ava10 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 After reading many interesting posts, I decided to hear other people's opinions on sex before marriage. My entire life, I was raised to believe that you should never have sex until you marry the person you love. My parents made me believe that if you had sex before marriage, you were a bad person. However, my opinions are different from my parents, but sometimes I do feel guilty about it. Opinions?
MBrewey Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You can always have more sex, but you can never have less. Sex can cause more pain than joy. I'd say try to wait.
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My parents told me the same thing. My attitude became what they don't know, can't hurt me. I was at peace with all of my decisions. If you know the arguments on both sides, make the choice that works best for you. However, you only get one 1st time. 1
carhill Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 OP, you'll never know for sure if your parents had sex before marriage and are hypocrites (not uncommon!) or not so don't trouble yourself. Do what you feel is healthy for you. No one else can live your life but you. Make a decision and go with it. Sometimes decisions are right and sometimes they're wrong. No getting around that. Part of life. Nothing about it, or you, is perfect. Catholic guilt nagged at me for years but finally I threw it off (nothing to do with my parents!) and moved on. If there was one regret it was the time I spent contemplating everything. So unproductive! Give it your best shot and see what happens.
sagetalk Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Most parents will tell there kids not to have sex before marriage because they do not want their kids getting STD's or an unwanted pregnancy. The second one could ruin their life and yours as well. However, no sex before marriage greatly limits the number of dating partners available as most want to have sex early. The safest route in life regarding relationships is no sex before marriage. It's not the most fun, or the most popular, but it is the safest. Very few can handle it. If I had a daughter, that is what I'd want her to do. If I had a son, I'd better never find out about him having sex before marriage. I would hunt him down. Edited January 21, 2014 by sagetalk
soccerrprp Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Oops. Misunderstood the original post. Edited January 21, 2014 by soccerrprp
Onethirtyeight Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I believe in not having sex outside of relationship where there is some accountability and trust. I don't see the point in waiting til marriage. If you know the person is clean and some sort of birth control is used most the time most the problems will be taken out of the equation. I do think hooking up at a party or bar is irresponsible and although you're not a "bad" person I might think you're a little dense. 1
pyramid Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My parents raised me to believe that sex outside of marriage was not part of our (Catholic) family's values, but they didn't tell me that it would make me a bad person. I lost my virginity at age 20 to my then-future, now-ex husband. It was a really big hurdle to have sex with someone else 15 years later, after I was divorced. I no longer feel guilty or bad about sex. It's great. And I realized that although my ex was relatively well-endowed, as it turned out, he was really bad in bed.
Mondmellonw Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I personally think this topic is a little difficult. Everyone has their own opinions. Everyone sticks with their wants or needs. I have met plenty of people that calls themselves "believers" of any type of religion, but when it comes to sex they forget about everything... Even when they keep talking and talking and talking about their so called beliefs. Me, well. I think sex is a responsibility. If you're able to handle with the results of it, then go for it. I haven't found a person who I want to share this kind of intimacy, still a "virgin".
Els Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You have to make the choice that is right for you. Neither your parents nor the people here should affect that. An in-between option that is common in the culture I come from, is for people to start having oral sex after dating steadily for a while, but hold off on intercourse until they get married. There is still a risk of STDs (so careful choice of partner is still necessary) but no risk of pregnancy. At the end of the day, do whatever you personally believe to be right.
natt_99 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I grew up with the same education and views from my parents and agreed with them. However as time has passed by I think that it is up to you. I will advise to do it with someone who you trust, have a serious relationship with, and most importantly LOVE. If it's something two people really want then they should do it
married2school Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My parents gave me the same spill. I'm 23, and I was guilted into following it until a couple of years ago. My parents actually guilted me into have no sexual activity at all. Then I realized the only reasons why I thought it was a good thing was to prevent kids have babies in high school or ending up with STD's. I am partially glad that they taught me the way they did, because I do think it bought me enough time to become a more mature person and make better decisions. That being said, I don't necessarily agree with the "wait until marriage" mentality.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Men have to be insane to get married at all nowadays. Not even having sex before that marriage? Not even a word for that one.
