Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Just while I thought this might come to an end, I received a bunch of flowers from an online florist called 'Rose are red" this morning at work. There is no message inside and neither there was sender's details, just got my name and delievery address, basically it's from anonymous. This got my head spining a little bit. My instinct tells me it's my ex straight away. I looked up on this florist website, and this is one of their birthday flower selections. My birthday is in early Jan and my ex has been emailing me about it recently. There aren't many people know my work address apart from business relationships, but it doesn't make sense if anyone I know through work would send me flowers without saying out who they are. I'm almost certain it is from her. But why? why not put down a message? why not leave her name? what is she trying to achieve here? On top of this, while I was sending message to another friend on whatsapp just now, a message popped up from a random number (later I realise it's my ex's who I already deleted) saying "hey", it came in last Friday but I didn't get notified till now. I knew I will certainly not reply to her 'hey' messages, but what should I do with the flowers? Should I send her a message asking if they are from her? I don't want to put myself in a risky situation again but I don't want to be seen as rude neither. Advise please.
Mondmellonw Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 She sent you flowers? Oh, well... I think is best to just ignore, but that's just my opinion.
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 yeah I'm pretty sure it's her. I have been ignoring her lately but if I know it's defintely her then I wanted to at least say thank you.
Mondmellonw Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 yeah I'm pretty sure it's her. I have been ignoring her lately but if I know it's defintely her then I wanted to at least say thank you. But, why? Wouldn't that be like giving her some kind of hope? For what you wrote, I'm guessing there's no way back with her (I dunno, I'm just guessing) But if that is really the case, the best option is to stay in a low-profile.
sidney2718 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 yeah I'm pretty sure it's her. I have been ignoring her lately but if I know it's defintely her then I wanted to at least say thank you. Why? I mean this with respect. Are you looking for a change in your relationship with her? Clearly the flowers are an invitation to talk. Do you want to do that?
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 If you have read my previous threads, we had a short term relationship and she was my best friend before it. We broke up because she wasn't over her ex.. I have been in NC since and it has been 6 months. I have let go the anger but I still can't forget her. She is still on mind from time to time. I guess even though we were in a short term relationship our friendship before that was pretty much an extention and like one of the other thread here said, losing a gf at the same time losing your best friend, it was hard to let go. I am over the hardest time now though, and I guess I'm open to reconnect with her, but only if she shows me clear intention about her reaching out. I don't see myself being just friends with her, so only if she wants reconcilation I will consider to reconnect. But at the moment, I am still not entirely sure what she wants.. It's out of respect to to say thank you to people sending me flowers, I want to be polite in this case. 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 If you have read my previous threads, we had a short term relationship and she was my best friend before it. We broke up because she wasn't over her ex.. I have been in NC since and it has been 6 months. I have let go the anger but I still can't forget her. She is still on mind from time to time. I guess even though we were in a short term relationship our friendship before that was pretty much an extention and like one of the other thread here said, losing a gf at the same time losing your best friend, it was hard to let go. I am over the hardest time now though, and I guess I'm open to reconnect with her, but only if she shows me clear intention about her reaching out. I don't see myself being just friends with her, so only if she wants reconcilation I will consider to reconnect. But at the moment, I am still not entirely sure what she wants.. It's out of respect to to say thank you to people sending me flowers, I want to be polite in this case. I see. Maybe you could give her a chance to prove herself, and to regain your trust. But she has to be completely over the ex and you also have to forgive her about it... Maybe then it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to respond to her, in case you're 100% sure that she was the one who sent you the flowers.
strive Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I guess I'm open to reconnect with her, but only if she shows me clear intention about her reaching out. Then sending flowers without even her name is not a sign of clear intention. You receive a tiny breadcrumb and you go running back? Stick to NC until she's actually ready to beg and say "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I want you back." 3
organizedchaos Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Then sending flowers without even her name is not a sign of clear intention. You receive a tiny breadcrumb and you go running back? Stick to NC until she's actually ready to beg and say "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I want you back." Yeah, you can't be polite to someone who doesn't identify themselves. What if they're not from her? 2
chris21422 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 who sent's a flower to a guy?? that's just not right. lol 3
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Then sending flowers without even her name is not a sign of clear intention. You receive a tiny breadcrumb and you go running back? Stick to NC until she's actually ready to beg and say "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I want you back." You are right about that she is still not making her intention clear. My ex is a very sturborn person and when we broke up, I said things like 'we are done' and 'I can't be friends with you', I don't know if these will stop her from coming up to me with those lines above. Someone else on this site mentioned to me in my last thread, given the short period we dated it's kinda impossible to expect her to come up straight with these lines. She have tried several times now, first calling me, stalking me on LinkedIn, then email me asking to hang out, to which I declined. She emailed me again after the New Year, I ignored. Now this. I can see she hasn't given up trying but I doubted she will ever come up with those lines.
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 who sent's a flower to a guy?? that's just not right. lol I guess I'm an excemption here, I'm one of those guys who like flowers and she knows it. That's another reason I think it's from her.
