divinegrace Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I have worked with people with borderline personality disorder and she sounds like a classic case. She may also have an attachment disorder. It does come down to what you are willing to invest in. How do you feel, do you see a future? Can you overlook the list that you've presented to us all? I do believe some therapy would be helpful for you both if you decide to move in that decision. Best of luck to you. 2
Thegreatestthing Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 No they aren't human beings are deeply variegated and multifaceted. Shep, i like your posts but everyone is a type. (Maybe)
fatalcharm Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 It sounds a lot like she has Borderline Personality Disorder... Be very careful with people with BPD. The major issue with people with with BPD is that they have a fear of abandonment and it causes them to be incredibly manipulative. It actually sounds a lot like me when I was younger. I self-diagnosed myself (I know, I know, self diagnosis is never a good thing) with BPD years and years ago, but I have grown out of it. I have read that many people with BPD grow out of it by the time that they are in their 30's, and if that is the case then I probably did have it and just grew out of it. However, I have spoken to (in forums) a few victims of partners who have BPD and they insist that people with BPD never grow out of it. Having said that, these people that I was talking with were all in their late teens and early 20's, they wouldn't have had a chance to see it yet. I have a soft-spot for people with BPD because whether I really suffered from BPD or some other issue, I can still relate to those who have it. A fear of abandonment makes you do stupid, mean, manipulative things and pushes people away which is really your worst fear. BPD people are self-sabotaging. You don't want to get involved with someone like that. It is incredibly painful for you and a total head-f**k. Many people who have been in relationships with BPD sufferers have ended up leaving the relationship with many issues themselves. If it is true that BPD sufferers eventually grow out of it, then it is best to leave them alone and let them grow out of it and sort their sh*t out before perusing anything with them. In my case, whether I really had BPD or another issue, I did grow out of it. I have turned out to be reasonably well-adjusted and have lost the fear of abandonment which is quite a (pleasant) surprise to me. I thought that I was going to be a head-case for ever. 1
Emilia Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 If it is true that BPD sufferers eventually grow out of it, then it is best to leave them alone and let them grow out of it and sort their sh*t out before perusing anything with them. In my case, whether I really had BPD or another issue, I did grow out of it. I have turned out to be reasonably well-adjusted and have lost the fear of abandonment which is quite a (pleasant) surprise to me. I thought that I was going to be a head-case for ever. From what I've seen, this usually depends on the severity of it ie whether you are high or low functioning. For a lot of people getting out of it is never an option.
fatalcharm Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 From what I've seen, this usually depends on the severity of it ie whether you are high or low functioning. For a lot of people getting out of it is never an option. I can see that. I guess I was high-functioning. I had a good job, supported myself and still had friends from high school and even primary school (elementary/grade school? I'm Aussie) I did have some "disposable" friends, more like good acquaintances that came and left my life as some people do, but other than that, my friendships were fine, it was only my relationships that suffered due to my manipulation. After a few failed relationships and realizing that I was messed up, I spent some time alone and figuring myself out (and developing some interests/hobbies of my own, lol) then I got into a relationship with someone who seemed to have the same issues that I originally had. He was very manipulative and that is what completely snapped me out of it. Since then I have had normal relationships that haven't worked out, but they just ran their natural course, it wasn't because I was a crazy bitch. I have actually been able to remain friends/on good terms with every guy from those normal relationships. ---------------------------- OP, it's best for you that you just stay away from this girl. Whatever her problem is, it is not going to end well for you. Pursue this and you will end up getting hurt and may end up with issues of your own if you are in a relationship with her. You will probably end up leaving the relationship hating women, not all women are like this, hardly anyone is like this. As for her not having any hobbies of her own and being able to mold to your hobbies and interests, that is not a good thing. She will end up becoming completely dependent on you and although it's nice to have someone depend on you, it is not nice to have someone who is dependent on you. There is a huge difference. Everyone needs their own hobbies and interests to keep themselves sane. 1
Author soulz Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 I can see that. I guess I was high-functioning. I had a good job, supported myself and still had friends from high school and even primary school (elementary/grade school? I'm Aussie) I did have some "disposable" friends, more like good acquaintances that came and left my life as some people do, but other than that, my friendships were fine, it was only my relationships that suffered due to my manipulation. After a few failed relationships and realizing that I was messed up, I spent some time alone and figuring myself out (and developing some interests/hobbies of my own, lol) then I got into a relationship with someone who seemed to have the same issues that I originally had. He was very manipulative and that is what completely snapped me out of it. Since then I have had normal relationships that haven't worked out, but they just ran their natural course, it wasn't because I was a crazy bitch. I have actually been able to remain friends/on good terms with every guy from those normal relationships. ---------------------------- OP, it's best for you that you just stay away from this girl. Whatever her problem is, it is not going to end well for you. Pursue this and you will end up getting hurt and may end up with issues of your own if you are in a relationship with her. You will probably end up leaving the relationship hating women, not all women are like this, hardly anyone is like this. As for her not having any hobbies of her own and being able to mold to your hobbies and interests, that is not a good thing. She will end up becoming completely dependent on you and although it's nice to have someone depend on you, it is not nice to have someone who is dependent on you. There is a huge difference. Everyone needs their own hobbies and interests to keep themselves sane. what is weird is that she is so unbelievably sweet, that u would never expect her to become such a vile human later on.. is it possible to ever make them not act up? or is something that is deeply ingrained in them ?
