magnum1 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I am new to these parts, but have found a lot of these threads to be helpful in making me think differently about my situation. I have recently been effectively dumped by my ex gf suddenly ignoring me. We'd been together for 6 months and all had seemed good. The last time we went out together she had been talking about spending time together the following week, and asking about making plans for her birthday in a couple of months. Few more days of normal contact and then nothing…!!! Calls, texts, everything ignored. I only knew she was alive cos she was posting on FB/Twitter. I can deal with the fact that in her eyes it's over, that maybe she wants to/has been seeing someone else is my guess. What is eating away at me from the inside is that I don't KNOW any of this for sure, just keeps going round in my head!!! I'm hurt at how she's done this and angry that she hasn't even had the balls to tell me to my face (we've met once since - I told her everything I was thinking and feeling and asked her what'd happened, even if it wasn't something I'd want to hear, she pretty much refused to say anything in reply, just that we would talk about things soon, which I knew would never happen). As always with these things, there is much more to this and in hindsight the signs were there in the last few weeks that something wasn't right but never expected it to end this way. This happened a few weeks ago, since then I have sent the occasional text message without reply obviously. Everyone tells me that I am better off without her and to go NC, but am struggling to get her out of my head and walk away without knowing the full story… Anyone else faced similar treatment or have words of advice..?
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Advice: Accept that some people are selfish, thoughtless cowards incapable of leaving a relationship with grace and dignity for the other person. You can't make her be decent. You can just pick yourself up and take one more step forward. Im sorry this happened to you. Not all people are this cowardly. 3
sw2020 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Wow! She sounds off her head. Chalk it up as a lucky escape and move on, even though that doesn't sound like you're finding it very easy right now. What a thing to go through. I'm sure this has happened before, but I've never heard of it.
iouaname Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I have no idea what's going through her head (as I could never do that to someone), but your messaging her might be making it easier for her to not speak to you. She feels like you're chasing her. Some people get and ego boost from that. I know how hard it will be, but your best bet for getting any answers is to stop contacting her. Eventually she'll get curious as to why you're not chasing her any longer... and if not, then at least you've saved yourself from further embarrassment by trying to reach out to her when she was never interested in speaking to you, anyway. 1
Author magnum1 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Thanks for your replies As I say, looking back now there were a few signs that something wasn't quite right shortly before this all happened. But I'd kinda dismissed them after she'd explained away a few of the concerns I'd had and went on to discuss future plans together the last time we met properly. I guess you're right 'iouaname', know I'm probably best of saying/doing no more - I've tried to do what I think is the right thing and talk to her, she knows how I feel, suppose I will gain nothing by chasing her. Am just finding it tough to go from speaking pretty much every day for 6 months to nothing, without really knowing why, and the not knowing why is when your mind starts to fill the blanks... Head is telling me I will probably never hear from her again and will never know why, to deal with it and move on, but heart is finding that harder to accept right now..!! Neither I or anyone else I know have ever had this 'silent treatment dumping' treatment so really have not known what to think or how to react to this...
ravssss Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 this exactly reminds me of my break up ... and ya finally i made her talk and realized it was a stupid thing to do .. my advice ... jst dont care ... i did it late ...but ya ... she is seeking attention and is a coward at dealing with this like someone mentioned here ..
Author magnum1 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 this exactly reminds me of my break up ... and ya finally i made her talk and realized it was a stupid thing to do .. my advice ... jst dont care ... i did it late ...but ya ... she is seeking attention and is a coward at dealing with this like someone mentioned here .. Thanks. If you don't mind me asking how did you make her talk, and why did you find it a stupid thing to do?? I'm thinking it would be better to know the truth, no matter how bad, and use this as some sort of closure - rather than go round in circles wondering what had been going on...
pickflicker Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Happens all the time. It sucks, but just move forward.
headinthecloud Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Poor communicators make for poor RS partners. I'm sorry this happened to you, you didn't deserve this. It's immature and cowardly. Think of it as you dodged a bullet. Not all women are like her. Have faith in what will be. 4
fancy feast Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Happened to me before. Proper action here is to cut her off (time to remove her on FB & Twitter), and start giving your time to people who aren't cowards.
ravssss Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Thanks. If you don't mind me asking how did you make her talk, and why did you find it a stupid thing to do?? I'm thinking it would be better to know the truth, no matter how bad, and use this as some sort of closure - rather than go round in circles wondering what had been going on... nc is the way to go bro ... the moment she realized i was enjoying with my friends she contacted ... but ya ... its a pointless cycle ... am taking the opportunity to make use of the time and give some exam
Stealth3 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I had a girl do that to me after 2 months. The only way I found out she was still alive was because she was online on the dating site where we met. I sent her some text messages asking if everything is ok and they all got ignored. Then I sent a long text message saying I really want to talk to her and find out what happened...even if its over...and it got ignored as well. I can't explain why some people do that, all I have to say is they're not worth it. Ignoring that way is the lowest form of insult.... 1
Ordinaryday Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 this usually happens in the early stages of dating, before you are yet officially a couple. one party does not like the other and decides to ditch them by just ignoring them until they get the hint. A girl did it to me once, after two dates which I thought went well. I texted her about a third and never ever heard back. it is cos they are scared of a possible confrontation and take the easy way out. it is easy to get all cut up about it, but really if they are like that then you are better off without them
Ordinaryday Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 I can't explain why some people do that well I can. they don't want the 'awkwardness' or potential confrontation/argument of telling you outright "I don't want to see you anymore" so it is easier and less confronting for them to just "ignore until you get the hint". I am not saying I like it or agree with it, but I can understand why they do it.
