innocentbutterfly Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) As you can see in my other thread i was in a LDR And he dumped me for a moral thing from the past (a guy seeing my body on photos before him, though my ex got my virginity and they were just photos he said he could never forget that and start With me if he knew it before, not to mention He left his previous ex for similar reason, she lied to him she was a virgin. But my case were photos and he got my virginity yet compared me to her and dumped me for it. That was in November. He then blocked me when I Insisted on letting it go that his love can be stronger, he said dont be so sure aboum my love. We had many fights in 2years, but he was my 1st and i loved him very much, like none before. I was devastated, because 3 months prior to break up we met for the 1st time, i spent 10days in his country and i tell you that was love no doubt about it, from the moment we saw eachother or hands couldnt stop touching one another. However, back to block everywhere possible. I texted him for a week after on all kinds of networks to express my anger,hurt, to beg, be desperate only to be ignored and blocked there too. So i went into my miserable mode. Not sleeping, eating, to sleeping all days and stay at home overthinking.Fast forward about a month after, 3weeks or so, his birthday came. I took a chance and sent him a really beautiful gift with teddy bear and roses. I saw that day he unblocked me on fb. But no message. I was sad. So i gave up and send him a text. And wow. He responded by unblocking me on whatsapp and explaining why he unblocked me at fb and claiming it was to say thanks for a gift, but then he said he sent it over skype, which i never received, i dont know if he lied or not, but he said thank then anyway and said that i am really kind and that he liked it. I expected more, but that was it. Im really "kind" huh? Well. Then later on in 2weeks we talked and he admitted to me that he didnt miss me, that he saw us as we had something and it finished. So fast he moved on? He also admitted he had cam sex with a random girl 2weeks after leaving me. I was heartbroken again. The healing just went back a bit. So we kept contact 1st week then like 2 times a week and now 1 time a week. In that time he told me to move on and find a guy, to be happy, that he cares that im happy. Then one day he said we could have sexchat but like just that. Imagining as if he was still mine. I refused. I wanted his love too. He didnt want to start again. He said this or nothing. But i didnt give in. I said no point if i could never be with u and feel u in real again. He said yes, only online, no meeting. I didnt like it. Then a week of NC. He comes back saying if im alive when i wrote him and i said i am, but u didnt write to. He claimed cause i said i cant move on with him writing me, which i never said. Some misunderstanding. However now he said if i visit again that we could have just sex. Again i didnt want. I love him still deep doWn. He admitted he lied he ever deleted any of video of me we exchanged and said they could still make him hot if he watched, but only that. That he wont fall in love again. That he only knows if he saw me again that he couldnt control himself, because he thinks best part of our relationship was sex and we did indeed have a strong sexual attraction when we met and before. So i came here. What to do? He says his love is gone. He doesnt want new or old relationship with me (for new i suggested he lets go of the past and we talk everyday again and try to wake the love he once felt) so what to do? Is this a hopeless case? All he seems to desire with me is sex and im broken to hear his love is just gone. How do i fix this, what can i do, is it even possible to get his love back? Please help! Edited January 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cakess Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This guy sounds like a manipulator, and I know you are still in love with him, but he did make it clear that he is no longer interested in a relationship, which is what you want. You two no longer seem compatible and I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but you can do so much better and find a guy that wants to have sex AND a relationship. You need to cut this guy off, BLOCK him for a change, and find a real partner who doesn't want to just use you. However, I am concerned about the photos and videos he still has of you. I hope he does not use them in a negative way...
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) hey! About photos and videos he said he just want to have them for archives and watch sometimes and he knows i got his too and at least with that i know he isnt like that. However we made a video when together just for fun, you know during sex. Thank god he deleted it then and then now he said if we were to get together for sex one last time we could do new for archives then later just meet as friends. Of course i dont want to be his cum dumpster. I' read an interesting line here You want to date him but you don’t NEED to do it' so if im not worth of loving to him he isnt worth for me to have sex with him, right? I told him i rather try friendship than sex lover and destroy that too. I mean if there is really no way to make him fall in love again. Do u think there is, how? Edited February 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed commercial url
David87 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) hey! About photos and videos he said he just want to have them for archives and watch sometimes and he knows i got his too and at least with that i know he isnt like that. However we made a video when together just for fun, you know during sex. Thank god he deleted it then and then now he said if we were to get together for sex one last time we could do new for archives then later just meet as friends. Of course i dont want to be his cum dumpster. I' read an interesting line here You want to date him but you don’t NEED to do it' so if im not worth of loving to him he isnt worth for me to have sex with him, right? I told him i rather try friendship than sex lover and destroy that too. I mean if there is really no way to make him fall in love again. Do u think there is, how? And I want just a bottle of milk not the whole cow, common you know the answer to this. Edited February 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 david, i know. I just dont understand why theres still a weird part of me believing that love doesnt fade, but just get pushed in the back of mind. It will be 2months soon and im relapsing between anger and sadness, regret stages. I guess thats why i still see this that way.
