ElecTriX Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 It's been six weeks since BU today. It has been a long and painful journey but finally I dont feel that I care as much anymore.. Anyway, last week on thursday night she sent a friend request through Facebook. She removed me a couple of days after the BU. First I didnt know how to react. I analyzed the **** out of it and after talking to many friends everyone felt that I shouldnt accept the friends request and to be mature and tell her why. Somewhat bad mistake.. I thought that she maybe missed me (why add someone if you dont want them on fb or think about them?). I wrote: Me - 00.19: "I thought that we were going to be together forever and I know we had it bad in the end but I also knew we could fix it. Now that Ive heard that you have moved on I dont want to see that everyday on facebook." I hid the friend request and then put my phone down and went to sleep thinking that no matter what she responds I wont get any sleep so Ignore her replies until next morning. Her replies; Her - 00.21: "Heard that Ive moved on? I only added you on facebook because you never anser on my texts" Her - 00.27: "Of course I have moved on, its not like I am sitting and crying everyday. Im hanging out with friends and try to feel good. Anything wrong with that?" Her - 00.34: "They way you have behaved I dont grieve at all" Her - 09.42: "Is it so ****ing hard to answer my text! I know that you now have heard about me sleeping with [name]. Grow up and realise facts!" I have not replied to this and never will. But to add someone one facebook just because they wont reply to a text or two is just a bad lie as she knows I can diss her on fb also.. I have analyzed it completely but it would be fun to hear any of your theories about this and maybe whats going through her head.
mammasita Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 You shouldn't have messaged her. You should have denied the request, ignored and carried on. Eff her. She doesn't give a damn about you, seriously. 1
Author ElecTriX Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) You shouldn't have messaged her. You should have denied the request, ignored and carried on. Eff her. She doesn't give a damn about you, seriously. Why add me on facebook then? Also.. Look at the timeframe. Almost ten minutes between her answers? Edit: But yes, I regret it. I tested her and was prepared on the worst so I dont feel bad Edited January 20, 2014 by ElecTriX
Haydn Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Shes is playing you, you are plan b. Why add me on facebook then? Also.. Look at the timeframe. Almost ten minutes between her answers? Edit: But yes, I regret it. I tested her and was prepared on the worst so I dont feel bad
strive Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 could be she wants you to see how "amazing" her life is now (and probably wants to rub it in your face)
iouaname Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama. Delete her, block her, whatever... you don't need that kind of behavior in your life. 2
Author ElecTriX Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Shes is playing you, you are plan b. could be she wants you to see how "amazing" her life is now (and probably wants to rub it in your face) Both of these is possible. But now when she knows that I know that she has been sleeping with some other guy it will be interesting to see how she handles things. If I was plan B, is the plan now removed because I know? I have made this into somewhat of a game, she cant hurt me anymore as I already know everything. The wierd thing is that yesterday when she picked up our son she was angry and furious (didnt say why). Shouldnt she feel guilt or shame of some kind? Really wierd behaviour..
Author ElecTriX Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama. Delete her, block her, whatever... you don't need that kind of behavior in your life. Done and done! I cant block her on text as we need a way to communicate about things related to our child. I ignore every attempt she makes to talk about other stuff via text. 1
strive Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 The wierd thing is that yesterday when she picked up our son she was angry and furious (didnt say why). Shouldnt she feel guilt or shame of some kind? Really wierd behaviour.. Guilt and shame come from people who still care. There are quite a few dumpers who don't feel this simply because they don't care at that moment (and there are some dumpers who feel it maybe weeks, months, or even years long after the BU is over and mostly forgotten by the dumpee). But if I were to guess, she might be still miffed about your message exchange or the fact that you didn't respond. She lost power over you and now she's pissed. 1
Author ElecTriX Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) She lost power over you and now she's pissed. This! This made my day! I have also been thinking of this and I feel like a million bucks if this is the case actually. I pray that she can feel losing the control over me (because she has had control even after BU). I really don't give a **** about her anymore, shure I miss her sometimes and think about her, but it's no romantic feeling at all. That last text that I quoted in the first post will be the last thing I write to her that is unrelated to our son. This is a perfect example of what happens when you break NC. Someone write this one down in the history books so we can all learn by example. Not sure if you are asking for advice here; but the obvious thing to do is bury this girl in the ground (metaphorically of course). Nope, no advice needed, all I wanted was to hear other people analyze and come with what they think. I knew before sending the text to her that it's a 50/50 possibility and I was willing to risk it (because I don't care if she gets upset or pissed of). Now if it would have HURT me or my feelings in some way then it would be different.. Metaphorically? But..? Well ok, fine.. Edited January 20, 2014 by ElecTriX
SurplusIndifference Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I have made this into somewhat of a game, she cant hurt me anymore as I already know everything. Sounds pretty immature. She can hurt you plenty even if you know everything.
