Saijo Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) Hey guys, I've been going through a bit of a turmoil when it comes to my current relationship. First of all, let me give you a bit of context. I've known my girlfriend for about two and a half years now. She's just under a year younger than me. Although we started dating roughly a month ago, we're extremely close and have progressed fairly fast as a couple due to the fact that we've both liked each other for the past year; the latter fact was unbeknownst to either of us until recently of course. I know I love this girl. When I'm not concentrating on other things, she's always on my mind. From the very start of our relationship to just recently however, there are some glaring issues that have begun to pop-up. For the most part, her and I are extremely busy people. On that note though, both of us consider myself to far busier than her. Between education, running a TEDx event, what have you, I can rarely find the time to go out on dates with her let alone see her, save passing by each other every few days. Despite all that, I try my best to meet with her at least once a week, if even for just an hour. This often includes me allotting time which could be spent elsewhere or even canceling previous plans to better align myself with her schedule. On several occasions in the past month that we have been dating, she has either failed to show up due to her own shortcomings (forgetting to arrange her work shift, having to shove a task into the time slot due to procrastination, etc) or has come significantly late. I try my best to make time for her but it seems like she barely does for me. I've talked to her about this and she has apologized several times but nothing has changed. As much as I love her, I can't stand being in a relationship where I'm giving 80% and she's giving 20%. I'm wondering if I should just break it off here and spare myself even more hurt down the road. Some input would be greatly appreciated. Edited January 20, 2014 by Saijo
deathandtaxes Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Quit trying so hard. If she were into you more, she'd make plans, make the time, keep plans, etc. Pull back a little bit, so that you feel like you're giving 50%, not 80% and see what happens.
OpheliaSong Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 She just isn't that into you. Girls who really like guys make time for them. She might say she likes you but she sure isn't showing it. She sounds like a flake to be honest. 1
Author Saijo Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Quit trying so hard. If she were into you more, she'd make plans, make the time, keep plans, etc. Pull back a little bit, so that you feel like you're giving 50%, not 80% and see what happens. On the contrary, she's more into the relationship than I am. I can see that from her and the response from people around us as well. Not to say that I'm not into it, because I am. My post was sparked by the fact that yesterday she had made plans for us to spend the whole day together. In fact, she ends up making most of our plans because her schedule is hectic while mine tends to be orderly. I set aside a non-mandatory but important meeting I had that day to spend the day with her but couldn't end up going because she didn't take the day off work in time. This wasn't the first time this happened. Regardless, I'll try pulling back and see what happens.
deathandtaxes Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 How can she be more into it but she is giving only 20%?
Author Saijo Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 How can she be more into it but she is giving only 20%? Sorry, let me rephrase. She's a lot me more into me than I am into her.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 What kind of relationship has you only seeing each other once a week for an hour? Anyway, I agree with the poster(s) who said - when women care, they MAKE time for their man. My sister is totally scatterbrained and forgets everything -- but when it comes to her BF, she NEVER forgets plans. 2
divinegrace Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 It sounds to me like you and your girlfriend may have differences in love languages. What is important to you? What is important to her? It looks like quality time is really key for you. Possibly not as high a priority to her. Find the book "the five love languages". Read it. It helps you understand where that other person my be coming from. As for her apparent scheduling issues, maybe she needs some insight into how you feel when you don't get the time you've planned together. This is about COMMUNICATING honestly, openly, and with heart. I hope you can find a way to both get what you deserve. Happiness.
BeholdtheMan Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Sorry, let me rephrase. She's a lot me more into me than I am into her. She likes you more but is giving less... Yeah, makes sense
TaraMaiden Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 OP, where do you see this relationship in 5 years' time?
Els Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 One hour a week at the 1 month point signifies a casual dating sort of R at best, IMO. Could it be possible that that is how she is viewing your R? Yes, it's quite clear she isn't 'that invested', but any woman who is 'that invested' would be unlikely to be okay with only seeing you for an hour a week. So this arrangement seems to work out well for both of you, with only the drawback of her flaking sometimes. 1
veggirl Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Can't you guys at least meet a couple times a week at the end of the day to go to sleep together? I mean seeing each other once a week for an hour or so?! Maybe you're too busy for a relationship......? I mean seriously what in the world?? There has to be ways to see each other more if you both want to.
clia Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 For the most part, her and I are extremely busy people. On that note though, both of us consider myself to far busier than her. Between education, running a TEDx event, what have you, I can rarely find the time to go out on dates with her let alone see her, save passing by each other every few days. Despite all that, I try my best to meet with her at least once a week, if even for just an hour. This often includes me allotting time which could be spent elsewhere or even canceling previous plans to better align myself with her schedule. On several occasions in the past month that we have been dating, she has either failed to show up due to her own shortcomings (forgetting to arrange her work shift, having to shove a task into the time slot due to procrastination, etc) or has come significantly late. I try my best to make time for her but it seems like she barely does for me. I've talked to her about this and she has apologized several times but nothing has changed. How many times have you actually seen her in the past month that you have been dating? If you can only find an hour once a week for your girlfriend, it seems to me that you are too busy to be dating anyone. Like veggirl said, can't you even get together a couple nights a week to spend the later evening together and go to bed together? And you have to eat, right? Can't you arrange to eat with her a few times a week? But if she is failing to show up for your hourly meeting or not planning accordingly to see you, she is either flaky or not taking the relationship very seriously. (And to be honest, I can't say I blame her. I wouldn't take a guy very seriously who could only find an hour a week for me.) You say she is more into you than you are into her...but she really isn't acting like she is all that into you if she is blowing off your time together. The solution is obviously to talk to her about it. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 OP: She is way more into you, yet only gives 20%. That makes no sense whatsoever. It's clear from what you've posted that you're not a priority to her. At least, not in the way you'd hope to be. She might really like you but in what little free time you both have, she's flaking and not making the same effort you are. That speaks volumes, in my experience.
Recommended Posts