notthathard Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 After my ex lied the first time she apologized repeatedly (not for cheating or talking to guys or anything it was just an average lie) i forgave her. She lied a couple more times and I kept catching her out. Once someone lies I just walk away, its not worth it. To me if they have done it once they have the ability to do it again at any time. 1
KatZee Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 So would you be okay with a girlfriend sending messages of sexual pictures to an old potential gf. Lying saying she was single among other things?. Get rid of him. He f.ucked up once, and he should have been kissing your a.ss the fact you gave him a second chance. Instead of working to rebuild the relationship, be honestly remorseful, and transparent, he choose to do it again, and lie to you again. That's it. He had his once chance, he's done. I made the mistake of giving the guy who cheated on me a second chance. I used to believe people deserved the benefit of the doubt, could make mistakes, learn from them and emerge stronger. What happened? He cheated on me again. Never again will I ever stay with someone who lies, disrespects, or otherwise treats me like I'm a stupid piece of s.hit. Stay with him and he's going to do this again. Probably with this same girl, and if not her, it'll be someone else. Guaranteed. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it hurts. But know that you never truly know ANYONE and people that seem like they care can turn around and act in ways you never even thought they were capable of. Toss him out to the curb with the trash where he belongs. Do not give him another chance, or another opportunity to make you look stupid again.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Look Irish..the man is not being honest with you, how in the world are you going to truly trust him? I think sometimes we are tested to see if we've learned from our past mistakes, from my perspective I feel like you're letting your feelings take over your better sense...I feel like you're letting yourself down here. This guy had a second chance to tell you the truth, he had an opportunity to be honest with you...he didn't take it, he hasn't learned and by all accounts I don't think he takes what you've shared with him that seriously, and has not understood your emotional sensitivity and guardedness you have because of your prior cheating experience. He might understand what you're saying intelligently but he doesn't understand how it makes you feel on top of the immaturity and likely inexperience. All he is caught up in right now is that this other woman is giving him constant attention and I know the drill, he lost contact...they didn't talk for a while, then mysteriously she's back in the picture and it's just like a damn "miracle" to him....and we both know why she's talking to him and moaning about her abusive boyfriend...we both know that's not why she's really making an effort to talk to him...but they're both essentially keeping each other as backup options...they're enjoying the flirtation and getting something out of it...he has already emotionally cheated on you by allowing her to be apart of his life while in the relationship. As a man who's cheated himself, I've seen and lived this pattern before...i know where this road leads and ends...even if he doesn't "mean it", even if in his eyes he has no idea or "desire" to cheat...it only takes one slip or one "casual" meeting and everything can change in a second...I've cheated in the past plenty of times and I never felt like I was "looking" for it. IMO break up with him before he gives you a reason to do it so that you can't turn back on or forgive, do you need that pain? do you need that finality? is that what's going to take?...I think he's treading on thin ice to say the least, he's already violated the relationship and I don't care if this guys eyes flip into the back of his head, a white glow surrounds his body and a deep god like voice speaks to you while he's in a trance...do not trust what this guy is saying or any guy for that matter...I'm not sure how many times I've got to say this on LS but for the love of bob, do not listen to what men say...under any circumstances, they are just words...I can assure you what a man says in one moment he can violate easily in the next with an action. And I know...a lot of women have an issue with that, they want to trust their guy, they want to "believe" what he's saying and justify it with this or that..but at the end of the day it's not going to matter what he said but what he did....nothing else matters, promises promises...the guy is showing you and yet you still refuse...it totally makes him appear to have complete control over you. How big of a fool are you going to feel like if this guy does actually cheat you? and do you blame him or yourself at that point? He may be getting his rocks off gaining a look or two because he's lost the weight...I've seen men and women do that and all they wanted to do was parade themselves around and soak up the attention and in turn, they're usually making a lot of mistakes eating it up, seems like they're making up for lost time, for the time they were just in the shadows....I'm not saying all, but I've seen several people do that in a big way, they drastically changed their behavior and became obsessed with the attention...they're just not used to it...like a kid with a brand new toy. I know it's difficult to get out of relationships when you just want one to work and he's giving you things that you appreciate and need...but don't sacrifice one thing for another, when you play that game you're playing to lose, you're setting yourself for conflicted heartache...you've got to be able to save yourself before it's too late with men...you cannot expect them to do it for you, they are not just going to come out and be honest, they're not just going to say "I can't do this and it's over"...most men will let it crash and burn and you will be left to pick up the pieces...alone. 2
Author BlametheIrish Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 EdRecovered the conversations between them. He lied again multiple time. Didn't day what he told me he said. How can someone who seems so good, comes from a great well rounded family, treats me exactly how I should be treated be such a ****ing liar. I believe in honesty in relationships, I have nothing to hide, he knew all my passwords, eas onformed if anyone was ever trying to gain my interest. I cook, I clean, I groom his dog. I'm excellent at backrubs, we shared so many interests especially our love of fishing. I.was helping him build up his business as I have a background in web design, marketing ect. I dideverything I could to make him happy because I love to see my partner happy. I showed him how a gpod man should be treated and he lied then he lied to.cover his other lies. I don't care yhat the man nrver had sexual contact with this cunt, I care that he lied repeatedly on two seperate incidents and only told the truth when I gave him proof of his lies. I'd be a complete idiot to.trust a man like that again. To all you who.said I overreacted, a breach of trust in relationship is a big thing to most people, especially if that breach of trust involves a very inappropriate relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I.have guy friends, he had female friends and that wasn't an.issue for me (an issue for him in the beginning though) And as far as checking his phone is concerned, he is not at all technology savvy. It havs me peace of mind to do and hrlped further along the healing process. Some may not agree this is healthy but it is,encouraged in many books for betrayed spouses,to do. 1
Author BlametheIrish Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 On a less than mature note, I wish I didn't spend so much on his damn birthday presents.l only to find out the day after.
deathandtaxes Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 So would you be okay with a girlfriend sending messages of sexual pictures to an old potential gf. Lying saying she was single among other things?. I don't think anybody would be ok with it. Why are you still with him if you trust him so little?
fujidabruin Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 On a less than mature note, I wish I didn't spend so much on his damn birthday presents.l only to find out the day after. Better to express your bitterness here than withhold that within you.... Wondering if you know what you need to do for yourself to move forward??? Good Luck Irish, hoping the best...
Leigh 87 Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 My rx husband cheated on me and mt current bf knows that trust is a huge thing to breach. He talked to this woman behind my back with.very sexual and innsppropriate words and pictures. Hardly something to.look over. Many people who.havr been cheated on require transparency to.help mend the relstionship. I sm one of those people. He told this "friend" he was still single. He breached my trust big time, he didnt need to.get hus dick wet to.do that. Then he failed the terms he agreed to.to.build back.trust. Which weren't particularly stringent. I never had a problem respecting his,privacy before he ****ed up. I'm sorry you're facing this. It's just plain painful to comprehend leaving someone you love. You sound like a very desirable woman, based on your portrayal of yourself on here. You MUST leave you feelings aside, and hold yourself to a set of standards. You simply cannot accept certain behavior in relationships. Is HIS behavior something you are going to accept? Are you the sort of woman who stands for this behavior? Is having a talk to him about it and "working things out" with him and staying comfortable (with him rather than leaving) the sortof stand you're going to take? Please disregard your feelings when it comes to setting standards for yourself and your romantic and personal relationships. There are many other men who you will love just as much yet who WON'T do this do you. If she sent naked pics I would be done with him there and then:sick: you KNOW what that means.
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