liloldlady Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 A few weeks ago I met this GORGEOUS young man, and he has texted me every day since. Finally, we met for a drink and watched the football game, had an amazing time! He says he'll text me when he gets home, and these are the things he said: "Are we officially dating..." "What are we..." I replied that "I might become your girlfriend. I do like you." He replied: "We are boyfriend and girlfriend." Just like that?! I didn't know guys were concerned with official statuses and titles. I thought that was a chick thing, and I've never met someone who had so little hesitation toward me. Well, I have, but not one I was also extremely attracted to. So is this a red flag? He just met me. Twice, to be exact. (And he'd like to see me again today.) Is he a dreamer like me? He's college age, a Virgo (like me!). I've been involved with older men who string me along, make promises they don't keep, and treat me like an option, so this is...different! Thoughts? Anyone have an experience similar to this?
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I wouldn't call it a red flag. You seem to be enjoying it, no? You may have some hesitation, but this could turn out to be something great. You are attracted to him, and he appears to be attracted to you. Go for it, and see what happens. The only way to know. Now, if he asks you to marry him in a week or two, you'd know something is not right there. 1
Aquanut Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 He wants a relationship so that's good I suppose. I doubt you are being played. As an older, more experienced person, I would raise my eyebrow at him wanting to define the relationship so soon. It tells me that perhaps he is inexperienced, or he needs to be in a relationship for some reason, or he just has fallen head over heels for you right off the bat. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I think it's a positive thing. He's a man who is clear. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I'd be seriously wary. Well, actually, I'd be like 'no, we are not.' It's a big deal to commit exclusivity to somebody you barely know. Seems immature. If you REALLY like each other there's nothing wrong with deciding to be exclusive while you explore things, and some argue that's the same as bf/gf but I disagree. Exclusive just means we are only dating one another. Putting the bf/gf title on it is an announcement you would like to see if there's a future together, friends and family start asking you about it, I'd want to know a guy a LOT more before that. Maybe he's overenthusiastic. Or maybe he's clingy. Or just jealous and doesn't want you going near any other guys. Forgive me for being so cynical but at my age (25) after a few significant relationships and a lot of dating this kinda stuff just wouldn't fly with me. And I'm sensing you're at least a little uneasy yourself, or your answer would have been 'yay!' rather than to come onto here and talk about it, right? I think the thing that makes me the most iffiest is the 'we are boyfriend and girlfriend' not 'would you like to be my girlfriend?' seems really bizarre to be dictating to you the terms of your 'relationship' after two meets. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) It tells me that perhaps he is inexperienced Me, too. Fortunately for him, I would never take advantage of his apparent naivete. The fact that he's asking me to the movies, sushi, asking can he hold my hand (so sweet) tells me he's not been jaded by the world. Very refreshing. He wants to go to the parade with me today. Dr. Martin Luther King Birthday Holiday Parade. Edited January 20, 2014 by liloldlady 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Me, too. Fortunately for him, I would never take advantage of his apparent naivete. The fact that he's asking me to the movies, sushi, asking can he hold my hand (so sweet) tells me he's not been jaded by the world. Very refreshing. He wants to go to the parade with me today. Dr. Martin Luther King Birthday Holiday Parade. I think you like this though. Do you now? I sense a certain spirit in your words, a joy...even if it is a cautious one. You apparently think it's sweet. 2
mammasita Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I'd say it's a red flag. You barely know the guy! Whether a red flag of inexperience, player or just plain crazy.....I'd be careful. What is his dating background? Do you know his last name? Does he know yours?
Author liloldlady Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 I think you like this though. Do you now? I dreamed about him last night. He was hanging out with my family. We'd slept on a pull out sofa bed and my dad was sleeping in the next room. I left the room and when I came back, he'd already made the bed. And it was just a very relaxed vibe. Just like it felt spending time with him yesterday. But my whole family was there in the dream and it was all very laid back and pleasant. He doesn't seem to have a lot of hang ups or issues. Like, an actual well adjusted person in L.A.?! I sense a certain spirit in your words, a joy...even if it is a cautious one. You apparently think it's sweet. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 What is his dating background? Someone went away to college, and he chose not to follow. Do you know his last name? Yes. Does he know yours? No. Nor has he asked my age! He's quite younger than men I've grown used to interacting with during the last few years. And seemingly less complicated. Very good questions.
