last nght my exbf and I had the dreaded "talk"

[smile]

Sooo last night was sort of a breakthrough. No we are not back together, but we did get some things straightened out.

 

I got very sad yesterday, pms and stuff, anyway he knew there was something wrong. He kept asking what it was, wouldnt let up. Finally something just set me off and I started to cry. I told him I was a dumb girl and I thought that if I did whatever he wanted me to that he would fall in love with me again.. or everything would be the same.

 

Wow. He said he must be a dumb boy because he thought things were going fine the way they were. He said that he enjoys my company and being with me or around me makes him feel less alone.. like usually in a room full of people he can still feel lonely. But not with me.

 

He went on about how this exgf was only with him for status and he feels stupid and used. He feels safe and happy with me but he isnt sure he can give me what I need right now. He said he would be an awful bf right now because he just feels so empty and vendictive. He just feels spite and anger in his heart.

 

Right now he wants to focus on band stuff and just lay off girls for a while. But he still wants to hang out with me. He says if I dont want to sleep with him anymore he understands. He said that he doesnt want me to feel used. Its just the only place he feels anything but negativity and loneliness is with me.

 

He says that we shouldve worked but we didnt. And he saw what happened on tour before as a sign that we wouldnt work. He wants me to be around and he hugged me while I was crying and just kept comforting me.

 

The honesty was great. It felt freeing ya know? At one point tho I did say I couldnt see him anymore and he was so sad. He didnt fight it tho. He just said ok if thats what you want I understand. I am sorry. And he just started to walk out.

 

I stopped him and asked him to stay. He just sat there and fell apart. He said he cant be anything for anyone right now. He doesnt want anyone else. He just doesnt trust anyone but me. He said he thought everyone but me had alterior motives .

 

I sat with him and we just held eachother. So tight and sweet. We watched tv for a bit and laughed before he went home. We had fun after that. Everything seemed easier. We decided that we should always be honest with eachother. He doesnt want me hurting over something we could just talk about.

 

I am ok with right now. I think he feels embarassed for leaving me and moving onto her so quickly. His ego seems bruised. I dont think he knows if he can be with me without hurting me. I have said it here before I dont want him as a bf right now.

 

I guess I just wanted to know that he wasnt using me without caring. I needed to hear that he was still going through so much. I truly believe he would benefit from some counseling but you cant make someone go. So he has been benfiting from my therapy sessions.

 

I guess some of you may say he is just using me. Some of you may suggest that the emotional breakdown was manipulation. But I know how it felt. I believe he is confused.

 

He says he loves me. He says he cares about me more than anyone else in his life right now. He is just spent. An emotional wreck.

 

He doesnt expect me to wait for him. He doesnt know what the future holds. He doesnt want me to go away. But if I have to he says he will understand and not be angry. He is amazed I stuck around this long. He is actually appreciative that I have.

 

How could I? I love the crazy guy.

[Pocky]

If you feel the moment was right and truthful then no one should tell you otherwise. I'm happy you have found some peace with the situation.

[alphamale]

there is nothing that makes a man quiver and shake in his boots like the dreaded "TALK"

[Universe]

Gosh. What a sad scene. But constructive. Now you know where it stand. I don't know if you have to stop seeing him altogether. But you probably should. You probably both need so time and space right now. I think you guys got too close given your emotional states and you need to back off a bit.

 

Just give it some time, I think. He definitely sounds like he's not ready for anything. Give him the space to work it out. He knows you won't wait forever. He'll probably continue to come to you for support. I'm not sure how to tell you to handle that except to repeat what I've said before: DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. Beyond that, I don't know how to tell you to handle it. But I'm confident you'll get through it fine.

 

Good luck. We'll be here for you.

[smile]

Thanks everyone. Yeh it was sad, but at the same time kind of wonderful. Before he wouldve stormed out or told me to deal with it. When we were together any kind of "you hurt me" talk would just fall apart into a huge fight. The positive thing here is that we are listening to eachother.

 

I wouldve wigged out and waited for him to say the thing in my head he was supposed to say. Thats where I was before. But we are at this honest place where it seems that after all we have been through pride is the most ridiculous thing to have.

 

I sit and think about the good times and I miss everything. He was so much a part of my life you know? For three years. Thats hard to change. But life moves on and the world turns round.