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 i dont get it tho why he changed his mind now from "never meeting again" to "we could. And we could do sex"
Cakess Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 i dont get it tho why he changed his mind now from "never meeting again" to "we could. And we could do sex" You do know why, because he doesn't love you but wants to take advantage of you because he isn't seeing anyone else at the moment. There is no more love left, and you need to move on. I know it's hard and can't happen overnight, but you need to take efforts to do better for yourself but rejecting his offer and stop googling how to recover an ex. If it's meant to be it will be, and it will be on YOUR terms, not a loveless sex game. That offers nothing for you, don't you think? 1
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) yeah its ńothing to me. I would never go so low. I mean he was my 1st and i never had one night stand and i dont want to, because im way too emotional to pull one off and i dont believe in sex without love. Its just sad. How 2years of love just got lost in him like he never loved me when im still suffering from it. Ill never understand that Edited January 20, 2014 by innocentbutterfly
nerdlingZA Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This guy sounds like a , and I know you are still in love with him, but he did make it clear that he is no longer interested in a relationship, which is what you want. You two no longer seem compatible and I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but you can do so much better and find a guy that wants to have sex AND a relationship. You need to cut this guy off, BLOCK him for a change, and find a real partner who doesn't want to just use you. However, I am concerned about the photos and videos he still has of you. I hope he does not use them in a negative way... A manipulator ? Seriously ??? The guy made it clearly he wants SEX nothing more and he will never love her again , how is that manipulating ?? Smh
Simon Phoenix Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 You are chasing a guy that is basically indifferent to you and because you keep chasing him, he figures he might as well get some sex out of it. Stop chasing and stop being a fool. He is manipulating you, but he's manipulating you because you don't have the good sense to leave well enough alone.
Chi townD Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 REALLY??!?! The balls on this guy! The next time he calls ask him, "So, the next time you're here, do you want to have sex?" If he says yes. then say in the most sexiest voice you can and say, "Mmmmm....good...now, when you get here, go f*ck yourself." And hang up! Girl, you are worth more than a booty call and you are worth more than a friends with benefits scenario. You're better than lowering yourself to that level. 1
rosedl Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 It seems friends with benefits is the new way guys can string along girls who want a relationship and somehow believe sex will bring it about. Men and women are wired differently. It is MUCH easier (from a pure biological/evolutionary) standpoint for a man to have sex and divorce himself emotionally, then for a woman to do the same thing. I am not saying it never happens that a woman can't do a friends with benefits scenario. But, the biology is a set up for oxytocin and bonding with someone who doesn't want you, only the sex. An old boyfriend used to put it crudely......billion sperm to one egg. Men want to spread their seed and women need a protector and helpmate for their child. Not a great system, but we use to live in family communities where the women had sister and friends to help out.
Itspointless Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Dumped you for a moral thing You remember what you wrote in your previous thread, I do: ... In 2 years I've given up many of my principles for this guy just to make it work. I was sure for the 1st time in my life, he was my first and I gave him my virginity which later he didnt value much as 3 months after he broke up. I also remember you writing about cybersex and him wanting groupies with it. ... After visit he became even colder, the last day there he wanted to breakup because of distance and just day by day went colder, wanted even groupies in his cyber sex that we had. I hate it when people preach about morals when they clearly do not understand the concept.
InnocentMan Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 No offence, but he sounds like a complete twat. You'll look back at this in 5 years and wonder what you were thinking. 2
Cakess Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This guy sounds like a A manipulator ? Seriously ??? The guy made it clearly he wants SEX nothing more and he will never love her again , how is that manipulating ?? Smh It's manipulating because he is using her feelings of romance and love to coerce her into having a sex relationship WITHOUT love. Trying to get someone to do something for you that they naturally wouldn't have done otherwise is manipulating a person to do what you want them to do. Or do you have a different definition? 1
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 @Itspointless i didnt understand what was your point? Maybe moral word irked you. Well then i should say belief as hes a muslim and he just didnt see that okay from a religious poin. All in quotes its true too. @chitownd i thought of that haha. And in chat he started talking of sex again trying me to sexchat as he says that I Liked those groupies so much when he wanted them and they ate my nerves. Then i played him into a short chat and just made it like with us two and he said thats so classic that i have to make it more interesting and that i lost performance. .i said good. U lost your durability and you would never get what you want, you dont deserve those fantasies (he was crazy about groupie fantasies how good i wrote them and is wondering still how that made him so hot and for that part he strings me along, i know) then we talked about it and he said like he wouldnt let me have real fantasy with his bro (he created one ) saying 'it wouldnt be good for me and said oh yeah why? I can do what i want, im not yours anymore. He said I just didnt imagine you with other guy and i wouldnt want to stop looking my dick and start looking others. Like what the hell?! He even said for 2nd time if i get a new man that i should record sex with him that he would want to see it because it excites him seeing me in pleasure, because i wasnt this classic girl for him. I dont know what game he is playing, but without love i am not playing any games. I doNt get it how does he even think that he can say and ask me this. He thinks if i said i want to be friends that its normal i would share all that with him and because i was his? Its just beyond limits and my understanding
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) simon i am. Though i agree to be friends. But im letting him alone for a week always then i slip, i just want to know how he is doing, have a chat like friends do.. Then somehow these conversations happen. I think i have to heal 1st? Sometimes he would click in a week timespan, now he doesnt anymore when he knows im refusing all his games. Its funny cause when i asked him for friendship that day after 1month NC He told me he isnt doing it because of sex, that if i think that i should stop talking, that hes doing it cause i wanted it and its no problem for him If it makes me feel better. Now this. Edited January 21, 2014 by innocentbutterfly
Simon Phoenix Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 simon i am. Though i agree to be friends. But im letting him alone for a week always then i slip, i just want to know how he is doing, have a chat like friends do.. Then somehow these conversations happen. I think i have to heal 1st? Sometimes he would click in a week timespan, now he doesnt anymore when he knows im refusing all his games. Its funny cause when i asked him for friendship that day after 1month NC He told me he isnt doing it because of sex, that if i think that i should stop talking, that hes doing it cause i wanted it and its no problem for him If it makes me feel better. Now this. You can't be friends with an ex until you are completely recovered from the breakup. Trying to do it now is foolish. You need to stop worrying about being his friend and worrying what he is up to and stop communicating with him. Right now you are delaying your recovery by doing this.
