I for one am tired of always seeing the negative posts about our relationships all the time. I wanted to start a thread where we could post some positives that our MM/MW do. Have fun with it and post things that they have done to bring joy into your lives or why you love them so much. For everyone else, please respect this thread for what it is and keep the negativity for other posts. Thanks so much. Lets feel good for once I'll start with something small... I love the way he makes me laugh. Its silly, but we can sit for hours and laugh at nothing or everything. We finish each others sentences, and then bust up more. What I love the most about this aspect of our relationship is that, in a year and a half of being together we have never lost this.
Mr Spock Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Well, really when you think about it there are quite a lot of "My marriage sucks" posts-OW don't really need to travel to point that out.....
Author Leaf Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 I just wanted to start something a bit different and not have it turn into.. HOW DARE YOU SAY ANYTHING POSITIVE ABOUT YOUR MM/MW YOU HARLOT! YOU ARE GONNA BURN IN HELL!... ya know? So post something Spock..I know you have some
Mustard Bomb Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 This is not a negative; I just want to know why those posts would be so threatening? I'm just curious - you can ignore if it is not keeping with the restricted lines of your thread, but if you're happy and satisfied with what you're doing, why would text on a screen bother you?
Author Leaf Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 nonono.. its not that at all. This is just something that I have never seen in here and thought that if there where a place where people felt comfortable talking about the MM/MW in a positive way, more people might open up.
BoatingBabe Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Only positive part was the intimacy. But in retrospect, it was not worth the pain in the end.
DoggyDog Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Boating said it ALL...Everything was wonderful for many many years. I was happy, he was happy....but sorry....the pain in the END is unreal and truly I would wish you luck and happiness NOW...It will END eventually and your wonderful times together and how you are in LOVE with him will be your most challenging task ever to try to FORGET...He is your everything now and forever...but forever NEVER comes. Those wonderful days are gone. Sorry for this.... L DD
KissMyTiara Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 The intimacy, sharing of thoughts, baring of souls, being exposed completely (flaws and all) yet still loved. The "just calling to say hi" during the middle of the workday phone calls. The banter and laughter. The "little things" he would do for me. The "big things" he would do for me. The list goes on an on. For those of us wanting out, however, remembering these things is NOT good, not good AT ALL.
tiki Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 One of the very few positives...you can send them home to their wife to bitch about real problems (kids grades, jobs, bills, deadlines). Not that I'm condoning cheating, by ANY means.
ICantStopLovinHim Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 I love the way his eyes used to light up when he walked into a room full of friends....and spotted me.... made me feel like i was the only person in the room. I love the wasy we used to sit close and have an entire converstation lasting hours.....without ever saying a word.... *sigh* i miss him so much
scarletibis Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 I love being able to talk about anything. As KMT put it, the baring of souls, being exposed. The intimacy is wonderful. I also really enjoy the "little things:" The way he smiles at me when I walk into the room, the little wrinkle he gets in his brow when we're laying in bed and he's painting my toenails - trying his harderst not to mess up, the way when we go out to eat he always requests a booth so that he can sit right next to me, how when he's had just a little too much to drink he lays there laughing and quoting Kipling poems and excerpts from Moby Dick, how he recommends books for me to read so that we can discuss them and share our thoughts on them, the way we laugh at nothing, and the way that when we're laying together in bed or out eating or just out and about we can do anything, everying, or nothing at all - and we're still just content as long as we're with one another. Really, it's the million or so little things that add up and make me love him. He himself told me once that really all those "little" things constitute "making love" - not sex, and love is better than sex ever could be.
tiki Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by scarletibis love is better than sex ever could be. In this scenario, I always recommend cutting out said 'sex' and seeing how good that love really is.
scarletibis Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by tiki In this scenario, I always recommend cutting out said 'sex' and seeing how good that love really is. We have...well, if you count "traditional" sex. A nasty battle with prostate cancer and having to undergo a radical prostatectomy last year has left him pretty much impotent. But there are hundreds of other ways to be intimate with another person. Of course all that he told me about his defintion of "making love" was long before the cancer, and long before the medical probs it caused. Honestly, at first it scared us both greatly....not just the cancer, but how it would affect our relationship, but we got through it, and our feelings are stronger now then they were before - even without "sex."
LittleMiss Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" - Shakespeare
SoleMate Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Leaf, you're very clear and upfront in your request. I'll try to respect it as much as a MW can. May I gently point out that the typical negativity of posters on OW threads is NOT about calling the OW a "harlot" or saying that she will "burn in hell". Only about 10% of negative posters even criticize the OW (my rough estimate). Many negative posts, i.e. posts that are not supportive of OW/MM relationships, actually are based on the premise that the OW is a good person who deserves a happy life, without the endless pain of OW status. I believe that without exception, my posts to OW are written from a perspective of caring, sympathy, and wanting to give advice that might reduce the long-term pain. (Occasionally I do get exasperated, and I did recommend that one woman get a backbone the other day - so she could take better acre of herself and have a happier life!.) If someone can point out posts where I have attacked OW, I would truly like to know so I can watch my attitude. My view on OW is that if they are evil harlots who need punishment (which I don't believe they are), the nature of their situation will almost certainly provide it in great plenty, so I am very careful not to add any more on. Can OW let me know, in a positive way, or even negative if you prefer, whether you understand the feelings of sorrow we "broken record" posters have when we see the same painful mistakes repeated again and again? It would be different for me if OW could tell us their stories and say how happy they are, how glad they are for the 2, 5, or 11 years of their affair, how the MM always made them #1, how the relationship is overall a big positive in their life, how great they feel, etc. Instead we hear stories that chill my blood. Perhaps there's even a bit of a fear factor on my part - not about my own man turning into a cheating MM, but rather the possibility that I myself might one day be sucked into a destructive OW addiction, along with the self-delusion that it appears to entail. Nobody ever plans to become an OW, but some women do seem foolhardy in their playing with MM fire. That said, I am sure there is genuine joy and genuine love in many OW/MM relationships. Of course. They wouldn't last otherwise. But overall, the pain just seems so huge. I'd like to bridge this gulf of understanding. Your ideas on how to do this would be appreciated.
stormywind Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Being able to find someone I really clicked with. (but sadness in knowing it wasn't for real.....)
Mr Spock Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I really don't feel like sharing-may seem strange but I would rather enjoy my thoughts of him inside my own headspace.
Recommended Posts