Feeling terrible, need some advice to overcome this

January 20, 2014

I'm a MW, he is a SM. We've been seeing each other for quite a long time, sex with no strings, but I love him. I've always loved him.

Two months ago, he was super excited to reconnect after a period of no contact. I had all his attention. It was great. All day long chatting, he looked for me all the time, we met once or twice a week, it was all great. Until last week. I started to sense he was getting cold, but he still looked for me. I stalked him on the internet only to find he's seeing another woman. It is all pretty recent, all started last week, but she seems desperate for him, and him for her. She is single, cute, thin and fun.

Since then, he stopped contact with me. He hasn't looked for me, but he is all the time chatting with this woman. Though he disappears some times, she gets crazy and looks for him. It makes me sick to see this sick game. He is doing to her the same things he's done to me: giving her a little, disappearing just for her to go crazy and look for him, and then he has what he wants. He is evil.

and he's ignoring me, like I'm disposable.

Right now that I've discovered all the story, I just cannot breath. I haven't eaten in all day, and the only thing I can do is stalking them just to realize they are chatting and messaging.

Please help, this situation is consuming me, I an addicted and don;t know how to overcome this pain. It's more than I can handle

January 20, 2014

Where did you meet him if you don't kind he asking?

And how do you know he's chatting with another woman how can you see their conversations?

January 20, 2014

This is your sign to stop the affair. And either focus on your marriage or divorce your husband. SM is not available in a way you need, not that you were either.

He is moving on and so should you.

January 20, 2014

If your serious, you have to shut down your facebook and block him everywhere.

Its like throwing away your cigs when your trying to quit, you have to take drastic measures.

Its NOT going to get easier when he has your text and email and you see he is NOT using them. Its gonna break your heart more.

You get control of yourself by taking all the steps to start the painful process of healing.

It is SO hard going through withdrawal. im in it BAD but each day (since last werk of Nov) and no contact for 14 days now since I blocked him everywhere, it is helping SO much.

If you want to stop, start NOW before it gets worse.

January 20, 2014

Thanks for your replies. I know hes chatting with her because he looked for her on a dating site, they were online at tge same time for a couple days, then he disappeared, she started to log in like crazy, every minute, intil he reappeared again and now theyre both online on messenger. Isnt that enough?

plus he stopped looking for me at the same time, what other proof i need?

Thing is i contacted him and he denied it to me, i couldnt say to him that I know this for sure for obvious reasons, but he agreed to meet me tomorrow.

It will be the last time i see him. Ive already decided this. He says he is not ready for a.full time relationship but i know he says this until he finds the right one. Im.aware of this. Im selfish at this point, i cannot make him commit to me when i am not available as well.

Its.probable he cancels last.minute due to this other woman he is talking to, but i wont take it personal. You are right, he is not the right one for me.it hurts like hell but hey what can i do at this point? Just shallow my anger and frustration and try to think what the hell i am going to do with my life. I hate hubby so much..he makes my life miserable every minute. And thus guy, he was my only escape

January 21, 2014

. I hate hubby so much..he makes my life miserable every minute. And thus guy, he was my only escape

why are you still married? to someone you hate and makes your life miserable?

this guy is doing you a favour. with him out of the picture, serving as a distraction, you might actually look into what's happening in your life and make it happier and more genuine.

January 21, 2014

If you spent half as much energy into your husband and marriage instead of this single guy, maybe your life would be better at home. sorry to be blunt but you really have no right to be upset with a single guy who can date and be with whomever he wants since he is not committed to you.

You seem to forget you're married?

Anyway, this guy is living his life, rightfully so. What he does online or offline is none of your business. you've brought this all on yourself by cyber stalking him.

January 21, 2014

For those who ask what am I doing with hubby and that I should look into my marriage and that single guy is doing me a favor: yes, you are all right.

Still, I cannot change my situation right now. Is it too much to ask that single guy stop looking for other women online while with me? It is really too much??

January 21, 2014

For those who ask what am I doing with hubby and that I should look into my marriage and that single guy is doing me a favor: yes, you are all right.
Still, I cannot change my situation right now. Is it too much to ask that single guy stop looking for other women online while with me? It is really too much??

All he has to say to you is, "hey you're married, you have a husband at home. I can look at whomever I want, you can't tell me what to do."

If you don't like how this SM is treating you, end it and walk away. You are addicted to how he makes you feel, the situation aka the affair itself is unhealthy and doing damage to you. You're unhappy. In the A and in your M as well.

This is your life, you only get one shot at it, so if things are not going well, change it. Put a plan into action, whether it be fixing your marriage or ending it, go talk to a therapist to help you decide what it is you want.

