Jump to content

What is stopping you from catching your cheating spouse?

justseekinganswers

By justseekinganswers
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

justseekinganswers New Member

justseekinganswers

Posted
Posted

I am a Detective and I have dealt with infidelity by the hundreds and I am willing to help anyone here for free. I am not a counselor but can answer some of your pressing questions.

 

But I have a question for you...

 

What's so hard about catching your cheating spouse?

What are your fears?

What is stopping you from getting the answers you need?

Are you you fearful of losing your soul mate? Is it the kids? Finances? Do you still love them?

 

I'm here....

lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
Posted
I am a Detective and I have dealt with infidelity by the hundreds and I am willing to help anyone here for free. I am not a counselor but can answer some of your pressing questions.

 

But I have a question for you...

 

What's so hard about catching your cheating spouse?

What are your fears?

What is stopping you from getting the answers you need?

Are you you fearful of losing your soul mate? Is it the kids? Finances? Do you still love them?

 

I'm here....

 

What are you here for?

harrybrown Established Member

harrybrown

Posted
Posted

What do you do to catch a cheating spouse? Do you have 100% success rate?

  • Author
justseekinganswers New Member

justseekinganswers

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I read a lot of questions and see a lot of confusion about what to do to "find out" if soul mates are cheating. I have 25 years of investigative knowledge that may help some people in difficult situations. I can't promise I will be here every day or even every week but from time to time I will assist anyone who needs it.

 

Will

  • Author
justseekinganswers New Member

justseekinganswers

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hey Harrybrown,

100% success rate? Whoever makes that claim is not transparent. Besides the success rate is based on the spouse. Can someone who thinks their spouse is stepping out on them handle the investigative side of things? It mandates focus and willpower to say the least.

  • Like 1
cocorico Established Member

cocorico

Posted
Posted

 

What's so hard about catching your cheating spouse?

What are your fears?

What is stopping you from getting the answers you need?

Are you you fearful of losing your soul mate? Is it the kids? Finances? Do you still love them?

 

 

I suspect in many cases the BS does not really want to know, and just hopes it will all go away. And, given that many As are self-limiting, I would guess that in several cases, it does.

 

At least, that particular A. The issues that drove the unfaithful spouse to cheat are unlikely to be resolved that easily, but a BS who is in denial about the (possibility of) infidelity is likely also to be in denial about problems in the R. Certainly that was the case with my H's xBW, anyway.

Got it Established Member

Got it

Posted
Posted

Or has any real clue to begin looking. I think in hindsight people will see signs but without that ability it just flows into the day.

 

I don't think it is that hard to catch most people, it is about needing to know to try and catch them is the biggest piece. If affairs, and knowledge of affairs, doesn't cross your mind/life prior it is just a whole lot of STUFF you never knew existed.

 

But once you become knowledgeable it is pretty easy to find out. There are a few very tricky (usually) serial cheaters whom I would imagine are a lot harder and a PI would be necessary. But the average Joe/Jane, pretty darn dumb in the scheme of things. ;)

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
I am a Detective and I have dealt with infidelity by the hundreds and I am willing to help anyone here for free. I am not a counselor but can answer some of your pressing questions.

 

But I have a question for you...

 

What's so hard about catching your cheating spouse?

What are your fears?

What is stopping you from getting the answers you need?

Are you you fearful of losing your soul mate? Is it the kids? Finances? Do you still love them?

 

I'm here....

 

:confused:

 

 

Huh?

 

If you know you have a cheating spouse, you already "caught them", isn't it so?

 

So not sure what you're asking.

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted

What % of your cases are you hired by men to sus out their gf/wife verses women who want to check up on their bf/husband? I suspect most men would not call you, but rather try to work it out for themselves. As well as that....both online and the women I know IRL, say they are much smarter than men about not getting caught. What's your opinion on this? (just curious)

cityguy001 New Member

cityguy001

Posted
Posted

I'm a guy, and I did my detective work myself...you'd be surprised how much data is left behind on a computer, and smart phone. Plus, once you get their patterns and routines down, catching them is simple. But my suggestion is to enlist some help from a friend or two who are willing to help you track them. You need two people to catch two cheaters. Its not a big job, but can be allot to ask of a friend. Texts are difficult to retrieve unless you can see your partners phone. I also bought a very cheap gps tracker device. Ethically, its probably not right for all to do that. Legally, tracking someone in their own vehicle (this was my car so I had a loop hole, and no moral problem knowing where my SUV was), is probably not a good thing.

 

In the end I had all the evidence I needed. Busted them and walked. Got a divorce, and 2 years later found the woman of my dreams.