 

He is still here. Atfer all of this there is this crazy connection ya know? Like we just cant see eachother as evil... we just see our faults and accept them. Ah to me that is what love is all about.. and he loves me.. so I am taking that and running with it.

 

He has always been there for me emotionally and I for him. I dont know if that will change. After the talk we have been so much more open with eachother.. that wall isnt there anymore. So thats nice.

 

I have no idea what the future holds. I never really did I just thought I did. I feel better about myself now that I am not worrying about this. It felt like I was stuck in the muck of the uncertainty ya know? Afraid to say or do anything that would make him go away. But I did what I had to and he listened... and he stayed.

 

We even made plans to go to the gym. Right now I am waiting for him to come by. I think as long as we continue to be honest and enjoy eachothers company, the worst is over.

[lost_in_chgo]

I think you are on a very constructive and progressive track here.

With efort and patience, maybe things will work out for you both so that you are happy.

Follow your heart.

[Universe]

I've had a pretty depressing day. My ex canceled on me for our plans to do Yoga together today. I had my hopes up because I feel like we've really gotten over the hump and are starting to move closer together. I know it's not the end of the world. But that doesn't make the depression go away.

 

But, Smile, I found your post to be one of the most uplifting things I've seen in a long time. Thank you for that. I think I'll be re-reading it for future uplifting and enlightenment.

 

I can't really comment on it more than that right now. But it was beautiful.

 

sincerely

[Universe]

Smile,

You're last post really made me have a break-thru. I don't know how long it will last, but so far I've been able to manage the pain so much better. It has to do with pride.

But we are at this honest place where it seems that after all we have been through pride is the most ridiculous thing to have.

I always thought of having no pride as being a bad thing. But when I decide to have no pride in relation to my ex, the pain goes away. I still feel alone. But the sting of the pain subsides.

But then, I thought, "Wait. One needs to have pride." And then I realized that I've been confusing pride with self-respect and vice-versa. Self-respect is a pre-requisite for love while pride is a detriment to it. So I think you can have no pride in a relationship, but you must at all times maintain a solid self-respect. If you have self-respect, you won't let someone abuse you or take you for granted.

Now I feel like it's ok that I still love her even though she doesn't want to be with me now. I don't feel rejected anymore. Without pride, there is no humiliation. And it's the humiliation that really hurts. I feel solid in my self-respect and honestly don't feel that I'm being taken for granted. As long as I keep my self-respect intact, I don't have to worry about being humiliated.

I've had break-thrus in the past that have fallen through and I end up breaking down. But I have a feeling this one is going to stick.

Maybe I'm just deluding myself some more. But for the moment I feel much better and it's easier to focus on myself and my own life.

I hope you feel the same or something similar, Smile. Thanks again for that beautiful post.

 

 

 

 

Am I crazy?

[smile]

Universe,

I am sorry you had a bad day but I am so happy that my post touched you. It is a tough situation and the easy answer seems to be move on... but the easy thing is not always the right thing. Only your heart knows the difference.

 

We did go to the gym that day. I ran 3 miles and it just felt so great to get that agression out ya know? Man I cant tell you. Tomorrow I go back for more of the same.. I just had to lay off since I am incredibly sore. But really that excercise suggestion is such a great one. You get these crazy endorphins, you accomplish something, and as you wobble around for the next three days you have sore muscles on your mind instead of whether or not your ex called.

 

He came by yesterday and we went for a long walk. It was nice. We just talked about nothing important and laughed. It felt so nice... not to feel like I am holding my breath and walking on eggshells. I dont worry about what he thinks of me anymore.. I am me and he seems to like it that way. DUH I was who he fell in love with... I just thought he wanted me to be something I am not.

 

Being his buddy right now is so freeing. He seems to be in my corner a lot more than he used to be. Its like that wall of animosity is gone. We both took it down. We decided we needed eachother more than we needed to be right.

 

I have no idea how long this will last or what it will turn into (or what it wont turn into) but I am so tired of worrying about tomorrow. The funny thing is that he still has that need to explain to me where he is going.. and he seems way concerned about making me unhappy or mad.

 

He used to say that pride was the worst thing about me. I had so much pride. You're right, pride is NOT self respect. I am so glad you can see that. Most people think I am overly optomistic or a bit of a doormat. But thats not it.. I think the world as a whole is too guarded and cynical. Then they hurt eachother because they are so afraid to get hurt and that just perpetuates the cycle. *sigh* SOMEONE needs to let their guard down in order to have any sort of closeness... and if it has to be me then so be it.

