dudley87 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 A friend of mine only talks to me when she needs something otherwise she never messages me; last week she needed help with a tyre an i helped her after that she never even messaged me to see how i am; its always me who has to make an effort an message her to see how she is; i care about her more than she does to me i think she was my ex a couple of years ago an she was the one who ended it; we had our ups an downs since we split up; i have said sorry about that an i just want us to get on but its frustrating, shall i just leave her be? sometimes she replies to my messages after 3-4 hours; other times she replies instantly an when we are about to talk an i ask her something she never replies at all; should i not even bother?
lollipopspot Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 I think you need to ask yourself if you get anything valuable out of the relationship, even if it might seem a bit lopsided from the outside. Do you enjoy the companionship when she offers it, and contact? I have a good friend for whom I am the sounding board. They almost never ask about me, and how I'm doing, and I don't believe they'd be there for me in a crunch the way I am for them. However, I still value the friendship and am not going to end it even though from the outside I think I offer more. What I do get is a kind of a light social contact that I find reassuring, sometimes it's refreshing to not have to talk about myself with people and just have the company, and I actually enjoy following her life and its ups and downs a little like a soap opera. Right now, I just accept the relationship on its own terms and I'm fine with it. If you don't get anything or enough out of it, or it's too dissatisfying, maybe time to pull back.
Author dudley87 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 What do you want from her? I want her back as my girlfriend if im quite honest but i dont know if it would happen Also to lollipopspot i enjoy her company even though its limited; i like to hear what she has been upto and even though we have limited contact i always have the urge to message her an see what she is upto but i dont want us to argue and fall out for good so i just go with the flow just like when i asked her if she would like me in her life as a friend because i put her on the spot and asked her an she turned round and said why cant u just go with the flow
mammasita Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 A friend of mine only talks to me when she needs something otherwise she never messages me; last week she needed help with a tyre an i helped her after that she never even messaged me to see how i am; its always me who has to make an effort an message her to see how she is; care about about her more than she does to me i think she was my ex a couple of years ago an she was the one who ended it; we had our ups an downs since we split up; i have said sorry about that an i just want us to get on but its frustrating, shall i just leave her be? sometimes she replies to my messages after 3-4 hours; other times she replies instantly an when we are about to talk an i ask her something she never replies at all; should i not even bother? This looks like a one way friendship (if you can even call it that) to me. I wouldn't bother. Someone who wanted more from you wouldn't treat you like this. 2
Author dudley87 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 Today she accused me of saying something to someone when i didnt even say it; truth is i found out an it was someone else who said something about me only for my name to be mentioned; i told her it would be nice if i had a apology and she said well im sorry even though there isnt anythin to be sorry for :s iv lost all faith in her now, im not even going to take this friendship any further; there is no respect off her whatsoever
Mondmellonw Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Today she accused me of saying something to someone when i didnt even say it; truth is i found out an it was someone else who said something about me only for my name to be mentioned; i told her it would be nice if i had a apology and she said well im sorry even though there isnt anythin to be sorry for :s iv lost all faith in her now, im not even going to take this friendship any further; there is no respect off her whatsoever Forget about her. You're treating her very well, but you're not getting anything in exchange. I don't mean to say that we need to get something for every little thing we do, but in this case is better for you if you cut any type of communication you still have with her. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 A friend of mine only talks to me when she needs something otherwise she never messages me; last week she needed help with a tyre an i helped her after that she never even messaged me to see how i am; its always me who has to make an effort an message her to see how she is; i care about her more than she does to me i think she was my ex a couple of years ago an she was the one who ended it; we had our ups an downs since we split up; i have said sorry about that an i just want us to get on but its frustrating, shall i just leave her be? sometimes she replies to my messages after 3-4 hours; other times she replies instantly an when we are about to talk an i ask her something she never replies at all; should i not even bother? You're good ol' reliable guy she can go to anytime and you'll be there for her. You're kind and helpful probably to all your friends, right? The thing is, she is NOT your friend. she's an ex and not a big part of your life since it seem she never is asking how you are, or visiting you just to hang out. She has to have a reason to get in touch with you. Cut her loose. 4
Author dudley87 Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Yep your right, shes my "friend" when it suits her, im cutting all contact from today
fixing Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I've just come to the realisation that im in the same boat as you. Two females i would hang out with this last year. It was always me driving the hour to see them, drive upto their house to drop them birthday presents and do favours for etc. They came to my house, twice, and those two times was because i was to take their dog. I had a falling out with them because of a fight with my ex in November. They didnt message me for christmas or new years, and they never came to visit me in my new place too. 11 weeks since ive seen them. One of them re added me and messaged me last week, and im ashamed to say i wrote to her in a drunken stupor and basically accused them both for just using me etc. She blocked me now. With the hangover i felt so bad i wrote the other one who isnt blocked a long heartfelt apology for my accusations and stupid nasty drunken messages. Week later and im still blocked. It hurts man, i know how you feel. We gotta cut them loose. I really like the one that blocked me too. No contact is the way forward i think.
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