chicaboom Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Hi All, I have been dating someone for 2 months and it's been going great. However, I will be leaving the country in 2 months because I have been living abroad and my visa is running out. So it's time for me to go home and I'm o.k with that. I just found out that the person I am seeing has absolutely no possibility of coming with me to my country and that we have different ideas of what we want in the future (i.e., I eventually want marriage, he doesn't really believe in marriage nor does he want children at this time). For this reason I did not see any point in continuing our relationship because I have been in relationships where there was an end date and it was very painful. I said I would never do it again... but... Now I'm thinking I made a mistake. Why shouldn't I be happy in the HERE and NOW with him and enjoy the last 2 more months getting to know him more. Why shouldn't I be happy now and deal with the suffering later. Live in the present and experience a new experience with someone I think is great. I'm wondering what other people think I should do? Should I ask him to take me back and reconsider? I am really torn here. I can accept that we are not long term now, in fact there is some relief in that as there are some serious issues with him that I am not willing ot take on. What would you do?
Barbarossa Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Years ago I was in a similar situation to this. A girl I was seeing was only going to be in my proximity for the summer. We spent almost all of our time together and got along perfectly. While our relationship only lasted around 4 months I still look back at it as one of the best I have ever experienced. I would enjoy the rest of the time you have with this individual. It might hurt more when you leave but in my opinion it's worth it. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Honestly, I think you've already made the right decision. Going back will only prolong the inevitable and probably make it more painful to leave. I would not do that to myself or him.
PegNosePete Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Why shouldn't I be happy in the HERE and NOW with him and enjoy the last 2 more months getting to know him more. Well, quite. As long as he knows what's going on, you're not leading him along, and you're both having a good time, what's the problem? Should I ask him to take me back and reconsider? Well, no. It's a bit late for that now. You could have enjoyed the here and now but since you've already ended it, it doesn't make much sense to start it up again. That WOULD be leading him on.
gaius Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You should ask him to take you back. Not sure if you'll be successful or how much fun it will be after you dumped him but we're only given so much time here. To throw away a good thing in exchange for nothing just because it's not going to last forever is borderline ludicrous.
Iguanna Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Best thing to do (since you admit he has some issues you don't want to deal with) is go back to your country and try to find there someone suitable for you who will make you happy, short or long term. He is not the only man in the world. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It all depends on what you want. I used to date for the hell of it cuz hey! I was young and didn't want anything serious. I had my fun and learned my lessons. Depends on the person. Even now that I'm older I don't want anything serious, yet I happened to meet a man that I can see a future with, and so now i'm no longer dating for the hell of it, i'm dating to make a future with him.
Hopeful30 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You should ask him to take you back. Not sure if you'll be successful or how much fun it will be after you dumped him but we're only given so much time here. To throw away a good thing in exchange for nothing just because it's not going to last forever is borderline ludicrous. Not just that, but you dont know if it won't last forever. It might not seem like it now, but you might fall in love or really grow into each other. You can't just assume these things right off the bat. Even if you meet "the one", you won't know this early on. In fact, early on it probably will also seem like it wont last forever. You can't judge until you really know the person.
Author chicaboom Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Not just that, but you dont know if it won't last forever. It might not seem like it now, but you might fall in love or really grow into each other. You can't just assume these things right off the bat. Even if you meet "the one", you won't know this early on. In fact, early on it probably will also seem like it wont last forever. You can't judge until you really know the person. No there is absolutely no future for us. And if I get back with him (assuming he will still take me back) I don't want to go into it with any hope because I don't want to get hurt. I'm so torn still. Live and love or save myself the hurt and pain, enjoy my last few months here, spend time with friends and leave this country on a high? On the other hand, will I miss out on this special person and memories and moments that I will remember for a long time. I am not the sort of person who can date casually and just have fun and sleep around (although I honestly wish I could), so the idea of meeting and having fun with other men before I leave just doesn't appeal to me at the moment. God maybe I should just try it have have some fun and random flings before I leave....I've never really tried it that way before lol.
Author chicaboom Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Ugh, just texted someone I probably shouldn't have. I know we have no future for long term, but I can't help but want to be with him in the short term! I'm so stupid....I know there is going to be so much pain when I leave the country, and I swore I would never do this again! I guess I just can't help but think I want to enjoy and experience him now even if the relationship is doomed...is that so bad? Has anyone ever continued on in a doomed relationship for the fleeting moment of happiness in the present? Someone make me feel better about my stupid texting :( I'm going to regret this...but I just don't care!
PegNosePete Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 As long as he knows your intent, and you're not giving him false hope for the future or leading him on, no problems.
