Author TaylorLane Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 I really like how GoodyBlue explained this issue about how time is spent with this issue... and that it doesn't always mean that someone is loosing time I really feel like I've addressed this way too much already than I should have, for it to not even be a real issue so I will just say, he manages his time that his kids are not loosing out. The alcoholism thing ... That's just the lie I think he uses of where he is to the BS, that doesn't mean that's actually where he is. So he's not an alcoholic, his lie just makes him sound like one to her. Or maybe he has other excuses he uses when it's not the weekend, who knows lol ...yes bars was an example of ONE of the things we do, limited to weekends as neither of us drink excessively and is more of a social situation with mutual friends
Lady2163 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Welcome to the forum. Taylor. You will find there is a mix of people here, oftentimes, the least vocal minority seems to be the Other People. It does seem to me you have your head on straight about the affair. My only worry would be, since you love him, are you really going to be able to let him go? You do have a few inconsistencies, but I credit that more toward the limitation of the Internet and forum style of communication. Also, if you are like me, to protect your exact identity, you may alter details. I normally am able to keep the details similar and don't have to out and out lie and exaggerate on here. Normally. Some people will "detail" you to death. After a while, I just ignore their questions and sometimes end up putting them on ignore. 1
sunburned Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Taylor, you mentioned you are 30 and you pronounce -- almost with defiance -- that you will not be with him in five years -- no way! Maybe it's not what you meant, but five years is a long time to give a MM to fish or cut bait. Two years is too long and you've already done that! I just can't help but emphasize again they aren't just any five years. The five years from 30 to 35?? Ouch. I would not want to waste those in a dead end relationship. I don't mean to project my own values onto you (we re all just the sum or our own experiences and dreams), but don't you want a husband/life partner and family of your own?? Look, I was in an A myself so I'm not judging. I just want you to consider these are critical years. I am afraid you will look back with regret. I know some of the comments here have upset you. But based on what you've told us, this guy has some serious character flaws. The good news is you aren't stuck with him. She is. I said this to another poster ... you don't need an exit plan or an escape hatch. If you really want out (and it sounds like maybe you do) the best thing to do is says something like "I love you, but I want someone who is available and exclusively mine. When you are divorced, I'd love to hear from you if I'm still available. In the meantime, as I move on, it will be easier for me if we have no contact." It will be VERY HARD, yes. But it will be so worth it. 2
Author TaylorLane Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Sunburned, Yep I pretty much agree. It was something that worked out for quite a while...2 years almost, is correct. I am 30, and it is coming to a time where I feel like I should be moving on soon.. Yes of course he has character flaws, one reason why he chooses to be an MM in the first place is prob the biggest one. lol It's not that certain things have upset me, It's a waste of time for me to exhaust energy on comments that are completely false and inconsequential to the situation. I just don't need my story or reality to be "re-written". I like your approach of what to say, and it makes sense. I also agree it will be hard
Appreciate Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Taylor, male on board here. Former AP, WS and BS. What do you want? If you want to walk, you need to look at some hard truths. If you want to be coddled and eased out of your relationship, you will find plenty of people here who will help you with that. But don't waste your time and deny yourself a chance to grow more as a person. You are still in la-la land as far as I can tell. If you're "super in love", you should be more interested in who this man really is and what he is capable of. He's capable of cheating so that there is a red flag. You should also be more curious about his real home life, if you really love him. I know you think you are respecting his privacy or marriage, but I can tell you that it means you really don't know half of who he is. Been there, done that. Parts of your story don't make any sense, such as the amount of weekend time he is spending with you. There's something very very strange about this considering he has three children.. An involved father would be watching movies with his kids, going on camping trips, playing sports and games, having social dinners with other couples and their kids and so on. The idea that his wife doesn't ask or doesn't care about his weekend activity is preposterous. He has to be telling her something. Does he have a Facebook page? Have you seen photos of his wife and kids? Is she pretty, kind, do