January 21, 2014

For those who ask what am I doing with hubby and that I should look into my marriage and that single guy is doing me a favor: yes, you are all right.
Still, I cannot change my situation right now. Is it too much to ask that single guy stop looking for other women online while with me? It is really too much??

Yes it is to much. You are NOT available to have a real relationship with him. Why should he forgo his future happiness, because you are wanting a little fun outside your marriage. You also naturally have the option of having sex with TWO men. Your AP and your husband....why should he be faithful when you are not?

January 21, 2014

Hi there, I posted about my SM yesterday. I'm MW and we've been seeing each other for the last year with periods of NO contact in between. I was super worried because he seemed to have lost interest on me to start something new with someone else.

After I posted here I texted him saying I was hurt he didn't contacted me, and that I felt he was seeing someone else. He told me to stop being silly, that that was not the case. I told him he's attractive and knows how to get a woman fall for him but he told me he has walls built up also (in relation with him flirting with women). I told him I cannot give him what he wants, he asked me what was he wanted, I told him he wanted a single gal with whom he could hang out freely. He told me he is not ready for a full time relationship.

OK we agreed to meet tonight but he texted me and asked me if we could see each other that same night (yesterday) because he was busy tonight. I said yeah.

He came home (I'm alone this week). Very affectionate. He couldn't stop kissing me. all the time. Long foreplay mostly kissing. After sex he just relaxed and cuddle with me. He hold my hand and went to sleep. the whole night he was cuddling and holding my hand. I had to wake him up and asked him to leave. He didn't want to and cuddle some more, but then he left.

Also, we were just talking. He asked me what was I thinking. I told him: I'm thinking we are very curious. Here I am, married woman. and you, unavailable man. what a pair!"

He then told me "Yeah, but I's starting to feel a little attached to you. just a little!" and then he put his head on my chest and said :Is that your heart running fast??

I said no (but yeah, it was my heart running)

Today no contact. I'm just so fu### confused right now. This is the first time ever he spends the night, and behaves so affectionate. I really don't know how to proceed now. When we are together, it's just perfect, we laugh, and we get along perfectly. but on the ohter hand he's out of my league plus I'm married plus he's talking to this other girl. I'm very confused and appreciate some light.

January 22, 2014

Just read your other threads.

What's your question?

You're confused about the affection? Maybe he was just in the mood to cuddle. No text the next day.. maybe he realized he was coming off as too intimate and wanted to appear aloof.

What's your romantic interest in your husband on a scale of 1-10? Same question again but with regards to your OM..

January 22, 2014

Just read your other threads.

What's your question?

You're confused about the affection? Maybe he was just in the mood to cuddle. No text the next day.. maybe he realized he was coming off as too intimate and wanted to appear aloof.

What's your romantic interest in your husband on a scale of 1-10? Same question again but with regards to your OM..

Many men can separate love and sex. In the midst of it they can be very loving and affectionate but then turn it off the next day and put it out of their heads.

That guy is a free spirit and is gonna do what he wants with you, another OW or whomever.

January 22, 2014

Just read your other threads.

What's your question?

You're confused about the affection? Maybe he was just in the mood to cuddle. No text the next day.. maybe he realized he was coming off as too intimate and wanted to appear aloof.

What's your romantic interest in your husband on a scale of 1-10? Same question again but with regards to your OM..

Hubby interest: 2 (i have feelinfs though.they arent romantic ones)

SM: 9. Im very much into him. I love him.

He wont text me. I know him. What to do now? Im clueless..

January 22, 2014

It's not love, you know that. It's puppy love for adults. Infatuation at most. He's filling the needs your husband is not because you've lost attraction to your husband and clearly you don't understand how to express your needs to your hubby.

In what ways is OM "out of your league"?

Don't do anything. Act cool. Wait for him to contact you. That's if you want to play the game correctly.

January 22, 2014

It's not love, you know that. It's puppy love for adults. Infatuation at most. He's filling the needs your husband is not because you've lost attraction to your husband and clearly you don't understand how to express your needs to your hubby.

In what ways is OM "out of your league"?

Don't do anything. Act cool. Wait for him to contact you. That's if you want to play the game correctly.

Yes, I want to play it cool this time. I'll wait for him to contact. I'm so scared he forget about me or he'll like the other woman more. BUT those are variables I just can't control, right? If he likes me, he'll reach out.

I'm also scared all his built up walls will infer and he won;t contact because he'll get scared of attachment feelings. This is difficult ugh.

Out of my league: he's somehow shallow with looks. He's a good 9. VERY attractive. One of those guys any women would like to have. No matter if old, young, cute or not, he's that guy any women want.