bubbaganoosh Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 You could bet the house that someday down the road she's going to bump in to you somewhere and when she does, just smile and walk on by. One of you have to be the mature one. If the day comes that she wants to talk, smile and tell her no thanks because it's not important to here your reason. Your actions said it for you and leave it go. 1
Ordinaryday Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 You could bet the house that someday down the road she's going to bump in to you somewhere and when she does, just smile and walk on by. One of you have to be the mature one. If the day comes that she wants to talk, smile and tell her no thanks because it's not important to here your reason. Your actions said it for you and leave it go. that's what a lot of dumpees don't understand, and they fuss and fuss about 'getting closure'. them dumping you IS the closure. their reasons are irrelevant, because the outcome is the same regardless. once dumpees realise this they will be much better off.
Author magnum1 Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 Thanks for everyone's advice on here - it does make a difference Has been a month already since I last saw her, and just over 2 weeks since I last tried to contact her. NC is obviously the way forward (my only regret so far is not doing it sooner), next step to remove her from FB/Twitter I guess... Still hurting and still think about her every day, but not having the same urges to contact or hear from her. Am starting to listen to my head bit more than my heart now, which I guess can only be good...
somedude81 Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Wow your story really sucks. It's worse than what happened to me, having my GF of six months suddenly break up with me when everything seemed to be fine, but she did it in person. And worse than the girl who broke up with her BF through a text message because he wasn't good in bed the first time they had sex. Congratulations! Some women really suck. There really is nothing you can do about their failings. Remove her from your FB and twitter.
Selkie Girl Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) Hi - I am a woman and I've been in a similar situation to you. I was in a relationship with someone for four months, before they went AWOL. With hindsight, I see there were signs before the big disappearing act that I chose to 'explain away' to myself. I had begun feeling increasingly like I was being used as a series of booty calls until, the final night he came round to my place, I mentioned that I was feeling used by him. He freaked out, verbally attacked me, and stormed out feeling "confused". We were supposed to meet up the next evening. He didn't respond to my friendly text telling him where I was that evening. A few days later, I sent another friendly text wishing him all the best for the future. Still no response. A few weeks later, I wrote a long letter to him to try and find some closure for myself. Of course, still no response. This was all two years ago. I dropped out of our mutual social scene straight after that, until a few months ago I started using FB again. We have a mutual friend in common and I commented on this mutual friend's wall, and the first person to pop up and comment after me was The Invisible Man (the ex) . . . At least I see he's still alive. I was irritated by the fact he chose to jump in and hijack something I was commenting on . . . Pretty insensitive on his part. Maybe he wanted to rub my face in things, or perhaps he wanted a bit of attention again. Either way, I was over him and ignored his comment, and the rest of the thread. Two years on from the disappearing act, I would NEVER go back to this guy, even if he ever did want to, and came begging on his hands and knees (which isn't his style, anyway). I no longer want him. I do still get moments of anger about how he treated me - it is the disrespect of not having the courtesy to say 'goodbye, I don't want this' that riles me the most. I also can get quite annoyed at myself for not following the NC rule immediately - although, in fairness to myself, I hadn't read about NC at that point! My reaching out to Invisible Man after he walked out was me thinking I could fix things between us or at least get closure. However, while I understand the desperate need for answers, I think there is a lot of truth in what someone else on this thread said about "closure" - they've already given you this by the fact they've walked away . . . however cowardly and despicable that behavior has been. And, if we are honest, do we really want to be back with someone as spineless and as gutless as that? I do think chasing them through trying to get "closure" is really just fanning the flames of their ego. However, I have complete empathy for what you are going through. It feels hellish at the time. Just to reiterate though, with the value of hindsight, I would have gone completely NC at the first opportunity. If they want you, they will find a way of letting you know . . . of course whether you will want them back by that stage is another matter! All the best. :-) Edited January 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author magnum1 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Posted February 1, 2014 Urgh - another mistake made Went to remove my ex from Fb, and for whatever reason, (I really don't know why now) thought I'd glance at her profile before doing so, and got my 'answer' - she's obviously back with her ex… Makes sense I suppose - her seeming a bit distant a few weeks (the time he must've returned on the scene) before suddenly disappearing all together on me. Find it a bit strange as she had always spoken badly of him - he didn't treat her right etc. and was her who broke up with him a few months before meeting me. She'd mentioned what a change it was being with a "nice normal guy" like me, rather than her "thug" exes - turns out that is what she obviously really likes, and didn't have the balls to tell me… Things I've learnt from this so far..! - Nice guys don't win. - NC DOES work - have been NC for a few weeks now, and up until looking at her Fb had got to the point where she was almost completely out of my head - I was/am moving on regardless. - DON'T look at your exes Fb page - just delete them! So angry with myself right now, cos this has just stirred things up again
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