OhThatGirl Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Wait. What?!? It sounds like you had an online relationship based on sex, like this was the focus of your long term/long distance relationship. I really don't understand how that works, but it must. I guess. So anyway, let me tell you: get as far away from this guy as you can. He is collecting the virginity of various women and then criticizing what "moral" things they had done before being intimate with him? You're kidding, right? A picture? This might be a cultural thing. Or a religious thing. In which case, seeking help from someone who better understands the religion/culture may be better than seeking advice here. Because in my culture, I would quite clearly tell this guy to "f*ck off" in any language necessary until it sunk it. This isn't love. This is something far less beautiful. Far more selfish. Far more twisted. In NO way should you continue to have any type of relationship with this guy. Friendship, sexual, in person or online. None. If you think he had issue with another guy seeing a picture of you, imagine how little respect you will get from him when you give your body with zero expectations. Again. This may be cultural though. I just know in my culture there is noooo way this would be considered acceptable. 1
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 He is collecting the virginity of various women and then criticizing what "moral" things they had done BEFORE Being intimate with him? You're kidding, right? A picture? Yes. Thats exactly what hes done. Slept with me, kept cold after that then found this pictures excuse AFTER EVERYTHING. I was shocked and hurt over it when he said showing photos to someone was just as bad if i wasnt a virgin before him, same as if i had sex before - for which he left his ex before and compared my pics with her lying about virginity. Absurd i know. And selfish. And egoistic. He is all of that, but there was a time when he wasnt like this, when he really loved me and didnt just think of sex.
Author innocentbutterfly Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 and he is muslim and in no book there it says that showing photos equals a girl being unpure unless she isnt a virgin anymore. His excuse was that he thought im pure, that i would be his wife and he would be 1st ever man to see my body (and he was IN REAL. apart from the pics ONLINE That this other guy saw.) Saying that its my fault that i didnt tell him before, cause he would never even start a relationship with me knowing that. And at 26, hes that age, im 24. Nowadays tell me what girl will he still find more pure than i was? Yet, he took that purity and dared to judge. I know its all a bunch of bull****.
OhThatGirl Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Lol He did you a favor. Really. He did. This "picture" thing that he used as an excuse to end things? Good for him. Because the alternative is that you continue in a relationship with someone who expects more from you than himself. Someone who does not see you as an equal, for who you are and what amazing qualities you have but rather just a girl that is pure or impure. I'm so baffled by his interest in online sex with you and others and online sex with more than one partner and asking for a strictly sexual relationship but then saying this picture was too much for him to handle. Something doesn't add up. Either he feels extremely entitled or this is his twisted interpretation of cultural or religious ideas. Whatever the case may be, let him sort out these bizarre issues without bringing you down. And here's something that may make you feel a bit better about all of this.. I know it's "special" and all, but losing your virginity isn't all THAT special. The sex usually sucks and you really get an appreciation for it later on when it gets better. Think of it this way: yeah you gave him your virginity, but it's no big loss because it's probably some of the worst sex you'll have. He can keep it.
Itspointless Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 @Itspointless i didnt understand what was your point? Maybe moral word irked you. Well then i should say belief as hes a muslim and he just didnt see that okay from a religious poin. All in quotes its true too. I understand that he really hurt you and I am sorry for that. My problem with him is that he has double standards. High standards for you and other girls, but he clearly has no problems with different - for his religion unmoral - behavior for himself. So yes, in this case talking about morals irks me, especially as he uses his moralizing to degrade you. The guy is an ass.
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