Boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me

[quillz]

I'm 21 and my ex-boyfriend is 22. We have been dating on and off for the past 5.5 years. We were both each other's first real relationship. During the past 5.5 years of being together we have broken up twice. Once in high school for about 3 months (immature reasons) and a second time in college for about 6 months (lots of stress and fighting).

After we got back together the second time we both have matured a lot; we fixed some problems that were causing issues before and the relationship was seemingly perfect. Yes, of course we had our occasional arguments, but overall we were both happy and very in love; our communication improved, we were both more patient with each other, more understanding, etc. Things were going great, and I can't stress that enough. We both would talk about how much better things got and how much we have matured.

About a month ago though, he broke up with me because he felt that he needed to figure his life out. For a while now he has been struggling with finding himself, figuring out what he wants to do as a career, etc. I had been trying to push him and support him through this tough time. I already know what I want to do for the rest of my life and part of me feels that he felt a bit intimidated because I already have my life goals figured out and he didn't yet.

Anyway, so he decided that it was best for us to break-up so that he can focus on his life and finding himself. He had said that he wasn't giving me what I deserve and that he needs to move things around in his life before he can be responsible for a relationship. It was a very sad breakup. There was no fighting/yelling...it was just him explaining his emotions to me. We both cried and he left by giving me a long hug and kiss.

We haven't talked much at all, except for recently...we were kind of just seeing how each other was holding up, I had mentioned in the text that I am having a hard time accepting the break up and that I miss him a lot. He responded by saying that he was sorry that it had to be me. He says that he had wished that when we met he would have already had everything figured out in his life so that we could stay together. He said he never wanted to hurt me, but that he just needs to do what's best for himself before he can give me what I deserve.

I am just confused on how I am supposed to feel. I respect his decision and how he feels, but I just know deep in my heart that we are meant to be together. We both love each other and were so happy, so this break-up is so hard to accept. I miss him a lot, and he seems to be figuring his life out now, and I just want to know if we can try it again? Am I being selfish? Him and I are supposed to meet up for a little and just kind of talk about what had happened, but now I'm starting to have second thoughts on if I should or not--any help is much appreciated.

[SadSan]

Doesnt seem like a breakup but just a break. Dont worry he will come back to you. Go no contact for 30 days and see he will reply you. If not go on low contact. You are lucky he still loves you unlike our exes who brokeup because they feel no love at all !

[Els]

Welcome, quillz.

 

I completely disagree with the above poster. It sounds very much like a break up to me, and you should not be putting your life on hold waiting for him to come back. Start healing and moving forward with your own life now.

 

One thing about Rs that start very young (you two were 16/17 when you started?) is that they rarely work out for the long haul. Very few people end up marrying (and staying married to) the person they were dating in high school. It hurts, but that's unfortunately the way it is. You both have so much ahead of you and are undergoing so much change in life that sometimes you might grow apart, as it sounds like you did.

 

Do your best to move forward with life - focus on your own career, try to date other people, etc. There will be other guys at 21, I promise.

[itsthetooth]

What you can do, is have your BF go to Employment Security, and they have a assesment test that will tell you what field you are suppose to be working in. It's free. There is also one you can take at home, but I think it's $50. www.wowi.com. I suggest you take it as well, you might discover you were off in your findings.

 

My concern is how he is so quick to pull out of a good relationship just because it looks like you might have a leg up in the relationship. Men have an ego, and he obviously does to, I might have been hurt as well too. Not because your ahead of the game, but because you did it without my input. Which is what this all boils down to. Your relationship is suppose to be about helping each other and being there for one another. You need to remind him of this. It's important. God forbid, if you ever do make more money than him YOU NEED TO HIDE IT FROM HIM, it will tear him apart. You need to also stress that relationships arent so much about trying to keep things on the even side. Life is full of things being uneven. I have had relationships where I have supported women, and I have also had relationships where the woman has supported me. There have even been times where she has had to help me with my car payment. Whats the fuss, I drive here everywhere she needs to go, she gets a free chauffeur to boot. You need to let your man know that a relationship is not always going to be split down the middle, thats a nice desire, but this is real life. There might be months where you have to cover him, and visa versa. Love is not keeping tabs, but at the same time, if you feel someone is abusing it, maybe it's time to call it quits.

 

My problem turned out to be that I noticed that all of the jobs that I had to pass up was because the employer required Microsoft Office certification. Well guess what, employment security also offered training classes for that as well, and they were free. I went in to try to get my certification and realized that after 6 failed attempts, I would not be getting it. Later I took a psycological evaluation and discovered that I'm autistic, and have mass learning disabilities, cognitive disorders. Basically what it boils down to is I soon realized that I'm not qualified to work. I had also found out that there was about 20 other problems in there as well. I'm applying for SSI, hope ot have a hearing in June or July.

 

The part that sucks is that I want to work, I want to make money. I made good money back in 2007. I bought a new car, was paying all my bills, bought my son a brand new computer for his room. My girlfriend at the time, was actually having problems finding work, and I told her to not stress so much about it, I make enough money to pay the rent 4 times over, and still eat out every day. In addition my son and I make up 2 out of 3 people on the house, plus he has his own room, so I should be paying 2/3rds of the bills, and she agreed.

 

I loved making money, I loved going out, washing my money, ironing my money, flaunting my money, spending my money. Gold chain and the whole nine yards, and yes a girl on each arm. Now I'm broke, hell, I'm broken too ): By By money, I will always miss you.