canuck03 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Hello everyone. This is my first post. I finally attained the courage to reach out and talk about this. I wasn't always closed off from my emotions, but ever since I got cheated on it's as if I shut the doors to my emotions. No one was allowed, not even my family. I decided hiding my emotions was the safest thing to prevent falling into that pit of hell. Long story short, I dated my ex for 5 years. We broke up after a year but got back together. Things were going good I thought. I went on vacation, I had this gut feelig during my trip, when I returned home, she told me she had cheated. At that moment, I suddenly just shut everything off. She admitted it, which is a good thing...I guess? I decided not to leave her and she genuinely showed me she had made an awful mistake. She tried for the next 3 years to show me I was her one and true love, her prince, her everything, all that lovey crap. (I am very bitter right now...) I won't lie, there was this anger, pain, sadness, hate that was inside of me. I loved her so much, but I also felt this "hate" for her. I will admit, I wasn't the best boyfriend at times because of this, in my head I thought I could treat her with disrespect because of what she did. By disrespect I mean, being short with her, leaving to hangout and drink with friends, not bring
Author canuck03 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) Read this post, not the above one Hello everyone. This is my first post. I finally attained the courage to reach out and talk about this. I wasn't always closed off from my emotions, but ever since I got cheated on it's as if I shut the doors to my emotions. No one was allowed, not even my family. I decided hiding my emotions was the safest thing to prevent falling into that pit of hell. Long story short, I dated my ex for almost 6 years. We broke up after a year but got back together. Things were going good I thought. I went on vacation... When I returned home, she told me she had cheated on me... At that moment, I suddenly just shut everything off. I won't lie, that destroyed me. She admitted it, which is a good thing...I guess? I decided not to leave her and she genuinely showed me she had made an awful mistake. She tried for the next few years to show me I was her one and true love, her prince, her everything, all that lovey crap. (I am very bitter right now...) I won't lie, there was this anger, pain, sadness, hate that was inside of me. I loved her so much, but I also felt this "anger" for her. I will admit, I wasn't the best boyfriend at times because of this, in my head I thought I could treat her with disrespect because of what she did. By disrespect I mean, being short with her, leaving to hangout and drink with friends, not bringing her along. Things like that. (I never cheated on her) It got to the point where I wasn't caring as much, I let the anger overcome me in the last months of our relationship. So thats when she decided to end things 3 months ago. At that moment I realized what I had been doing, but it was way too late to do anything. I did ask for forgiveness, and another chance, etc etc. (I don't get that...why would I want to go back to her if I felt this "anger" towards her?) I felt angry with myself, and still do. I feel angry because I ended up treating her like complete crap. That I caused her so much pain because of my "you did this to me, I can do this to you" mentality. I feel like this evil human being. I wasn't raised this way, and certainly wasn't taught to treat people like this. I'm disgusted with myself. Also... I don't know if it's because of the new year, but I have suddenly become sad. I don't understand, I felt sad at the breakup, for a month after that as well, but I got a new job, accepted into school, and things were starting to look good. I was starting to feel happy I think. Come January, that took a turn. She's been on my mind a lot lately, in my dreams and thoughts. The dreams are what really get me, they have the power to make your day or to just destroy any happiness you have. Almost every night I have a crappy dream about her. It's just all these things adding up, and preventing me from moving on/living my life. I did the mistake to talk to her, I just felt so weak at that moment and texted her. (Stupid decision) We talked and caught up, found out she's seeing someone. That made me feel worse. So I put an end to the talking. Sorry for the long story, I know it's all over the place and just a bunch of rambling. Haven't had much sleep, going to school, and just trying to focus on that. In the end, do I deserve to feel this way? Most likely... Edited January 20, 2014 by canuck03
Author canuck03 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 I guess I should feel this way then...
