Cardiacfire Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Right to start off i am highly confused with how i am feeling at this moment in time so i am hoping that if anyone has felt the same or is aware could shed some light onto it. recently my boyfriend broke up with me and it was completely out of the blue, to me we seemed very happy and he even moved in with me. but after living with me for 2 days he turned around and finished with me. so i felt great another relationship failed. I had been single to a long time before i got with him due to having a very bad break up and felt like my world has fallen apart. i fixed myself up and finally allowed my self to fall for someone and then it goes and fails again. now i have been acting weird around men in particular, i sit very still and feel uneasy, i am unaware i am doing it until someone tells me i need to relax. I get a fair amount of attention of guys but i don't want it most of the time but then again i do not want to be alone. An old friend who i had been involved with before tried to kiss me and i just froze and looked away. when a guy hugs me weather it be a long time friend or not i freeze up. i am worried that i am getting some kind of social anxiety, as this behaviour is very unlike me.
Haydn Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 2 days and he left. What was the relationship like?How did you get on? Just to get a better understanding. Right to start off i am highly confused with how i am feeling at this moment in time so i am hoping that if anyone has felt the same or is aware could shed some light onto it. recently my boyfriend broke up with me and it was completely out of the blue, to me we seemed very happy and he even moved in with me. but after living with me for 2 days he turned around and finished with me. so i felt great another relationship failed. I had been single to a long time before i got with him due to having a very bad break up and felt like my world has fallen apart. i fixed myself up and finally allowed my self to fall for someone and then it goes and fails again. now i have been acting weird around men in particular, i sit very still and feel uneasy, i am unaware i am doing it until someone tells me i need to relax. I get a fair amount of attention of guys but i don't want it most of the time but then again i do not want to be alone. An old friend who i had been involved with before tried to kiss me and i just froze and looked away. when a guy hugs me weather it be a long time friend or not i freeze up. i am worried that i am getting some kind of social anxiety, as this behaviour is very unlike me.
Author Cardiacfire Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 A happy relationship, we spent alot of time together but also did our own things. we never had a fight or anything, only problem it ended so abruptly and at the start i did not want to except it but he didn't want me so i had to accept that. I am over the relationship break up. its just my reaction to other men that is starting to worry me. people are commenting about me not being able to relax or i seem very quite. i feel fairly numb to social actions, i haven't cried nor felt sorry for someone if they hurt. which i normally do. I no longer care if i offend someone, as i can't relate to the pain anymore.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I think this can definitely be normal after a BU I had the same thing it did get me worried for a while but when I met my current BF it all went away x think u just aren't that into them x
Chi townD Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You've been hurt one too many times and you've incased yourself in a protective wall. Keeping people out and on the other side of it. And you get tensed up when someone gets too close to the wall. You might benefit from individual counseling about now. To help you deal with these feelings. But, I'm just going to let you know that it's okay to be single for a while. It's okay to learn to love yourself and get to know yourself. Trust me, there are guys out there that aren't going to hurt you (hard to believe, I know) but you might be attracted to the wrong type of guy.
mirage12 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I've been having a similar reaction towards women, more indifference rather than social anxiety though. I don't freeze up around women but I'm also definitely not as confident/outgoing as I used to be. Any breakup leads to a self-esteem hit and I'm definitely feeling that. I feel the same indifference that you mentioned though. I force myself to go out with friends or to attend social functions I'm invited too, but I don't really look forward to them. I hate being at home alone but when I do go out, I wish I was at home and don't want to meet or talk to anyone new. I had a run-in with a girl I used to hook up with prior to my ex a few weeks after my BU, and the girl was practically throwing herself at me all weekend but I was completely indifferent and ignored her advances. Feels a lot like I'm just walking aimlessly through a fog and don't know how to get out or what to do.
Author Cardiacfire Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 being single doesn't worry me, i have never been the girl that will jump from relationship to relationship there is normally a fair gap between. I have been hurt way to many times, and i am not saying i never do anything wrong but i don't understand why i always lose out in the end. i am worried i have just lost all will to wanting to play the game in finding the one or whatever that means. i think to myself that one day i will find a guy that will treat me well, but if i can't stand being touched by one. how can i expect to find a decent guy that won't think i am crazy. I am numb alot of the time and people are noticing the difference in me and i do not want to be someone i am not just because i am hurt. only way i can think of it is that i am broken.
LostConfused123 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I do the same thing. When I'm in a relationship I naturally feel more safe and protected. Much more relaxed around men even my male friends. After a breakup (for me anyway) especially one I didn't want, I feel always kinda on guard. I am more careful, I guess. I'm always worried I will give someone "the wrong idea". I tense up when men hug me, I get anxiety when I get unwanted attention. I even take my drink to the rest room so no one puts anything in it. It may sound extreme but I think it's a defense mechanism, just like I think it's natural for men to protect the woman they love. When that's gone, it's a little scary. Especially when certain men know you're single. I don't know if any of this helps, but I think I know how you feel. Best of luck!
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