 

I have been hurt both ways and let me tell you pride or no pride.. it hurts just the same. So I think it makes sense to just take what a person is willing to give you and work on it.. yes with self respect. But you cant protect yourself from pain without losing a million opportunities to be happy... if only for an hour or a day. I just decided to stop crying about what I dont have and to open my eyes and see that I have so much .

 

I need to stop. I feel like I am soap boxing. Anyway take care universe. While I am not sure I need to post here so much anymore I will come back and see how youre all doing. Take care*

[strange love]

Hi Smile

 

I really envy you it seems like you are ex are dating again.. ie long walks, hanging out etc...

Perhaps its time you wrote a couples self help book for the rest of us (wink wink lol)

 

If your muscles are so sore maybe you need to ask him for a massage..

 

I really cant suggest anything except keep it going and maybe as I said before if there is an actual role place on each of you things will change. Gene simmons once said if you dont get married then theres no way to get divorced when asked to comment on his 20 yr unmarried live-in relationship with shannon tweed.

 

I would love if you had any comments for me on my situation seems I have hit a wall..

I sent her an email basically pouring my heart out somewhat, and putting myself down. No response .... Im thinking maybe she thinks its a trick or ..? anyways have a look please..thanks :-)

[smile]

Ok so I have read on here a zillion times, dont sleep with him... um I did. I mean I am. I dont know its like he comes over and we hang out... sometimes we do sometimes we dont. We talk about a lot. He doesnt want a relationship but he seems to want to be with me.

 

If I say no, its no big deal. If I ask for it I get it too. We dont see eachother everyday but it seems that even when he is out with friends he is thinking about me. He called me like 4 times saturday night. I wasnt home but I did answer my cell. My friends were laughing because they say he calls me more now that we have broken up.

 

He is going to get a puppy from a lady I work with. He has been asking me about names and what I think. Like he seemed concerned that I liked it. Why do you care that your friend likes your dog's name? He even said its great because this is a great dog around kids... so he sees that as a plus. He called and asked me to help him pick out which pup in the litter that he wanted.

 

And now he even shuts his phone off or keeps it in the other room when he is with me. If it rings or if he sees he has a msg he checks it, and always tells me who it is. When he has to leave right after the gym, or he can't hang out a too long he always tells me where he is going and why he cant stay.

 

Some nights he sleeps here with me. He cuddles me all night. The other day he was watching me put lotion on my legs in the bathroom after a shower.. I just had a towel on and I could feel him watching me.. saw him smiling from the corner of my eye, he said "you have the nicest shoulders, they're really beautiful". The boy made me blush.

 

And at times I notice his gaze just gets caught and he stares at me. He looks at me right in the eyes and just seems to look right into me.. weird huh? I was watching him yesteday and I felt something kind of weird.

 

I was watching him thinking "are we really supposed to be together?" . I dunno I look at him sometimes and I think I am scared. I seem to be letting go but I am not letting myself feel like we are destined to be together.

 

I think maybe thats when you get in trouble.. when you start to think in "meant to be". I always believed in soul mates but with free will you cant garuntee anything ya know? There are ppl out there that I can be happy with, they won't be him.. but if he has someone else they won't be me either. We seem to be on a good track I think.

 

Does anyone have any comments? Has anyone been here before and then was blindsided by yr ex moving on? Last night I had a dream that we were in my kitchen and as I was trying to cut something he said "here use this my gf gave it to me yesterday" it was something I had given him.. he looked at me and we smiled. I made a dumb joke about his gf having lots of money and spoiling him .. then I woke up. I dunno that sounds dumb but whatever. Comments?

 

oh yeh and everytime he comes over he sits on the couch and plays the guitar. He sings songs to me and they are always love songs.. and the songs he sings around the apt are love songs. I dunno maybe thats all he knows?

[smile]

so I think I am at the point where I have had it. I mean I really just feel so tired of this emotional roller coaster.

 

 

Right now I am dealing with the death of a friend of my family and he showed me NO sympathy. I was crying on the phone, he said "i will call you later" its been 24 hrs since that discussion and he did call... this morning to ask me a question. I txted him the answer and I didnt even get a thank you.