fixing Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Erm, no you dont deserve to feel this way. She cheated on you and broke your heart. Its disgusting what she did to you. But, the problem is, you allowed her back.. You should have ended it the first time because the relationship had died at that point. I understand you treating her with less respect after the fact. But, that wouldnt have been the case had you just dumped her and moved on. When you are cheated on, you blow hot and cold. Thats your heart telling you you love her, and your head (Logical and correct) is telling you to leave her. Dont go fretting about pleading with her to come back. We all make mistakes. Right now, focus on school. No contact 100% Its not your fault, she burned you. She's a cheating cow. Stay strong and cut all contact 1
Sasukie Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 lol. Love your comments Fixing. How have you been fairing? 1
fixing Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 lol. Love your comments Fixing. How have you been fairing? ha.Thanks man. Im good thanks. How are you getting on? Any better? 1
AnyaNova Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Erm, no you dont deserve to feel this way. She cheated on you and broke your heart. Its disgusting what she did to you. But, the problem is, you allowed her back.. You should have ended it the first time because the relationship had died at that point. I understand you treating her with less respect after the fact. But, that wouldnt have been the case had you just dumped her and moved on. When you are cheated on, you blow hot and cold. Thats your heart telling you you love her, and your head (Logical and correct) is telling you to leave her. Dont go fretting about pleading with her to come back. We all make mistakes. Right now, focus on school. No contact 100% Its not your fault, she burned you. She's a cheating cow. Stay strong and cut all contact Amen to that! I think partners should be loyal to each other. Also, given that cheating actually tends to be a genetic trait that doesn't go away. they usually tend to do it again. Thankfully, I seem to have been born without the cheating gene. When I am with someone, the only one literally that I see or want is the one I am with. But in return, I expect loyalty as well. Take time to grieve this one, get over the love-drug effect, and I think you will see that she isn't worth pining over at all! 1
Sasukie Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 ha.Thanks man. Im good thanks. How are you getting on? Any better? Hey Thats good to hear. I basically haven't heard (did not want to hear) about her ever since I got my stuff from her place December 30,2013. Been really busy with my work and keeping occupied with business. Looking forward to the summer so I can go back to tennis I do have to say i'm a little worried if I hear about any news related to her that it'll cut me again haha...everything deleted but didn't delete her off fb as suggested by my close friend (blocked feed though) 1
fixing Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Hey Thats good to hear. I basically haven't heard (did not want to hear) about her ever since I got my stuff from her place December 30,2013. Been really busy with my work and keeping occupied with business. Looking forward to the summer so I can go back to tennis I do have to say i'm a little worried if I hear about any news related to her that it'll cut me again haha...everything deleted but didn't delete her off fb as suggested by my close friend (blocked feed though) Hey, thats great news man!! Your keeping active, its the ONLY way to get through this, trust me! Hmmm, i would have to agree with your friend... You need to remove her to send a clear signal. Keep up the good fight m8! You will be over this in no time at all! 1
WYSWYG Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Hello everyone. This is my first post. I finally attained the courage to reach out and talk about this. I wasn't always closed off from my emotions, but ever since I got cheated on it's as if I shut the doors to my emotions. No one was allowed, not even my family. I decided hiding my emotions was the safest thing to prevent falling into that pit of hell. Long story short, I dated my ex for 5 years. We broke up after a year but got back together. Things were going good I thought. I went on vacation, I had this gut feelig during my trip, when I returned home, she told me she had cheated. At that moment, I suddenly just shut everything off. She admitted it, which is a good thing...I guess? I decided not to leave her and she genuinely showed me she had made an awful mistake. She tried for the next 3 years to show me I was her one and true love, her prince, her everything, all that lovey crap. (I am very bitter right now...) I won't lie, there was this anger, pain, sadness, hate that was inside of me. I loved her so much, but I also felt this "hate" for her. I will admit, I wasn't the best boyfriend at times because of this, in my head I thought I could treat her with disrespect because of what she did. By disrespect I mean, being short with her, leaving to hangout and drink with friends, not bring You're doing the right thing by posting here. There's a lot of topics here that can help you ease the pain. Understand that you're already in the pits of hell on this issue and there's no avoiding it. You have to accept and mourn the loss and it will take some time. Don't shut off your emotions. I know its not a manly thing to do as society dictates but the "emotional vomit" releases all this toxic pains inside. There's a recent article on TIME magazine about the emotional lives of boys that deals w/ this handicap. Nobody saw me cry many times but it felt better after. When you get angry: write how you feel on paper/email but don't send it. If you're feeling lonely: think of all the bad things she did to you. It's not an easy thing to do when you're emotionally distraught but learn to manage your emotions well to stay afloat. There's nothing worst than feeling betrayed. But don't feel alone. There's a lot of us here dealing w/ that here. Reach out and someone will answer. Also, don't be too harsh on yourself for the things you did wrong. So long as you recognized and learn from them. Nothing we can do to change the past. We're only human. Be good to yourself, brother. You will survive this!
Author canuck03 Posted January 25, 2014 Author Posted January 25, 2014 Thanks for the replies everyone. Last few days have been a little better, been occupied studying and really focusing on school. I really hope I can keep it that way. Still going nc with her, that's the best and only way to through this. I'm trying to stay positive, but I do get the thoughts creeping into my head every now and then.
Recommended Posts