Jame22 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) We only went on one date. I liked her and I thought it went pretty well. I asked her to go ice skating with me next Saturday but she playfully said she'd only go if I go to church with her the next day. I told her no, but that I'd consider it if we made it through 2 more dates. We both agreed. a sane/interested girl wouldn't do this, would she? Part of me feels like she's leading me on just so she can recruit me. I don't see myself converting anytime soon. *I'm an atheist and she knows this; it was on my OKC profile Edited January 20, 2014 by Jame22 1
callingyouuu Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I think she probably likes you and isn't just trying to convert you. I imagine she's just testing the waters to see how open you would be to going. While it might not be a dealbreaker, religious compatibility might still be one of her preferences. Only way to know is to ask her how important it is to her for someone she dates to share her religious beliefs. 2
newmoon Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 We only went on one date. I liked her and I thought it went pretty well. I asked her to go ice skating with me next Saturday but she playfully said she'd only go if I go to church with her the next day. I told her no, but that I'd consider it if we made it through 2 more dates. We both agreed. a sane/interested girl wouldn't do this, would she? Part of me feels like she's leading me on just so she can recruit me. I don't see myself converting anytime soon. *I'm an atheist and she knows this; it was on my OKC profile lol - we just look at the pictures too, we don't actually read your profile 1
SYLLPalmer Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Your profile is your disclaimer read or not. Tell her religion and god for you are a personal journey and one that you will not be joining her on. Mine says if you want to talk about JC as your personal friend and savior I will give you both the permanent privacy you deserve. The nerve of God fearing folk sometimes.
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 We only went on one date. I liked her and I thought it went pretty well. I asked her to go ice skating with me next Saturday but she playfully said she'd only go if I go to church with her the next day. I told her no, but that I'd consider it if we made it through 2 more dates. We both agreed. a sane/interested girl wouldn't do this, would she? Part of me feels like she's leading me on just so she can recruit me. I don't see myself converting anytime soon. *I'm an atheist and she knows this; it was on my OKC profile She really can't be seriously into the faith that much if she goes out with an atheist. I don't think it's prudent to impose one's beliefs or disbeliefs on anyone. As a woman of faith, we are encouraged (and for logical reasons as well) to stick to people within our own faith. The only time I've ever dated other religions/atheist/agnostic is when I didn't want something serious but no way I'd settle down; it's too problematic for a deeper relationship, raising kids, etc. I guess just tread lightly because it will become equally frustrating for both of you if this issue is pushed too much. I just hope she doesn't going into anything thinking SHE will change YOUR mind. Faith is too personal for that. 4
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 This would be a red flag for me. Not only is she asking you to go against your beliefs, but after only one date, she's putting you in a position to meet and mingle with her social circle? How many family and friends does she have at this church and do you think they'd be receptive of you being an atheist? Just doesn't seem like a good idea to me. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I don't see where she is insane. Church may be important to her; church is "better" with people you care about. It bugs me sometimes when DH doesn't go with me. That said if you don't want to go -- & I can't imagine that you would want to since you are an atheist -- don't go. However, this is one of those issues that is hard to overcome long term. You may be fundamentally incompatible 1
carhill Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 OP, I dealt with this when younger. Trust me, move on. Someone who starts in this early isn't on their best behavior, rather they think everyone should be as spiritually enlightened as they are and they're going to be your savior. This is where you should be decisive and learn to reject people who demonstrate behaviors which don't align with your belief systems. Don't think of this as a sexual opportunity you're passing up. It isn't. My tone would be more moderate if she had expressed an interest in learning about your belief system and respecting it. No evidence of that. Good luck. 4
soccerrprp Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I would refuse. An atheist who agrees to going to church? Also, I think you should makemitnclear that you're an atheist. If she missed that then she now has a chance to make an informed decision as to whether she wants to continue. If she knows then she's dissing your religious philosophy. I hope she doesn't look at you as a project to repair/fix. 1
mammasita Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 She either missed that tidbit or she's pushing the envelope. Either way, I think it's unfair of her. Speak up in case she missed it, if not - I don't think you should agree to go.
sagetalk Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 A christian girl dating an atheist is as common as salt on fast food. They feel like they can "change" you just like any other thing a person tries to change in another person. People who try to change other people through dating are trouble. If you don't want to go to church, then date someone else. Otherwise, if you continue to date her, suck it up and go.