 

Its so crazy I just feel like he thinks he cant care too much. Then what does it all mean. It hurts that even as my friend he didnt even ask how I was doing. He said " oh I am sorry" and then went on his merry little way.

 

I dont think I am overreacting do you? I mean that sort of just seemed like the final straw ya know? Like yeh thanks for showing how much you DON'T care. I am just so terribly sad.

 

I dont have anything else to say. Sorry guys... I guess it wasnt as great as it seemed. That seems to be the way my life goes.

[nan]

I know how the emotional roller coaster thing goes. You seemed to be doing so well, and not to sound negative, but I was waiting for this time when things would stop being okay and would go downhill.

 

The talk thing seems to be good at first, but then you get mad again that he denied you. Plus, um...no, you are not over-reacting about the death of the family thing. He should definately be more suportive about that. But maybe he just doesn't know what to say or do to make you feel better. I'm not good about trying to be very consoling to people, but I try, it just doesn't always come out the way you want.

 

In any case, I don't think that he's doing it on purpose to be a jacka**. We can all tell that he still cares for you and it doesn't seem that he would just not care that you have a family friend die. But, I'm not sure. I think that it's going to be hard to be just friends with him, and things like this show you just how hard it can be. I mean, if one of your friends treated you like this, you probably wouldn't overanylze the situation, but with him you do.

 

If you still feel like there's a chance that you two will be able to work it out someday, then stick around. If you feel like you're ready to move on, then do that. You both seem to care about each other too much though to just move on. I still have hope for the two of you.

 

Nan

[Universe]

My condolences for your loss.

 

About you're idiot ex...

That really sucks, Smile. I'm really disappointed in him. I mean - I know you're supposed to just be friends, but given your history and how much you supposedly mean to each other, he should be far more concerned for you and support you more. It's a real a**h*** move on his part for sure.

Now it's possible that he's taking advice from some moron who says, "Oh - you're just friends, and if you're just friends, then it's not for you to be too supportive now. Let her be with her family." And the moron giving him advice may very well be himself. But it may just be a mistake in judgement. It's possible that he thinks you may need to be alone. I wish I had been there more for my ex (prior to breaking up) when her grandfather died early last year and when her aunt dies a few years ago. In retrospect I could have been a lot more caring and done more to help her through it. It's a difficult thing to deal with as a significant other. But that's all the defense I will offer him.

You're right to be mad at him. I would give him the cold shoulder until he figures it out. He probably won't figure it out. He'll probably be confused why your giving him the cold shoulder. Well, let him be confused. Make him come to you to find out what he did wrong. Don't let him off easy. Tell him it's a clear indication of how little he cares about you and that you deserve better. Don't let him off easy.

I mean - he didn't even ask if there was anything he could do? Like - that's something even a casual friend would offer. It sounds like he's been absurdly cold.

I think you need to reconsider if you want to be with someone who could be that cold.

 

I'm really sorry to hear it, Smile.

[smile]

Thanks everyone. Yeh it was really sucky that he was so cold about it. I mean he said "I am sorry" but it was like a hey my cable went out sorry ya know? He called me again today but I was at work. He didnt leave a msg so I didnt (and am not going to) call him back. Especially after the weird last time he called and left a msg and he acted like he didnt even remember calling me.

 

Yes I agree with whoever thinks he is listening to stupid advice. Even if its in his own head. I have so much to do right now I cant even put too much attention on this. But when I think about it makes me sad, sad, sad.

 

He is getting my cold shoulder. Have no idea if he will notice. Or even care. But whatever.

 

Thanks again for your support and your sympathy. I wish he woulda cared half as much as you guys did.

[smile]

soooo.. he called me tonight. He called my cell phone and I didnt answer, he called my house phone and my roomate's friend answered. He gave me the phone. I didnt really want to talk.

 

He asked how I was and I said fine. He said I sounded sad. I said I was. He asked why. Wow that kinda pissed me off. I said umm I dunno when someone I know dies it makes me kind of sad. He said he was sorry and he didnt know that I knew her that well. He apologized and asked if I was ok.

 

I didnt really want to talk about it, I mean at this point I dont it was that day I was sad ya know? And I was hurt that he blew me off. But now that I know and he apologized so much I am better as far as he is concerned.