SurplusIndifference Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This! This made my day! I have also been thinking of this and I feel like a million bucks if this is the case actually. I pray that she can feel losing the control over me (because she has had control even after BU). Why would you feel that way? There is no keeping score in a break up. I really don't give a **** about her anymore. After reading your comments, it's clear to me that you do. If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel good about her losing the control in the breakup..you'd feel nothing.
Author ElecTriX Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Why would you feel that way? There is no keeping score in a break up. After reading your comments, it's clear to me that you do. If you didn't care, you wouldn't feel good about her losing the control in the breakup..you'd feel nothing. Im sorry, english is not my main language. I ment more that I dont care for her in any loving feelings. Nothing positive at all. Sorry for any missunderstanding. Maybe you are right. Maybe its one of the BU phases, I really dont know. What I do know is that I dont feel sad that we now have broken up. I feel alot better and I feel that I can live without her (to be honest it feels better then with her). But yes, it may be immature, but I do like to see HER get angry and sad for once. She has used me for so long, taken advantage of me and not caring for me, then SHE dumps me and runs to some other guy. It feels good that I for once stand my ground and dont take any **** from her, I ignore her as much as possible and the text I wrote was the last try to be open and honest to her.
The Situation Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Hmm, this is interesting. Maybe not enough time had passed between you two, but clearly that wasn't a good idea her getting in contact like that. She must be feeling guilty. I don't see how sleeping with someone else is 'moving on' though. I've done that, and had a long-distance relationship of sorts, but that doesn't mean I'm not still hung up or crazy about my ex. 1
maturityassets Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Ooo jeez man. Same thing happened to me. Just ignore it. Its over. Ex girlfriend just hated the fact that I stopped texting her and even after we had closure after she started posted immature statuses she still asked if we could keep contact... It just killed her to know that I could want to move on and deal with my problems without. And she still friend requested me weeks later with a new profile pic and all seeking attention. Just ignore. Hold onto your power. I accepted my friend request some time later to be the "mature" one but looking back in hindsight i shouldn't have. She just wants to keep tabs on you. See when you get in another relationship, who posts on your wall, who you hang out with, when you get over her... You'll hear a lot about how she cares and a part of it is true she does care a bit but another part is dishonest and really wants to keep you in her corner. I haven't looked back since. 10 months post Break up and only spoken once since i first started no contact in may, (almost half a year since I broke NC that once) and i can tell you that its good to see yourself personally grow and also realize that your ex girlfriend is pretty immature.