KatZee Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I think sex is perfectly fine, healthy, and normal before marriage as long as you're in a safe, secure, serious, respectful and monogamous relationship. I'm not someone that goes out to the bar and brings home one night stand's. I think that's a bit tacky and asking for a disease or an unplanned baby. But everyone has their own moral codes they live by. What's good for one person is not necessarily good for another. One of my good friend's from college is a very religious Christian. She didn't have sex with her boyfriend until they were married and they dated for 9 years! 1
MixedUpChick Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 OP, you'll never know for sure if your parents had sex before marriage and are hypocrites (not uncommon!) or not so don't trouble yourself. I laughed when I read this, because I grew up as the only girl in a family of 6 kids, and my mom always pushed me not to have sex before marriage. I've been "grown up" for a long time now but I've known for years that my mom was pretty fast & loose when she was young & single, & less than a year ago I found out she'd even had at least one affair in the early days of her marriage. So be fully prepared for the possibility that your parents are advising you in the "do as I say, not as I do" method. As others have said, you have to determine what's right for you, no one answer will be right for everyone. 1
pickflicker Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 After reading many interesting posts, I decided to hear other people's opinions on sex before marriage. My entire life, I was raised to believe that you should never have sex until you marry the person you love. My parents made me believe that if you had sex before marriage, you were a bad person. However, my opinions are different from my parents, but sometimes I do feel guilty about it. Opinions? Buy condoms, get on the pill, get regularly screened, and enjoy. Sex is wonderful, heartbreak is part of the package. I say do it. Life is too short to wait for something that may not even happen.
Poppygoodwill Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My Mum warned me that I should never marry someone unless I'm sure that I'm sexually compatible with them. I think that's sound advice because one of the top things people fight about is sex. 3
aussietigerwolf Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Men have to be insane to get married at all nowadays. Not even having sex before that marriage? Not even a word for that one. people shouldn't get into relationships at all... Just stay home, masturbate and avoid all human contact. 2
ffw Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 There are different kinds/forms of compatibilities including sexual compatibility. In my view, even if we are compatible on several levels but , unfortunately, not in the physical intimacy department then that could be the end of it. So, yes sex before marriage is important for me.
BikerAccnt Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Better get it before you're married, because once you're married...Forget about it!
Iguanna Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It's easier for parents to teach their kids that something is bad or forbidden rather than make the effort to educate them and teach them to have morals and ethics that will help them go through with hard situations and deal with what is meant to be life. My aunt has 5 daughters and has raised all of them telling them that they shouldn't have boyfriends before they get 18, that they should concentrate on studying and they will have plenty of time to have boyfriends and fun after 18 (probably cause she did the opposite and married young). The result was that all her daughters lied to her (I remember going out with my cousin when we were 15 and she would wear make-up secretly and when we got home she would take it out so her mom wouldn't see it, she had forbidden her make up). My older cousin left home at 17 and never returned (we are now 32). In the contrary I was never forbidden to have boyfriends or go out with friends, but I should tell my parents where I would be, with whom and I had to be home by 22:30 (when I was 15 +). I have done some stupid things but I had been raised in such a way that I could deal with most situations, I could feel the danger and leave. Parents can't forbid their kids to live just cause they are scared, lazy or incapable of explaining them the dangers and teaching them the best behavior they can have. If you believe that you are ready to have sex with someone you love, then go for it. Sex may bring trouble indeed, but isn't everything in life the same? Nothing is bad by itself, but how we use something makes it good or bad. 2
PegNosePete Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Nobody ever laid there on their death bad and thought "damn I wish I'd had less sex". 3
isisisweeping Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I am strongly in favor of sex before marriage. And during marriage. And during a marriage ceremony if you can find somewhere quiet. 1
GoreSP Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I think people need to stop seeing sex as the holy grail of relationships. You can have sex because you want to and because it's fun - as long as you're being safe. Having sex shouldn't be a sign of commitment just because the church said it's bad to have sex before marriage. But that's just me. If it's important for you to wait - go right ahead...
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