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I dreamed about him last night. He was hanging out with my family. We'd slept on a pull out sofa bed and my dad was sleeping in the next room. I left the room and when I came back, he'd already made the bed. And it was just a very relaxed vibe. Just like it felt spending time with him yesterday. But my whole family was there in the dream and it was all very laid back and pleasant. He doesn't seem to have a lot of hang ups or issues. Like, an actual well adjusted person in L.A.?! Perhaps this is for the better. Time will tell whether he is ah...Red flag worthy or not. He is just a bit immature dating wise, as was said or head over heels as was said. Take your chances. Might be a great thing. And if he should get demandy with you, you'll know then. But, he seems to be asking you to do things (though he jumped to be in a relationship with you....This could mean anything, or that he simply really likes you). I am happy for you! Keep us updated though! Share the joy 1
Aquanut Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I'd be seriously wary. Well, actually, I'd be like 'no, we are not.' It's a big deal to commit exclusivity to somebody you barely know. Seems immature. If you REALLY like each other there's nothing wrong with deciding to be exclusive while you explore things, and some argue that's the same as bf/gf but I disagree. Exclusive just means we are only dating one another. Putting the bf/gf title on it is an announcement you would like to see if there's a future together, friends and family start asking you about it, I'd want to know a guy a LOT more before that. Maybe he's overenthusiastic. Or maybe he's clingy. Or just jealous and doesn't want you going near any other guys. Forgive me for being so cynical but at my age (25) after a few significant relationships and a lot of dating this kinda stuff just wouldn't fly with me. And I'm sensing you're at least a little uneasy yourself, or your answer would have been 'yay!' rather than to come onto here and talk about it, right? I think the thing that makes me the most iffiest is the 'we are boyfriend and girlfriend' not 'would you like to be my girlfriend?' seems really bizarre to be dictating to you the terms of your 'relationship' after two meets. Without more context and evidence of controlling behavior I find it hard to worry about your last point. As someone who started dating before you were alive, I will say that I agree with most of the rest of what you say. Different people have different definitions of what boyfriend and girlfriend are. As teens we could be boyfriend and girlfriend even before we went on a date. In my 40s I could date someone for five months exclusively and her not be my girlfriend. In my current relationship I referred to her as my girlfriend early on. I asked her if she was okay with that. She said yes she was and now she knew what to call me. So to me it's not really a matter of exclusivity or even commitment for the long-term future it's more about whether you consider yourselves a couple. 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Without more context and evidence of controlling behavior I find it hard to worry about your last point. Me, too. He has exhibited no controlling features. Even if I don't text him back immediately or in some past cases at all, he's never brought that up nor seemed bitter about it. He's happy-go-lucky, it seems. Refreshing. Different people have different definitions of what boyfriend and girlfriend are. As teens we could be boyfriend and girlfriend even before we went on a date. That is so cute! I agree. I'll see what his definition of it is. Seems like to him it simply means going out and doing things. In my 40s I could date someone for five months exclusively and her not be my girlfriend. Yep. Some can do this for years... In my current relationship I referred to her as my girlfriend early on. What inspired you to do so? it's more about whether you consider yourselves a couple.
Author liloldlady Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 I'd be seriously wary. Well, actually, I'd be like 'no, we are not.' That would be negative karma for me, to reject something I desire when it presents itself, even in a surprising way. Heck, he can call me his girlfriend. I don't mind.
Snipercatt Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 So is this a red flag? He just met me. Yes. You post that he's college age, which means nothing. Is he in his 40s, like you? 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 A few weeks ago I met this GORGEOUS young man, and he has texted me every day since. Finally, we met for a drink and watched the football game, had an amazing time! He says he'll text me when he gets home, and these are the things he said: "Are we officially dating..." "What are we..." I replied that "I might become your girlfriend. I do like you." He replied: "We are boyfriend and girlfriend." Just like that?! I didn't know guys were concerned with official statuses and titles. I thought that was a chick thing, and I've never met someone who had so little hesitation toward me. Well, I have, but not one I was also extremely attracted to. So is this a red flag? He just met me. Twice, to be exact. (And he'd like to see me again today.) Is he a dreamer like me? He's college age, a Virgo (like me!). I've been involved with older men who string me along, make promises they don't keep, and treat me like an option, so this is...different! Thoughts? Anyone have an experience similar to this? After just two dates? Were the two of you corresponding regularly? If you took some time to really get to know each other, congrats; this decisiveness is seldom found in today's "modern" American society. However, if you barely spoke in between, I'd be a little alarmed that he didn't think through and reason in his decision making process. Either way best wishes! 1
Author liloldlady Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 After just two dates? Were the two of you corresponding regularly? Just one date. And yes he'd text me often for weeks each day before we finally scheduled the date.
Snipercatt Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I'd be a little alarmed that he didn't think through and reason in his decision making process. There's that and then the fact that experts denote this as a sign of emotional and psychological instability, not karma. 1
pickflicker Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) Yes. You post that he's college age, which means nothing. Is he in his 40s, like you? There's that and then the fact that experts denote this as a sign of emotional and psychological instability, not karma. I agree. A guy calling you gf after one date is full of it. As quickly as they spark, they burn out. But you seem to like drama, so it probably suits you. Edited January 20, 2014 by pickflicker 3
Author liloldlady Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Where do you find the time? He's asking me out a lot, like every day, but he's also getting the picture that we can do dinner or the weekends because my time is very limited. He wants to have lunch, dinner, go dancing. He's so sweet. And he's understanding that my schedule is jam packed. And he loves to cook so... :-) Pasta & salad are sounding good right about now one of these evenings. :-)
Snipercatt Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Free tip - some comments are a form of wit marked by sarcasm and not to be taken seriously. 1
StanMusial Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 The texts sound like something my grade school-aged nephew would send to his little crush. Furthermore... ah screw it. For the first time ever, acting on the prior cryptic posts in the thread, I checked out the OP's posting history. I don't think I'm qualified to lend advice here. Even if it's free. 3
FitChick Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 A virgin looking to have a cougar teach him.
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