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 No, OP. Stay the course. No contact. But why, Pick, why. Do you think she is still fishing for information?
pickflicker Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 But why, Pick, why. Do you think she is still fishing for information? What do you want from her? Stop worrying about what she wants. What do you want?
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 What do you want from her? Stop worrying about what she wants. What do you want? I'm hoping her to realise that she made a mistake to give up on me. I guess I wanted to give us another chance if she want the same. I'm kinda torned these days with her numerous reaching out. I do miss her.
pickflicker Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I'm hoping her to realise that she made a mistake to give up on me. I guess I wanted to give us another chance if she want the same. I'm kinda torned these days with her numerous reaching out. I do miss her. She needs to say it. Specifically. "I want another chance". The rest is just smoke and mirrors. Don't do anything - let her grovel a bit more.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I would wait until she puts her name on something before thanking her. 5
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 She needs to say it. Specifically. "I want another chance". The rest is just smoke and mirrors. Don't do anything - let her grovel a bit more. Yeah ture. Sigh I guess I won't come as rude then if she didn't put her name down on the card. This makes me a little angry at her again, how can she just assume me to know it is from her? I'm not gonna give her that ego boost just yet.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Yeah ture. Sigh I guess I won't come as rude then if she didn't put her name down on the card. This makes me a little angry at her again, how can she just assume me to know it is from her? I'm not gonna give her that ego boost just yet. Who cares if you come off as rude? SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU! She lost all right to judge you on rudeness when she nexted you from her life. It's not your job to reconcile things -- it's hers. 2
pickflicker Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Yeah ture. Sigh I guess I won't come as rude then if she didn't put her name down on the card. This makes me a little angry at her again, how can she just assume me to know it is from her? I'm not gonna give her that ego boost just yet. You're not psychic. How are you supposed to know they're from her with no note? "Secret admirer" flowers are bullsh*t.
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 You're not psychic. How are you supposed to know they're from her with no note? "Secret admirer" flowers are bullsh*t. Exactly. I don't get it why some people would send flowers without putting a message or name down, it just makes f**king non sense. If they are trying to send a message they really gotta say something right? (at least a happy bday in my case but no nothing!) I once received a handmade Valentine's day card from someone at work, it was a friendly joke, but the person made it fun and easy to guess, and she came over to say Happy Valentine's day to me at my desk! I mean, those are the fake ones, but what about the real ones, are there really people that secretly admiring someone but do not have the gut to say it?? If you don't say it how would they ever know. I think I'm a bit off topic in my own thread here, lol 1
Allumere Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I'm sorry, I am reading this and it is all such a game of who has the most power. Look, if you are interested still then contact her and find out what the hell she wants...if its friendship, that won't work for you...if she acknowledges mistakes then move forward with that...it's simple. I get NC and yes, there can be much healing and self-work that can be done, but all this power play stuff drives me nuts. Who the heck cares who calls first, what are we in grade school? If you want to know whats going on behind the door you need to open it! It'll either be the new car or a bag a rocks. Otherwise stop thinking about it, talking about it and move on with life. Not bashing you specifically dude...I have just read so many of these scenarios and I am guilty as well. We make it harder than it needs to be...ask or don't. 2
pickflicker Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Exactly. I don't get it why some people would send flowers without putting a message or name down, it just makes f**king non sense. If they are trying to send a message they really gotta say something right? (at least a happy bday in my case but no nothing!) I once received a handmade Valentine's day card from someone at work, it was a friendly joke, but the person made it fun and easy to guess, and she came over to say Happy Valentine's day to me at my desk! I mean, those are the fake ones, but what about the real ones, are there really people that secretly admiring someone but do not have the gut to say it?? If you don't say it how would they ever know. I think I'm a bit off topic in my own thread here, lol No, what your colleague did was cute! If your ex sent the flowers, she's just being manipulative... 2
Author Winter blue Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 I'm sorry, I am reading this and it is all such a game of who has the most power. Look, if you are interested still then contact her and find out what the hell she wants...if its friendship, that won't work for you...if she acknowledges mistakes then move forward with that...it's simple. I get NC and yes, there can be much healing and self-work that can be done, but all this power play stuff drives me nuts. Who the heck cares who calls first, what are we in grade school? If you want to know whats going on behind the door you need to open it! It'll either be the new car or a bag a rocks. Otherwise stop thinking about it, talking about it and move on with life. Not bashing you specifically dude...I have just read so many of these scenarios and I am guilty as well. We make it harder than it needs to be...ask or don't. I hear you dude, you have a point. I'm just doing what is best to me now, to guard my heart. Because I still don't know if she is serious, she might be interested again, but she could also be just testing the water of a friendship. If it's the later then, I'd rather just ignore, as I cannot see her as a friend only anymore. I believe there are fine lines that can be drawn between when you should stay NC and when you should response to their reaching out. I think I'm almost there, but still I need to hear her saying it rather than for me to guess it. She has the gut to send me flowers, she has got her chance to say whatever she wants to say. the ball is still in her court. Thanks for your post though, I sensed you have a similar story, wanna share?
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