organizedchaos Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 6 months bu, 2 months hard NC and last time I saw her was for lunch 2 1/2 months ago. She broke up b/c of gigs, bc she didn't know what she wants...after almost 3 years together. She texted me on Thanksgiving and xmas and I did respond politely, but otherwise, no contact. Walking out of the grocery store and there she was at the deli counter. I could have probably avoided her, but felt I could handle this. I put my hand on her back she turned and was pleasantly surprised to see me. We hugged, talked for about 10 minutes. It was a nice conversation, I was laid back and calm. We hugged goodbye and she said she'd talk soon (not holding my breath on that). I feel I handled it well and just going to let it be.
Ordinaryday Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 6 months bu, 2 months hard NC and last time I saw her was for lunch 2 1/2 months ago. She broke up b/c of gigs, bc she didn't know what she wants...after almost 3 years together. She texted me on Thanksgiving and xmas and I did respond politely, but otherwise, no contact. Walking out of the grocery store and there she was at the deli counter. I could have probably avoided her, but felt I could handle this. I put my hand on her back she turned and was pleasantly surprised to see me. We hugged, talked for about 10 minutes. It was a nice conversation, I was laid back and calm. We hugged goodbye and she said she'd talk soon (not holding my breath on that). I feel I handled it well and just going to let it be. I guess I really am a bad dumpee. don't get me wrong, I eventually let go of the hate/bitterness, but if an ex broke my heart and dumped me the last thing in the world I am going to do is make ten minutes (or even ten seconds) of small talk with them. I once said to an ex who dumped me, who said she wanted to "stay friends", I said to her: "if I can't have you as a girlfriend then you can't have me as a friend". Maybe I am bitter, I don't know. I just don't see why I would want any kind of contact (even a minute of small talk) with someone who dumped me and broke my heart. Good on you for doing well, though. 1
Author organizedchaos Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 I guess I really am a bad dumpee. don't get me wrong, I eventually let go of the hate/bitterness, but if an ex broke my heart and dumped me the last thing in the world I am going to do is make ten minutes (or even ten seconds) of small talk with them. I once said to an ex who dumped me, who said she wanted to "stay friends", I said to her: "if I can't have you as a girlfriend then you can't have me as a friend". Maybe I am bitter, I don't know. I just don't see why I would want any kind of contact (even a minute of small talk) with someone who dumped me and broke my heart. Good on you for doing well, though. I get that. It's been some time. I can be polite and show that I have evolved past this. I'm not about to be buddies with her, far from it. Friendship is not a consolation prize, IMO.
Ordinaryday Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I get that. It's been some time. I can be polite and show that I have evolved past this. I'm not about to be buddies with her, far from it. Friendship is not a consolation prize, IMO. Sometimes I will get friend requests on fb from a girl who dumped me years ago, and she will send a meaning "hi, hope you are well" message along with it. On one hand it is nice to know she still thinks of me, but on the other hand I just don't see the point in potentially opening up old wounds by adding her and seeing photos of her with her new bf/husband, kissing and so on. they are your ex for a reason. I would not stay in contact with a boss who fired me from a job, and with an ex it is basically the same thing. they "fired" (dumped) you because they felt that, for whatever reason, you were "not good" enough for them... why would I want ANYTHING to do with someone like that?
barky2 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Honestly, don't think you could have handled it better. Proud of you. Barky 1
rosedl Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I am too hurt by this recent break up to fathom ever being his friend. I highly suspect not because he didn't act with integrity towards me in the relationship. It is very hard because he helped me a lot financially (he has a LOT of money) but emotionally and commitment-wise, he totally played games with my heart. I am a grateful person, and I do appreciate the help he gave but it felt very much like compensation for all the other things he would not give me. He dumped me twice, came back once and said he was a fool and he vowed to earn my trust, five months later, he did it all over again and then blamed me. The first go around I refused his help because I didn't want to be in debt to him and have our relationship on unequal terms. But, when he came back and I believed he really choose me and our future, I let him help thinking anything done to my house would be an investment in our future. Obviously not. But, I wonder if he will feel entitled to friendship some day because of the help he gave. I don't know. Anyway, off topic but it made me think about that for some reason. Maybe he was just a sugar daddy and I didn't recognize the arrangement, I was in love
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