Author ElecTriX Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Ooo jeez man. Same thing happened to me. Just ignore it. Its over. Ex girlfriend just hated the fact that I stopped texting her and even after we had closure after she started posted immature statuses she still asked if we could keep contact... It just killed her to know that I could want to move on and deal with my problems without. And she still friend requested me weeks later with a new profile pic and all seeking attention. Just ignore. Hold onto your power. I accepted my friend request some time later to be the "mature" one but looking back in hindsight i shouldn't have. She just wants to keep tabs on you. See when you get in another relationship, who posts on your wall, who you hang out with, when you get over her... You'll hear a lot about how she cares and a part of it is true she does care a bit but another part is dishonest and really wants to keep you in her corner. I haven't looked back since. 10 months post Break up and only spoken once since i first started no contact in may, (almost half a year since I broke NC that once) and i can tell you that its good to see yourself personally grow and also realize that your ex girlfriend is pretty immature. Yeah I know, I feel alot better now because I have made up my mind. I don't need her in my life as a friend, why should I? Well.. To update, of course she texted yesterday also but things that concerns the house. We own the house together and she needed to know what I want to do and how and such, but she turned it around pretty fast, incredible. Her: Do you want to sell the house or buy my share of it? Me: Sell it. Her: You need to talk to a realtor.. Me: Already have. Her: When are they coming? Me: They've already been here. Her: Oh ok.. Skipping forward in the conversation.. Her: So how will we do with [our sons name]? I assume you will move back to [my old town 30 minutes away] Me: If your concerned regarding our son you don't have to worry, he's my main priority. Her: So what will you do when the house is sold? Where will you move? And there I felt that I didn't need to respond, where I will move and how is none of her concern RIGHT NOW as the house will be sold around june/july probably. After two hours of silence from me I get: Her: Is it so ****ing hard to be honest with me? Doesn't our 4 years together mean a ****ing thing to you? Soon you will have screwed up EVERYTHING! I didn't want to respond, but I also didnt want her to think that I've never loved her (ever). So I thought a little while and chose once again to be honest but short and firm. Me: Our 4 years together ment everything to me.. Good night [name]. Her: Yeah. Ok. I also act like an idiot to people that means alot to me. They get so happy then. I thought that we could be friends. But you have screwed that up, totaly. And there's where my day ended and I went to sleep, I actually felt good. I have both been honest but also showed her that I have no need to have her as a friend in my life. The bolded part was not in the text but more for everybody here on LS to see more clearly. And yes, I know everybody will say that I shouldn't have answered but she can't talk **** about our past and assume that it didn't mean anything to me, because it's the exact opposite. I needed to say it for myself or else I would have felt bad. And no, I don't feel bad about her last text, I am not afraid to lose her as a friend because it has never been my intention to be her friend after the BU. If she wanted to be my friend she wouldn't have texted me all of the things that hurt, telling me 4 days after BU to "find another girl to cuddle with so you can feel better" in my face. As I have written before, it has been a long journey and I have been patient and taken every hurtful thing she has written, but it has ended now. Everybody has told me to man up and voilá. Here I am. Edited January 21, 2014 by ElecTriX
strive Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Wow, that's a very stressful post-BU interaction with your ex especially since you have a son together. I can't imagine living with that much drama. Stay the course, you're doing great! 1
Author ElecTriX Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Wow, that's a very stressful post-BU interaction with your ex especially since you have a son together. I can't imagine living with that much drama. Stay the course, you're doing great! Thanks! She's been like this all the time. She can't stand me ignoring her when she talks about anything not related to our son. Even if I write something that I think should hit her in the right spot with feelings like the above that our 4 year relationship MENT everything to me she just kicks the **** out of me afterwards, blaming me and telling me all the time that it's all my fault. The difference with me right now is that she can kick and scream all she wants but I won't "fall to the floor anymore" emotionally. As you can see in my quotes I am always calm, short and direct. She is the one who freaks out and gets extremelly angry. Very interesting behaviour. Edit: I have finally escaped from her clutches (spelling) by not wanting her on facebook (and be honest about why to her) and now also don't show any kind of emotion when she states that I am killing our friendship. I am very interested in why she is behaving like this, just breaks down and gets pissed of because I won't answer some texts. As I wrote above, shouldnt my last response make her feel some kind of feeling besides anger? I am having a problem reading her as I don't know this person she is anymore.. One of my female friends after she heard the conversation and about the facebook-incident just said "Maybe she still loves you and wants you but are too afraid to say it and show it.". Edited January 21, 2014 by ElecTriX
Author ElecTriX Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Just met a mutual friend that apperantly is friends with her on facebook. I didnt want to know but he says that she is constantly is writing about me, lying about things just to get attention and pity. I dont know why but that made me feel really ****ing low. She's lying about me to all of her friends and family on facebook.. ****.
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