 

He called to ask if I could give him some advice. Wow I was worried that it was relationship stuff about an other girl (paranoid?)... anyway he was asking me how he should go about packing. Huh? He helped me move all three times I moved.. helped me pack.. and he was asking me for advice.

 

He even already packed some stuff. I gave him some advice... but he basically had his own plan. So I am not sure that is really why he called. But maybe..

 

He always asks who answers the phone or who is here. That seems weird to me. I dont want to know who is there or who answers the phone.. especially if it was a member of the opposite sex.

 

Anyway he wasnt trying to be a jerk. He is just a dumb guy and didnt think or think to ask. He even listened to me complain about work. He usually checks out and stops listening but he listened, gave me advice and was even on my side. Yowza I should not answer his calls more often.

 

He gave me the rundown on what he is going to do tonight. Wash all of his clothes and watch a movie. And what he is going to do tomorrow... pack pack and pack.

 

I said I know you can get through it... it seems daunting at first, having to move your crap, but just commit to it and you can get it done. I said "I have faith in you" and oddly enough that made him happy. He gave me the most sincere "thank you" weird ...

 

anyway I have a busy weekend ahead of me... funerals and weddings.. hmm three more weddings and Hugh Grant would walk up. mmmmmm Hugh Grant mmmmm.

[smile]

Soo I have had a bunch of stuff going on here unhappiness with roomate, frustrating situation at my job, frustrating coworkers, death of a family friend, worrying about finances, worrying about HIM, worrying about US, having to go to a wedding today (just the pits for someone who was dumped), plus the usual PMS andI think I am catching a cold. Soooo yesterday was friday , the end of my workweek and I had been busy busy busy all week long. He calls in the afternoon when I am at work so I cant answer my phone, he doesnt leave a msg so I dont call him back.

 

He calls again but I am with friends, I see its him I dont want to answer he doesnt leave a msg. About 10 minutes later he calls again... still no msg. I get home and find out he called me there too. So I reluctantly call him back. He wants me to go with him to pick out a dog training book for his new puppy.

 

I guess I was starting to feel bad because I got insanely jealous of this stupid book clerk that was just making polite conversation with the both of us. He was playing along ya know? But at one point he could tell I was mad so he asked if I was I said no. He laughed said ok but stopped talking to the girl.

 

He kept doing the pushing and touching thing. He was biting me on the shoulder and nuzzling against me like a puppy. He even started asking me to pick out movies for him, pick out something he would like. Asks me "whats my favorite movie" or "whats my favortite sci fi movie?" It was a silly game but I played and of course I won and he would just smile everytime.

 

We went to the counter to buy the books and the lady asked if we had been there the nigth before. I said no and she said oh you just look like an other couple that was here last night. Couple? crazy.

 

Then we went to have coffee... his treat. He never pays for anything. Not since we broke up anyway.. and not much when were dating. We did have a 50% off coupon but still. We also got free cookies... YUM.

 

Anyway he takes me home and almost comes in. But he is moving out of his dad's house on monday and we both decided that he should hang out with his dad. Ok so he leaves.

 

I get home and just fall apart. Everything that has been going on just exploded. I think it had to do with me walking into an apt full of stoner kids on my carpet. I am just sick of that disrespectful "I am going to have a million ppl over everynight and NEVER ask or care if its ok" I think I just felt overwhelmed and unimportant.

 

So I call him. He doesnt answer. I fall apart even more and I call again about 20 minutes later.. I wanted to go running and the reason he went home to hang with his dad was because of some tv show they have been watching together, he thought it was on at 8 turns out it was 10. So I was in the midst of crying and I leave a msg asking if he wanted to run but now it was kinda cutting it close to when the show does start.

 

He calls me back , and at this point one of my best friends and I are talking she is helping me through it. He asks if I am ok why was I crying. I melted down right there on the phone. I told him I was scared of this feeling, I was in a state of depression for about 3 yrs and it was familiar.. that feeling isnt so familiar but I am afraid it may be addicting and it may start up again uncontrolably. He calmed me down and said I had a lot on my plate right now and that instead of letting it out I bottle it all up and then it eats me up inside. That he felt sad today too and even felt like crying. He said it could be the weather , no sun for weeks. That I wasnt crazy and I just needed to calm down.