Eau Claire Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 We only went on one date. I liked her and I thought it went pretty well. I asked her to go ice skating with me next Saturday but she playfully said she'd only go if I go to church with her the next day. I told her no, but that I'd consider it if we made it through 2 more dates. We both agreed. a sane/interested girl wouldn't do this, would she? Part of me feels like she's leading me on just so she can recruit me. I don't see myself converting anytime soon. *I'm an atheist and she knows this; it was on my OKC profile A 'sane' guy wouldn't have agreed. Infatuated guys are not sane. I'm an atheist. We can make you go or not go to church. Stand on your head...roll over. It's amazing the power we women have over men. If she is has a pretty smile, you will be going to church.
what_a_blonde Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I don't see where she is insane. Church may be important to her; church is "better" with people you care about. It bugs me sometimes when DH doesn't go with me. That said if you don't want to go -- & I can't imagine that you would want to since you are an atheist -- don't go. However, this is one of those issues that is hard to overcome long term. You may be fundamentally incompatible Agree 100%.. I know of 2 couples in the past year who DIVORCED because of this. Both cases were where the husbands were never really too religious.. but the women were. After 5 years of marriage (both cases), the men stray... the one guy all of a sudden said if they were going to have kids they weren't going to raise them in the church. Then the other guy also strayed religious wise and suddenly didn't want kids at all. I know you guys are just in the beginning phase of dating... but its something to think about.
FitChick Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 If neither of you ever want to have kids, you have nothing to lose by dating her. Go once and if you don't like it tell her it's not for you but you understand why she likes it. If she respects your beliefs, you will respect hers but neither of you will try to convert the other. I am a spiritual person and I am always curious about other faiths and practices. It's a learning experience for me. Just don't try to convert me. 2
Keenly Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I see a complete lack of respect for you as an individual that will only get worse as her comfort level with you increases. Its listed on your profile and she asked you to go after ONE date? She clearly doesn't respect that its YOUR life. Her faith is more important than your choice not to have one in her eyes. Sounds pretty selfish and downright disrespectful to put her needs above your life decisions, especially so early. Probably a good idea just to set her down easy right now and let her know its not going to work out. Or be prepared for guilt trips for not going every time she goes. 3
rosedl Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I don't date church goers I find organized religion a scary concept all though I do respect the charity and social network it provides for some people. Totally out of line. Why don't you ask her to go to a lecture about Atheism and see if she would be interested in a weekly round table discussion on that? If she is trying to get you to go after one date, RUN.
Elias33 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 To have different belief systems from one another is one thing. It's the after one date thing I don't get. You get to meet her family, yay! Doesn't sound like a good idea. Like others have said, long term this spells nothing but trouble.
PegNosePete Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I would tell her that it would be hypocritical of you to do something which goes against your beliefs. Also tell her if you set foot inside a church, you may catch fire. 1
gaius Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You know you don't have to be religious to go to church with someone. There's no sign on the door that says ye must believe in god to enter this place. I've been to a few events at a Jewish temple before and it certainly doesn't make me Jewish. You're not dealing with Islam where everyone in the world needs to be a believer and infidels are unclean. Who knows whether she's trying to convert you or is just looking for a boyfriend to go with and is letting you know. If you're not willing to compromise and go even once you might as well let her find someone who will though.
