datingnoob93 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Hi, So I'm not really doing so well meeting new girls and getting numbers recently. My classes are a lot smaller this semester and seems like there aren't too many quality girls in them. And the girl I've been chasing disappeared from my life (again). So I'm not getting any kind of action right now. I've had a couple of dates from late last year though (October/November). I was REALLY new at dating then (literally my very first dates as an adult) and I had zero clue about women then. In particular there was this one girl that I really liked in October but I was too nervous and was too "nice" so it didn't work. We texted a bit afterward and after some haggling on my part she agreed in principle to go out again. She then flaked on me in November and I stopped contact. I'm wondering if it is okay to text her out of the blue to say hi, then if she texts back and sounds receptive then I ask her out again ? I know it would look desperate if I keep texting her immediately after she flakes but since its been 3 months of no contact I don't think I have anything to lose. What do you think? Thanks.
salparadise Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You have nothing to lose except your pride, and I suppose there's a chance. I probably wouldn't if she was the one who cut off contact. 1
Eau Claire Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 A positive way of contacting her would be to point something out to her. Do you remember a band she liked? Movie?, etc. perhaps some trivia bit in the Grammies or Acadamy Awards coming up...a new type of restaurant opened...a book came out, a mutual friend...etc. 'I remember you mentioned....and I thought you might like to know that.... Hope all is fine.' Friendly and casual. You are not asking her out (yet). If she is at all interested in seeing you again, she will add a sentence after 'thank you'. Then you can decide from there.
Poppygoodwill Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I think the moment has passed and you should let it go. You will hear a lot of women complaining about this very thing....'we had a good time/were in touch and then he just disappeard...and then months later he turned up again as if nothing happened." Invariably they're angry as they tell these stories. If you are bold enough to look her up again then A) be prepared to explain to her why you disappeared and B) you better be seriously interested in her or else you're just wasting her time. Again. Also to consider....sounds like once you disappeared, she didn't not seek you out. That would probably be because she wasn't that into you. So an approach now would backfire in your face. Just sayin' 2
MixedUpChick Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I've had a couple of dates from late last year though (October/November). I was REALLY new at dating then (literally my very first dates as an adult) and I had zero clue about women then. In particular there was this one girl that I really liked in October but I was too nervous and was too "nice" so it didn't work. We texted a bit afterward and after some haggling on my part she agreed in principle to go out again. She then flaked on me in November and I stopped contact. Everyone else has made really good points & given you good advice, but this statement you made about having been too nice confuses me. If you contact this girl & she does agree to go out with you again - are you planning on not being nice?
Author datingnoob93 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 It was actually her that disappeared on me not the other way around. She said she could go out with me on a certain day but wasn't sure of the time and that she'll let me know the exact time for me to pick her up. But she didn't get back to me even after I left a voicemail and text the day before. And a couple of days later I sent her another text asking her how she was, hope everything is okay, maybe we can go out later ? And no response again. I had another date lined up with somebody else so I didn't persist. I guess I was hoping she'll contact me but it never happened. She probably found somebody else to take her out that weekend, but my impression of her is that she's a serial dater and almost certainly still single. So since I've gotten more dating experience and started reading forums like this and PUA books maybe I'll have better luck a second time. If you contact this girl & she does agree to go out with you again - are you planning on not being nice?I was too nice as in I unnecessarily put her on a pedestal and tried to much to "respect" her boundaries, and ended up missing all sorts of signals. I asked permission before hugging her. I asked permission if I could hold her hand. I didn't go for a kiss. I let her walk in front of me instead of leading her and placing my arm against her back. Those are submissive behaviors and big turn offs to girls but I didn't know that at the time. Some other dude with more dating experience probably could have slept with her that night. So I really want a second chance because after going out with a couple of girls in the last few months I feel much more confident.
evade Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It was actually her that disappeared on me not the other way around. She said she could go out with me on a certain day but wasn't sure of the time and that she'll let me know the exact time for me to pick her up. But she didn't get back to me even after I left a voicemail and text the day before. and thats your hint that she isnt interested. if she was she would jump through hoops to make it happen. women I dated on OLD who were interested would always give me a day they could meet. and some times, they even wanted earlier. I asked one women "is tomorrow good for you?" she said immediately "no no, I cant". the same day she contacted me and asked if I would like to. our date was set for the next day. if shes was interested she would make the effort. at the very least she would get back to you. 1
Author datingnoob93 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Yeah I already knew she wasn't interested cause I screwed up on the date due to lack of experience. But hey I got nothing to lose right now its been a few months and the weather being so bad I doubt she's going out very often now. I figured she can't say no to free dinner at least and maybe a chance to make a better impression.
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