Do I still have a 2nd chance?

[pinkicedkks]

My ex and me dated for about 4 months at university, together officially for 2.

I have previously had a long 5 year (on/off) relationship and in those 4 months I loved and felt more loved than I ever have. They were the happiest months of my life.

He wasn’t a big communicator, the only issue we had was when he would randomly stop talking before we were official.

When I came home for the 4 month break things got bad. I had surgery, the anesthetic increased my anxiety and the difficulties of distance meant I started arguments, wondered why he wasn’t talking to me. We decided it was difficult and broke up, crying, telling each other we would be together again etc. etc.

A month passed and we barely spoke, i later found out that he hadn't been receiving my messages and I hadn't been getting his, he thought i had moved on and got a new girlfriend. The night he got a new girlfriend I rang him, i told him it was a bad idea, i cried, we talked for 2.5 hrs.

Less than a month passes with limited communication and then on December 22nd he said everything I had been wanting to hear. He said he loves me, he misses me, he regrets breaking up with me and would want to get back together at university. We flirted via text and snapchat for about a week, I got a “merry christmas beautiful on christmas” life seemed perfect. He broke up with his girlfriend on the 29th of December and that is when it started to go wrong.

That night he barely contacted me, the next day he said he was in a bad mood, and i got nothing on new years. I contacted him on the 2nd of January asking what was going on. He told me that his ex had been abusing him over social media etc. and causing him to get angry at everyone. He said he didn’t want to fight, or push me away so he was keeping his distance. I should have backed off then, but I didn’t.

January 4 - I said i missed him, he said “I miss you too xx”.

January 9 - I said something about cuddles, he told me to stop over thinking and that cuddles would be good

January 11 - I got anxious, he said that nothing had changed.

He kept reassuring me, but I just got more anxious and insecure and kept contacting him when I should have been giving him space. I started overthinking every picture he liked, every message, every silence, it was killing me.

I had recently moved towns, i don’t know anyone, i had nothing to do and even though I had never been that type of girl, he had become my whole life.

January 11 - His ex rang him, he wrote a status, i didn’t see the status at first and wrote one of my own about relationships, he thought i was getting at his ex relationship and got angry. I cleared it up, told him i was there for him and we ended the night with him saying ‘goodnight x’

January 12 - we said sent some sext sort of things to each other, but he was still seeming distant.

On January 14 he posted some lyrics “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” which was our song type of thing. Because of the distance I thought that this couldn’t be about me and so got upset and angry. ‘text yelled’ at me, telling me to look up the song it was from. I unfortunately, in my anger, told him to stop ‘f*****g me around’. This made him angrier.

Later I sent a huge message with all my feelings and apologies. He replied with “omg I have absolutely no idea what to reply to that except <3”. I said that was good enough.

After overthinking, on January 15 I changed my mind and wanted a better answer. Stupid. This made him annoyed because he said I always changed my mind about stuff. After sending multiple text messages I ended up ringing him and we had a perfectly normal, happy conversation, no lovey stuff. he said he would text me the next day, he didn’t.

January 18 - I sent a message, yet again, about his silence and the fact he was ignoring all my messages and snapchats. he sent a message saying “Just relax :/ please don’t continuously push the issue as this is the only thing that pisses me off! your life shouldn’t revolve around me”

I sent an apology message about 9 pm, saying that I would back off, i’m not usually like this, and I would see him at uni.

About the same time a friend of his posted on his wall “don’t let the b*****s get to you and drag you down, i got your back hun”.

He deleted this as soon as he was online, about 10pm.

About 1 am I wrote a status saying “just tell the world my problems, thanks heaps” this was hours after the post had been deleted.

He then liked my post, he barely EVER likes my posts, or really many peoples for that matter. He generally only likes profile pictures of blonde girls, including mine.

Ever since then I have ceased contact (now Jan 20th) and have been trying to get out there and do stuff, not let him be my life and show him that through Facebook.

 

This all happened in less than a month. Do you think he still loves me somewhere deep down or have I completely ruined my shot at a second chance?

[thompkevin]

I don't think you've completely ruined your chance. Continue with the no contact until you meet at the university and make some positive changes in your life(as mentioned in this article). He seems to be turned off by your insecure behavior. Your insecurities are probably the reason you don't give him space when you should. I guess you need to work on that a little bit.

[xUnknown]

Yeah, I have a problem with over thinking things too. But I realized a while ago, all it does is make the situation worse. It fcks with my head to the point where it just drives me crazy. And I had enough of it. So, I don't...I try not to anymore. Start doing the same. You're making yourself go nuts overthinking every single detail, and when you ask your ex about it, you're doing the same to him (making him go nuts). That is what is pushing him away.

 

Just stay limited contact. Let him be the one to initiate things. He needs to see that you're working on you. Take everything with a grain of salt. Stay off FB for a little bit. Let things cool off. Don't post **** for attention. This could be the most unattractive aspect of any person (male or female). My ex did it, it annoyed me...my friend or two do it...i tell them to vent to me over the phone, not facebook. Everything nowadays revolves around facebook. Its stupid. They aren't real friends, its all fake. Talk to someone who you confide in. Not stupid facebook. Its immature. It isn't real live.

 

So, limited contact - let him contact you. Keep it short and sweet when you respond. Don't push any issue, or ask when you're seeing each other next. Don't be clingy. Don't post stupid **** on facebook asking for attention, or, being passive aggressive towards him. Just, don't. Focus on yourself, and work on taking things at face value. Communication is key. If it bothers them, they have to tell you. Don't be passive aggressive.