Jump to content

New Year!!! Reflecting x

Helen A

By Helen A
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

Clearly you have done nowhere near enough Betsy. You still want to post about the OM and not focus on you and your marriage.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
Anne I'll be honest and say no I'm not going to be having counselling.

 

Do people think I'm that bad really?

 

What a surprise. So how on earth do you think you are going to get through this if you are not prepared to change anything?

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
Anne I'll be honest and say no I'm not going to be having counselling.

 

Do people think I'm that bad really?

 

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It's not that you're "bad".

 

But you damn sure need counseling.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Why do you say that Owl????

 

Am I nuts??

 

I sure feel it.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

Seriously? You really have to ask that?

 

You ask. We tell. You ignore. You ask. We tell. You ignore. You ask. We tell. You ignore. You ask. We tell. You ignore............

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I can't go total no contact with them unless I admit it as I've said - this is why I have to work out a way to sort myself out on my own

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I'm hoping you'll think of another way for me anne

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

You mean you want me to tell you what you want to hear and not what you need to hear.

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
I can't go total no contact with them unless I admit it as I've said - this is why I have to work out a way to sort myself out on my own

 

No...that's why you'll fail.

 

You've been told what you need to do, and why.

 

You just don't want to do it, and keep coming back hoping we'll say something different.

 

There is absolutely nothing left to tell you. Good luck. I cannot believe I've wasted this much effort.

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
I'm hoping you'll think of another way for me anne

 

Do it your way. Who knows...maybe it will work.

 

But don't expect others to change their advice (that they've seen work over and over) just because you don't like it.

 

If you want advice on what will work...you've already got it. If you want something different...I'd honestly suggest you start trying other forums.

 

Maybe TOW/gloryB?

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You mean you want me to tell you what you want to hear and not what you need to hear.

 

Maybe.

But thanks tho.

 

Owl thanks too.

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Your efforts haven't been wasted.

 

What your saying is the right thing to do, however, at this point in my life I just can't admit all this. I'm not just thinking about me here even in you think I am

  • Like 1
anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

There are still things you can do without disclosure yet you won't even do that. Why not?

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I'm attempting everything apart from the counselling.

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
I'm attempting everything apart from the counselling.

 

Which is what, specifically?

 

Don't say "working on my marriage"...that's not specific.

 

What, SPECIFICALLY, are you doing differently that you truly believe is going to fix things?

Fluttershy Established Member

Fluttershy

Posted
Posted (edited)

How long can you go on like this? Nothing will change unless you want to change it. Confessed affairs have a way higher chance of being forgiven than discovered. The fact he is obviously a seriel cheater means he is going to get caught. And when he does he may just parade all his conquests in front of his wife. He might not. But is that a gamble you want to take?

 

But besides the "getting caught" logic... You are obviously not doing well with your rug sweeping tactic. So you can either get authentic and give your husband a chance to know the truth. Or keep on rug sweeping. Nothing new here.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
There are still things you can do without disclosure yet you won't even do that. Why not?

 

Anne, no disrespect at all (you KNOW that!)...but I don't know that she can truly do anything that will make any difference at all without disclosure.

 

She can't do counseling without disclosure...her H will want to know why she needs to go. He won't agree to MC without knowing what's wrong. She won't be able to intiate any real NC with OM unless she removes him from her life completely...again, her H will want to know why.

 

That's why nothing has changed...because she can't do anything until her husband has been given the truth, and the choice as to whether or not he wants to continue his marriage on with her based on that knowledge.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

:) Owl - don't worry, I know no disrespect and I also think full disclosure is the only way. But Betsy could do IC, she could do work to improve her marriage (as much as she can without being honest :(), and she could do more to do NC within the limitations of this sickening friendship. I know better than most how to do this with still working with the exOM.

 

But as it is, it is totally pointless. Betsy does not want to end this affair (for her, it is far from over) and I believe she would be back in the OM's bed in no time at all if he said a nice thing or two to her.

AlwaysGrowing Established Member

AlwaysGrowing

Posted
Posted

OP, which mindset do you feel a stronger tie to, that of an AP or that of a WS?

 

All advice given to you, is that for a WS to reclaim their life. Which you reject.

 

The advice for an AP only hat badge, is very different for obvious reasons. They do not have another relationship/s that have been damaged.

 

A WS, must disclose, IC/MC, full NC, transparency, no trickle truth for there to be true/real/life long growth and change. Anything less is status quo.

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted
:) Owl - don't worry, I know no disrespect and I also think full disclosure is the only way. But Betsy could do IC, she could do work to improve her marriage (as much as she can without being honest :(), and she could do more to do NC within the limitations of this sickening friendship. I know better than most how to do this with still working with the exOM.

 

But as it is, it is totally pointless. Betsy does not want to end this affair (for her, it is far from over) and I believe she would be back in the OM's bed in no time at all if he said a nice thing or two to her.

 

Oh yesAnne it is most definitely over. Nothing has happened since the time it happened in august. It's over. I won't go near him again.

 

Just trying to sort me out...

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

When was the last time you kissed? Be honest.

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted

The drunk kiss in December on a night out. Prior to that we were by ourselves for a while and he had said we can kiss here nobody would know we look like it's just us together - I wouldn't let him I said no. We were on a night out all together

 

As for the sexting / anything happening it's all over.

 

I won't start up again this year I'm being honest there.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

How many times have you said on here that nothing more will happen yet more does? Pretty much every time isn't it?

 

This is why this will never end whilst any contact is maintained. This is why your approach of doing nothing is not working.

 

You are stuck in this loop and your lack of effort to really change things is damaging your marriage. Do you want your husband or the OM?

 

If you want the former, DO something. If you want the latter, continue as you are.

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted
Which is what, specifically?

 

Don't say "working on my marriage"...that's not specific.

 

What, SPECIFICALLY, are you doing differently that you truly believe is going to fix things?

 

Still curious.

  • Author
Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Not cheating for a start.

 

Do any of you get me when I say I feel like I've gone crazy?

My emotions are all over the place.

 

I feel as if I'm mental some days....

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...