Ordinaryday Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 and then as soon as you respond disappear from your life again? I want to know the psychology behind it. Awhile ago I semi-saw a girl who I fell for fast, but the feeling was not mutual. turns out she really liked me and valued my friendship, 'friend' being the key word. but this girl actually meant it, after going out a few times and making out, she said she felt we would be better off as friends and she actually made an effort of staying friends. I told her it would do my head in and it would be better if we just parted ways, but she wouldn't listen. she kept messaging me, wanting to chat and stuff but just 'as friends'. it made me crazy, and eventually just to get her to go away I said some very very nasty things to her. Not proud of it, but it was the only way to cut her off. but in terms of this, I was the 'bad' guy, she was the 'good' guy, that is how everyone saw it and I am cool with that. but after not hearing from her in six months I got a message from her on fb just saying "hi, how are you?" - not one word more or less. I agonised about whether to respond and what to say, eventually deciding on responding politely with a response that gave nothing away, I wrote back "hey there, I'm real good thanks". This happened a year ago and she never ever responded back to that, that is the last contact we have had. if she wanted to go full nc (After I was rude to her she said to never contact her again) then why message me asking how I am, and then not respond when I reply? other exes have done similar things. I am not really venting, I just want to know... what is their game? what is going through their heads when they reach out after a period of NC and then go straight back to ignoring you once you respond? can anyone shed some light on this?
saltyfishhead666 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 People send breadcrumbs as an ego boost. They want to know that you still think of them. You responding pretty much said in their eyes "I love you, I want you, I'll take you back" She got her ego boost and then went back to not caring about you. I don't know why they need this validation, however if something is over they should simply leave it be rather than torture their ex a bit more than needed xx 2
Author Ordinaryday Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 People send breadcrumbs as an ego boost. They want to know that you still think of them. You responding pretty much said in their eyes "I love you, I want you, I'll take you back" She got her ego boost and then went back to not caring about you. I don't know why they need this validation, however if something is over they should simply leave it be rather than torture their ex a bit more than needed xx makes them seem so cruel. someone once said to me "it is like when a girl flirts with a guy she isn't really into, simply because she likes the attention he gives her, she likes that he makes her feel special". I know I should not have responded at all, my mistake. people told me that the only time you respond to anything they say is when they say "I made a mistake I want you back". anything else is just a waste of your time.
saltyfishhead666 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 makes them seem so cruel. someone once said to me "it is like when a girl flirts with a guy she isn't really into, simply because she likes the attention he gives her, she likes that he makes her feel special". I know I should not have responded at all, my mistake. people told me that the only time you respond to anything they say is when they say "I made a mistake I want you back". anything else is just a waste of your time. They were very very correct!! I was told that too. Never mind eh we all make mistakes, now just move on and forget you were thrown the breadcrumbs. Next time you know 1
SurplusIndifference Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 responding politely with a response that gave nothing away, I wrote back "hey there, I'm real good thanks". You responding pretty much said in their eyes "I love you, I want you, I'll take you back" I don't think what he said reads that. He answered the question without any inquiry on how she was doing. His message, to me, was dismissive as it doesn't have the usual "how have you been?" with it. 2
SurplusIndifference Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I know I should not have responded at all, my mistake. people told me that the only time you respond to anything they say is when they say "I made a mistake I want you back". anything else is just a waste of your time. I think people take this too far. If I felt that I made a mistake and wanted the dumpee back, I wouldn't say "I made a mistake I want you back" after they have been ignoring me. I'd have work into it. 1
devilish innocent Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 My sense is after six months of no contact she sent out a feeler to see if you could be friends. You took a while to respond. You disclosed very little about yourself. You asked nothing about her. She sensed that you weren't that interested in talking. She didn't want to make the effort of starting a conversation when it was one sided so she gave up at that point. 2
H245 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I got a text from my ex last friday at 3:15am (assuming she was drunk as a skunk) asking if it was necessary that I deleted her off FB. Not sure if that was a breadcrumb either and why she would ask at that time of night...I never responded tho. 1
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