How to bow out gracefully

[Ryan R.]

The other day, I was thinking that it would be wise for me to bow out of the dating game altogether. I'm not getting anywhere whatsoever and I believe that I won't at all. At Thanksgiving it was the usual gathering and people asking me "do you have a girlfriend" "so what girls are you dating now" and etc. I didn't want to hear any of it.

 

I wanted to tell my aunts and uncles that I've given up at this point and if you were in my shoes, you would too. I've gone 22 years without any positive female interaction and I see a lot of my friends are putting rings on their girlfriend's fingers. It is discouraging.

 

I now live by myself so I don't have to witness my roommate going through girls like bullets in a gun (though he has now found one he really likes). The holidays are pretty lonely, I just need to get used to it.

 

I want some way to tell people I've given up without sounding like I'm just saying it to say it. I believe some people are meant to do certain things with their lives and being with girls isn't one of them for me.

[InnocentMan]

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you won't get a girl so you give off all these negative vibes, which repels women, in turn making you think you were right all along. Sad to see in a 22 yr old man.

 

If this is your attitude, then you probably don't deserve a woman. You can't just sit alone in your apartment and expect the woman to somehow realise how awesome you are, and come knocking on your door.

 

Being good at getting women, is like being a good pop star. It's not always the best singers that get the fame. It's the ones with the biggest balls to get on the stage, and pretend they can sing.

[Ryan R.]

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you won't get a girl so you give off all these negative vibes, which repels women, in turn making you think you were right all along. Sad to see in a 22 yr old man.

 

If this is your attitude, then you probably don't deserve a woman. You can't just sit alone in your apartment and expect the woman to somehow realise how awesome you are, and come knocking on your door.

 

Being good at getting women, is like being a good pop star. It's not always the best singers that get the fame. It's the ones with the biggest balls to get on the stage, and pretend they can sing.

 

I don't think I've made myself clear.

 

I've tried all throughout college to be with girls. And I came out the other side a virgin. Not only that, but I'm in the same state as I was when I went to high school.

 

So take that how you will.

[InnocentMan]

I don't think I've made myself clear.

 

I've tried all throughout college to be with girls. And I came out the other side a virgin. Not only that, but I'm in the same state as I was when I went to high school.

 

So take that how you will.

 

I understood your post perfectly. You feel sorry for yourself because a woman isn't falling at your feet, yet instead of doing something about it, you'd rather just give up. Lot's of men strike out in high school, and go on to become successful with women.

 

There's always something you can do to improve your chances. Dropping the defeatist attitude would probably be a good starting point. You're not entitled to anything in life. Anything worth having, has to be earned, and that includes women.

 

If you want to lock yourself away from the world because it hasn't happened yet, carry on.

 

I have no advice to offer about how to tell your family this. I'm sure they will soon work it out for themselves.

Edited January 20, 2014 by InnocentMan

[deathandtaxes]

I sucked big time trying to get with the ladies in high school. Not much better in college. Although I did meet a lady I did go on to marry. And we had a good run. But it ended. And I found myself single again at 34.

 

 

Did I give up? Heck no!! I try, and try, and try. But it's not the focus of my life. I have a job. I have interests and hobbies and friends and family. I take care of myself mentally, physically, spiritually. And I am by no means the best-looking dude out there. Nor the most outgoing. But I try and persevere. I get on the horse, get knocked off, and get the **** back on.

 

 

But the key is that I am not desperate. I don't reek of desperation. OP, with your woe is me attitude, you are going to be giving off uncontrollable signals to the people that will pretty much make you unapproachable. So chill out for a bit. Go take care of yourself.

[Ryan R.]

I understood your post perfectly. You feel sorry for yourself because a woman isn't falling at your feet, yet instead of doing something about it, you'd rather just give up. Lot's of men strike out in high school, and go on to become successful with women.

 

There's always something you can do to improve your chances. Dropping the defeatist attitude would probably be a good starting point. You're not entitled to anything in life. Anything worth having, has to be earned, and that includes women.

 

If you want to lock yourself away from the world because it hasn't happened yet, carry on.

 

I have no advice to offer about how to tell your family this. I'm sure they will soon work it out for themselves.

 

 

I still don't think I've made myself clear. I've done everything. Everything. I was heavily into "game" and "pua" for a couple of years. I was very into going to bars, parties. Anything that had potential interaction for girls. It all yielded no results.

 

I am not locking myself away from the world. I face the world everyday I go to work. I also don't expect women to fall at my feet.

[Revolver]

I can relate to the GF question

[mammasita]

Why not just keep your mouth shut and go about your business. Having to make a statement is just BEGGING for peoples attention.

[oldshirt]

Why not just keep your mouth shut and go about your business. Having to make a statement is just BEGGING for peoples attention.

 

Agree. Your sex life is no-one else business.

[wistfulgirl]

I still don't think I've made myself clear. I've done everything. Everything. I was heavily into "game" and "pua" for a couple of years. I was very into going to bars, parties. Anything that had potential interaction for girls. It all yielded no results.

 

I am not locking myself away from the world. I face the world everyday I go to work. I also don't expect women to fall at my feet.

 

Maybe you haven't succeeded due to the dubious "game" and "PUA" methods you have used to essential "trick" women into sleeping with you. This is not the right way to go about getting a girlfriend, it reeks to me of seedy men in bars using routines to pick up women. At 22 this is not the behaviour you want to portray to get an honest relationship.