Author chicaboom Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 nah, he knows we can't have a future. I want marriage and children, he doesn't. dealbreaker right there. But we enjoy spending time together now...this is a bad idea isn't it.
mammasita Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 nah, he knows we can't have a future. I want marriage and children, he doesn't. dealbreaker right there. But we enjoy spending time together now...this is a bad idea isn't it. Probably more bad for you if you're anything like me. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Well if you're both on the same page then what's the problem? Have fun, enjoy yourselves. I guess the only issue would be that you might be missing out on meeting a guy who is more perfect for you, because you're with this guy. But then if you're not exclusive with him then you can keep looking out for Mr Right, while having fun with Mr Right Now... 1
fatalcharm Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I remember your last thread about this person and I remember the replies were pretty much telling you that as long as he knows that it is only for the short-term, then go for it. You are not doing anything wrong as long as he knows where he stands. People were encouraging you to ask him to take you back and just enjoy the short time that you have together. So don't worry about texting him, you haven't done anything wrong. I am curious though... Was the response that you got from him what you were hoping for? Are you going to continue seeing each other for the next couple months? I wish you luck :-) 1
Author chicaboom Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 I remember your last thread about this person and I remember the replies were pretty much telling you that as long as he knows that it is only for the short-term, then go for it. You are not doing anything wrong as long as he knows where he stands. People were encouraging you to ask him to take you back and just enjoy the short time that you have together. So don't worry about texting him, you haven't done anything wrong. I am curious though... Was the response that you got from him what you were hoping for? Are you going to continue seeing each other for the next couple months? I wish you luck :-) Haha I'm becoming such a regular now that people are starting to remember my posts! haha Nothing is definite yet, but he said he was having a hard time as well and that he didn't really know what to think either. He suggested we meet up for coffee on the weekend. I don't really know what will happen or what he's thinking. All I know is that I miss him terribly and that I just couldn't fight the urge anymore to text him. I have been holding back all week. If he doesn't take me back, I see that as I win as well. Sort of relief in a way that he is stronger than me to nip it in the bud right now and save us the pain. If he does want to take me back, I also see that as a win because I will get to learn more about/from him regarding relationships and enjoy our time left together. I've survived this pain before I can do it again. I honestly can't believe I'm putting myself back into this situation when I swore I would never do it again. Thanks though for making me feel a bit better.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I honestly can't believe I'm putting myself back into this situation when I swore I would never do it again. I can! Don't worry, most people fail themselves in the end. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I remember your last thread about this person and I remember the replies were pretty much telling you that as long as he knows that it is only for the short-term, then go for it. You are not doing anything wrong as long as he knows where he stands. People were encouraging you to ask him to take you back and just enjoy the short time that you have together. So don't worry about texting him, you haven't done anything wrong. I am curious though... Was the response that you got from him what you were hoping for? Are you going to continue seeing each other for the next couple months? I wish you luck :-) It's not about where he stands, it's rather where she stands. She wants a LTR, he doesn't. She is more likely to get hurt. 2
Emilia Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 I guess I just can't help but think I want to enjoy and experience him now even if the relationship is doomed...is that so bad? Has anyone ever continued on in a doomed relationship for the fleeting moment of happiness in the present? Someone make me feel better about my stupid texting :( I'm going to regret this...but I just don't care! It is pretty bad in that you will regret it and it is not likely to be worth the emotional investment in the end. What I tend to do with men that are not good for me is that I delete their number, remove them from all social media and avoid places they go to. If you were never involved for that long, you would be surprised how little time it takes to move on. 4
Thegreatestthing Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Yea if he were really in emotional heights about you,he'd say let's try ldr He'd not want to lose you,I know I met a guy overseas I told him I was staying in Australia and he was fine with it,wanted to continue everything over skype etc with some sort of plan,but I wasn't enough into him so I didn't bother. It's not about where he stands, it's rather where she stands. She wants a LTR, he doesn't. She is more likely to get hurt. 1
Author chicaboom Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Well everyone. Looks like we're getting back together for the short term. I know there is going to be so much pain in the end...but I will deal with it then. I couldnt' help thinking to myself we both want to be together now. Why am I putting myself through hell now when I can be happy at least even for a little while. I'm sure i'll be back on here in 2 months time asking for help with my heartbreak. Thank you everyone...here we go.... :s
sagetalk Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 I think you need to start making healthy decisions for yourself instead of decisions that will do nothing but provide temporary highs that lead to longer lasting lows. This kind of behavior is self defeating and pointless. 3
Author chicaboom Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I think you need to start making healthy decisions for yourself instead of decisions that will do nothing but provide temporary highs that lead to longer lasting lows. This kind of behavior is self defeating and pointless. I agree completely:( I guess at this moment in time I just don't care. I'm tired of being responsible and always making the right choices. I've rarely been able to enjoy partners because I am constantly thinking of where it will lead and whether he will be "the one". I guess for once I just want to enjoy the ride and not make the responsible choice..I just want to be happy right now even if that means I feel pain later. I'm incredibly happy with him for now:)
crederer Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 I dunno it depends. I have done it and hung on in hopes that somehow the situation would change. It didn't. 1
glimpse Posted January 28, 2014 Posted January 28, 2014 Make everyday count. Just because you know something will end, doesn't mean you should stop. Does it make you happy when you guys are together? Nothing last. Sure it'll hurt, but do you think you'll regret not spending your limited time making memories?
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