Me: I am a 7. thin, blonde hair, average face, nice smile, tiny, but my breasts are small, really small, and I'm not that confident in myself. I never was. That's why I think he might be laughing on me

Edited January 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

January 22, 2014

Yes, I want to play it cool this time. I'll wait for him to contact. I'm so scared he forget about me or he'll like the other woman more. BUT those are variables I just can't control, right? If he likes me, he'll reach out.

As a single OW who is in the process of NC to heal myself and finally end my relationship with a MM...I'm begging you to stop playing games and end it with the OM. You stated that you "can't give him what he wants" and yet you want him to chase you and love you. He's becoming attached to you and yet you don't respect that and seem to only care about if he loves you and misses you. Again, you said that you can't give him what he wants. Please save him the long term heartache and let him go. I hope that you figure out what you want -- recommit to your marriage or get a divorce. If you get a divorce then go find him if you want a relationship.

January 22, 2014

As a single OW who is in the process of NC to heal myself and finally end my relationship with a MM...I'm begging you to stop playing games and end it with the OM. You stated that you "can't give him what he wants" and yet you want him to chase you and love you. He's becoming attached to you and yet you don't respect that and seem to only care about if he loves you and misses you. Again, you said that you can't give him what he wants. Please save him the long term heartache and let him go. I hope that you figure out what you want -- recommit to your marriage or get a divorce. If you get a divorce then go find him if you want a relationship.

I'm sorry about your experience. We are all adults here and no one is forcing anyone here. With what right are you asking me to stop "playing games"? I am playing no games here. I'm pretty straighforward. He knows my situation, and he must infer, at least in some way, that I do love him.

It;s his choice to see me. I'm opening the door for him, I'm not forcing him in any way.

Heartache? Are you telling me he might have a heartache? Heartache is what I've been experiencing, seeing him flirting with every beautiful woman he has the opportunity, flaking on me, etc.

I'm sorry but I don't appreciate your comment, based in your own hurtful experience. I never said I wouldn't get a divorce for him. All of the contrary, in the beginning of the relationship I told him that I loved him very much and I was willing to get a divorce. He then pulled away. We are no kids, and no one can manipulate the other if the other is not willing to be manipulated.

January 22, 2014

I'm sorry about your experience. We are all adults here and no one is forcing anyone here. With what right are you asking me to stop "playing games"? I am playing no games here. I'm pretty straighforward. He knows my situation, and he must infer, at least in some way, that I do love him.
It;s his choice to see me. I'm opening the door for him, I'm not forcing him in any way.
Heartache? Are you telling me he might have a heartache? Heartache is what I've been experiencing, seeing him flirting with every beautiful woman he has the opportunity, flaking on me, etc.
I'm sorry but I don't appreciate your comment, based in your own hurtful experience. I never said I wouldn't get a divorce for him. All of the contrary, in the beginning of the relationship I told him that I loved him very much and I was willing to get a divorce. He then pulled away. We are no kids, and no one can manipulate the other if the other is not willing to be manipulated.

I think she is expressing what it feels like on the other side. It's a tough situation on both sides and there is no simple solution. I'm single and not in an affair yet I can only imagine how hard it must be.

January 22, 2014

I think she is expressing what it feels like on the other side. It's a tough situation on both sides and there is no simple solution. I'm single and not in an affair yet I can only imagine how hard it must be.

Sure, but it's not my case. she got involved with a married man and now is suffering the consequences. I'd like to know whether she know the status before getting attached to him or if, or no.

I undertand it's very hurtful as well, I can imagine the pain, and I assure you, my pain is comparable.

just think I've always been in love with him. Always willing to talk more and moreover, I'm completely sure I'll start a serious relationshp with him if he wanted to. I'm truly in love with him, I'd never hurt him on purpose. It's all of the contrary here. I'm the one available for him, he's been the one who always left me as a second option. now things are starting to get blurred and I'm very confused. I'd love a talk but still scared he might pull away.

I'm staying cool for the moment, stil not sure is the right choice since he might think I do not care, but because I care too much I'll give him his space to decide what he wants to do. Am I a bad person, then, for doing this?

January 22, 2014

It is wrong in a way. If you are going to be in a relationship like this then open honest communication is key. If you are afraid to communicate honestly and tell him how you feel then something is wrong. It doesn't matter what type of relationship it is - affair or otherwise - if you are involved then you have every right to communicate and you shouldn't be afraid to. If he balks at that it is very telling. Don't ever EVER be afraid to be yourself and there is nothing wrong with communicating how you feel. If you hold back out of fear you are playing a game in a sense because you are trying to manipulate an action or reaction out of him. You end up in a crazy making cycle like the one you are experiencing right now.

