alexjames Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I've been single for about months now. I have only ever had 2 girlfriends. My first lasted 9 months and ended back in February and my second ended in late October, but only lasted 2 months. I still miss both girls dearly though, but I know there is no way back (I didn't do anything wrong in the times with them, they just didn't want to carry on with things due to a few arguments etc). Because I know there is no way back with either and I have been NC since they both left me, I want to just move on and meet a nice, new girl. I met the first online (I am only 21, so I know I am quite young for trying it out!) and the second was set up by a work mate. But I don't know how to meet anyone! I go out most weekends, but the girls there are usually after one thing, but that's not what I want, plus I never even get any attention from a girl anyway (last weekend was honestly the first time a girl has ever even danced NEAR me!!). I still try online but get no replies (I look very young, so that doesn't help) and there is no way other than that, that I can think of meeting girls! I'm in the UK if that matters. So has anyone got any handy tips/advice please?!
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I've been single for about months now. I have only ever had 2 girlfriends. My first lasted 9 months and ended back in February and my second ended in late October, but only lasted 2 months. I still miss both girls dearly though, but I know there is no way back (I didn't do anything wrong in the times with them, they just didn't want to carry on with things due to a few arguments etc). Because I know there is no way back with either and I have been NC since they both left me, I want to just move on and meet a nice, new girl. I met the first online (I am only 21, so I know I am quite young for trying it out!) and the second was set up by a work mate. But I don't know how to meet anyone! I go out most weekends, but the girls there are usually after one thing, but that's not what I want, plus I never even get any attention from a girl anyway (last weekend was honestly the first time a girl has ever even danced NEAR me!!). I still try online but get no replies (I look very young, so that doesn't help) and there is no way other than that, that I can think of meeting girls! I'm in the UK if that matters. So has anyone got any handy tips/advice please?! There's people like myself who have dated a bit, but still not serious. It's been over 5yrs since my last "serious" relationship. Nothing is "wrong" with me. Life has many seasons and you cannot gauge your success or failure off of anyone else. It may seem like the end of the world at 21 but it's not. You should be directing most of your energy on professional success and discovering who you are. By thinking something is "wrong" with you, you will be projecting your low self-esteem and that will put off women. "Woe is me" is never a good look. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Are you involved in any clubs or hobbies? Get out there & do something you enjoy. Your enthusiasm for your interest will attract people to you.
Author alexjames Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 I know what you are saying, but at the minute, it's hard to think like that. Career wise, I do have a good job (on paper atleast) as I am in a supervisory role in a fairly big retail company, but my manager isn't the nicest and bullies me into doing illegal number of hours and threatens me etc, so that doesn't really help the way I see things/my future. I don't know what it is though with the feeling of worry about lack of relationship. I think what it is, is that I have dreamt of having the perfect family life in the future. A loving wife, children, nice house etc. And I (perhaps wrongly) keep saying to myself ''Well, I'm 22 next month, if I am going to have that family life with children etc, it will have to happen in the next 6/7 years more than likely, so time is running out'' as I refuse to just settle with anyone and I have to be married with a health finances and my own place with her etc before thinking about having a family, as I will not have children coming into my world in an unstable family etc as I want the best start possible for them...I know it sounds stupid all of this, but my mind does worry me at times!!
MBrewey Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 There is nothing wrong with you. "Only" having two relationships at twenty-one years old seems normal to me. How many relationships do you need to have before you die? 1
Targetlock Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 nope nothing with you at all, plus you are still 21 plenty of time yet. and anyways isn't it about the quality of relationships rather than quantity anyway? good luck to you.
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Time isn't even close to running out. Stop putting too much pressure on yourself. The women may sense desperation on your part. 1
Guitarisgood Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Dude, at a few years older than you, I've had even less experience! Enjoy your life now when you are actually single and free. Go out, travel, further your career or work hard and study. You'd don't realise but how easy it is for you to coincedentally meet a woman one day then BAM! You're married with kids and a nagging wife. Then, you'll be back here posting about how you wished you were still young or single again.
organizedchaos Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 What are you talking about,time is tinning out in 6-7 years? Seriously???
datingnoob93 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 haha I'm a year younger than you and my last (and only) girlfriend was in high school. And since HS "relationships" are pretty much by definition non-serious that means technically I've never had a GF. Make you feel better ??
Author alexjames Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 The thing is, I suppose, people want different things from life. You get some people who want a hugely successful career, constantly looking to move up in the world and become as high in the workforce as possible, while at the same time not really worrying about things such as relationships, because they don't have the time, can't commit or whatever. But then, I'm not really like that. The way I WANT my lifeto go is to have a steady job, good enough to be able to be very comfortable and not have too many worries financially, have a wife, children and a nice house and just have the nice, quiet family lifestyle. So because of that, the longer it goes on without meeting somebody, and perhaps more alarming for me, never really being to confident around girls, means I don't really know what to do to attract anybody. I work everyday, on Saturdays I go to my local football teams games and follow them round the country, and Sundays I see my mates normally, so joining clubs etc like people have said can't really happen. I go out Saturday nights, but as I said, the girls there only want one thing, which I don't want, and even if that was the case, I've still never ''pulled'' before... So I'm pretty useless really haha! Which is one of the reasons why I can't ever see myself being able to meet anybody :/ I thought I'd give the online thing a go, it worked when I met my first Girlfriend, but since then, I have messaged hundreds of people, all with unique messages specific to their profile, and only ever had one date, and a very small number of replies (Probably 1 reply to say every 90/100 people I message) So if I can't meet somebody on a site designed for meeting people, I really don't know what to do haha!
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Actually the longer you go without meeting that person & having kids the MORE likely to get your dream because you will have the solid financial base before the kids come. 2
Teraskas Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Actually the longer you go without meeting that person & having kids the MORE likely to get your dream because you will have the solid financial base before the kids come. I was going to say this as well, hehe. ^^ Agreed, women are (usually) drawn to both mentally and financially stable men.
Author alexjames Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 I think what it is, is that so many people (friends, family, work colleagues etc etc) all say things to me like ''You're such a lovely guy, you'll make someone a very happy lady one day'' and ''You will have no problem finding the girl of your dreams'', ''You'll be fine, you'll be happy very soon'' etc, but it's all a big lie! I mean, I do like to think I am a nice, caring guy, I've been known to make people laugh and I'm honest and loyal etc. Have a decent job (Even though I don't enjoy it for various reasons). But despite all this, it doesn't help my confidence in myself. I've never even really had a female friend due to nerves I suppose! I don't get it, I feel like I'm a bit pathetic and that I'm never going to do anything to attract anybody, and I still don't know HOW too. I go out with friends, to pubs and clubs, and no girls even look at me! It's just really frustrating
Eau Claire Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 You do come across as negative, whiny and pathetic. Those are complete turn offs for women. You need to reinvent your image. Think Bond, James Bond. Only partially kidding. What will it take to turn your image around? Get some nice clothes that make you feel sharp, work out, put a smile on your face and put a bit of zip in your step. Do what you can to project a confident all together man. We women are attracted to this. Toss in good language, being respectful, honest and some girl will see you as a good catch.
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