they look happy? Is he well-off? Does he tell her he's working late, has business dinner, client events, stuff like that? I have to say some things which may offend you but which you need to hear. First, you sound really immature. And I don't mean all the smiley faces and exclamation marks. Well, that's part of it, but no matter. Granted, you "get" the MM script and seem to be fine with him being a sugar daddy who always pushes back the "i'm going to leave" date. You know there's a 1 in 10 shot that he will, and most likely he does not view you as a substitute for his wife in terms of mothering his children. And it's doubtful he wants more children, except if he ever left he'd probably be obliged to have a love child with you if you wanted one. But here's the thing.. you're young but not that young. Your sexual capital will fade in your 30s and your biological clock is ticking. You look much more youthful to a 45 year old man than you do to your peers. He's robbing the cradle.. you are 2/3rds his age. My point is don't let this linger, don't try to be friends, don't try to keep tabs on his life. The sooner you make a clean break, the better. Find a new man that will commit to you and not string you along. Easy to say, so hard to do, but you have a lot of growing up to do and it's not going to start until you start taking control of your life. 3
ComingInHot Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 TL, now, I'm ONLY asking because you wrote (and I'm paraphrasing here) "ask away" So please don't get bent this time lol! Trust me, you'll Know when I'm being a @$!#%, I own it* K, so... engaging in an A for just about 2 years, you already see the Sh*t through the storm of his words, he has young children, a Wife who pretty much isn't going anywhere, you care greatly for him, you're 30 years old, it sounds like you know Yourself pretty well...... are YOU Happy? I mean not in general cause you actually sound like you Are "happy", but I mean with this A you're in, being the, OW? I understand you write you get more of him than His Wife and kids and that may make a difference. But I am curious, are you happy with the current stitch? Some AP's are. 1
Author TaylorLane Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Thanks for your feedback Appreciate In answer to all your questions, I can only say that I'm not here to analyze all these aspects you brought up. I feel like I am moving towards letting go, like I said walk away and would like to hear other's experiences in the other thread. This thread has taken a turn into I don't know where and now it's like on a whole other level.. 1
Author TaylorLane Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) TL, now, I'm ONLY asking because you wrote (and I'm paraphrasing here) "ask away" So please don't get bent this time lol! Trust me, you'll Know when I'm being a @$!#%, I own it* K, so... engaging in an A for just about 2 years, you already see the Sh*t through the storm of his words, he has young children, a Wife who pretty much isn't going anywhere, you care greatly for him, you're 30 years old, it sounds like you know Yourself pretty well...... are YOU Happy? I mean not in general cause you actually sound like you Are "happy", but I mean with this A you're in, being the, OW? I understand you write you get more of him than His Wife and kids and that may make a difference. But I am curious, are you happy with the current stitch? Some AP's are. [CIH], This is a good question actually, I'm diggin' it ...lol I was happy, and it was working for me for awhile, up until recently. Recently, I've been starting to feel restless, which is what I think brought me over here. Edited January 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
ComingInHot Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 So, whatcha gonna do about it? Move on? How? 1
Author TaylorLane Posted January 22, 2014 Author Posted January 22, 2014 CIH, I think I will make a post about that in my other thread to keep that topic going... Iisle, come on.. I wish you the best but some of the things you say are just unnecessary
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Thanks for your feedback Appreciate In answer to all your questions, I can only say that I'm not here to analyze all these aspects you brought up. I feel like I am moving towards letting go, like I said walk away and would like to hear other's experiences in the other thread. This thread has taken a turn into I don't know where and now it's like on a whole other level.. No problem. Most everyone is here to help, we just have different approaches. I hope you are walking towards something, Taylor, and not just away from something. In my experience, letting go is not something you do once, but a hundred times over. Walking away is never easy, because you're walking away from a piece of yourself, not just another person. You've shared part of your life with him, and you will grieve. I hope you can reconcile your role as the OW and that you are able to empathize with the family your MM has betrayed. There are much better options of men out there for you. Best of luck... Edited January 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed duplicate quote 1
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