 

You are so young, don't write yourself off as these "acts" haven't worked. Perhaps try getting to know people, being yourself without the agenda of getting a girlfriend and see what happens - stop being so hard on yourself

[sunshinegirl]

At 22 I barely caught the attention of any of the men around me, and I was swimming in a sea of men in college (65/35 male/female ratio).

 

I didn't have my first romantic relationship until I was in my late twenties, and I didn't get married til I was 35.

 

Some people are just late bloomers. Don't give up!

[Ryan R.]

Why not just keep your mouth shut and go about your business. Having to make a statement is just BEGGING for peoples attention.

 

I need to get them off my back, though.

 

Maybe you haven't succeeded due to the dubious "game" and "PUA" methods you have used to essential "trick" women into sleeping with you. This is not the right way to go about getting a girlfriend, it reeks to me of seedy men in bars using routines to pick up women. At 22 this is not the behaviour you want to portray to get an honest relationship.

 

You are so young, don't write yourself off as these "acts" haven't worked. Perhaps try getting to know people, being yourself without the agenda of getting a girlfriend and see what happens - stop being so hard on yourself

 

I never "tricked" women into sleeping with me. Besides, alot of people use these techniques and they work. I never used routines, I used methods. That didn't work for me, obviously. I was never disingenuous to a girl to get her to sleep with me. I even know guys who make the most intense PUA guys look like angels with what they say and do to girls.

Edited January 20, 2014 by Ryan R.

[wistfulgirl]

I didn't say you personally "tricked" them, but that PUA methods are based in trickery as they are unnatural and rehersed techniques/lines etc so are essentially disingenuous in themselves. It makes the whole process of meeting and getting to know someone into a game.

 

I find that these pick up routines, methods or whatever you want to call them are extremely off putting (and transparent to women who have a lot of men talk to them) and think you will have a far better success rate by being natural and showing genuine interest in a girl rather than thinking, "I'd better neg her now to make her feel insecure and therefore want me to boost her self esteem"...

 

And of course, there are many people who treat women far worse than PUA's do, but you are a 22yr old guy with your whole life ahead of you and just haven't met the right person yet. Don't let this break you, and write yourself off to the possibility of meeting the right girl. And when you do, please just be yourself! X

Edited January 20, 2014 by wistfulgirl

[Ryan R.]

I didn't say you personally "tricked" them, but that PUA methods are based in trickery as they are unnatural and rehersed techniques/lines etc so are essentially disingenuous in themselves. It makes the whole process of meeting and getting to know someone into a game.

 

I find that these pick up routines, methods or whatever you want to call them are extremely off putting (and transparent to women who have a lot of men talk to them) and think you will have a far better success rate by being natural and showing genuine interest in a girl rather than thinking, "I'd better neg her now to make her feel insecure and therefore want me to boost her self esteem"...

 

And of course, there are many people who treat women far worse than PUA's do, but you are a 22yr old guy with your whole life ahead of you and just haven't met the right person yet. Don't let this break you, and write yourself off to the possibility of meeting the right girl. And when you do, please just be yourself! X

 

Isn't that all that life is? A giant game? Some people are better at playing it than others. I didn't "neg" any girl and I didn't use rehearsed pickup lines. I have always been myself. Nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately, it's not enough though.

[deathandtaxes]

All past is prologue, OP. What's your plan going forward?

[CaliGuy]

The other day, I was thinking that it would be wise for me to bow out of the dating game altogether. I'm not getting anywhere whatsoever and I believe that I won't at all. At Thanksgiving it was the usual gathering and people asking me "do you have a girlfriend" "so what girls are you dating now" and etc. I didn't want to hear any of it.

 

I wanted to tell my aunts and uncles that I've given up at this point and if you were in my shoes, you would too. I've gone 22 years without any positive female interaction and I see a lot of my friends are putting rings on their girlfriend's fingers. It is discouraging.

 

I now live by myself so I don't have to witness my roommate going through girls like bullets in a gun (though he has now found one he really likes). The holidays are pretty lonely, I just need to get used to it.

 

I want some way to tell people I've given up without sounding like I'm just saying it to say it. I believe some people are meant to do certain things with their lives and being with girls isn't one of them for me.

 

Here is some advice for you. It sounds to me as if you have given up on yourself. I want you to know this and take it to heart:

 

"If you cannot make yourself happen being alone, you will never EVER be happy with someone else NOR will you make them happy with you...."

 

In other words, you need to get comfortable in your own skin. There is something about you that you do not like or have not accepted. Your expectations may be VERY high (trust me, I know. I personally have struggled with any relationships where she wasn't an 11 of a scale of 1-10).

 

Now here I am, 44 (almost 45), I have the same physical desire for women that I have always had. However, I am very comfortable with who I am. I love and accept myself (which if I did not I could not love someone else on the same level).

 

My point is, whether I stay single or get married, it doesn't really matter in the long run. I do not need anyone to "complete" me. Of course I desire the company of a beautiful woman whose world I rock (on many levels), but if she doesn't rock mine either, we're wasting each others time.

 

My point is simply this. Stop "seeking" someone else out. Stop worrying about dating. Know and love yourself and when you fully do, the right woman will walk into your life.

[Ryan R.]

All past is prologue, OP. What's your plan going forward?

 

What's my plan? Be one of the best in my field, travel, build connections with family, acquire new skills, have fun in life. Should there be anything else?