 

Why did I do this? First: if you have a partner who is an expert manipulator, a BPD freak, and liar you will get an avalanche of lies and be blamed for being irrational (etc). Another words, you'll be made to feel crazy, and it'll all be your fault. Second: its good closure. A couple of my friends (females) 'knew' something was up with their mates but never really found out. They split with their husbands and never had the closure that they were cheating.

 

I know not many folks agree with this sort of thing, Its a deep personal decision to decide to do this. Make sure you can handle the truth before spending time on this.

experiencethedevine Established Member

experiencethedevine

Posted
Posted
I'm a guy, and I did my detective work myself...you'd be surprised how much data is left behind on a computer, and smart phone. Plus, once you get their patterns and routines down, catching them is simple. But my suggestion is to enlist some help from a friend or two who are willing to help you track them. You need two people to catch two cheaters. Its not a big job, but can be allot to ask of a friend. Texts are difficult to retrieve unless you can see your partners phone. I also bought a very cheap gps tracker device. Ethically, its probably not right for all to do that. Legally, tracking someone in their own vehicle (this was my car so I had a loop hole, and no moral problem knowing where my SUV was), is probably not a good thing.

 

In the end I had all the evidence I needed. Busted them and walked. Got a divorce, and 2 years later found the woman of my dreams.

 

Why did I do this? First: if you have a partner who is an expert manipulator, a BPD freak, and liar you will get an avalanche of lies and be blamed for being irrational (etc). Another words, you'll be made to feel crazy, and it'll all be your fault. Second: its good closure. A couple of my friends (females) 'knew' something was up with their mates but never really found out. They split with their husbands and never had the closure that they were cheating.

 

I know not many folks agree with this sort of thing, Its a deep personal decision to decide to do this. Make sure you can handle the truth before spending time on this.

 

 

 

 

I think this is very important, and what usually instigates any contact with an investigator.

 

 

Some have 'an idea' that some treachery is abound, but may not be willing to face the facts of it for a time.

ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

Posted
Posted

Coco, your response was assuming based on your experience.

 

GotIt, You were dead on in my case and I was going to respond similarly and write this:

 

What stopped me from catching my cheating spouse? ...A clue.

  • Like 1
krazikat Established Member

krazikat

Posted
Posted
I suspect in many cases the BS does not really want to know, and just hopes it will all go away. And, given that many As are self-limiting, I would guess that in several cases, it does.

 

At least, that particular A. The issues that drove the unfaithful spouse to cheat are unlikely to be resolved that easily, but a BS who is in denial about the (possibility of) infidelity is likely also to be in denial about problems in the R. Certainly that was the case with my H's xBW, anyway.

 

In many cases? Oh, Coco, you so funny! Stop makin' stuff up!

  • Like 3
yellowmaverick Established Member

yellowmaverick

Posted
Posted

The only thing that stopped me from catching my cheating H was trust. I had no idea there was anything to "catch".

  • Like 2
anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
In many cases? Oh, Coco, you so funny! Stop makin' stuff up!

 

Well someone has to believe the sh*t they spout to make themselves feel important and "special" :eek:

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

....post deleted....

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

If you aren't in complete denial there are usually signs.

ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted
Well someone has to believe the sh*t they spout to make themselves feel important and "special" :eek:

 

you don't believe plenty of partners who are insecure + scared of being on their own or feel they wont do any better or don't want to rock the boat on their marriage/social life/cozy little family life, might stick their head in the sand, and just pretend everything is all fine and dandy, even though there is the occasional nagging thought in the back of their mind, when some incident & explanation from their partner seems just a little fishy. I reckon plenty of people get by with 'what you dont know wont hurt you. There is no way I'd say most though, but there is no way I would say 'there are many partners living in denial' is a bunch of BS.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

You have misunderstood my post Ascendotum :)

yellowmaverick Established Member

yellowmaverick

Posted
Posted
If you aren't in complete denial there are usually signs.

 

From a cheater's perspective, maybe there were "signs". From the perspective of a trusting spouse whose life was her family? No.

 

My H conducted his affair mostly from work, and during "business" trips. He did not text or call her in my presence....ever. In fact, he hardly ever used his phone. The OW was long distance. I didn't know her. He and I went on vacation, coached soccer teams together, and celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary - all during the A.

 

In retrospect, the only "sign" was that my H was not nearly as bothered as I was by his own father's affair and his best grad school buddy's affair - both of which occurred long before his own affair. I guess it should have put me on notice that his moral code was not very high.

  • Like 1
Robert Established Member

Robert

Posted
Posted

We'll close this thread up, if the thread starter wants it reopened then alert on my post and well will do so, thanks

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...