Will she come back w/ No Contact. Is there hope?

[pbgunz35]

I need some help... So me and my exgirlfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up back in november..

I broke up with her. We were arguing many times that week simply because a lack of communication and me having a drinking problem. We had been arguing all week and friday came around and I got enough anger built up I went to her house and was downright rude to her and broke up with her. Basically made it sound like I was better then her..

 

So ever since that night I broke up with her I didn't talk to her for 2 days I called her on sunday asked her if we could talk. She had me over we talked for hours on in and did not want me back she said she could not get what I said out of her head.I understood after a couple days we were back to seeing each other everyday having sex and hanging out like a married couple. That went on till NOW. Last Thursday she told me she is confused and we need to stop hanging out because shes confused and tired of hiding our relationship from her family. I said ok and accepted that fact since then we have been texting back and forth here and there.

 

It comes to now I am trying the No contact I texted her and told her... This was my exact text that I sent I know I've told you over and over how sorry I was. I just wanna apologize for how I hurt you when I broke up with you that day.I was not myself then and that's why I proceed to move away from the drinking and put others first. I have put myself in a lot of pain to this day. I think at this point I'm changing myself to improve myself and swerve away from the bar scene as I am not looking for someone that go's out all the time or even hangs out in that culture and settling down as that is what I want in my life is to have a family really soon and to take care of them and love them. I still love you with all my heart and miss you uncontrollably to the point where it has put me through a lot of pain. It makes me tear up just typing this..I do hope maybe down the road there is something for us and if there is I would like to proceed it and talk about marriage as that's what I'm looking to advance to at my time in life after I have done a lot of thinking and do not wanna be 30 and still partying.. I will give you all the space and time. Hope you have a decent day at work and nobody will ever be my honey crunch how you have been to me.. she sends me back a message saying honey crunch she then says I know you are hurt I am hurt and sad to and miss you but I feel its right that we are not together its like bittersweet..

 

So what do I do now do I just go no contact and wait for her to miss me more if she misses me now will she miss me 30 days from now and still wanna work on our relationship. We had a very strong relationship she even told me she never had someone she felt so confortable around and that was a week ago.. The reason she does not want to get back together is because what I said when I broke up with. It hurt her feelings.. So now what please help

[pbgunz35]

Can anyone help? Do I go no contact or do I keep in touch with her.. what should I do.

[jphcbpa]

I suggest you focus on you. Have you been to AA?

[pbgunz35]

I am focusing on myself. I do not need AA .. she only got mad when I drank here n there. I have not had any alcohol for sometime now. So that's why I'm emotionally stressed about her and no drinking

[pbgunz35]

I just need advise if I should go no contact and take care of myself or keep in touch with her.

[d0nnivain]

NC is a healing too. It is not designed to get somebody back.

 

 

You broke up with her. You now have to live with the consequences. She has taken you at your word. She tried hanging out with you but that made her feel worse.

 

 

She will always be the one that got away. Sorry.

[pbgunz35]

I understand that is true she can not get over what she is feeling. She just told me last week she has never been so comfortable around someone also told me. Yes we are broke up we might get back together in a month we may not.. Told me 50 percent of her wants to get back together and 50 percent of her does not. I love the girl to pieces and its so hard to just move on... I never had a closing.

[iworthmore]

first u broke up with her and lost her trust.

 

u let the anger control you and that's a red flag for her to the future of u both together.

 

what is done is done. now your only chance is to give her space by NC. it must be an active NC. which mean working on ur issues. stop drinking and make sure she notice that some way. and work on any other issues bothered her.

 

she must forget the hurt u caused her by the things u said. see a change in you and gain her trust again. u must be lucky, very lucky.

 

tell her u will give her space to think about things, say that u need time also to work on ur own issues. she knows u love her. don't mention marriage cuz that will stress her more. she still confused.

 

 

good luck mate.

[pbgunz35]

Thanks for the advise!

[No Limit]

Basically made it sound like I was better then her..

 

That was the dead-shot of her feelings, and maybe even the whole relationship.

 

Whether you were sober or drunk enough to let your speech slur, I bet she might ask herself where these thoughts were coming from in your head, and no matter how often you might apologize, she might still believe that you meant what you said. Another problem were the 2 days until you contacted her. Had you reacted faster, she might have forgiven you easier thinking it was the alcohol speaking. Or maybe it would have ended your relationship faster because of the same reason.

 

Trouble is she's now looking for advice, and I'm very sure most of her friends will advise her to leave you behind. Especially now that you mentioned the word "marriage" in your text message; if she's asked "Is that the man you'd want to spend the rest of your life with?" etc, she'll only see the guy you've been in the past of your relationship, which had alcohol and this insulting, degrading stop to it. Should have kept that for yourself until you've really changed anything on you if you deem it necessary.