irc333 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) I met a woman that claimed she ALWAYS believes first dates should be in church. Being a Christian myself, I believe that's even a little too familiar. Why would she pick church over a movie, putt putt golf, coffee, etc? Why a church service? You can't even talk at all during the service. LOL *I'm an atheist and she knows this; it was on my OKC profile You know how someone says, of course this is AFTER the dating relationship ends dreadfully, "You're picking the wrong men". I'm not sure why she would date an ATHEIST in the first place, to tick off the single Christian men in her church? LOL We only went on one date. I liked her and I thought it went pretty well. I asked her to go ice skating with me next Saturday but she playfully said she'd only go if I go to church with her the next day. I told her no, but that I'd consider it if we made it through 2 more dates. We both agreed. a sane/interested girl wouldn't do this, would she? Part of me feels like she's leading me on just so she can recruit me. I don't see myself converting anytime soon. *I'm an atheist and she knows this; it was on my OKC profile Edited January 21, 2014 by irc333 1
WrinkledForehead Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It's a deal breaker for me. I've learned along the way that my views (as an atheist) on Christianity and Christians don't allow for fundamental compatibility. Shared outlook is healthy, and I believe you'd find yourself happier if there wasn't the contention, no matter how slight, of opposing views. 1
irc333 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Yeah, it kind of irks me when I get rejected by a woman who is an avid Christian, but she winds up falling for an agnostic or someone who has no kind of spirituality. I have befriended this woman at one time where she was an avid church go-er, plays the organ in the church, and is even involved at church with her children going to field trips and such. Her boyfriend stays with her over the weekends, but she allows for Saturdays to be her "Me" time (which is kind of strange if she doesn't want him over). Anyhow, at one time I was interested in dating her, mainly because she was a Christian of course and we had quite a few things in common, but she turned me down, just didn't see me "in that way". I was cool with it, we are amicable now, I even go to her for relationship advice...besides our sense of humor doesn't click...and she's kind of dry. But, it kind of irked me that she started dating this guy, but not on a personal level, but only because I have known OTHER women to do this. In fact, when I was younger, I met this woman in church, was trying to get to know her and you know as women do mention the "boyfriend' In conversation? Well, I was a member of this church group, wasn't necessarily a "Singles" group, but I tried to get her to come to our functions. I got her # and then when I'd call her up a couple of times, but she never had time to attend the events. So I was like screw it, I'll just ask her out. LOL. I kind of did it in spite of the fact she had an non-religious/agnostic boyfriend that never goes to church, figured I'd give her an opportunity to get to know a Christian man for a change. She wasn't too thrilled about the idea that I only got her # to ask her out. lol....but that was my younger hears. BUt still...the idea of a Christian woman dating an atheist, is quite appalling and insulting to the Christian men she's already rejected. Agree 100%.. I know of 2 couples in the past year who DIVORCED because of this. Both cases were where the husbands were never really too religious.. but the women were. After 5 years of marriage (both cases), the men stray... the one guy all of a sudden said if they were going to have kids they weren't going to raise them in the church. Then the other guy also strayed religious wise and suddenly didn't want kids at all. I know you guys are just in the beginning phase of dating... but its something to think about. 1
Author Jame22 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 If neither of you ever want to have kids, you have nothing to lose by dating her. Go once and if you don't like it tell her it's not for you but you understand why she likes it. If she respects your beliefs, you will respect hers but neither of you will try to convert the other. I am a spiritual person and I am always curious about other faiths and practices. It's a learning experience for me. Just don't try to convert me. She jokingly told me that she didn't want kids until 52 and that she didn't want to get married anytime soon so i guess that's a good sign. I'm certainly not looking for anything serious anyway. I just want someone to wear sweatpants and watch movies with I'll try to feel her out on the next couple of dates and if they go well I guess i have nothing to lose by 'visiting' her church...It would only be wrong of me if I considered to become a Christian for her...or lied to her..
GoreSP Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 We only went on one date. I liked her and I thought it went pretty well. I asked her to go ice skating with me next Saturday but she playfully said she'd only go if I go to church with her the next day. I told her no, but that I'd consider it if we made it through 2 more dates. We both agreed. a sane/interested girl wouldn't do this, would she? Part of me feels like she's leading me on just so she can recruit me. I don't see myself converting anytime soon. *I'm an atheist and she knows this; it was on my OKC profile Maybe she was just testing to see how open you would be to go to church with her? You may be overthinking this for now. An atheist dating a religious person can lead to a lot of problems though. If you're the kind of atheist who makes fun of religious people and if she is on a mission to turn you into a believer, this is never going to work... you will definitely have to have a conversation with her before this gets serious.
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