 

He asked if I started crying when he didnt answer the phone twice. Asked if thats why I was sad. Then he said the phone fell out of my pocket it was in my car. But I was thinking you are not my bf why would I cry that you didnt answer?

 

So he says he has to check something and then he will call me back. I said ok... Meanwhile my friend and I are talking away and she makes me feel better, understood. And having him listen to me cry and calm me down made me feel better also.

 

He called back and invited me to play board games with his family. I say I dont think so but thanks. I dont want to be around anyone right now. He says ok but the offer still stands. I dunno it would make me feel like a charity case and even worse when I would leave after hanging out with the family I always thought would be mine someday.. ya know?

 

When he came over today he kept mentioning going to disneyland, like he always does.. I have 86 hrs of comp time at work I need to use before June and he said "you should go to disneyland, I'll go with you if you want"

I dunno that just seemed odd.

 

But a lot about this seems odd. i am glad he is moving 20 minutes away from here and 2 minutes from his work. That way I am not tempted to look down his street to see if his car is here, I dont but I am tempted. I am not tempted to call him to come over or go to the gym randomly. And I dont have to worry about him driving by and seeing if i am home or not. Those crazy 1 am knocks on my window will stop.

 

I am not sure if I will see or hear from him much once he moves . I feel that being a huge weight off my shoulders. Is that bad?

 

Man this is long I have to go now.. coffee calls...

[Universe]

Smile. You'll be ok. You've just had so much come over you at once. I've had times like that in my life and in my experience, I think it's actually better when it all happens at once. It's so overwhelming and you can't think and your feelings are all over the place. But just try to relax and take time to yourself. Cry. Get it out.

I'm a wreck right now, so I can't say too much about your situation. But it does seem like agood thing that he'll be 20 minutes away. It's not too far and not too close. You'll be less convenient for him and how he handles that will say a lot about him and how he really feels.

 

Sorry everything sucks so bad. But be strong.

 

Tell your roommate how you feel about having people over all the time. I've been through some nightmare roommates and trust me, it's always best to get that kind of stuff out in the open. You may not be on good terms afterward, but eventually you'll get over it and you'll both be better off.

 

Good luck with everything. And only go to disneyland if YOU want to, not because HE wants to.

[smile]

Thanks. Yeah I am already feeling better about things. Its so much better to be open and honest... its freeing but I get that intense fear of what they might say (bad stuff) and it scares me to the point of imobility.

I freeze up.

 

I had a bunch of friends around yesterday and I met some new ppl too. Its just so great when you realize that some of your problems are shared by so many. Like that article in the new issue of Time magazine about ppl between the ages of 20 and 30 or so... how we are constantly going from job to job , relationship to relationship and apt to apt. These are some pretty uncertain times and I dunno theres lots to deal with. Isoation just makes it more overwhelming. I am babbling.

 

Anyhow I am sorry that you are in bad shape as well. Thank you for offering your advice and sympathy anyway. I appreciate it so much , really.

 

And about Disneyland... I ALWAYS want to go there. Splash Mountain, Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Carribean, churros, and the best carmel apples in the world.. mmmm... heaven! Plus I get to run around and act like I am 6... what could be better?

[smile]

Ok so i have a few questions. First of all when a guy says "she is just like my little sister" do they mean that? Or is that like.. get of my back talk. He told me he was becomming good friends with someoen I know. I knew that. He said they only talk like 2 times a week, they just seem to understand eachother pretty well. He said she is just like my little sister ya know?

 

He made sure I knew where he was last night. He went on about how he loves to be social. I know that. And about how he was the center of attention last night.. he said girls and boys just wanted to talk to me. Do I have a magnetic personality? I said I was the wrong person to ask I may be biased and he laughed.

 

Then I said yeh I know what you mean about the social thing.. I think I am back to my social ways. So he asked what I did. I told him I went to a wedding then to see th decorations and dresses at the hs formal and then of to hang out with a friend whose bf is starting a band. They were just jamming and hanging out.

 

He got quiet and said "i am thinking of starting a band" what ? he is IN a band . That was a dumb thing to say. Then he said he was sad. Just a second ago he was happy.

 

He said he was going on tour and in the last 8 months his life has changed so much and here he is moving out and he is worried about what that means. He said he isnt going to leave me behind, but then he said you know my friends and you guys. Whatever that means.