 

Best of luck.

[pbgunz35]

Thanks guys for the responses. Yes I hurt her a lot when I said what I did to her when I was drinking and yes your correct me waitingbtwo days put her in so much pain that she does not wanna deal with it anymore.. She did start hanging out with me after that week and we hung out till last Thursday well today we hung out. I had to pick up some stuff from her house I stoped and got flowers she thank me for them and asked what they were for I just I just miss you n she said thanks I miss you to. However we got something to eat and I talked to her for a little didn't try to ask to many questions because she does not like that. I told her how im going to change and that I apologize for everything and she will always have a piece in my heart. She said thanks for apologizing im not mad. She still misses Me and is sad. Im hoping she needs space im kinda thinking I should not do no contact because then I feel she will have me out of site and move on.. im not sure?? What do you think?

[pbgunz35]

Sorry for the typos im on a phone..

[erklat]

I think you should do no contact as her response points to a low interest level.

[pbgunz35]

So how do I go about no contact?? Right now she is still texting me.. she is texting me and talking. Last night she texted me at 3am saying shes lonely and wants to cuddle I didnt go to her house.. I feel if I dont do something soon she is gonna slowly pull away because she has me by her side. I never text first I let her text me.

[pbgunz35]

Me and my girlfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up back in November we were arguing alot and I decided to end the relationship after two days we were still texting I decided to call her and see if we could talk she said I went over to talk to her. She did not want to give me another chance shes decided she wants to move on. After a week or so of texting we started to hang out everyday and seeing each other everyday almost acting as a married couple.. That went on for about 2 months in till last week she told me we can not be doing this anymore im confused im tired of hiding our relationship. I said ok that's fine however now she is always texting me ill reply back as always the night before she texted me saying she wants to cuddle and then last night sending me a picture of herself. I am to the point where I love the girl soo much I would do anything for her and be there for her and miss her so much but im putting myself through so much pain... I need help I broke up with her and want her back should I just hang in there or no contact.. what is a nice way of doing contact?

[xUnknown]

Me and my girlfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up back in November we were arguing alot and I decided to end the relationship after two days we were still texting I decided to call her and see if we could talk she said I went over to talk to her. She did not want to give me another chance shes decided she wants to move on. After a week or so of texting we started to hang out everyday and seeing each other everyday almost acting as a married couple.. That went on for about 2 months in till last week she told me we can not be doing this anymore im confused im tired of hiding our relationship. I said ok that's fine however now she is always texting me ill reply back as always the night before she texted me saying she wants to cuddle and then last night sending me a picture of herself. I am to the point where I love the girl soo much I would do anything for her and be there for her and miss her so much but im putting myself through so much pain... I need help I broke up with her and want her back should I just hang in there or no contact.. what is a nice way of doing contact?

 

There is not really a "nice" way of doing no contact...nor, is there a "mean/bad" way of doing it. No Contact is for you. Just as everyone else has said, you need to start focusing on you. Clearly, you both still care about each other. She misses you, that's evident (up late/can't sleep, texting you, wants to cuddle). But I think she is also trying to gauge how you respond to her messages of reaching out (asking to cuddle, sending pic of herself, still texting).

 

I think what you need to do is this...give her space. No Contact means exactly what it sounds like. No calling, texting, facebooking (either block/unfriend her, or (if you can't unfriend) block her from your wall and block her and her friends from showing up in your feed --this is what I did because I had the self control not to look at my ex's page).

 

If you didn't respond to her texts/sending of the pic, don't. She'll reach out again. Then, tell her you don't think the best thing for either of you is to be communicating. You want to give her the space she needs, so she can figure out if you're the one she wants to be with. She has to miss you. She can't miss you if she's texting you and you are always responding.

 

There is a void right now of your absence. She reaches out to you because she can't handle that void. Obviously, you have that void to, and when you respond, you're filling it. You need to show her youre taking that void, and filling it with YOU...that you have all this extra time, and you're investing it into working on yourself. If she doesn't understand that NC is the BEST thing for BOTH of you, then its doomed. I think she'll understand that, but, she won't want it. She'll get pissed (she may or not express this to you, but it doesn't matter). She'll wonder, if he loves me, why is he doing this...but, this is a sign of immaturity. She'll come to her senses and realize that what you did, was the best thing. And, when you stick to it (NC), she'll realize how serious you are taking this time, working on you, bettering yourself, not for her or the relationship - but for YOU. THAT, will impress her. THAT, will show her you care.

 

When you build up enough posts, feel free to PM me if you'd like. Take care.