Communicate honestly, tell him how you feel even if it is hard and if he doesn't like it then show him the door.

Edited January 22, 2014 by chelsea2011

January 22, 2014

It is wrong in a way. If you are going to be in a relationship like this then open honest communication is key. If you are afraid to communicate honestly and tell him how you feel then something is wrong. It doesn't matter what type of relationship it is - affair or otherwise - if you are involved then you have every right to communicate and you shouldn't be afraid to. If he balks at that it is very telling. Don't ever EVER be afraid to be yourself and there is nothing wrong with communicating how you feel. If you hold back out of fear you are playing a game in a sense because you are trying to manipulate an action or reaction out of him. You end up in a crazy making cycle like the one you are experiencing right now.

Communicate honestly, tell him how you feel even if it is hard and if he doesn't like it then show him the door.

What do you want me to communicate? things are clear. You think he doesn't know I'm available for him? I've always been!

It's not words, it's how people acts in certain circumstances, and everything I've done so far has given him a clue I'm very much into him. He's a troubled man,he's scared of have feelings, I have to be careful.

I don't know, just a long day today. I wish he was here, miss him so much. It hurts I can't tell him this, but I do miss him very much.

On the ohter hand, he's active online and who knows is hes talking to someone else. I just don't want him to reject me. I guess we are both troubled people, scared of rejection, scared of open ourselves to something different...

I honestly don't know what to do, I'm just calling it a night..

January 22, 2014

Okay, irresolute, based on your recent posts, I don't think is going to end well for you. Time for some hard truths...

If he's a real 9, you are being played. Sorry. Real 9's do not go on AM unless they are trained PUA's (pick up artists) or inherently know game. If he's a real 9 (you're probably idealizing him a bit) then what do you offer him? Your undying love? Please. You've already described him as shallow with looks. He's not looking for love. If he was looking for love, he'd be on Match.com. Your professions of love tell him he knows he has the upper hand in all of this. It is a game, whether you like it or not. It's a mating dance, except that he's a better dancer.

If he's openly flirting with other beautiful women, what does that tell you? He's just keeping you in orbit. You know of one other girlfriend, there are probably more. I'm sorry but for him you are noting more than a sweet, cute married woman whom he can indulge himself with. You are feeding his ego big time.

Why are married women great for guys like him? You've been pre-screened (some guy found you valuable enough to marry you), you're probably disease free, you want some excitement and attention, he gets a high off of it and you'll pretty much do anything he wants you to do. At the snap of his finger. You'd leave your husband for him if he told you to. You're infatuated, you like the challenge, you're flattered he's with you, you want to tame the bad boy and you want to unravel the mystery of this guy and get him to be vulnerable with you. I'm telling you, there's not much there. He sounds pretty narcissistic.

You told him you'd divorce your H and he started to pull back. Well... duh. He doesn't want commitment, not with you or anybody. He's having too much fun right now.

If this goes the normal course, he will dump you because you're falling for him and it will no longer be fun for him. It will be stressful to deal with your emotions. So he'll tell you that you're a great person, he's so happy your paths crossed, but that it can never be because he's just not ready for commitment. He'll tell you to go work on your marriage or wish you luck on your next affair.

I think it's better for your self-respect if you dump him. Otherwise you will be sobbing and pining over someone who was never really right for you in the first place. But it sounds like you are from being able to dump him. You are caught in his web, and this man will never ever commit to you. You have a man who committed to you but you don't want him any more. If that's the case, you should stop wasting his time and let him find someone who will truly love him. Because right now it sounds like you are just looking for the next sturdy branch to jump to. You went on AM looking for an affair and you got one. Affairs are a mess even if you are good at compartmentalizing. It doesn't sound like you are emotionally stable or confident enough in yourself to do that, because you got caught up with someone "out of your league" and developed feelings for him.

You can't get this guy so don't even try. You'll only hurt yourself more in the process.

January 22, 2014

I can only agree with the post above me.

You're not that princess in the castle and he's not that man trying to convince you to stay for love like in the movies and rescue you from your 'terrible' relationship/marriage and your bad, bad husband.

You're one of many women he's screwing, maybe even meeting up with all of them on a daily basis with a few days contact pause so he doesn't get 'disturbed'. I'd be surprised if you were the only MW he's having sex with.

I just hope for him he doesn't get on the girlfriend of a mafia boss, lol.

And for your sake, I hope your husband won't find out about the affair. On the other hand, couldn't imagine something more degrading than having a different person in my very own house making out with the person I love (except for violence maybe).

Good luck, guess your other boy is loosing one of his toys now.

January 22, 2014

shouldn't this be in the other man or women section?

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