fatalcharm Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 what is weird is that she is so unbelievably sweet, that u would never expect her to become such a vile human later on.. is it possible to ever make them not act up? or is something that is deeply ingrained in them ? It is something that is deeply ingrained in her... This is all too familiar for me. When she is being sweet, she isn't faking. A part of her really is a sweet beautiful person but there is also another part of her that is vile. At first, you will see the sweet person more often than the vile person but as time goes on, the vile person will come out more and more often until that is all that you see. I don't know if it is possible to make her not act up, probably not. You obviously really like this person, the best advice that I can give you (other than running away) is to be friends with her (and only friends) but encourage her to seek counselling. It is actually hard for someone with BPD to get psychological help because BPD can't really be fixed with medication and there are a lot of other issues that make up BPD. I seriously suggest that you research (google) Borderline Personality Disorder for yourself. Read medical websites, go through forums, listen to people who have been in relationships with people who were BPD... It is really important that you learn as much as you can about it because even if this girl doesn't have BPD, the way she is acting is very similar and you need to know before you continue to pursue her. 1
Author soulz Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 It is something that is deeply ingrained in her... This is all too familiar for me. When she is being sweet, she isn't faking. A part of her really is a sweet beautiful person but there is also another part of her that is vile. At first, you will see the sweet person more often than the vile person but as time goes on, the vile person will come out more and more often until that is all that you see. I don't know if it is possible to make her not act up, probably not. You obviously really like this person, the best advice that I can give you (other than running away) is to be friends with her (and only friends) but encourage her to seek counselling. It is actually hard for someone with BPD to get psychological help because BPD can't really be fixed with medication and there are a lot of other issues that make up BPD. I seriously suggest that you research (google) Borderline Personality Disorder for yourself. Read medical websites, go through forums, listen to people who have been in relationships with people who were BPD... It is really important that you learn as much as you can about it because even if this girl doesn't have BPD, the way she is acting is very similar and you need to know before you continue to pursue her. i find her sweetness might be a selfish one, just to get over the loneliness. i find maybe people like her dont really love people, they just use them to cure their moments of emptiness.
Emilia Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 i find her sweetness might be a selfish one, just to get over the loneliness. i find maybe people like her dont really love people, they just use them to cure their moments of emptiness. I think it's something you either get or you don't. It sounds to me that you have already made your decision, anyway.
Author soulz Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 It is something that is deeply ingrained in her... This is all too familiar for me. When she is being sweet, she isn't faking. A part of her really is a sweet beautiful person but there is also another part of her that is vile. At first, you will see the sweet person more often than the vile person but as time goes on, the vile person will come out more and more often until that is all that you see. I don't know if it is possible to make her not act up, probably not. You obviously really like this person, the best advice that I can give you (other than running away) is to be friends with her (and only friends) but encourage her to seek counselling. It is actually hard for someone with BPD to get psychological help because BPD can't really be fixed with medication and there are a lot of other issues that make up BPD. I seriously suggest that you research (google) Borderline Personality Disorder for yourself. Read medical websites, go through forums, listen to people who have been in relationships with people who were BPD... It is really important that you learn as much as you can about it because even if this girl doesn't have BPD, the way she is acting is very similar and you need to know before you continue to pursue her. i find her sweetness might be a selfish one, just to get over the loneliness. i find maybe people like her dont really love people, they just use them to cure their moments of emptiness. and one more thing, she just moved to a new city, so all her friends are my friends coz she doesnt have any..... so, this might get a bit sticky if it gets deeper coz without me she will have nothing or nobody in this city....i am somewhat responsible for her
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