pinkdandelion Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I'm really confused as to what I should do regarding my current relationship, and I'm hoping that someone who is wiser than me can give me some advice on the matter. My boyfriend and I began dating about a year ago. The reason that we broke up about three months prior to getting back together is because he was often selfish and I had lost feelings for him. Also, I have a two year old son and he didn't seem interested in him, so I thought it would be best to move on. Well I broke up with him, we tried to be friends and that didn't work. Then the cat he got me had become ill, and I didn't want it here with my child, so I asked him if he wanted him, he had to go to the vet. He came over and we ended up talking a lot, and I realized I had missed him. He said that when I broke up with him he realized a lot, and he really missed me and my son. He wanted to be a family and be happy and do anything for us etc. etc. it was great, I was happy and so was my son. I told him I didn't want him to be back into my sons life just yet, but he did in a way push the issue and I was probably stupid in thinking that he already knew him who cares. Fast forward three weeks, his roomate is moving in with his girlfriend, the rent there is high and he couldnt afford it. We discussed moving in here, I said I felt it was to early, he seemed down and said he'd put his stuff at his dads and hope to find somewhere, so I let him come here, although I was worried about it being too soon. He is currently on unemployment, which happens every year because his job is outside. I guess in a way I became annoyed because I was workign over 60 hours a week, and he was sitting around doing nothing. He also only has an income of around $1,200 a month, and a $400 car payment, so even though he said he'd help, I've been paying all the bills, buying the food, ciggs. He helps here in there with cigs or diapers, but it's rare. Even if he has money he seems to use my card. Well I talked to him about helping me more with my son during the day so I could work more (I am a writer and can also work at home) and he always said he would, then he would just not. The winter was kinda depressing because everytime I planned something for my son, he seemed down, like depressed, and one excuse after another. I know his friend killed himself around christmas, but he acted depressed, didn't help me pick gifts for my son, but had no problem choosing the ones he wanted for himself. I started getting anoyyed because my son goes to daycare, and i'm working my butt off, even into the night, and the house was a mess, he wasn't doing anything other than sit around. I said you know if your not working you can help clean up, the upstairs is still a mess since you moved in., etc, I have found myself nagging a lot more than I ever have, but I feel like I'm the man of the relationship, and he never askes to help out with the bills, and honestly it suprises me that he could feel okay with me working so hard and paying everything, taking care of my son etc. We have been argusing all the time- i feel I'm trying to do what I can, but I am bitching, and he has just been sarcastic, distant, and quiet. He is expecially quiet when I try and talk about our issues or money, he will just kinda put his head down and give me the silent treatment. I have asked him what was wrong many times, he said stressed because of this and that. Then recently he's been really different. He shows no interest in anything I say, when telling him about something I learned he says I look too far into things (I love to research) and just seems sad. He has good qualities too, I mean all this stress has made me forget them, but I fell in love for a reason. Recently we have just been so distant. I feel i don't even know him. I asked him to help with a bill for $60 because I had paid it the last two times, he got quiet, I said it's too hard on me, I've been a single mom for years and now i'm paying even more. Well he wanted to get lidocane cream for when he gets a tattoo. I asked when he was getting it, he said he didn't know. Then today I found out he planned on going to a tattoo convention w my brother to get one. Why lie? and then when I asked him he said my brother lied, then he told me, then he didn't lie etc. He said he had no money, and when I asked him about the $200 in his wallet, he said he had to pay his father back. I said you just paid him 4 days ago, so I said call your dad and put it on speaker, and I found he was lying. He then got mad and said his dad doesn't remember.. he was lying again for no reason. He then said he didn't tell me because I don't like the artist, which I don't but that's my opinion. He made it seem like its my fault hes mad..I can never talk to him without there being an excuse and I'm going crazy.. he acts like he is great and I'm crazy because I'm always bitching. Sometimes I feel he only cares about himself. I just feel like crap anymore and dont know what is going on with us, or what to do. things seemed good and then now i just feel used, then bad bc maybe i am causing this, i don't know.
almond Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Definitely unhealthy, and in my opinion, you are also at fault for allowing this to go on. He is a bad partner to you and, more importantly, a bad role model for your young child. He's using you, and you're allowing it. Money for a tattoo but not to help with bills? Please. What kind of grown man is okay with leeching off a single mother like this? And why are you allowing it? Your money should be going to your son, not this loser. Kick him to the curb and don't look back. Seriously.
lollipopspot Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Then the cat he got me had become ill, and I didn't want it here with my child, so I asked him if he wanted him, he had to go to the vet.... I let him come here Curious about this part of your story... in what way was the cat sick that was bad for your child? Did the cat get to the vet? What happened to the cat, since the bf moved back in with you?
Arieswoman Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I am also concerned about this cat. Why did you let him give you a cat if you couldn't cope with it when it was sick? Cats/pets are not disposable items. 2
Author pinkdandelion Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 The cat is fine, he is with me. I offered him the cat because he asked me if he could have him multiple times, and the vet was worried about something like leukemia prior to getting the test results, and to be honest I didn't want my son to watch a cat die if it were a terminal condition. I have another cat that I've had for 8 years, a blue Russian, the cat that he got me is a Bangel, sadly he feline herpes in his eyes, which isn't contagious to humans, but he was becoming aggressive towards my son, which I couldn't understand until I found out the condition was distorting his vision. He now gets treatment and hasn't had any flareups so far.
TaraMaiden Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Good, that's the cat issue sorted. Now what about this dickwit of an @$$hole? 1
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 He will suck you dry if you let him. With a $1,200 per month income he has no business having a $400 per month car payment. A used car would be just fine as would something with a $99 - $169 per month payment If he has no money to pay you, he shouldn't have money for a tattoo or lidocain cream. This man makes abysmal money decisions. Run while you still have some money. 1
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