Debo Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 A former gf of mine's father died when she was 18. At this time she had already had one kid and was in an abusvie relationship with her husband. It was several years after this that I connected with the woman. She was divorced by then, but had another child. She had a history of running away from previous bf's and after three months she left me to go back home. Anyway, the question I have, is does anyone have any knowledge about how the death of her father, having kids so early in life and terrible luck in realtionships would effect a woman's outlook on other relationships. In the sense that when she met me, she was always telling me how good I was to her and it was something that she hadn't experienced. When she left, she mentioned how it wouldn't be fair to me to be a father to her children, blah,blah,blah. The whole bit of how she was "damaged" goods and that I deserved better. Do you think she could have actually believed this or was it just a conveinent thing to say at the break up? I have always heard of women that can't seem to "handle" a relationship with someone that is nice to them, but wonder how much truth there is to that thought. any opinions?
kypepeo Posted January 14, 2005 Posted January 14, 2005 I am a lot like this girl. I have a problem, with relationships and have never actually been in a relationship longer than 6 months, no matter how nice the guy is. I had a daughter when I was 20 and so I identify with her. It's all because of the way I grew up, feeling like "damaged goods" and that I didn't deserve to be loved. It's alos hard for me to trust people and so I build walls to keep people out. If anyone gets close to me, I lock them out, usually by breaking up with them. At the same time, I want someone to love me for me and really give me the care that I never had.I faced my issues and realised that I first have to love myself for someone else to love me, let down my defenses and take the risk of caring for someone and being cared for. Your girl probably thinks that like everybody else, you'll eventually leave her.If you really care about her, help her deal with her past. She'll try to push you away but don't allow her to. Make her know that you are for real and eventually, you'll break thru the hard shell.She'll be worth it and you'll have set her free from her pain.
Author Debo Posted January 14, 2005 Author Posted January 14, 2005 kypepeo, thanks for the reply. I'm glad to hear another women say there is something to these actions of hers. I have been forunate that I grew up with both my mother and father and never really experienced much family troubles. So, the idea of being "damaged goods" seems foreign to me and when she talked this way I felt as though she was just brushing me off because I couldn't relate. I just didn't get why someone that was so beautiful, both inside and out, could honestly think she wasn't good enough for me, so I figured she was just lying. As for helping her, that's not really an option. When she moved away, we lost contact. It seems that she has no desire to talk to me. This again brings me to another of her explainations. She says she can't see or talk to me because it hurts too much and reminds her too much of what she left behind. While I wonder if it's not the fact she just doesn't care. Anyhoo, I am grateful for the response and wish you the best.
Recommended Posts