 

Then he made sure I knew that he drove home alone last night. He got home at 3am by the way.

 

I have no idea what he wants but I think he has no idea too. I think the time he has alone at his new place and the time he is going to be on tour may help him figure it out. He will be moving and leaving now knowing that I am not sitting around here waiting for him to come back. I am out there meeting ppl and having fun.

 

I was so the center of attention last night . I had an old friend who was at my friends wedding.. his wife shot me dirty looks all night . It sucked because I didnt try to do anything.. she just hated me, it was his fault tho he kept going on and on about how much he missed me and how he couldnt believe I was there.

 

Then at the band jam session these two guys just kept being super attentive to everything I said. One guy was really funny and the other was umm socially akward. I got called the coolest girl ever and I was even told that I was every man's dream.. a cute girl who likes good music, likes beer, likes to hang out, and isnt clingy.. hah sure NOW after therapy. if they only knew.

 

I miss him so much and I feel sad because I know soon we are going to be very seperated. By time and miles.. heck even by experiences. In my heart I have this feeling we will always come back to eachother. Maybe its better that this distance happens when we are on good terms rather than being on bad ones.

 

Any thoughts?

[nan]

It seems like even though the two of you had "the talk", you are still acting the same way. He still treats you the way he used to, and he still thinks it's okay to treat you this way. You're still worrying about everything and what he means by what he says and does.

 

When you had the talk did you come to any conclusions, any sort of where are we going now, what are we doing now? I know that he said that he's not ready for any realtionship now and you said you weren't either, but other than that it doesn't sound like the two of you drew any lines in the sand.

 

If you feel in your heart that you will always be together and always come back together, and that's how you truely 100% honest to God feel, than it's probably true. This is how I felt and what I knew all along and now he's back. So if you know, then don't leave.

 

If you still love him and honestly think someday he'll be back, than don't give up all hope. But maybe draw your own lines in the sand about what is okay for you, how he should treat you. My bf had to date someone else, be afraid of losing me, and screw up in order for him to realize that it was me that he wanted all along.

 

Sometimes it takes alot to realize what you have/had. Do you think he realizes this, and if so that wtf is he doing throwing away true love? Take care of yourself sweetie.

 

Nan

[smile]

Sooo how do I go about it? I mean I have tried to be everything he wanted and I guess that was easy so he didnt have to work. When I don't aswer my phone he does call over and over until I do answer. The he asks where I was and why didnt I answer it.

 

But I dont know what to do. I know I am less likely to hang out with him now that he is moving. I know what the answer is... don't sleep with him anymore right?

 

But doesnt that force him to go somewhere else? Do I make him miss the cuddling with me? What if he realizes it isnt me he misses and he just cuddles with someone else.

 

In my heart I do believe we will always come back to eachother. When he is here and he leaves there seems to be such a longing in his eyes. Almost like he just wishes so bad that it could be ok we could be together and life would be great.. he just seems to be convinced that its not possible.

 

He even said he wished it was that easy but we didnt work. Well if he wants it and he misses me and he wants me and wants to be with me , cuddle with me, talk to me, tell me everything he is happy about, tell me everything he is sad about and so much more then what is the problem? He says he cant be with anyone right now but I dont believe that either. He will be with someone soon.

 

It hurts because then I have no idea why I am here. I need to do what I did last night . Have fun live my life and not worry about him.

 

But the next day I just want to tell him everything. Does that ever go away?

 

I just want to fast forward to when he grows up and is tired of pretending to be something ppl love.. when he gets over this pretentious need for admiration. When he wants real again he will look for me.

 

I am just so sad because I just want someone to love me again.

[alphamale]

oh gawd....i hate the dreaded "talk"

[smile]

alphamale, you seem to be a man of few words as far as this post goes. You hate the talk, guys hate the talk. Is there something hidden in the subtly of your posts that I am missing?

 

I think I have admitted here before I am a dumb girl. So umm care to elaborate? I have read your comments on other posts and they seem to be honest and dead on. I would love your opinion and advice.

[Universe]

The element of jealousy in your relationship really concerns me. You've said in the past that it was a major problem for you and one of the main reasons you broke up. Right?

You got visibly jealous of the book clerk. He seems to compulsively reassure you that he's not with other girls. It just seems like this is a major tension between you. And it can't be. You have to release that tension.

Am I totally off here?